Interesting Topic

[secureman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close secureman]

I recently got back together with my gf who I broke up with for two weeks over a dispute. It's a new relationship and when the topic of our pasts came up I told her I would rather focus on the "now" and that I didn't want to talk about all the other men she had been with or other women I had been with in the past. She kept pushing the issue and started asking me how many women I had been with. I wouldn't tell her for weeks then I finally gave in and decided to disclose the basics with her.

I told her ball park 15-20 women (I'm 28 years old) she told me under 10 which for a girl probably means 50. Then she asked if I had ever cheated which is a fair question and I answered no but I have been cheated on. She then made the crack that I probably couldn't satisfy her. She then started radomly disclosing she had been with a lawyer before me and that her friends thought it was crazy for her to break up with him. Needless to say I left that day with a rather sour taste in my mouth. I felt she went out of her was to pick at my insecurites and see how strong of a man I really was. Now I know this has painted a poor picture of her but she's very pretty a great cook, awesome in bed, giving and funny to be fair.

After stewing on the issue for a few days I texted her and decided to end things. I gave her a vague answer saying our personalities didn't match. A few days later I messaged her and gave her the real reasons why I ended things. She yelled at me for not coming out and being honest which was a fair comment. She then said if you want your relationships to last longer you should learn how to communicate more openly again fair comment.

At this point I still had strong feelings for her but being the stubborn person I am I rarely go back on a decision and just try and move on. So the next week I went and slept with this cute Asian girl. I felt dirty right away but it did cut the emotional attachment to my ex girlfriend a great deal.

The day after my trip to China town the ex called me and wanted to see if we could smooth things over. After talking for an hour or so I thought it would be a good idea. She said sorry and took responsibility for speaking without thinking and thought nothing of what she said. So we met and went out for dinner the following Friday (she paid). When she asked if I had slept with any other women I told her no. I felt terrible about lying but I figured she fucked up once and now I fucked up once so lets just call it a "wash". I know this is just my way of rationalizing what I did but I don't think I'll ever tell her the truth about this one bad deed and for the most part I'm an honest person.

She's back home in Armenia for a month with her family. I assured her I would not be seeing any other women which is a promise I intend to keep. I have my doubts this relationship will last the test of time, we're not off to the best start.

My question is how would you guys or girls have handled this situation assuming you were me?

[greaux Member Find all posts View Profile Close greaux]

Any woman who employs tools like that to make you jealous is not ready for a serious relationship. It doesn't sound like you are either. Don't get me wrong, I am totally in the same boat, but you shouldn't delude yourself into putting this girl on a pedestal. That kind of petty bullshit is not only a seed of resentment planted, but it's likely to be a recurring theme. If you're able to detach yourself from your ex, then that speaks for itself.

You were right to withhold information from her. It's immature and self-destructive for her to be asking those kinds of questions. The fact that she was remorseful and then asked if you had had any partners in the time you spent apart is very telling. The fact that you have "mutual guilt" (my quote, not yours) now is not a solid foundation for a relationship. Fuck that shit. That level of jealousy and arbitrary manipulation is not sustainable.

[TazerGun Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TazerGun]

She's Armenian, huh? Those women tend to short-tempers and are very manipulative. Sorry, I can't add more, lol.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

OK, from my point of view, you DON'T ask your new bf or gf when the relationship is JUST starting out how many people they have been with in their past. That's just absurd and sets a very bad tone for the rest of your relationship. I don't care whether she's Armenian, Russian, British, Vietnamese or fucking Purple and Pink, you just DON'T do that.

I will also tell you that texting someone to end a relationship shows poor manners on your part. Texting is a cold, impersonal and a callous way to end things with someone. You should have at least told her in person.

Personally, I don't think this relationship is going to stand the test of time. No sooner do you break up with her and you go and sleep with someone else.......hmmm, I've got doubts my friend. It sounds like something very simple and dumb got blown WAY out of proportion. She had no business asking you how many women you had been with nor should she had rubbed your face in the fact that her last lover was an attorney. The way I see it, you both fucked up.