Reaction to Tears

[diametric Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close diametric]

For the guys...

How do you react when your woman starts crying, in particular, in the middle of a heated argument. Are you able to just deflate and let all the emotion and frustration subside and console her?

For the women...

When this happens and tears begin to flow, what are you looking for your guy to do? Obviously to CARE...but is there something deeper?

For me, it usually takes me a few minutes to cool down and by that time not consoling her has made the issue 10x worse. Any insight/wisdom would be amazing...

[foreskin21 Member Find all posts View Profile Close foreskin21]

I would like to know what to do too. There seems to NOTHING that works

[Steve23 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Steve23]

I end the argument saying im a male and stupid, then go out and buy her flowers, then she does whatever I want to her

[beetleboy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close beetleboy]

Yep, your a guy so therefore you are wrong. Just apologize for being male, for not seeing things her way and give her a big hug. Gotta be careful though because there are women out there who are more than willing to use their tears to manipulate you. Your girl may just be getting very frustrated by trying to explain whatever she is upset about and feeling like she is unable to do so in the way she wants. Gotta keep in mind that women are emotional creatures and often can't put their "feelings" aside and discuss things rationally. Guys on the other hand are usually non emotional and it causes problems with their women. It's the same old male/female communication issue and will never be resolved completely. After hugging her and wiping her tears, take a break and let it drop for a little bit of time. Come back to the subject later and try to talk it out again. When either of you start feeling angry or frustrated take another break. Good luck man, I've been married almost 19 years and still haven't figured my woman out.

[beetleboy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close beetleboy]

I probably should have added thought that you should NEVER NEVER NEVER stop being a guy. Just accept that sometimes you'll never get it right.

[Latin Stud Member Find all posts View Profile Close Latin Stud]

you seem to be a young player so I'll give you a basic rundown ... whatever you do no matter how much attention you pay, no matter how much thought you give .. no matter how you listen to what she says she wants you will ALWAYS get it wrong.
that is all

Hahaha! Ohh, man, you're so right!

I personally keep discussing unless it a heavy cry...that stops me.

Be careful, man, woman are brain ninjas (as Dane Cook once said). They'll do anything on their power to get away with it.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

For the guys...

How do you react when your woman starts crying, in particular, in the middle of a heated argument. Are you able to just deflate and let all the emotion and frustration subside and console her?

For the women...

When this happens and tears begin to flow, what are you looking for your guy to do? Obviously to CARE...but is there something deeper?

For me, it usually takes me a few minutes to cool down and by that time not consoling her has made the issue 10x worse. Any insight/wisdom would be amazing...

Me: I dont want your pitty, you to deflate, you to touch me. I dont need it. The crying is the worst part. Its emotion that as we age we can control the sound of the cry and just let the tears flow. If I want to be consoled I will walk towards you. Otherwise stay the flac away lol
If the crying is during sex, after a big orgasm, then just kiss the tears and dont say a word. That means you touched her in a deep special way, released it in her. As someone I know says, keep it as spankbank matieral.

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

Best thing in a heated argument is for one person to remain calm. Don't be patronizing. Don't act as if why you are remaining calm is to act like you don't care. Bad news. Many women want to be consoled with just talk, or hugs or both. If 2 people go crazy, things can be said that cannot be taken back.

Men really do not know what to do when a woman is upset. It is tough for them because there is not one solution to every upset. You learn how the girl is and learn. One thing I think you can do in all cases is ask 'do you want to talk?" More than likely she will talk, most do. A good starting point.

Good luck.

[Steve23 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Steve23]

Or they pretend they are fine, but you know they're not and you keep asking and they tell you they are and get annoyed with you. Then 2 days later they tell you how upset they were still. Haha good times

[beetleboy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close beetleboy]

See, there is no right answer and even the women don't agree and I'm willing to bet that Batwoman will still have a different answer. The thing is, just when you think you've got your woman figured out she will change her tactics. I like the brain ninja description. Remember, your so they guy so therefore................ Keep repeating it over and over and over and over and over, etc etc etc. Now apologize.

[Brian98 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Brian98]

I usually come to my senses when this happens and try to fix the situation, go hug her and apolgize then talk whatever the problem is over. Im a sucker for when a girl starts crying, it breaks my heart to see a girl i have feelings for cry her eyes out, even worse if i know it's me thats caused it.

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

For the guys...

How do you react when your woman starts crying, in particular, in the middle of a heated argument. Are you able to just deflate and let all the emotion and frustration subside and console her?

For the women...

When this happens and tears begin to flow, what are you looking for your guy to do? Obviously to CARE...but is there something deeper?

For me, it usually takes me a few minutes to cool down and by that time not consoling her has made the issue 10x worse. Any insight/wisdom would be amazing...

Crying is a behavior that is elicited by something; there is a distinct cause whether it is certain words you use or perhaps the way she is feeling--which is out of your control; you do not have control of another's emotions nor should you be responsible for their emotions, entirely. Thus, there is generally a build up, a critical mass if you will, and there is a point in which she won't cry, but one comment, non-verbal cue, or memory retrieval cue later the tears come. This also means that this behavior can be averted externally. Meaning, you need to learn to understand your partner, as well as yourself, more. You need to understand where that critical point is and most importantly you need to learn to take a step back BEFORE she reaches that point.

