Last night!! :\ ?

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

Hey guys. So last night was eventful for me. I have been working long hours all week (65) and been very down in general. So last night, due to not having work today, I went out. I usually don't get invited to parties and whatnot because thats just not my style, I prefer a small tight circle of friends. But anyways, I went and a few things happened during the course of the night that have my head wrapped in a fucking knot!!

So, I have a best friend. She is a girl, her name is licia. My name is chris. The first time we ever hung out we decided to merge our names and we got LUSCIOUS. This was probably 3 years ago and this is just how we refer to ourselves, weird I know but its fun and unique. I have only had sec with her on 2 occasions and we were basically black out drunk so they basically don't count. I've been in 2 relationships in my life, fell in love with both of those girls. I consider luscious the other girl in my life that I fell in love with. I can't really explain it. I got friendzoned from day 1, but I never tried to get in a relationship with her, I just don't think it would work its just not how it goes, ya know? She is my best friend. Our friendship stopped for a year because I got into a relationship. I just didn't have time. Life moved on. Once my relationship fell to shit, we got right back on our horse though! Nothing changed even a tiny bit, she gave me so many things to look forward to. Hundreds of times have we been drunk and told each other we love eachother. But its a different kind of love.. I can't speak for her. I know she loves me as a friend, I don't know what else. We have hooked up (making out etc) plenty of times drunk, just us existing alone in the moment and nothing else mattering. I'm kind of rambling, bare with me please. Anyways, I could go on forever but there is no doubt in my mind that I love her. Its the most unselfish love I've ever had. My other 2 relationships were destroyed by trust issues and insecurities (mine) but with her, I don't care if shes out fucking people, I truthfully just want whatever makes her happy. She has a new boyfriend so i haven't seen her for 4 months. Understandable, hes kind of a doucher.

I hung out with her dad last night. Hes a cool dad. She called and was like, asking why we were hanging out etc, I think she was getting jealous!! Her boyfriend is always bringing me up to her saying "boys and girls just can't be best friends"

I got a text from her last night. I quote, it says "I can't deal with having to fight over you anymore chris I cant please dont text me."

I don't know man, what am I supposed to do? I have let thoughts of my ex TORTURE me, for 10+ months now. Female interaction is more far and wide with me, but I make the most out of it. I have had sex like, 5 fucking times MAX in 10 months. I am frustrated, I am depressed, I am NOT happy. My life consists of waking up at 5am, going to work. Getting home ~6pm. I troll PEgym, facebook, youtube, Do my PE for the night, and go to sleep. When I wake up in the morning, I am generally, pissed off and extremely depressed til about 8am. The sun makes me calm down. I can't help thinking thoughts of why even live life. I wake up and think about how useless life seems to be for me right now. I am trying to learn to cope with myself and live life alone and happy, I am trying to make myself better, I am trying to work alot and be productive, but how much longer am I supposed to hold on? I am not dumb enough to think that I'll never be happy. I am just.. sick of waiting.

Licia is the girl in my life. Even if she isn't in my life physically, I can think about her and just smile and think random thoughts for 20 minutes. Not enough to make me happy, but enough to pull me out of my slump. Knowing I have such a great friend keeps me going. I'm kind of done writing for now its getting my throat clogged up thinking about this shit.

i don't know what I expect to hear from you guys. I don't think anyone can really help me. It seems like you guys are my only friends left, and I need to get this out of me before it drives me into a deeper hole.

I didn't mean to make a bitchy life rant and sound like an underappreciative fuck. Its just hard to hold onto the "faith" that I'll be happy soon enough when I've been miserable for so long. I guess maybe I should stare at my name for a few minutes and let it sink in

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

Looks like you have a great friend in this girl and it might be better left that way. She left you alone when you were with someone else and was right there for you when it all fell apart. Now she wants to be with someone and has requested that you give her the same space that she gave you. Personally, I couldn't imagine the FWB thing, but "to each his own" is how I see it. You need to ask yourself "what am I really looking for?" If you want a relationship then you need to find that special someone and that may take time and possibly some heartache before you find the right one. If you want a FWB, then you need to find that kind of person. Sounds like Luscious might not be either one. She obviously is trying for a regular relationship with someone else at this time and the FWB thing didn't work either. If you feel you want that real relationship with her, then make your feelings known and maybe she feels the same. Maybe the only reason she is with him is because she wants more of a relationship with you but didn't get that feeling from you. Figure out what it is you really want. If it is her, then make your feelings known. Then whatever the outcome, you both will know where each other stands.

