Need some insight

[apollo0687 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close apollo0687]

What's up guys. So About a month ago Me and my girlfriend of a year and a half werent doing so good, we took a break of about a week; she claimed shes always been in relationships and doesnt know how to be happy by herself. We're both in our 20's so i understand the need to find yourself at this age. Well after about a week we start hanging out again, but somethings off. Shes not as affectionate and stuff. She's going for her PhD, she interns and she has school most nights of the week so shes crazy busy and i get that. Its hard to devote your time when you have so much going on. So I get pissed and break up with her, telling her I cant do this, i need to move on with my life. Fast forward 2 weeks, She texts me saying she knows what she wants now. And its me, She misses me. Blah Blah. So we start hanging out, having sex a couple times, getting our relationship back. So while we were not together I went on a date with some chick I met, Nothing crazy just dinner. So i was curious and asked her. She tells me she went on a date with her coworker, who i know has a thing for her. I was a little pissed at that, but anyway. A couple days later I stayed over her place, she left her alarm on her phone on, So she was in the shower. And i tried to shut her phone off. I grabbed her phone and was curious, So i checked her texts with this kid. Come to find out she slept with the coworker, in as little as a week and a half. I walk out before she gets out the shower, and text her telling her I know. She says it was a horrible mistake and there was alcohol involved. She completely regrets it and wishes she could take it back. So she hasnt talked to the kid in a week or so and hes pissed cause he felt something for her, he quit where they worked and all that. Im pretty heartbroken over this. She tells me she loves me and wants to be with me, and start a life, move in together. All that. I Love her, but i feel so betrayed over this. I know mistakes happen. But this is so out of character for her. Its horrible to think someone came into something thats been ours for over a year in under 2 weeks. I feel like i dont know her anymore. What do you guys think?

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

I can't say too much, but she is the only one that can tell you exactly what went on. For all you know that little week long break was to do that or while she was actually figuring things out it just happened. You are not the only one that was hurt with this, remember that.

The only way to figure this out is to talk to her, if you ever want to talk to her again. I understand that it hurts, although you need to realize that you two were broken up. If you had slept with someone during that time and she found out how do you think she would feel?

Why did you break up with her the first time?

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Sorry
But women don't leave from one day to the next. It's been going on in our mind for a while. So although it was only a few weeks it really was longer.
You did the most mature thing! Letting her go. Women need to know how to go alone. I wish it was a law.
I would let it go. It happened. She knows now. She's with and wants you.
Each of us is 100% responsible for our half of the relationship. My new line.
Good luck

[ronnierokk Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ronnierokk]

I think you are being a bit selfish with your feelings, after all you did say you went on a date to, but when you found out she did you got pissed, so it's ok for you to go and not her?

I understand that you didn't have sex with this girl, but she did have sex with someone else.

Sometimes we all get confused with our feelings and end up doing things we wish we hadn't.

So, here's what I'm seeing here. She came back to you dude, so what does that say? It says you were better in bed. haha, so pat yourself on the back and be happy about that. And that what she thought she had something with someone else, she realize that she still loved you. Sometimes it take that for someone to realize what they have with someone else. It goes back to that old saying

"If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if it does not it never was"

Just think, if you did have sex with the dinner date girl, how would you feel about that? Or better yet how would she feel.

What I'm feeling here is that you are jealous because she slept with someone and you didn't. I know that sounds funny or stupid but think about it for a while and the ask yourself why it really pissed you off? And you will come to that same confusion.

I know it hurts you that it happen, but trust me, a big part of life is learning how to forgive people for their stupid mistakes.

The only thing I will add here is that. If you go apart or separate again and she does that again with someone else then ask to come back to you, then I would not be with her anymore.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

if you guys werent married and were "taking a break" I dont think it ,matters if she screwed 10 guys. Now you have to decide if you want her back.

