Awkwardness around women

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Here's what I said a while back:

Anyways, this year I'll try to talk to girls normally without the intention of impressing them / getting into a relationship with them / sleeping with them.
I'm working to smile and laugh freely, openly,without any hesitation or twitchy face. I just want to show the charming guy (my name means charming, dammit). I have to do something to work on my charisma and not dwell on hatred and resentment for teens, couples, or any other things that piss me off.

And that itself will take some hard ass work.

Although I haven't been talking to women, I have started feeling less anxious around them. I can walk in their presence with more confidence before (MAN I used to feel horrible and awkward before).

And this other day, I was in a train carriage with beautiful women and I just didn't care, looked around, talked with my friend, felt glad.

So an improvement there! =]

Anyone expereienced something similar?

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Good for you, bud.

You see, there really is nothing to be afraid of. They're just the same as you and me, apart from the obvious bits.

Two things to think about. From her perspective, she just sees the world through her eyes. Just like you. She's no more confronted with her looks on a minute by minute basis than you are. Her experience of the world is the same as the "ugly" girl across the carriage. Except she gets hit on more often.

The other thing to consider is that beauty is relative. Plenty of different cultures and nationalities value different aspects of beauty. Look at Rubens paintings.. back in those days, it was considered attractive to be fat. The fatter the better (hence the term "Rubenesque" = fat).

Point being, she's not "this" or "that" any more than you are. She's just a person that you're putting on a pedestal. Or not as the case may be. And whether that hot girl might like the attention or not, being worshipped is not good for the soul. Now being treated as a true equal? That's the route to happiness my friend x

[redbear52 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close redbear52]

I agree that the best way to become comfortable around women is to not view them as potential sexual partners, which is admittedly difficult. In fact, I suspect it is considerably harder for most men not to view a member of the opposite sex as a potential sexual partner than it is for most women.

When you view a woman as a potential bed mate, I think all sorts of defenses get triggered and get in the way of simply enjoying them as a person. The woman senses your sexual interest, and may become defensive. What's more, you are aware of the power she has to injure you by mocking, or rejecting you, and you become defensive as well.

When young, I was painfully shy, especially around girls. I was interested in them sexually, but I really didn't know much about females in general having had no sisters. The girlfriends I eventually came to know were usually girls who had taken an interest in me and approached me.

Later, I came to know some women really well who were sweethearts of my friends. I also found that when I was known to be involved with a woman, all kinds of barriers came down vis a vis my interactions with other women. Later still I spent years working in close company with lots of women, and eventually really came to appreciate the fresh (to me) perspective on life that they provided.

So I think if you can manage to just view women as people and try not to think about how to get into their panties you will probably be much more comfortable around them.

[RockstarParkingDude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RockstarParkingDude]

you need to get out of your comfort zone.

check out the stylelife challenge.

Amazon.com: Rules of the Game: The Stylelife Challenge, Master the Game in 30 Days (9780061540431): Neil Strauss: Books

you might think that it teaches you how to play head games. that is not the case. this book is more of series of challenges that force you to get out of your head. theres one challenge that you do every day. this book will help you. i promise.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

I don't think I can view women as potential sex partners or relationship material for quite a while now, seeing as I've been really pissed off and angry about what happened between me and my ex. Besides, women here are annoying.

Anyways, I've read about this book called something like "With confidence" or something, damn I can't remember.

I'll try your link, RPD.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Why don't I remember starting this thread :O

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

I don't know. But, I don't find the women annoying at all. A few have quite the sense of humor(which I love), and just about all of them enrich this forum emencely with there advice/ points of view. My only complaint would be that I don't hear their point of view enough. I know that's a dangerous statement to make to a woman, but I 'll take my chances.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

The thing to remember is you didn't sleep in my bed last night. I didn't wake up to your face this morning. The women here are not in a committed relationship with you or anyone else here. We are all posting what we feel like posting. If and when we want. You get a moment and a part of us. Just the same of what you give.
I have no reason to lie, pamper, mommy or be mean. It's my time I spend.

I happen to enjoy you and so many members. I've learned so much. I look forward to more. I hope you add to this thread

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

I am very aware of that. I've spent the majority of my 33 years on this planet surrounded by women with whom I've had a varity of relationships. There are things I love about women, things I hate about women, and things that drive me crazy about women ( which I sometimes love and sometimes hate).


P.S. Islander I enjoy your posts as well. I like your sense of humor and candor.

[funkylemonade Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close funkylemonade]

Well said islander. The majority of opinions in the Gym are respectable most of the time, I agree with redbear, what you're describing goes hand in hand with you consciously or sub-consciously sexualizing women, if the first thing you think of when you see a female is intercourse, this will result in obvious awkward behavior (especially if you haven't gotten laid much). I understand because I've been there, maybe just not this extreme a case. I haven't actually seeked out partners with an ultimate goal of sleeping with them. The only girlfriend or partner i've had ,initiated everything and wouldn't give up till she had me, after I spent time with her physically, I became aware of the other great qualities a woman possesses. I think that relationship made me more comfortable and I don't just see females as a sex figure anymore. Sure, if a chick walks by and she's dressed revealing it will draw my attention, but that's them creating an intention in your mind. A great deal of this has to do with the warped culture we live in where we've seen unrealistic depictions of women in entertainment since we were young (whether it be movies or porno's) With time you will abandon your own mentality and begin to embrace what's actually there.