Am I stupid

[second lensman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close second lensman]

Go to Australia. If she's the one for you distance will be no barrier. Also have you seen the Aussie women?

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

This girl might have permanent guilt for holding you back, and that might interfere with what you want out of the relationship.

Yes I know. I think that probably contributed to us breaking up. Maybe it was the real reason. I don't know for sure how to avoid that

[CaptainUnderpants Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainUnderpants]

She mailed yesterday and said

I've been thinking and I think you need to stop being scared, stop using me as an excuse and get yourself out to australia - it sounds like that's your calling and that whatever path your life is to take, australia is part of the journey. - I would go if I were you ... I had a great time with you, I was very happy and I'm not sure what happened exactly for it to come to an end, I just needed to continue on my own - maybe I got scared, I really don't know. Maybe it was so you could go to Australia. ? X

Spanky, This is just a guess, but I think she may intuitively know that you guys are not supposed to be together.

Sometimes willpower is not the right answer, but listening to the flow of what the world is trying to tell you.

So what if you succeed and putting this relationship together, inspite of her intuitive wisdom? Then likely it will fall apart later anyway.

It seems pretty cut and dry to me. She is telling you to go.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Spanky, This is just a guess, but I think she may intuitively know that you guys are not supposed to be together.

Sometimes willpower is not the right answer, but listening to the flow of what the world is trying to tell you.

So what if you succeed and putting this relationship together, inspite of her intuitive wisdom? Then likely it will fall apart later anyway.

Possible. But that assumes that such things are truly "meant to be" or "written in the stars" and it assumes she is in touch with such a thing. What we had felt like it was meant to be. It was effortless. The feelings were there, bigger than either of us. They still are for me, and I'm not convinced they're not still there for her too.

It seems pretty cut and dry to me. She is telling you to go.

Sure. She's not telling me that's what she wants though.

Maybe she feels like it's in my best interests to go. That's debatable. Maybe she feels that I deserve better than her? It wouldn't surprise me overly if she did. But you know I didn't order her from a catalogue, she just turned up in my life one day and blew my mind.

I know I'm being stubborn, but I know how I feel and what I want. As to whether I can get it.. well that I don't know.

[Rockitman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Rockitman]

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

Go with your heart, and remember: NO REGRETS!!!

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

She just emailed me.. (god email is such a shit way to do this) and said, in summary, "Sorry, it's over. There's nothing to fight for."

I would go with my heart, but that's a pretty firmly closed door. Eventually you have to stop knocking, right?

I sent her a beautiful response. And I threw that poem in there too (nice one Rockitman ) and I guess that's that :'(

I don't understand how you can love and reject at the same time. I must be naive. Hell I never loved anyone like this before, so obviously I know nothing. Who knows if our paths will cross again. My god it hurts.

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

Thing is just having an opportunity doesn't make it a must-do. It doesn't make it automatically right for me, or automatically part of my destiny. I'm not going to be less employable if I don't take it, I've got 12 solid years on my CV/resume that's a pretty good safety net, and I'm good at my job. So I don't need it. If it wasn't for my feelings for her then yes I would go. But not because it's a dream come true, it would be because it was there and why the hell not, seems better than a slap in the face so I may as well find out huh. And of course I'd get a story or two out of it. But I'd rather that that wasn't tainted by disappointment and the sense that I left the most emotionally powerful opportunity I've ever had drift away.

As to whether I actually have a chance to reconcile this thing for real? Well that's a good question.

Maybe if I don't fight for her now I've been put in a position where it's now or never, then THAT would be letting mysef and my future down? Finding someone who could make me feel this way, which has never happened before, is surely something I can't ignore? And she'll be another "one that got away" ... I've got one of those already, though I didn't fall in love with her, I just thought she was amazing and I screwed it up by not realising in time. I still regret that to this day.

My thought is this. If I have to fight for someone, that means I have to prove myself worthy. If someone else is more worthy than me to them, then I will let them be.

The only time I'm going to fight over someone is if I'm slipping and I'm not making that other person feel appreciated. I, for some reason, am COMPLETELY repulsed by the idea that I have to prove my worth to anyone. If a girl can't see my worth, she's not worth my time. Plain and simple...

I have a hard time Making the distinction between me making a move and being thought worthy, but if you were IN a relationship with this girl and she just ended it and told you to live your life, you know she doesn't want you. It's time to move on.

