I dont see myself having new people in my life

[HighFi Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HighFi]

I guess its as the title says, there's no much to say but a huge background, but before people say anything, no im not doing this to recieve the same treatment or the same care, i do it because this is who i am.


First off i hope everyone is having a great life, a good day and is progressing well in life.


Now am just going to talk about life in general, through multiple phases and summarize as much as possible, so please people dont go hard because i wont mention alot of details.


***4 OR MORE YEARS AGO*** I will summarize this phase by saying i was an ahole, evil, unforgiving, rude and many other bad things.

***3 YEARS AGO*** I changed so much, like 180°, i was way kinder, nicer, helpful, forgiving, and id just ignore people who do me wrong nearly all the time, had new friends and knew many more after that.

It went on for a while, but i eventually felt nobody cared about me, i had hundreds of facebook, steam, discord, friends that i played, chatted and had so much fun with, but i never felt true friendship, i eventually left all those and went by a new name and ever since then, NONE of those people wondered where am i, how am i, even though i wondered many times, reached for some people and kept asking, yet as soon as i stopped, nobody did again.

**IMPORTANT NOTE** People might say am someone with few interests and maybe not much fun around, but am jack of all trades, i touch alot of sides and lots of people have so much fun conversing with me, yet they never keep up, am also so extroverted.

Moving on!!!!!

***FEW MONTHS BEFORE COVID*** My group of friends officially left me, i knew there were things and i was very denied, i was always alone and they never call me to hangout with them or just chill, just rarely, they go places and ive never been informed, its just like the you guys are getting paid meme, i go there once in a few months n i heard they kicked birthday parties, graduation parties, went to the beach, and i havent heard a thing.

***A MONTH AFTER COVID*** I Officially left everyone that was around, and ive been living alone for the rest of a very very long period, which is extended until now honestly where ive had much failed attempts.

***A FEW MONTHS AFTER COVID*** We were back to school, i gave less importance and attention to classmates because i was so over people, yet me and this girl we will call H, got really close to each other and i loved her more than anyone ever, more than myself and i was ready to do anything for her.


***6 MONTHS AGO*** Things between me and H went wild, we never talked again, i was so sad and lonely, and didnt know what to do anymore, i already had no chance and she was my last chance of coming back to society and now she's gone.

***5 MONTHS AGO*** I've started talking to a few people back, but still we aren't much getting along and its very long distance so its like it doesnt matter much.

***3 MONTHS AGO*** I met this girl on reddit, who guilted me into doing many things i didn't want to do much honestly, i eventually told her its wrong after about a month, and now she doesnt talk to me much, all the i care about, you're special is gone and she doesnt even text me anymore.

***A FEW WEEKS AGO*** A texted me back and said she wants to make things right, i was like we can talk n stuff but deep inside i knew ill never love her again, because there are tons of redflags and despite her destroying me and saying lots of harsh stuff all she said was : " I meant those things " as she doesnt take them back, but she apologized, i thought yeah, i can keep her as a friend and we can progress a bit to talking.
Today, she texted saying she doesn't want to talk much anymore and that she changed her mind.

Now through all this, i don't really know whats happening in my life, i might blame myself four years ago, but now?

Am not the same at all, people enjoy conversing with me, yet they have much other important people in their lives, i feel like am always just an option for everyone, no matter what i do to them, and what brings me happiness is going to cheer people up giving them importance and care, there are some people i check on every 2-4 days, hell some people daily, yet whenever i stop, i never get a call or a response or a text or anything that shows idk?
I carry those people to happiness and support them through that hard time and as soon as they get enough, they just let go.


I feel like am gonna be like this forever, i don't know what to do and i don't want to try anymore, because everytime i see an opportunity that my life is finally changing it turns out its not, i had enough decoys and i don't want to be bamboozled enough.

To finish thanks for everyone who read this, i hope if anyone is going through things that it will open up for them, and i wish that none of this happens to anyone ever and again thank you.

[Dreadsteed Senior Member Member of the Month March 2022 Find all posts View Profile Close Dreadsteed]

I feel like I can relate to this so I thought I’d give a response. I am a very solitary person. I am antisocial and have social anxiety, so on that front we are different. But it lead me to only keep people in my life that bring as much to the table as I bring. Even in high school I kept only a handful of friends. I was never a dick to anyone but I was often told that I was very intimidating to go up to. During college I found that all of my so called friendships I’d made were definitely one-sided, and I was leaving relationships left and right because I just wasn’t happy. Just as people can often be selfish lovers, people can also often be even more selfish in simple friendships as well. I found that most often with these selfish friends - your value as a friend was based upon what you could do for them, without reciprocation. And if you weren’t doing something for them then your friendship had next to no value at all.
It took a couple of years to realize that such one-sided friendships were toxic to my own emotional wellbeing, and to work up the fortitude and determination to cut the toxic people out of my life and walk away from the situations. At first it was depressing and saddening and I felt alone, and yeah it sucked. But I got myself into fitness and gaming in my spare time, and started to find some joy from those things. I could lose myself in a game or lose myself at the gym and get out of my own head for a few hours. The gym was more gratifying, since after a long day at the gym I felt like I was making progress towards something meaningful every day. Making progress in my goals to improve myself brought me more passive enjoyment. Sore limbs and spent muscles meant I was doing good. Eventually when I looked back at the bad friendships I had left behind and bad relationships, I came to realize that I didn’t need to rely on bringing other people into my life to uplift me or bring happiness to my life. Finding happiness within yourself, even when you are alone, is important. And it is a concept I feel is more often than not completely missed by most people - they’ll go their whole lives in vain bouncing from one person to the next trying to find someone to finally make them happy. It sounds corny, but if you can learn to find happiness and joy from within, then it won’t matter if people come and go - cause you’ll have emotional foundations that don’t rely on other people to support yourself. Maybe I’m way off topic here, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a more solitary creature. And if you can make peace with that, then who knows… if someone does happen to come along one day that actually brings their side to the table and adds to your own enjoyment of life, you may find that you don’t have to be alone after all, even if you’d already made peace with that outcome.

