weird story of how i met a girl..and am now in love with. and some questions

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

so mrbigdick when it all comes down to it, what do you think is going on between me and her, at least from her perspective? and also, what should i do then? i have to be totally honest i dont think shes playin me, not on purpose at least. i asked her straight up today, was like be honest...am i truly what you want? and she said yes, that where i started the whole then youll be here this weekend thing and she never gave me a yes or no, just a k. but i dont think shes playing me i really dont i think shes just got issues and is working through them slowly but surely

should i give her a definite ultimatum? i feel like ultimatums never work...although the way i got her to start talking to me through facebook was that i straight up wouldnt have a conversation with her until she eventually messaged me. she would hit me up trying to talk but id be like not til you message me on fb. but that was back before we started getting "serious" as she says, back at like the start of january before we started to declare our love etc etc

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

k this just happened, you know i texted her earlier "i guess we'll see in a few days" about her being serious about her, she just hit me back "oh matt"....wtf?


she always says things like 'stop doubting me' and 'i know im serious about us" and stuff like that when i start questioning her and shit

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

so mrbigdick when it all comes down to it, what do you think is going on between me and her, at least from her perspective? and also, what should i do then? i have to be totally honest i dont think shes playin me, not on purpose at least. i asked her straight up today, was like be honest...am i truly what you want? and she said yes, that where i started the whole then youll be here this weekend thing and she never gave me a yes or no, just a k. but i dont think shes playing me i really dont i think shes just got issues and is working through them slowly but surely

should i give her a definite ultimatum? i feel like ultimatums never work...although the way i got her to start talking to me through facebook was that i straight up wouldnt have a conversation with her until she eventually messaged me. she would hit me up trying to talk but id be like not til you message me on fb. but that was back before we started getting "serious" as she says, back at like the start of january before we started to declare our love etc etc

What I think is going on between you and she is alot of game playing.

You're interested in her, she claims to be interested in you yet won't commit to come out and visit you and everytime you ask, you get blown off. And I'm sorry but what's this "serious" that you keep referring to. You two haven't even met and she won't commit to come visit you yet your "serious" about one another? In the world that I live in, when a girl is genuinely interested in a guy, she makes attempts to see him or she asks him to come to see her. Either way there's a whole lot more interest shown than what I've read in your posts. I don't doubt how serious you are about her but her level of commitment to this "cyber" thing the two of you have leaves a little to be desired.

As far as should you give her an ultimatum? This is what I think you should do. Don't give her an ultimatum but do tell her exactly how you feel and that you're going to move on with your life. If she's serious about you, she'll do or say something to keep you around or to keep you interested in her. Right now, you're putting your life on hold waiting to see how this "whole lotta nothing" is going to play out. That isn't fair to you my friend.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

k this just happened, you know i texted her earlier "i guess we'll see in a few days" about her being serious about her, she just hit me back "oh matt"....wtf?


she always says things like 'stop doubting me' and 'i know im serious about us" and stuff like that when i start questioning her and shit

With all the girls out there, I don't know why your putting up with this. Yeah, she's serious about you, serious enough to come visit you right?

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

if i tell her, that im moving on with my life, i feel like itll only be bad. ive told her before that i would never leave her and she can trust that ill always be there for her. i said these things to help get her to trust me. so if i say im moving on with my life, thats just gonna probably make her say or think 'you said youd never leave me...guess you were lying' or something, which will fuck our relationship even more.

this past like 5 days have been hard because she has been so negative and rethinking everything, and unsure about our future. i feel like thisll only make the us divide, when perhaps normally itd make her realize how much she wants me


since i told her today that whether or not she comes out this weekend will tell me if shes serious about us or not, maybe i should do what u said, but wait until this weekend when she doesnt come out, cause we know she isnt coming. but if i wait til then, itll be like ok i gave you a chance, you didnt take it, now i have to move on, etc etc

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

With all the girls out there, I don't know why your putting up with this. Yeah, she's serious about you, serious enough to come visit you right?

i guess im putting up with it because i honestly am so deeply in love

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

i guess im putting up with it because i honestly am so deeply in love

Look bro, I don't for a minute doubt you are. And like I said earlier, I was there man. I was in love with mine too despite all the emotional abuse I tolerated for the better part of 18 months. And I put up with about as much as you are but at least I was getting regular blow jobs and sex out of the deal. You haven't even met this chick in the flesh yet.