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

Looks like you have a great friend in this girl and it might be better left that way. She left you alone when you were with someone else and was right there for you when it all fell apart. Now she wants to be with someone and has requested that you give her the same space that she gave you. Personally, I couldn't imagine the FWB thing, but "to each his own" is how I see it. You need to ask yourself "what am I really looking for?" If you want a relationship then you need to find that special someone and that may take time and possibly some heartache before you find the right one. If you want a FWB, then you need to find that kind of person. Sounds like Luscious might not be either one. She obviously is trying for a regular relationship with someone else at this time and the FWB thing didn't work either. If you feel you want that real relationship with her, then make your feelings known and maybe she feels the same. Maybe the only reason she is with him is because she wants more of a relationship with you but didn't get that feeling from you. Figure out what it is you really want. If it, is her, then make your feelings known. Then whatever the outcome, you both will know where each other stands.

+1 Chris, you need to let her know, if you didn't before. There is a reason the boyfriend feel threatened, she has obviously talked about you. Like Mr says figure out in your head what you really want, don't let loneliness do the talking or you might lose even the friendship. Good Luck!

[BigNTasty Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BigNTasty]

In my opinion, you have given her way to much power, and she doesn't want it. I have been most successful in these situations when you give the appearance that you do not care. I know this goes against all your feelings and maybe even some logic. But the most effective way to get a girl is to make her work for your love. You should probably cut off contact for about 6 weeks until she starts to miss you. I know women will probably deny that this is the way to handle it, but i am only speaking from experience and what has worked for me. Ignore her, and let her work for it. Thats what she really wants.

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

Looks like you have a great friend in this girl and it might be better left that way. She left you alone when you were with someone else and was right there for you when it all fell apart.

Like I said, this is the least selfish relationship i've ever had. Of course she is just trying to be happy, of course I'm fine with it. I don't have anything against her. I do want my own relationship. But I still want my bestfriend.. I am perfectly fine with leaving her alone, it just hurt to have her say that. And now what? I am stuck between wanting to hold onto the hope that we will be friends again, and trying to just move on. People change and grow apart, but is that whats happening? I don't even talk to her on a regular basis anymore, its not my fault her boyfriend is a little insecure shitbag and wants to talk about me. I used to be that same guy, bringing up my ex's "best friend" more than he ever even existed. Wasn't his fault though. Now the roles are flipped. I know her more than she even knows herself. I know that she isn't happy with herself, and that her relationship right now will soon fall apart just because it isn't right. But I would like to be there when that happens, that sounds fucked up the way I said it but it isn't.

This might sound crazy, and hell maybe it is, but I'm guna say it. We have both gone through our trials and tribulations and never once controlled eachother, but just been there for eachother more than anyone else. This is the type of girl that I will wait forever for, Watch her go through 10 years worth of boyfriends, then finalyl have her. I don't know, this just seems like the way it would go down. Shes a young girl anyway, turns 18 in 2 months. I'm a bit more than 2 years older than her, doesnt matter though. She isn't ready for life, she has alot to learn but I just want to be there through it all. Maybe in 15 years I'll end up marrying her. I know how silly that is but honestly, why not? We have a genuine friendship, genuine love, attraction. She just isn't ready. I know her, I can predict her actions. Shes looking for happiness in the wrong places. Which is fine, we all must make mistakes in order to learn and grow. Maybe its wrong to think, but I just have a picture in my mind that many years down the road I will finally get my time. I work with a man (40+) who just got married to his best friend a few years back. She is the love of his life, and was more or less in the same boat I'm in!! And he told me, best friends are the way to go. Are these unrealistic thoughts? I don't want to set myself up to get hurt by thinking crazy things. I might be overanalyzing this. She will want me back once her and her boyfriend break up. Shes talked to me about it once, she goes "If given the chance, would you be down to hangout with me everyday again?" Because she is slowly but surely getting annoyed with being held down. Its typical, I went through it. I so badly want to text her, to know that shes there but I'm not going to. I hate suffering in silence!