My advice: learn to recognize the cues in her voice--the change of pitch, increased rate of speech, different vocabulary usage--as well as non-verbal cues--raised eyebrow, crossing of the arms, pigeon feet (which is when a woman is standing up and she points both feet inward; this is a non-verbal sign that she is feeling emotionally attached to someone yet she is feeling intimidated). Also, you need to understand your own behavior as well. Most behavior is non-conscious, thus involuntary--you don't actually choose to feel happy when you hear a heartwarming story; your brain perceives the stimuli and you feel happiness based on the perception. So, after you understand her behavior as well as yours, you will come to identify the point in which you can avert a behavior. And perhaps most importantly, women will be very interested in talking with you more because you "speak their language."

Men think in successive steps, most often, while women compartmentalize thought. Thus, women and men do have different languages in a sense. This is also why some men complain that a women will bring up something from a long time ago or they will revert back to a previous point and then expand whereas women will complain that men are not listening to them. Men get annoyed because they are wanting to move on to the next step while women get annoyed because they wanted to give more information and talk further. The male can perceive this as the female "complaining in circles" while the female can perceive this as the male being "unwilling to talk about the issue." When, in reality, they are both right but neither one actually understands the other's point-of-view; neurobiologically the way a male thinks and the way a female thinks are two very different things. This is also why men are better at some mental tasks while women are better at others (men are better at spatial cognition while women are better at tasks that require quicker perceptual speed and multitasking).

It appears this is turning into a lecture; I tend to do that. So, in short. You need to view each conversation with your partner as a mini experiment. Next time you get into an argument, try to take notice of the things mentioned above. Particularly the crossing of the arms. Crossing of the arms means one of two things generally: 1) The person is not pleased with what is happening around them--whether it be they are feeling reserved, shy, or becoming upset or 2) they are cold--which is essentially the equivalent of "not pleased with what is happening around them." A persons non-verbal communication cannot lie. The problem is identifying most of it because the cue may only last 1/5 of a second. Neurobiology is awesome!

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

See, there is no right answer and even the women don't agree and I'm willing to bet that Batwoman will still have a different answer. The thing is, just when you think you've got your woman figured out she will change her tactics. I like the brain ninja description. Remember, your so they guy so therefore................ Keep repeating it over and over and over and over and over, etc etc etc. Now apologize.

Even with my female friends I don't know exactly what to do in each situation. The best is to ask if they want to talk about it. Most all of them do. Some want hugs, physical affection. Women talk about what is up and the talking helps. They might talk about it over and over again.

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

My advice: learn to recognize the cues in her voice--the change of pitch, increased rate of speech, different vocabulary usage--as well as non-verbal cues--raised eyebrow, crossing of the arms, pigeon feet (which is when a woman is standing up and she points both feet inward; this is a non-verbal sign that she is feeling emotionally attached to someone yet she is feeling intimidated). Also, you need to understand your own behavior as well. Most behavior is non-conscious, thus involuntary--you don't actually choose to feel happy when you hear a heartwarming story; your brain perceives the stimuli and you feel happiness based on the perception. So, after you understand her behavior as well as yours, you will come to identify the point in which you can avert a behavior. And perhaps most importantly, women will be very interested in talking with you more because you "speak their language."

Excellent!

Men think in successive steps, most often, while women compartmentalize thought.

I am not on with this. It think you might have it turned around, men compartmentalize.

Thus, women and men do have different languages in a sense. This is also why some men complain that a women will bring up something from a long time ago or they will revert back to a previous point and then expand whereas women will complain that men are not listening to them. Men get annoyed because they are wanting to move on to the next step while women get annoyed because they wanted to give more information and talk further. The male can perceive this as the female "complaining in circles" while the female can perceive this as the male being "unwilling to talk about the issue." When, in reality, they are both right but neither one actually understands the other's point-of-view; neurobiologically the way a male thinks and the way a female thinks are two very different things. This is also why men are better at some mental tasks while women are better at others (men are better at spatial cognition while women are better at tasks that require quicker perceptual speed and multitasking).

I love it when a man has learned about the opposite sex. You understand women and men speaking different languages. What pleases me even more is to see a man taking the time to learn! A lot of men just can't be bothered. My own dad thinks he knows enough to get by. Two of my best male friends have taken the time to learn about the difference in how men and women communicate and think. The biggest mistake each sex makes is thinking the other thinks like them.

Can I ask where how you learned all this?

[boogie Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close boogie]

General rule of thumb that I operate under during arguments. Maybe I'm wrong every time, I've no idea.

1.) Tears, no sobbing, little change in voice - Continue discussion.

2.) Tears, some sobbing, minor change in voice - Hand on arm or leg. I don't really raise my voice at women, so, no need for me to modulate my volume or tone.

3.) Tears, sobbing, voice cracking - Arm around shoulders or hug. Sometimes get pushed away, usually just end up with a damp shirt from them crying on it.