I don't have strong roots in family (outside of my Immediate) so i don't care where I end up in the world. Every new country is a new experience for me. I'm actually keen on getting out of my current country of residence. A new start in a new land is something of a dream for me, so I view it as an opportunity. not so much a sacrifice.

If someone doesn't want me there's no reason to continue barking up that tree. I learned this lesson recently again... Life teaches you things over and over until you learn it. Picking up the hint the second or third time is usually my schtick... sometimes it takes more

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

I should also mention...

I had one of those "Ones that got away" because I was "slippin on my pimpin" if you will. I missed hints left and right and i screwed up our relationship. I felt horrible. I thought every 3rd day about what would have happened, how my life would have changed if I had only done the right thing by her.

Years go by and we stop talking. one year she pops up on a social networking site and we reconnect. Talk here and there. Then we talk more... She's in a relationship with the guy she was with before me. They're okay... eventually we get hot and heavy. We're really into each other still, the guy had proposed to her but she postponed her engagement to him. Didn't want to get married... she was "waiting to finish school" but what she was really doing was waiting for me to come back around some time some way.

We were talking pretty regularly... so regularly she was at HIS parents house, when she went to the laundry room to call me to ask me something and to "just hear [my] voice"

That incident right there proved to me that I couldn't trust her, ironically. If I could do this while she was with someone else... another guy could do that, while she was with me!

Well they broke up and she was talking about moving to my area (about 5 hours and 400 miles away) but something happened and we stopped talking. They got back together a short time later, Got married a VERY short time after that, and now she's had his child.

She was the one that got away until i had my second chance with her and I found out I didn't really want her. Life teaches you things and until you figure out the lesson, you'll keep repeating the same mistakes.

[Rockitman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Rockitman]

She just emailed me.. (god email is such a shit way to do this) and said, in summary, "Sorry, it's over. There's nothing to fight for."

I would go with my heart, but that's a pretty firmly closed door. Eventually you have to stop knocking, right?

I sent her a beautiful response. And I threw that poem in there too (nice one Rockitman ) and I guess that's that :'(

I don't understand how you can love and reject at the same time. I must be naive. Hell I never loved anyone like this before, so obviously I know nothing. Who knows if our paths will cross again. My god it hurts.

Spanky, remember that you may never again get to wake up with her, but for the rest of your life, you have to wake up to yourself, regardless of who else you are with. Never lose yourself to gain someone back. The ONE organ in your body you absolutely have to hold erect and high is your head!!

The pain subsides, someone else comes along, and love becomes new again.

That's some 'mental jelqing' for you!

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

It's three months since the hardest breakup of my life and I'm through the pain. I am left with the real me, and the real me still loves her.

You may remember that I had an offer to work in Australia (I'm in the UK) when I first started seeing her, which I got them to put off, saying I needed 6 months to give this relationship a chance. Then 6 months later ... dead in the water. Convenient maybe? Who knows.

So anyway. The job offer just got renewed. With some urgency. And since it would represent me finally accepting I'll never have her back and moving on I had to contact her. I emailed, told her I had this wonderful offer, but I would drop it in a heartbeat for her, then went on to tell her why.

She replies in like 2 minutes, so it's an honest response, that she's going to cry.

so we've had mails back and fore now. We haven't "spoken" this much in months.

Most people I speak to say I should go to Australia. But that's the easy option, and not really what I want. One of my best friends said that if I feel I've got any chance with her (and now we're talking that chance just got a whole load better) then I should turn the job down, and that saying "Take me back or I'm going to the other side of the world" was unreasonable.

It was probably hanging over us from the start anyway. Certainly hanging over her, and if there is any chance of getting her back it mustn't continue to.

She mailed yesterday and said

So here's the thing. As unreasonable as it might be to rest it on her, if I've got no chance with her, I'll go. But it really is the easy option, running away. Turning it down to follow my heart, even if that leads nowhere, is way more difficult. So I am scared. But not of Oz. I'm not using her as an excuse, She's the reason. I'm scared of losing the best thing I ever had for good.

My flatmate was like "if it doesn't work out and you can't get her back, will you regret not going?". It's a good question. I don't think so.

I replied and said so, that going to Aus was the easy way out and following my heart was way harder, but right. I've asked her to come for coffee and talk with me sometime. And I've said she can call me any time. I await a response.

Am I stupid? Do you think I've got a chance?