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

+1 Chris, you need to let her know, if you didn't before. There is a reason the boyfriend feel threatened, she has obviously talked about you. Like Mr says figure out in your head what you really want, don't let loneliness do the talking or you might lose even the friendship. Good Luck!

I know what you are both saying, but the circumstances just aren't right. She isn't happy with herself, and has alot of fixing-up to do before she ever will be happy, alone or with someone. Is it fucked up that I plan on waiting? She isn't stupid, she knows what she has in me. I am just hoping that one day when we are both grown more and on our feet, it can be possible. I know there is nothing wrong with feeling this way, but nevertheless I feel like some kind of freak psycho sometimes. She has told me many times that she not only loves me, but is IN love with me. It isn't so much that shes lying, but I have been afraid that her unhappiness in general is more talking. Sometimes when we are together I kinda get lost looking at her, and I feel bad because I know her intentions aren't the same. (in the moment)

So, I keep getting distracted. Are these thoughts of me waiting blah blah, ok? Are they right? I don't know. its all very confusing

[BigNTasty Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BigNTasty]

Ya suffering in silence is bad man, but it sounds like even though you don't think she is controlling you, she most certainly is

"We have both gone through our trials and tribulations and never once controlled eachother, but just been there for eachother more than anyone else. This is the type of girl that I will wait forever for, Watch her go through 10 years worth of boyfriends, then finalyl have her."

this quote here proves it. She has you wrapped around her finger and knowing women, totally recognizes it. You cant be the only one going through the suffering while she goes out and hooks up with whoever she wants. She doesnt want that in a man, no woman does. I strongly recommend you go out and meet someone else just to make her jealous. It sounds mean, it might even sound like it will make you feel bad, but love is a sick game.

Women don't actually want to be put up on a pedestal and worshiped. They want to put their man on the pedastle and serve him. They want him to be impressive, and even more concerned with his own life than hers. Again, this is my experience and doesnt apply to every single woman, but seems to be the norm.

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

She has you wrapped around her finger and knowing women, totally recognizes it. You cant be the only one going through the suffering while she goes out and hooks up with whoever she wants. She doesnt want that in a man, no woman does. I strongly recommend you go out and meet someone else just to make her jealous. It sounds mean, it might even sound like it will make you feel bad, but love is a sick game.

Women don't actually want to be put up on a pedestal and worshiped. They want to put their man on the pedastle and serve him. They want him to be impressive, and even more concerned with his own life than hers. Again, this is my experience and doesnt apply to every single woman, but seems to be the norm.

But it isn't like we were ever in a relationship,we ARE best friend and fell in love. I don't want, or need a relationship with her right now. Jealousy has ruined my only 2 relationships I had, each being over a year long, and this is the one girl I don't get jealous about. I don't care what she does, we never have had any sense of obligation to eachother. She doesn't but we've talked about girls I've fucked plenty of times, we both check girls out and laugh and point them out and blah blah. I know i might seem like I'm contradicting myself but maybe I'm just bad with words because I know exactly what I mean. Its a very unique type of friendship, where we go beyond being just really good friends. I don't mean this sexually, I mean we have alot stronger of a bond than "just friends"

We don't have that jealousy shit going on, because thats just not the origin of our relationship. I keep using the word relationship, but keep in mind that this does not mean we are together. I mean, I have a relationship with my dog, just in a different context.

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

Sounds like you already know what you want. You also seem to be prepared to wait a very long time if needed. You are right about people growing apart over time. If you are worried about that happening, all the more reason to tell her how you feel. Question is, what are you going to do with your life if you just wait? The way I like to view life is either "act or get acted upon". If you just wait, you are getting acted upon by her, her boyfriend, and other outside influences. If you say something, you are acting upon the situation and taking control of your life. You make her aware of what you want and depending on her response, you act accordingly. If she doesn't want a relationship with you right now, so be it. You move on and I am sure she will still be your friend. Maybe in the years to come , your dream may still come true. If it doesn't then you didn't waste any time waiting. Maybe you find someone you love even more. The other scenario is you tell her, she is relieved you showed your true feelings and she is yours from this time forward. No wasted time and you both are happy.
Believe me, I am here to give you the best advice I know how and I only want the best for you and everyone here at the Gym. I would just hate to see anyone waste their precious time on this earth. We are only here for a short time and need to make the best of it.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

