Fleshlight and wife

[Jimmy_quick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jimmy_quick]

Hello everyone, have been more active member in the PreE forum but I am seeking for advice here as the below is more my relationship related issue.
The story started about 2 weeks ago when I mentioned in between a conversation with my wife that she can get me a fleshlight for Valentine's day. Since I am working on my PreE and edging I was reading it could help me improve my stamina and is also fun.
She agreed said that I can order it myself. I did not wait for second confirmation and did it shortly after.
The FL arrived but I did not use it until last night.
Wife had her period so it was a good time to try it I thought. We had a glass of wine and were talking in bed. I asked her if she mind that I try the FL with her and she was fine. I had the fL prepared, wife helped me get a nice and hard erection and I got inside. It was tight and wet so I enjoyed it. We were kissing and talking, had really nice time while I was thrusting in the FL and moaning from pleasure from time to time. So we spend some 20min like that and she said she is tired and want to sleep but I can continue on my own if I want. I was just heating up and went for it for another 10min while still in bed. The went in the other room to experiment with different positions and speed thrusting hard in the FL. After about 1h I was done and went back to wife. To my surprise she was awake and started crying once I entered the room. When told me she does not want to touch me and I went sleeping on the sofa. I was shocked as earlier that night she was fine and we were having fun. Something changed in her mind that night.
Ok the next day she did not talk to me but only crying. She just said she felt me like cheating while fucking the FL next to her. I tried to explain this is just a toy but she is very upset.
Not sure where to go from here. Will appreciate feedback from guys who have been in such situations or women point of view.
PS. Sleeping on the sofa for second day today

[Dreadsteed Senior Member Member of the Month March 2022 Find all posts View Profile Close Dreadsteed]

My advice, ditch the FL. Some people do hold the act alone as a sacred bond, and seeking that pleasure/release from other means than your partner can be unintentionally hurtful. While she may have said it was okay, this was probably her having a moral dilemma with herself between being reasonable and wanting to support what you wanted, yet also wishing to be the sole object of your desire when push comes to shove. Seeing and hearing it feeling good for you was probably more damaging for her than of you’d done it in another room to start with. There will need to be some emotional healing on her part and maybe some validation of her worth and your desire for her, but I wouldn’t try and go the toy route again.

[Jimmy_quick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jimmy_quick]

My advice, ditch the FL. Some people do hold the act alone as a sacred bond, and seeking that pleasure/release from other means than your partner can be unintentionally hurtful. While she may have said it was okay, this was probably her having a moral dilemma with herself between being reasonable and wanting to support what you wanted, yet also wishing to be the sole object of your desire when push comes to shove. Seeing and hearing it feeling good for you was probably more damaging for her than of you’d done it in another room to start with. There will need to be some emotional healing on her part and maybe some validation of her worth and your desire for her, but I wouldn’t try and go the toy route again.

We have had some relationship issues in the past but lately things were going really good. That is why I felt more confident to mention and take the FL.
In the past two days she is however really depressed and sad. Have never seen her like this for so long which makes me sad and guilty.
I will get rid of the FL, as it seems it will do more damage to our relationship instead of helping me with PreE. I wanted to use it for training purposes anyway. I am not much into it. Yes, it feels good inside but nothing special. I see it could have helped with stamina training but I don't care right now.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

For others, if you decide to train with a flesh light or any other toy, do your training in private. Everyone reacts differently to new things introduced in the bedroom. My guess is she is saying that she has perfectly good working parts right on her that you can use for training, yet you chose an object over her and that settled wrong. I know you asked first, but she probably never had to compete with an inanimate object before. Since she reacted like this, you said there were some shaky periods in your relationship, I would apologize profusely and tell her you are sorry. Tip toe for the next foreseeable future and right the marriage and make her feel wanted and needed again. Try a "Date Night", walk in the park, favorite wine, or whatever makes her happy. Hopefully, this won't be a club that keeps hitting you over the head in the future.

[Texan64 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Texan64]

My girlfriend (now wife) found mine right after we started dating and flipped out. She is very insecure and thinks that any toy I use will replace her. I do have a Hydromax and a masturbating sleeve, and I keep them hidden. We even tried buying a vibrating cock ring that we could use together, and she couldn't deal with it either. So, I agree with doing it in private.