Can I ask how much do you REALLY know about her? You say you're so deeply in love with her yet you haven't physically even met her. Most people who meet on line meet up in the flesh long before 2 years have gone by.

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

idk if you saw but i posted a reply to ur other message on previous page too

i know pretty much everything about her

i havent talked to her in a couple hours, didnt reply to her text that said 'oh matt'

i feel like i need to start acting more distant, and really cool off a bit, i think ive been acting almost desperate with her, with asking her to come out so much..which obviously is never good

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

idk if you saw but i posted a reply to ur other message on previous page too

i know pretty much everything about her

i havent talked to her in a couple hours, didnt reply to her text that said 'oh matt'

i feel like i need to start acting more distant, and really cool off a bit, i think ive been acting almost desperate with her, with asking her to come out so much..which obviously is never good

Women can smell desparation a mile away.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is since everything between the two of you has been via email or text as you haven't met, how do you know what she's told you about her is real? I'm not trying to burst your bubble but over the internet, anyone can say anything to anyone and make it sound good. I guess because you're in love with her as deeply as you claim you are, I'd hate like hell to see you find out that all that she's told you about herself were lies and shit. You know?

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

yeah they can, thats why i think i just need to back way off and just chill, you think thats smart? act all nonchalant, let her come to me. stop trying to pursue things and just talk to her casually. sound good?

haha there is no way she is lying about the things she tells me. shes told me about allllll her problems and i know all the bad things about her, plus i can tell shes being honest because the way she always acts is parallel to how she tells me she is

i know what you mean and i appreciate it, but yeah i know all the good things and bad things are true, she doest really tell me good things about herself. ive just come to love her because of how she is, how she talks and acts, how she is with me, all that

and i do think an ultimatum would be bad, ultimatums never work out well especially with a relationship

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

yeah they can, thats why i think i just need to back way off and just chill, you think thats smart? act all nonchalant, let her come to me. stop trying to pursue things and just talk to her casually. sound good?

haha there is no way she is lying about the things she tells me. shes told me about allllll her problems and i know all the bad things about her, plus i can tell shes being honest because the way she always acts is parallel to how she tells me she is

i know what you mean and i appreciate it, but yeah i know all the good things and bad things are true, she doest really tell me good things about herself. ive just come to love her because of how she is, how she talks and acts, how she is with me, all that

and i do think an ultimatum would be bad, ultimatums never work out well especially with a relationship

IF I were you, I'd chill and relax and not put pressure on her and I'd go out and live my life. In the event she decides she wants to see you and she makes definitive plans to go to where you are, then great. But I sure as hell wouldn't put my life on hold waiting for someone I met online that I've never met in person to decide what their going to do before I act. Fuck that. Life's short and there are too many other women out there that would love the opportunity to date a guy like you (or me for that matter).

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

but i just want it so badly like omg it would make me the happiest person in the world...thats why even when i try to cool off i cant because i think about how much better we could have it if she'd stop her shit

but i think im definitely gonna chill and relax...but i seriously think about her all day, its pretty bad...and she says she thinks about me all day too, she said she counted once how many times she thought about me, and it was like over 30 times, ranging from quick thoughts to long daydreams.

but can you possibly advise me on how to cool off exactly? how should i act towards her? when she says she loves me should i say it back? i dont wanna completely back off and act uninterested in talking to her, i just need help figuring out how exactly to act, and things i shouldnt bring up at all anymore no matter HOW BADLY i want to (like her coming out before/during/after my graduation, this summer, or to take a trip somewhere this summer)


she just texted me goodnight after i never replied to that text earlier...see like im pissed off at her in reality right now, should i act pissed, or just act cool and say goodnight? its things like this im not sure how to act at this point

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

see, that is why i have still been talking to girls here...i cant wait around for her, see im not so naive haha. but i agree and thats what ive been doing, but i just want it so badly like omg it would make me the happiest person in the world...thats why even when i try to cool off i cant because i think about how much better we could have it if she'd stop her shit

but i think im definitely gonna chill and relax...but i seriously think about her all day, its pretty bad...and she says she thinks about me all day too, she said she counted once how many times she thought about me, and it was like over 30 times, ranging from quick thoughts to long daydreams.

