My wife and I have decided to end our marriage

[Captain Jack Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Captain Jack]

Well, I haven't been around the gym lately. And quite a bit has happened in my personal life. As I mentioned previously, I had some concerns about my wife's communication and our relationship. Well, we spent a lot of time talking about things lately--conversations started by both of us, not just me--and we uncovered a lot of things. Specifically, my wife isn't happy in our marriage anymore. We got married very young and never really got a chance to grow up outside of marriage. We've talked a lot about what we want and who we are. And we've decided that the best thing for both of us and for our kids is to be apart. We love each other, but we can't continue our lives this way. We'll end up resenting and disliking each other eventually. There is so much more that's involved in this that I can't even begin to cover, but there was no adultery or anything like that. We just came to a decision together that we aren't best as a couple, but that we are great friends and great parents and that we want to save those things.

So, that's it. I'll be single soon--for the first time since I was 17. And I'll be living on my own, for the first time ever!

It's scary. And it's emotional. We're both grieving. But strangely enough, we are communicating better now than we have in a very long time. And I know that I feel like a weight has been lifted. I'm optimistic for what the future holds and I know that as long as we keep communicating and keep our kids as our priority, we'll make it through this and will have many years of friendship and parenting together ahead of us.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Did you try marriage therapy?

[second lensman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close second lensman]

Wow, My sincere best wishes to you all. "This too will pass."
I hope you've given counseling a try. We all go thru tough times like this and you're definitely not alone!

[Captain Jack Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Captain Jack]

My wife really doesn't believe in counseling, but we were planning on it. But the more we talked and discussed our feelings and our wants and our needs, it just didn't seem necessary anymore. It was just apparent to both of us that being married to each other is not the right thing for either of us. I'm sure some people will think that's stupid or shitty or whatever, but it felt like the right decision. And we came to it together. And I thought that really said something.

Wow, My sincere best wishes to you all. "This too will pass."
I hope you've given counseling a try. We all go thru tough times like this and you're definitely not alone!

Thanks.

[Steneo Senior MemberPEGym Hero Member of the Month Dec 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close Steneo]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear this. I do hope you and her are able to follow through on being great friends and great parents together. I can tell you as a child of divorced parents that I've always been grateful that they were able to get along and parent together even many years after they separated - that is - not put me in the middle or try to be the "good one" thereby making the other as the "bad one". Best wishes to you in getting through this.

[draggin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close draggin]

Why are you getting divorced? All relationships suck, sometimes for years in a row. I recommend you work it out with your wife. Give her what she wants. And she gives you what you want also. You will have to work this shit out eventually anyway, regardless who you are with, so I say do it now and do it with your wife. Good luck.

[Captain Jack Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Captain Jack]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear this. I do hope you and her are able to follow through on being great friends and great parents together. I can tell you as a child of divorced parents that I've always been grateful that they were able to get along and parent together even many years after they separated - that is - not put me in the middle or try to be the "good one" thereby making the other as the "bad one". Best wishes to you in getting through this.

Thanks.

Why are you getting divorced? All relationships suck, sometimes for years in a row. I recommend you work it out with your wife. Give her what she wants. And she gives you what you want also. You will have to work this shit out eventually anyway, regardless who you are with, so I say do it now and do it with your wife. Good luck.

Like I said, there's a lot of stuff that I haven't written about. I appreciate your sentiments. I do. But I think this has been coming for a while. And we're feeling good about the decision.

[draggin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close draggin]

Is you wife hot? Maybe I can give her a call? (just kidding). Seriously, do you want other men dating your wife? It gets emotional and messy. On the kids too. I say work it out. The grass isn't greener on the other side (it's greener where you water it). Good luck.

[Captain Jack Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Captain Jack]

Is you wife hot? Maybe I can give her a call? (just kidding). Seriously, do you want other men dating your wife? It gets emotional and messy. On the kids too. I say work it out. The grass isn't greener on the other side (it's greener where you water it). Good luck.

Honestly, I want her to be happy. And it's pretty clear that her happiness is not with me right now. I want her to find happiness wherever it ends up coming from, and I understand that she'll date other guys. So when that happens, my only hope is that they make her happy and treat her well. I don't see any reason why we can be adults about it. But I do appreciate your input.

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

Really sorry to hear about this Captain. Have you talked to your kids about this? If so, how are they taking it? I'm sure I don't need to tell you this but I will anyway. Please make sure your children don't even think for a micro-second that they are the reason for the separation. They are the one's who may need counseling so keep a good eye on them and be sure you communicate with them.

[DaddyDick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close DaddyDick]

I remember when I almost got a divorce. I will not go into details, but I remember just having to wake up and go through the motions without much happiness for some time. Try not to let it hold you down for too long.

[faithandhope Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close faithandhope]

I am sorry to hear such a thing, life moves swiftly and in mysterious ways, but in the end everything always happens for a reason. You may not know it now my friend, but this is a blessing in disguise. Take it as such, it is good that you are positive. Stay true to yourself, and your children, realize the significance of life, and be able to release the past to set yourself free. Best of luck

[billybrown Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close billybrown]

Sorry for you Captain & I wish the best to you and to all involved.

[Jm123 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jm123]

Well, congratulations are in order, kind of. I hope you both will find the happiness every person deserves. It sounds like you are pretty astute emotionally, so I hope you take time to reflect and enjoy your new-found individuality. That way, you will not make the same "mistake" (lack of better word) twice.

I hope you two are trying a prolonged separation before making it official. Also since you are the guy and guy's generally get screwed (not saying it will happen, it just might) please sit down with your wife and make up a child support agreement (written) as soon as you are no longer living together. Whomever will be responsible for child support owes the minute you are separated. As I recall she was the one working and if there is joint custody, she would be the one responsible while you have the kids. Regardless make sure to take care of this, because if it gets ugly this is one area that often is a major pain.

[GTO Retired ModeratorPEGym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close GTO]

I often wonder why sometimes the first thing that's said when someone speaks of divorce is "I'm sorry" or "Oh no" ... why does it always have to be a negative thing?

Like Captain said, the two married young, hadn't had a chance to experience anything outside of themseves and they just weren't happy. No need of staying in a relationship just to say you are in one when you both are miserable. Resentment is an UGLY thing and will rip you both apart the longer it's not addressed. The both of them are happier now and still maintain a great relationship. Better to be apart and functioning/ happy than together and miserable. Divorce is not the end of the world. Kids are involved, which makes it much much more difficult and messy but I believe that seeing their parents happy will be a much better influene in their developement
than seeing them unhappy and miserable. As long as parenting and loving their kids is the focus, it can't be a bad thing.

I say 'congratulations' for the both of you figuring it out before it was too late.