[jrems Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jrems]

Unfortunately for us men, women are very calculating and this could have been a setup. She knew what she was doing and she did it because she knew it would hurt you whether she let you know or not. Men are allowed to have sex with women remember that....but women control whether or not they have sex with someone because they are in control 9 times out of 10. Maybe she made a mistake or maybe she did exactly what she wanted. You won't know which is the case until you have that conversation so go talk pal. Sorry to hear about this situation; it sounds a lot like what I just went through and it isn't easy but you'll get past it. Good luck.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

maybe she did what she wanted to at the time and regreted it later? Easy to do what you want and regret what you cant take back. It happened though and you really shouldnt be bothered by it. You guys were taking a break and you could have done the exact same thing and she may not have liked that who knows.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

That would loom over my head. I wouldn't be able to take her back. It's not even about the sex she had, it's about the meaning behind it. To me, that would seem like she broke up with me just to sleep with someone else.
While I would appreciate the courtesy of the breakup, rather than her cheating on me, I would feel like a ragdoll. You can't just pick me up, toss me and then play with me again when you feel like it. I would need total devotion and commitment, if that's what we said we'd give each other.
When I'm in a relationship, I go all out.

Obviously, her feelings aren't permanent. She feels this way now, but what about next month? Next year? I wouldn't be able to give myself to her as maybe I once did and that, in itself, would be reason enough to sever the relationship.

[longrodten Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close longrodten]

Sometimes it takes for this to happen for them to know. I might keep some distance but talk to her occasionally. Let her work her way back, after all she needs to be focused on this advanced degree. The next time it happens, you need to be completely done for good.

[apollo0687 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close apollo0687]

Thanks for the support everyone. We've been talking and seeing eachother again. It's been alright, we got in a little argument today. She thinks we see eachother too often and that we should take things easy, I mean with all this happening i feel like i need to be closer to her. But anyway, she thinks alot of what shes feeling is just from being up eachothers asses all the time. We started the relationship full steam. Seeing eachother every chance we could, staying over eachothers places everynight. I feel like we're going backwards with that plan though. I've always dedicated too much of myself to the girls i was dating though, maybe its time to finally work on me. Look for a new job that I've been wanting to do, stuff that will better myself. We're exclusive right now, and going with the flow but it's weird for me. I guess i'll just see how it pans out. I dont want to dedicate or waste too much time with something that isnt fully understood yet. She gets mad when i try to talk to her about it, asking me why i cant just let it grow on its on. I think I have alot of insecurities with relationships that i need to work on. I'll give it a few months and see what happens.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

I think that last post was very mature and insightful into your own character. Good for you.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

After the first post I thought take her back, now that she wants space again I strongly suggest hitting the road. I hate to say it but its going to be head games and heart ache from here on out.

[Saru Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Saru]

@apollo, let me give you a fresh perspective. This would sound crazy, but cost of trying this is very small. And if it works, you win big. So, here it goes:

I get a suspicion that something you are doing is irritating her. And both of you haven't realized/recognized it. It is most likely some silly stuff (repeat, silly stuff; that's why it has been flying under the radar) like the tone of your voice or the smell of your cologne. Also, it is possible that she has a narrower bandwidth than you are and the time together is literally overwhelming her. Another possibility is a possible mismatch representational system. This comes across as very unscientific and interestingly, it is the source of discord between many couples. If you both are using two different representational systems (I am going to take a bet that you are), try to switch to her representational system. Your problem most likely will be solved.

Sometimes, the solution to relationship problems are ridiculously simple.

[ivioca Banned Find all posts View Profile Close ivioca]

I think both of you are problem. You were together for over a year and than you break up and you dating some girl, she screwing some guy - unbelievable! I remember when I was 20 and broke up with my girlfriend. I was so depressed that I didn't want to hear anything about any woman for over a month because I was in love with her and love hurts. You obviously weren't in love for each other. And you're together again - without love? If it is so, you're building a wall without a cement!

[helpisontheway Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close helpisontheway]

Im curious did the OP fix his penis/ hard flaccid problems? He had prior to this post.