but can you possibly advise me on how to cool off exactly? how should i act towards her? when she says she loves me should i say it back? i dont wanna completely back off and act uninterested in talking to her, i just need help figuring out how exactly to act, and things i shouldnt bring up at all anymore no matter HOW BADLY i want to (like her coming out before/during/after my graduation, this summer, or to take a trip somewhere this summer)


she just texted me goodnight after i never replied to that text earlier...see like im pissed off at her in reality right now, should i act pissed, or just act cool and say goodnight? its things like this im not sure how to act at this point

You cool off by going about your own life and doing your thing. You can text her "good night" in response. There's never anything wrong with being polite and showing civility. Cooling off means you're not the one always making the first move to contact her. Let her contact you. When she's ready, she will IF you mean as much to her as she claims you do. I still doubt based on her unwillingness to come to your graduation. To me, she should want to come meet you, see you and want to share in your accomplishment. College graduation is a huge deal and she should want to share that with you. I know I would if it were my gf graduating college.

Just act cool and say "good night". The only person you have any control over is you. You can't control her, her emotions, her baggage or how she chooses to deal with any of that. She's her own flesh and blood human being and she's going to handle her shit however she handles it. You control and worry about you and your actions. Does this make sense?

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

she contacts me first all the time. she calls me first thing when she wakes up pretty much every day, and she hates talking or having people talk to her when she wakes up, but she loves talking to me like that she says. yeah when i asked her about graduation she said she could only think about the awkwardness, sitting with my whole family etc. but i mean i can understand that i guess, she doesnt know any of them, none of them even know she exists keep in mind. so it could be really awkward, especially when they ask how we know each other LOL. but yea you think i should or shouldnt bring it up maybe once more, in a week or so if things are looking better and happier?

makes perfect sense. ive spent so much time and effort trying to help her through her issues, especially her man trust issues because of her ex who totally crushed her (she said she thought about killing herself when he fucked her over cause she thought she was worthless) like she really does have trust issues, that isnt a game. but yeah i have tried so hard to get her to trust me etc, should i just stop trying at this point? she will deal with it how she will deal with it like you said, idk if i can do anything about it except prove my "loyalty" by staying around and continuing to speak to her.

what can i do about how i always think about her, all day, all the time? like thats the hardest part i think..i cant stand not talking to her

btw, thanks so much for taking all this time to help me i really do appreciate everything

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

she contacts me first all the time. she calls me first thing when she wakes up pretty much every day, and she hates talking or having people talk to her when she wakes up, but she loves talking to me like that she says. yeah when i asked her about graduation she said she could only think about the awkwardness, sitting with my whole family etc. but i mean i can understand that i guess, she doesnt know any of them, none of them even know she exists keep in mind. so it could be really awkward, especially when they ask how we know each other LOL. but yea you think i should or shouldnt bring it up maybe once more, in a week or so if things are looking better and happier?

makes perfect sense. ive spent so much time and effort trying to help her through her issues, especially her man trust issues because of her ex who totally crushed her (she said she thought about killing herself when he fucked her over cause she thought she was worthless) like she really does have trust issues, that isnt a game. but yeah i have tried so hard to get her to trust me etc, should i just stop trying at this point? she will deal with it how she will deal with it like you said, idk if i can do anything about it except prove my "loyalty" by staying around and continuing to speak to her.

what can i do about how i always think about her, all day, all the time? like thats the hardest part i think..i cant stand not talking to her

Yes, I can see where meeting your family or friends would be awkward BUT, you should be worth it to her for her to make that trip to share in your graduation and celebrate with you. That's what people do who care about people, they want to share in their friend's or gf's or bf's or spouses good fortunes and triumphs. Has she ever seen a therapist?

You can't turn off your brain. If you think about her, you do. I still think about my ex gf and I never want to see her or talk to her again after her hate filled email she sent me just before New Years last year. I still think about my ex wife and all of the "might've beens" (what would've been our 14th wedding anniversary was on 4/5). So believe me, I understand. You can think about her, just don't let her consume your thoughts.