[longrodten Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close longrodten]

Ya suffering in silence is bad man, but it sounds like even though you don't think she is controlling you, she most certainly is

"We have both gone through our trials and tribulations and never once controlled eachother, but just been there for eachother more than anyone else. This is the type of girl that I will wait forever for, Watch her go through 10 years worth of boyfriends, then finalyl have her."

this quote here proves it. She has you wrapped around her finger and knowing women, totally recognizes it. You cant be the only one going through the suffering while she goes out and hooks up with whoever she wants. She doesnt want that in a man, no woman does. I strongly recommend you go out and meet someone else just to make her jealous. It sounds mean, it might even sound like it will make you feel bad, but love is a sick game.

Women don't actually want to be put up on a pedestal and worshiped. They want to put their man on the pedastle and serve him. They want him to be impressive, and even more concerned with his own life than hers. Again, this is my experience and doesnt apply to every single woman, but seems to be the norm.

It seems to be a norm that they prefer to have a man that they can look up to.

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

Question is, what are you going to do with your life if you just wait?
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Like I said, we are both very young. Shit maybe in 2 years I will have forgotten about this all. I'm not holding my life back by waiting in any sense, I as well have alot of growing up to do, alot of failed relationships to go through before I am one with myself.

I just want her in my life, one way or another and thats all that matters. If I can't be with her then so be it! We are still some Luscious motherfuckers



** And I truly appreciate your thoughts, time, and energy. It goes a long way knowing a stranger cares.

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

We are always here for you brother, anytime you need us.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Hey guys. So last night was eventful for me. I have been working long hours all week (65) and been very down in general. So last night, due to not having work today, I went out. I usually don't get invited to parties and whatnot because thats just not my style, I prefer a small tight circle of friends. But anyways, I went and a few things happened during the course of the night that have my head wrapped in a fucking knot!!

So, I have a best friend. She is a girl, her name is licia. My name is chris. The first time we ever hung out we decided to merge our names and we got LUSCIOUS. This was probably 3 years ago and this is just how we refer to ourselves, weird I know but its fun and unique. I have only had sec with her on 2 occasions and we were basically black out drunk so they basically don't count. I've been in 2 relationships in my life, fell in love with both of those girls. I consider luscious the other girl in my life that I fell in love with. I can't really explain it. I got friendzoned from day 1, but I never tried to get in a relationship with her, I just don't think it would work its just not how it goes, ya know? She is my best friend. Our friendship stopped for a year because I got into a relationship. I just didn't have time. Life moved on. Once my relationship fell to shit, we got right back on our horse though! Nothing changed even a tiny bit, she gave me so many things to look forward to. Hundreds of times have we been drunk and told each other we love eachother. But its a different kind of love.. I can't speak for her. I know she loves me as a friend, I don't know what else. We have hooked up (making out etc) plenty of times drunk, just us existing alone in the moment and nothing else mattering. I'm kind of rambling, bare with me please. Anyways, I could go on forever but there is no doubt in my mind that I love her. Its the most unselfish love I've ever had. My other 2 relationships were destroyed by trust issues and insecurities (mine) but with her, I don't care if shes out fucking people, I truthfully just want whatever makes her happy. She has a new boyfriend so i haven't seen her for 4 months. Understandable, hes kind of a doucher.

I hung out with her dad last night. Hes a cool dad. She called and was like, asking why we were hanging out etc, I think she was getting jealous!! Her boyfriend is always bringing me up to her saying "boys and girls just can't be best friends"

I got a text from her last night. I quote, it says "I can't deal with having to fight over you anymore chris I cant please dont text me."

I don't know man, what am I supposed to do? I have let thoughts of my ex TORTURE me, for 10+ months now. Female interaction is more far and wide with me, but I make the most out of it. I have had sex like, 5 fucking times MAX in 10 months. I am frustrated, I am depressed, I am NOT happy. My life consists of waking up at 5am, going to work. Getting home ~6pm. I troll PEgym, facebook, youtube, Do my PE for the night, and go to sleep. When I wake up in the morning, I am generally, pissed off and extremely depressed til about 8am. The sun makes me calm down. I can't help thinking thoughts of why even live life. I wake up and think about how useless life seems to be for me right now. I am trying to learn to cope with myself and live life alone and happy, I am trying to make myself better, I am trying to work alot and be productive, but how much longer am I supposed to hold on? I am not dumb enough to think that I'll never be happy. I am just.. sick of waiting.