I think you need to man up, grow a pair and go to Australia.......it's an opportunity of a life time. Right now, the comfort of being with her is still fresh in your mind and that comfort is what's stopping you from being able to want to move forward and I do get that because I've been there my own self. Go to Australia............it's an opportunity of a lifetime for you! Don't hold yourself back to pursue someone you've broken up with just to TRY and get her back. I'd go to Australia, have the time of your life and take things as they come.

[secureman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close secureman]

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out man. I've been there a few times and I know how excruciating it can be. You know what I learned though. No matter how much you like or "love" a woman don't make her the center of your universe. Always set your life up in a balanced way Work, friends, play, development, gf, family ect that way if you lose the girlfriend you still have everything else. Go to Australia dude.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Everybody says I should go. Two people out of the many many opinions I've received have said "if you love her and there's a chance, you should stay". Just two. But now she's shut the door on me anyway. maybe it's what she wants, or rather, maybe it's what she wants for me. Either way she's pretty determined, in the face of the best offer she's ever had by her own admission, and at least some of her friends and family's opinions too. So the decision's kind of out of my hands.

If I don't go I'll probably lose the client. One of the best I've had. But there'd be others.

It's true, if it wasn't for her, I'd be there already, because I've never been the sort to turn down opportunities. I left uni in a flash for a great job offer some years ago, and I've been in great jobs ever since. I'm not normally the sort to be afraid of change by leaping at a chance. But shit man, this girl turned me upside down.

It looks like I lost her anyway. The best I've had. Still don't know why. And it sucks.

So I guess I'm going. Build a new life for myself, and in a year's time, assuming I still feel the same about her, which is likely, invite her over. Besides, there's an erotic story I wrote for her about the beach, waves crashing over her body over and over again and so on... which needs playing out for real, and that's some kind of offer, eh .

I don't know .. maybe I will meet someone better. But seeing as it took 20 years of being sexually active to find this one, Let's just say I'm not expecting it, and a relationship with someone who I feel doesn't measure up just isn't going to work is it. Three months later man, and I'm still a mess. I can't see me risking this again in a hurry

[Closed039 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Closed039]

You'll pass up this employment opportunity a second time on this girl? I don't know man, I'm losing respect quickly. And it is NOT because you aren't "acting like a man" and just passing off this broad like it's nothing. It is because you aren't thinking rationally and really are showing a lack of judgment. What's that saying? Fool me once, shame on you? Fool me twice...?

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

You'll pass up this employment opportunity a second time on this girl? I don't know man, I'm losing respect quickly. And it is NOT because you aren't "acting like a man" and just passing off this broad like it's nothing. It is because you aren't thinking rationally and really are showing a lack of judgment. What's that saying? Fool me once, shame on you? Fool me twice...?

I'd have to agree here. My last relationship was a "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"...........I was dumb and gave a less than deserving lady a second chance and the second time around she blew it for herself for the same reasons we broke up the first time. Now she's done and I don't care where in life she is. Onward and upward :-)

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Everybody says I should go. Two people out of the many many opinions I've received have said "if you love her and there's a chance, you should stay". Just two. But now she's shut the door on me anyway. maybe it's what she wants, or rather, maybe it's what she wants for me. Either way she's pretty determined, in the face of the best offer she's ever had by her own admission, and at least some of her friends and family's opinions too. So the decision's kind of out of my hands.

If I don't go I'll probably lose the client. One of the best I've had. But there'd be others.

It's true, if it wasn't for her, I'd be there already, because I've never been the sort to turn down opportunities. I left uni in a flash for a great job offer some years ago, and I've been in great jobs ever since. I'm not normally the sort to be afraid of change by leaping at a chance. But shit man, this girl turned me upside down.

It looks like I lost her anyway. The best I've had. Still don't know why. And it sucks.

So I guess I'm going. Build a new life for myself, and in a year's time, assuming I still feel the same about her, which is likely, invite her over. Besides, there's an erotic story I wrote for her about the beach, waves crashing over her body over and over again and so on... which needs playing out for real, and that's some kind of offer, eh .

I don't know .. maybe I will meet someone better. But seeing as it took 20 years of being sexually active to find this one, Let's just say I'm not expecting it, and a relationship with someone who I feel doesn't measure up just isn't going to work is it. Three months later man, and I'm still a mess. I can't see me risking this again in a hurry

You will meet someone else later on because you'll move forward with your life. Don't compare every woman you meet to this ex gf.......that won't be fair to anyone else who comes into the picture. Some of them might be like her and some of them won't.