Birth Control

[steve123 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close steve123]

So I've been with my girlfriend for a few years now. I love her to death. But one issue has been affecting me in particular for a few years now. We are intimate with each other but I want sex and it's been a long time since the last time I got some. We've talked about it at length and she is afraid to have sex because of the fear of getting pregnant. She has been on birth control in the past, and we have had sex during that span. But, for the last few years, she has been unwilling to go on birth control. She says she wants to, but is scared of the consequences - unplanned pregnancy.

I, for one, disagree. I think birth control is enough protection to assuage my fears about unplanned parenthood. I've seen many members here get great relationship advice, and now I need some of my own. What do you think about this situation? And how would you talk to your significant other about it?

[DemOne Banned Find all posts View Profile Close DemOne]

Why not just wear a condom?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

It is the ladies body and it his her choice. Remember the pill does not come without side effects, some very serious at times.

[closed149 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed149]

Finding a condom that fits comfortably really is one of the best options.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

I had to get off birth control and went to condoms. I was scared initially because we didn't put it on til it was time. After a while are senses were perfected to feel precum signs etc and never had a problem. But hey a drop will do ya in!
Spend some money. Buy all the brands and experiment with fun sex. Not too hot where you may cum. Then you can use them and all will be eireeee

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

Or suggest that she talk to her doctor further about other forms of birth control.

The pill -- which is low dose now and has very few side effects -- is actually extremely effective if used properly. I was on the pill for years, and had a lot of sex -- and no unplanned pregnancies. When I wanted to get pregnant, I stopped taking it, and almost immediately got pregnant. The pill works, and works well. Yes there can be side effects but most people never experience any. I was one of those -- no side effects at all, and perfect pregnancy protection.

BUT if she doesn't want to use the pill, there are lots of other methods. I have had an IUD for several years now, again with no side effects.

Anyway, if it is an issue for you as a couple, I think you should encourage her to talk to her doctor. Or get some condoms as mentioned above. Or both!

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Dumb question, are you two planning on having children at some point? Some people know they don't want them and the man gets a vasectomy..........which is 99.9% effective against pregnancy. IF you two do want children, there are so many options available to you. Condoms, the IUD, many others. Talk to a doctor and find out but the scare of pregnancy shouldn't hamper your enjoyment of one of the most beautiful expressions of love two people can have for one another.

[ManWithPlan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ManWithPlan]

Wear 2 layers of condom, that should do.

[dsmall Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dsmall]

Unplanned pregnancy is a legitimate concern. As they say, if you can't do the time, then don't do the crime. All forms of birth control are very reliable if used appropriately and regularly but they are not foolproof. It seems like you are willing to assume the risk and she is not. Unfortunately, she bears the brunt of the consequences in the event of an unplanned pregnancy.

It seems to me that you have to evaluate the weight you place on intercourse as a feature of your relationship. If you value it highly, then it seems as though this girl is not the right girl for you, she places a higher premium on avoiding an unplanned pregnancy than intercourse. Of course, there are other measures, like condoms and contraceptive foam or jelly that make the risk of pregnancy very remote, or multiple forms of contraception: condoms and diaphragm with foam that virtually reduce the risk close to a statistical zero, but it's still not zero.

It's a simple decision making matrix for both of you. You have to weigh the potential benefits of all aspects of the relationship against the downsides of forgoing sexual intercourse or having sex with multiple forms of birth control. She has to decide that the pleasure of intercourse with you outweighs the remote risk of pregnancy if she has protected sex; and assuming that you are free to end the relationship and pursue another who has a different analysis of the risks/rewards of premarital sex. She is also free to find a relationship with a person who is OK with an everything but intercourse type relationship.

As an aside, I had such a relationship in High School with a girl who was willing to do everything but have intercourse. We were forced to figure out how to get each other off without intercourse. Because of this restriction, we actually figured out how to share a female orgasm (it required some instruction on her part) well before her other friends who were having intercourse without ever experiencing an orgasm. I figured out that the real trick with women was outside the vagina as opposed to penetrating them with fingers or otherwise like most of my friends were bragging about. I must confess it was a useful skill to learn before my male peers. And she learned to give a tremendous blow job. I also must say it deluded me a bit to figure that all a girl really wanted out of a relationship was an orgasm; and that a girl who was having orgasms wouldn't cheat. They will-- if they feel they are otherwise neglected. In fact, as a learned a few girlfriends later, they might hook up with you to get them off, but then fuck some guy they have the hots for (even though they don't get off), but again I can't explain every aspect about women. Regardless, I always look back fondly at the intercourse-less relationship. It was very intimate, much more than a lot of relationships I had with girls I had sex with. And I eventually did have sex with this girl towards the end of the relationship, and that's when we started to become much lazier, and the relationship died soon after.
Go figure.

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

Dumb question, are you two planning on having children at some point? Some people know they don't want them and the man gets a vasectomy..........which is 99.9% effective against pregnancy. IF you two do want children, there are so many options available to you. Condoms, the IUD, many others. Talk to a doctor and find out but the scare of pregnancy shouldn't hamper your enjoyment of one of the most beautiful expressions of love two people can have for one another.

Hold on. so a vasectomy isnt 100%?????

[deleteduser Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close deleteduser]

A buddy of mine did this. He banked some sperm for his future wife and got a vasectomy in his 20's.

[Waylander Retired ModeratorPEGym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Waylander]

Hold on. so a vasectomy isnt 100%?????

I know a guy that had a vasectomy procedure years ago and his wife ended up pregnant, yes yes yes people that knew he had it done thought she fooled around but that wasn't the case. He went to a doctor and sure enough his boys were swimming again, I'm not sure of the details but I know it HAS happened before.

[redbear52 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close redbear52]

A vasectomy properly done is 100%. But some spermatozoa may remain viable in the seminal vesicles or vas deferens for some time following a vasectomy so it is necessary to continue to use contraception until semen analysis confirms the absence of spermatozoa.

If a vasectomy is done by simply ligating (tying) the vas deferens, it is possible for the suture (tie) to come off, or for the vas to develop a "detour" around the tie. But if the vas is actually divided and ligated (tied) on both ends, and if two independent serial semen analyses show no viable spermatazoa, a vasectomy can be considered to be as close to 100% effective as any other form of male contraception with the exception of complete abstinence or castration.