New relationship question

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

I like him. He's the first man since my divorce that has caught my brain and my ovary lol

It's only been a week but I ditch in the first half hour usually.

I will not jump in the sack with this man. I don't want to mess this up. I don't know that he would think less of me if we did but I would of him. It's a causality.

My question is if we continue on our current pace ( talking daily. He texts daily. We have seen each other twice in a row and have plans for this weekend) would it be slutty to have phone sex after the first month?

What and how to people STOP at kissing if they are alone?

At our age, mature 40 something's, that seems unbelievable.

Or

Am I uncontrollable?

Ill masturbate daily to keep the edge off but in person I just don't see how I can control it.

And frankly I don't see how he would say no lol

[Revolved Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Revolved]

This is coming from an 18 year old, so bear with me.

i would say do what you want to do when you want to do it. If your with him and feel that uncontrollable desire, its probably for a reason. However, if your body is telling you one thing but your mind, emotion, or whatever it may be is contradicting that, the best thing you could do is explain it to him. He'll either respect it or leave. The response you get should be a pretty good indicator of whether you really want to be with him or not.

maybe you guys could just not go ALL the way at this point and time. Even if it seems juvenile, it will most likely result in great sex whenever you decide its time. Hopefully this helps you out. Dont stress it too much.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Wow your 18! Best answer ever. Lol

What a great point. Mind and body in sync rather than just body.

Yea it's def mind and body. I want to wait I'm just a bit oversexed and he will know that soon enough.
I'm really a nice lady I am. But what goes on in my mind and private area you guys hear about lol

Thanks for your post!

[Glamissand1 Senior Member Member of the Month March 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close Glamissand1]

Enjoy the ride Islander, the thrill of a fresh relationship is something us long term married people wish for. Don't worry so much about dating rules, it is just a way to ruin what you have going. This weekend is as good as any, if your worried about seeming easy just comment how he's got you so worked up that you just can help yourself. Glad to hear your doing well and have caught a good man!

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

I was keeping updated on your posts in the "Just talking" thread, sweet! Have fun. I'd wait, personally if I have sex with a girl within the first week or few of knowing her then i lose any interest in relationships (Most of the time) but then again I am only 20 years old.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Most "self help" women s books and blogs (I know full of crap) tell us women to wait three months at least. I am old enough to know it takes longer than that to get to know someone. People are very open with me. Those of you I know in person from here or online even know how easy it is for me to get all your information out of you hahahaha

I dont want him for a fling. I am happy to say. If I did then no problem, get tested, meet you Friday lol But he is not a fling type of guy. I know I sound like a guy here but I am the type of female that is very direct and does what I want etc..

This guy is it. He just has the right stuff. So I will wait as long as I can. Conceal my inner beast. Let enough out so he knows I am into him. I figure if we see each other three times a week when month two comes, along with all the back ground checks I have done lol, I will know enough not to regret it. Passion can come on in seconds as you all know. Doesn't mean you will ever like or love the person. I want to give my mind a chance to fall for him before my hormones take completely over.

Sure he could have some effed up thought process that will make me say oh shit, bye bye. I am just full of "lack of" its been almost two months for me so I guess I am a little extra horny lol I love how I can talk on here haha Thanks for listening to my crap.

I am excited again just at the fact that I wasn't scared, I didnt find the one thing wrong and ditch (I almost did to be honest while I was waiting for him he was late and then again with the flattering stuff he was saying after we met. My pen pal from here calmed my ass down)

Thanks again!!! I just hope clitoria makes it. Poor thing is going to get a work out hahahaha

Edit: Oh and check this out, NO he is not a bad boy at all! I know OMG!!!

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

PS Faith: Do you have that MA accent? I love that accent lol!

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

PS Faith: Do you have that MA accent? I love that accent lol!

haha I got the Boston accent. I talk like Matt Damon. You Fahkin' Fiyamen ahh a buncha fahkin' flamers! (You fucking firemen are a buncha fucking flamers) The Departed reference, yes

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Oh shit! Love that!!!!!