[Marlon LGHanger Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Marlon LGHanger]

I've come to view happiness as an elusive state of being, and have learned to not trust my emotions. If you get a new car, you're happy, but if someone runs into your new car, you're unhappy. Happiness always revolves around circumstances. I choose joy and peace over happiness. Joy is peace dancing and peace is joy at rest. I found this in my relationship with God. I'm not on earth to please the crowds, I'm here to please the coach. I stopped caring what others think about me 30 years ago, that was true freedom from an emotional roller coaster. Be the best person you can be and genuine friendship will ultimately happen.

When it comes to friends and close acquaintances I routinely prune that tree. I'm a pretty good judge of human character, and If I discern that a person is self-centered and only wants to be friends for what they can get from me... I drop them like a bad habit.

[HighFi Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HighFi]

I feel like I can relate to this so I thought I’d give a response. I am a very solitary person. I am antisocial and have social anxiety, so on that front we are different. But it lead me to only keep people in my life that bring as much to the table as I bring. Even in high school I kept only a handful of friends. I was never a dick to anyone but I was often told that I was very intimidating to go up to. During college I found that all of my so called friendships I’d made were definitely one-sided, and I was leaving relationships left and right because I just wasn’t happy. Just as people can often be selfish lovers, people can also often be even more selfish in simple friendships as well. I found that most often with these selfish friends - your value as a friend was based upon what you could do for them, without reciprocation. And if you weren’t doing something for them then your friendship had next to no value at all.
It took a couple of years to realize that such one-sided friendships were toxic to my own emotional wellbeing, and to work up the fortitude and determination to cut the toxic people out of my life and walk away from the situations. At first it was depressing and saddening and I felt alone, and yeah it sucked. But I got myself into fitness and gaming in my spare time, and started to find some joy from those things. I could lose myself in a game or lose myself at the gym and get out of my own head for a few hours. The gym was more gratifying, since after a long day at the gym I felt like I was making progress towards something meaningful every day. Making progress in my goals to improve myself brought me more passive enjoyment. Sore limbs and spent muscles meant I was doing good. Eventually when I looked back at the bad friendships I had left behind and bad relationships, I came to realize that I didn’t need to rely on bringing other people into my life to uplift me or bring happiness to my life. Finding happiness within yourself, even when you are alone, is important. And it is a concept I feel is more often than not completely missed by most people - they’ll go their whole lives in vain bouncing from one person to the next trying to find someone to finally make them happy. It sounds corny, but if you can learn to find happiness and joy from within, then it won’t matter if people come and go - cause you’ll have emotional foundations that don’t rely on other people to support yourself. Maybe I’m way off topic here, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a more solitary creature. And if you can make peace with that, then who knows… if someone does happen to come along one day that actually brings their side to the table and adds to your own enjoyment of life, you may find that you don’t have to be alone after all, even if you’d already made peace with that outcome.

Youre so right about all u said and ive tried that, but thing is M very busy, i have school for 12 hours a day, and ive got so many things on my shoulders its quite hard to deal with and find tims to game even though am a hardcore gamer, and have tons of hobbies and even more tons of interests.

Yet ur right, keep up brother.

[HighFi Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HighFi]

I've come to view happiness as an elusive state of being, and have learned to not trust my emotions. If you get a new car, you're happy, but if someone runs into your new car, you're unhappy. Happiness always revolves around circumstances. I choose joy and peace over happiness. Joy is peace dancing and peace is joy at rest. I found this in my relationship with God. I'm not on earth to please the crowds, I'm here to please the coach. I stopped caring what others think about me 30 years ago, that was true freedom from an emotional roller coaster. Be the best person you can be and genuine friendship will ultimately happen.

When it comes to friends and close acquaintances I routinely prune that tree. I'm a pretty good judge of human character, and If I discern that a person is self-centered and only wants to be friends for what they can get from me... I drop them like a bad habit.

Thats very right, thank you

[jelpme Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jelpme]

I have social anxiety too, i think i developed it because of ADD. People treat me like **** That said I wish you the best

[HighFi Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HighFi]

I have social anxiety too, i think i developed it because of ADD. People treat me like **** That said I wish you the best

Idk how would i call it honestly, but am just fed up from people and all their stuff, am not anxious, i can throw myself and get people but i just don't want to.

wish you best of luck sir, thank you so much

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Sometimes when you are fed up with people, maybe need to obtain some clean, ways of outlook in your thinking, there are some public speakers that just by listening, (somewhat regularly), to their speaking can help to refresh, and suggest new thinking, new interpretations.
I regularly try to catch a half hour show on Sundays, with Joel Osteen.
Years earlier, I used to catch a show with Robert Schuller.

My point/suggestion, give some time out of your life, somewhat regularly, to relax and open your mind to new or other ways of 'being', in your life. Get refreshed, relaxed, get some new perspectives, and ideas.
You have not much to lose.
Peace!
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