[Jimmy_quick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jimmy_quick]

Thanks guys. Things improved during last 2 days. She still does not want to talk about it as I tried to touch the topic. Just like immediate change of the mood. So I will leave it like this for now no need to put oil in the fire.
On the other side yesterday offered to make her a massage in the evening without having any intention going further. She liked that and we ended up having having sex. And such sex we haven't had for months. Very passionate and long 2h session. Even I did not have much problems with my PreE and stamina which is usually the case. So there was something positive after all.
About the FL, I agree I maybe just went a bit further crossing the red line and hurting her feelings. So will do my stuff when I have some privacy.
She is not into sex toys in general, but a have a few penis rings, one is vibrating and she don't mind. Of course we use them when time is appropriate and she is aroused enough.

[MPolo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MPolo]

Really, really sorry this has happened to you. We have had the complete opposite experience as a couple, as my wife and I use and enjoy Fleshlight toys for masturbation play. Perhaps she is a bit more open-minded and playful in bed in that regard. It has been a more positive experience for us.

I had used several different textured Fleshlight sleeves in the past when my wife was away on frequent business trips (She knew about my curiosity for trying these toys, and did not mind.) I liked the idea of using them for fantasy play, and for stamina training. As a surprise a few years ago she even bought me a clear version as she was intrigued by the fact we could "watch the action" happening inside. She thoroughly enjoys watching me use it myself, or using it on me (she will often jerk me off with it during foreplay; to ramp me up while we watch a video of a Playboy model together.) For me, it is also great to use during solo play, or when she is not in the mood for intercourse, or when she is unavailable during her period.

For anyone interested: We use a smaller clear FL version called the Go Torque Ice, which she likes using much better than a full-size FL, as it is smaller in her hands, lighter, and she gets less arm and wrist fatigue when using it on me - which allows her to concentrate more on her stroking techniques, and to enjoy the process even more so. The clear material lets you see the penetration happening (it is pretty amazing to visually see just how far into a woman you go during intercourse), my wife can concentrate her stroking of me to certain textures within the sleeve that are the most arousing for me, and it is also an incredible turn-on (for both of us) watching my ejaculation happening deep inside the sleeve (it is much more arousing to watch that than you would think.) We really enjoy this as a couples toy.

I definitely can see how it could be viewed as either a positive or negative experience though. For us, my wife in no way considered it as competition for her, but just a playful substitution when she is not around, or as a sexy way to get me aroused during foreplay (instead of just her hand/mouth), or as part of a threesome fantasy we have on occasion.

[Jimmy_quick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jimmy_quick]

Situation has gotten back to normal in the last days, we are even having much more sex than before :-) I still have the FL and planning to use it mainly for stamina training when I have privacy.

MPolo

Senior Member

Find all posts

View Profile

Close

MPolo, for the FL itself. Yeah it is good when you warm it up and use it with enough lube. But somehow still far away from the feeling of real vagina.

[NiceCADude Member Find all posts View Profile Close NiceCADude]

Just my 2 cents. Imagine finding out your wife wants a 9 inch dildo when you're only 5 inches? It would make feel inadequate. So she's probably feeling the same.

[Jimmy_quick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jimmy_quick]

Just my 2 cents. Imagine finding out your wife wants a 9 inch dildo when you're only 5 inches? It would make feel inadequate. So she's probably feeling the same.

I hear you. I maybe rushed the things up and did not give her time by involving her, and interestingly she was even participating but seems changed her mind later this night. It was a delicate moment however as even tried to talk about this few days after she was still not willing to and would right away change her mood. So I am not touching this topic anytime soon as despite this we have pretty good connection lately and even have much more sex then before..

[NiceCADude Member Find all posts View Profile Close NiceCADude]

^ I've asked my wife a few times if I could get her a dildo or a magic wand, but she always refuses and says it will take something away from sex with me. Really not sure what to make of that, lol

[akaTrex Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close akaTrex]

Geeez . . . Fleshlight and Wife?

I introduced a vibrator to my Bride many years ago when she was 29yo. She has never orgasmed via penetration. Only Oral!
Introduced the Water Dancer Vibrator to her and she was apprehensive. Then she said WOW . . . Holy Sheet! Pool, Shower, etc are all options now!

She named the Water Dancer "BOB" Battery Operated Boyfriend" :-)

Later I introduced the Hitachi Magic Wand and it took her to a whole new level. I travel for my job and one time when I returned home she told me she came home from work and couldn't wait! So she pulled out the Magic Wand and enjoyed herself.

I told her she has to Skype me in the future! LOL!