Licia is the girl in my life. Even if she isn't in my life physically, I can think about her and just smile and think random thoughts for 20 minutes. Not enough to make me happy, but enough to pull me out of my slump. Knowing I have such a great friend keeps me going. I'm kind of done writing for now its getting my throat clogged up thinking about this shit.

i don't know what I expect to hear from you guys. I don't think anyone can really help me. It seems like you guys are my only friends left, and I need to get this out of me before it drives me into a deeper hole.

I didn't mean to make a bitchy life rant and sound like an underappreciative fuck. Its just hard to hold onto the "faith" that I'll be happy soon enough when I've been miserable for so long. I guess maybe I should stare at my name for a few minutes and let it sink in

Without going into a huge post, I'll just say I understand where you're at..............I've been sans gf for the past 2 years now and I FINALLY just recently met someone that I can see having something with...........you'll get there faithandhope...........it can just take some time....

[litopita Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close litopita]

Interesting thread over here. Lets see.

"Of course she is just trying to be happy, of course I'm fine with it"... No you are not. You are not fine with it. Otherwise why are you ranting about it?

"She isn't happy with herself, and has alot of fixing-up to do before she ever will be happy, alone or with someone... Shes looking for happiness in the wrong places"... I see. So you know whats right for her, right? And it is with you off-course, right? Are you reading what you are writing?

"She will want me back once her and her boyfriend break up... Maybe in 15 years I'll end up marrying her"... Hahaha. Sorry man but this was funny. Try reading it again from a different angle and see how funny it is. Seriously.

"Sometimes when we are together I kinda get lost looking at her, and I feel bad because I know her intentions aren't the same"... Unrequited love. Its a bad thing. To be truly honest, its pathetic.

"We don't have that jealousy shit going on"... Really? What is this entire post about? What was that message she sent about? Jealousy. As long as there is romantic love and infatuation, there is jealousy. These 2 can never be separated. Never.

"I just want her in my life, one way or another and that's all that matters"... Off-course. And thats where the problem comes from. You cant say that about an 18 year old girl and not expect problems. Big ones. Like now.

She sent a text saying you leave her alone. You do just that. You leave her ALONE! And to help you do that, you go out and find other girls and friends and be part of new social circles. When this kind of emotional stuff enters a friendship, the chances of salvaging the former friendship are almost none. The reason why friendships can easily last why romantic "relationships" rarely last is that word. EMOTION. Its powerful. It draws its power from subjugating logic to the backseat. And when logic goes out the window, everything goes out the window.

So my good man, leave the girl alone and look to make new friends, both girls and boys. You are a young man, there is till plenty of life ahead of you to be talking about marrying some 18 year old girl already with a boyfriend. WTF! If she comes back, she comes back as a "friend" to meet your other new friends.

PS: This is all my opinion by the way. I dont want to anger people on here anymore

Cheers

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

I would love to respond to you Litopia, but you unfortunately don't understand the situation. I'm not fine with her trying to be happy?

I never said I knew what was right for her. Its her life not mine, and I ALSO never said being with me was what is right for her.

I'm pathetic for being in love with someone? Fuck off

Her being jealous I was hanging out with her father and not her, is a completely different type of jealousy than if I were to be jealous of her boyfriend. Which I'm not, actually, which was a big point I tried to make because in my 2 legitimate relationships, jealousy was my big problem.

And, like I said, our friendship goes alot more than just a typical friendship. We don't hang out together in a group of people and I'm a sketchball scoping her out. No, we hang out alone, for long periods of time and do our own thing. Only other people we ever hang out with would be at her dads house, or the occasional 3rd person who is usually just third wheeling it cause they aren't on our level.

You say she told me to leave her alone as if she was saying it defensively, as if I was bothering her. That isn't the case, in any way, shape, or form.


"Hahaha. Sorry man but this was funny. Try reading it again from a different angle and see how funny it is. Seriously."

You don't need to come here and make a mockery of my life, either. I'd rather be ignored than have someone try to knock me down and get myself worked up over some guy through the computer.