[MapleLeaflet Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MapleLeaflet]

Sounds like a lot of endorphins are in the system, judging by all the excitement. Which is good.

At your age, the first or tenth date rules do not generally apply. Men at this age stage will not view women who are open about sex as being promiscuous. If the only thing you talk about is sex, then maybe, but otherwise no... If there is mutual attraction, then sex can happen after the second or third date. Who cares? If there is good chemistry between the two of you, then the relationship will continue after this early sex adventure. If something is wrong, you will part your ways anyways, but at least you will have sex sooner rather than later. If the guy does not want to have sex sooner rather than later and finds some lame excuses not to bang you, then it means he does not really like you or there are some skeletons in his psychological closet. Maybe he is even a potential client of this website, who knows? Sexually healthy guys do not go on sexless fruitless dates for months or have boring lame phone sex - they act quickly by finding the right moment/excuse to get you in the bed.

Before you go all in for the wild sex (this is what you hope for, of course), I suggest you have two dates. On the first one, suggest him that you guys will do whatever he likes doing and ask him to plan it. On the second date (if there is one after the first one), you suggest to him that you guys will do what you like doing and you will do the planning. There, at the end of this second date, you can arrange the (optional, at your discretion) sexual trap for him to reward him and yourself for finding the mutually satisfying new relationship (unless he runs away from you earlier, but then who cares about him anyways!).

Good luck. It is good that some people are excited around here.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Hey leaf man thank you. We've already been on a few dates. Long ones. All went smashing.
I'm traveling a lot over this next month so to be fair here that's how the one month wait thing I said is possible lol

But I agree at our age go with what you feel. We like each other. We have good chemistry.

I am full of endorphins most of the time lol

Thanks for your post and yes I'm happy and my friends here know I've been thru some stuff so they are happy for me. It's really nice

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

My perspective on this matter (and any matter, frankly), is that our opinions don't mean anything.

Your relationship with him involves you, and him. And that's it. What certain actions mean or don't mean are to be defined by you two, not any of us. Our perspectives on your relationship don't make a bit of difference.

That being said, I would personally just bring up the topic. I'd talk about my concerns and see if he shared them, or if I'm worrying for no reason at all. To me, this is the act of defining things, communicating. And then I'd believe whatever answer he gives me. Because it's not my fault if he lies to me, but I can control whether or not I trust him.

[UpcomingStallion Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close UpcomingStallion]

Oh boy...in three weeks we'll see a thread titled "My new boyfriend is small, should I direct him to this site?" lol

On a serious note, the sex will be SOOO much better if your mind and body are both in it.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Hi Q. I know what you mean. I always do what I want.

You guys aren't reading all my replies lol

And no mister ill never post about a guy being small. I'd keep that to myself. Lol. Just kidding. What may come is an oh shit he is jealous possessive and had to let him go. I hope not. Time will tell.

Thanks guts

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Another day another marathon convo. I have found out some things. Only divorced a year but living apart for two years prior.
One relationship after the D lasted four months. She wanted marriage he said no.

Adult children still mad at him for divorcing so they cut him off. I don't like this but mine just reunited fully with his dad after two years of minimum contact so I understand. And I was the one who divorced!

Because I'm an over thinker I think his possessiveness will come out. I'm a strong character so lets see how he handles it.

No I won't let fear creap in. I'm just saying. As time goes on his actions will prove otherwise I hope. So far so good.

I really like the guy. I'm happy and looking forward to the stages.

I'm not lying but not forth coming. There is much he doesn't know. I feel my privacy is mine to disclose when the time is right.

The good news is he has no idea about me financially. He is well below half my pay grade but doesn't seem the type to be intimidated. He has a stand up job and I'm proud of what he does. As is he of his work.

I'm making sure he can't see me every day. That's an over kill.

I'm doing my best lol. Actually I'm the best I've ever been. As in best in all my years lol. That says something.

Happy