Nervous

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

Ok honesty here.

The woman I'm going to Paris with is not expecting me to be exclusive with her (nor am I expecting her to be exclusive with me). This was expressly stated.

The other two are first dates. Is exclusivity expected after just one date?

I don't plan on lying or covering anything up.

Rationally speaking, this is fine. I've read your posts lots of times and you have a good handle on it. Exclusivity is not required for first dates, and casual sexual friendships are always in the goodbooks. The issue is if this new girl, Z, ends up becoming a bit more than just a first date prior to your Paris trip...

It could make things awkward for the girl you are with in Paris, and for Z, and wouldn't be fair for any of you. One or two dates without exclusivity is fine, even three or four in some cases, but there is no real science to this. You have to gauge where you are and decide what is appropriate right off the bat. Part of the issue is, even though there is no rational argument for exclusivity here, people get jealous. If Z hears you are flying to Paris with a girl you are in an open relationship with, that could spell trouble. If you don't tell her, that can also spell trouble. I mean, if you don't tell her... there is probably a reason, and something inherently wrong with the notion of a trip with another girl. If you do tell her, she can become jealous or start questioning how commited you are, even though exclusivity is not a subject yet.

This is an emotional argument, not a rational one. I think things can go well here, but you have to be careful. Think about the reverse: how might you feel if a girl you go on a few dates with and start really getting a monogamous attachment for tells you she's about to fly off with some other guy she's casually involved with to Paris for a sexual/romantic excapade?

If you were just interested in Z for a casual thing, that would work. She might be interested in that too, but it sounds like you want a bit more than that. You mentioned how this feels different. She also seems like a tough nut to crack... the kind of girl you really have to work for. Just keep your wits about you in this whirlwind of a romance called Qarzan's lifestyle

[MrHammer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MrHammer]

I would say, she is a 10/10 based on what I know about her so far, which is relatively little. I'll find out more about our compatibility on our date, which, after all, is the purpose of dating, right?

Fully agree, just don't waste a change with a possible 10, just because you normal tell people about what you are doing with other people.
Its a bit like if you would cheat on a girlfriend, wife, etc. If you don't tell, and nobody knows; in her world it never happened! So if you really love your women, you better hush that mouth. Often if you say more then needed, it might just bring pain. In other words, if you got away with it, you got away with it.

That being said, I am personally totally against cheating, and I have never done it, and never will. Just wanted to give a hard example

Good luck man, Sounds like you found a catch. Keep the post coming about how it went

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Rationally speaking, this is fine. I've read your posts lots of times and you have a good handle on it. Exclusivity is not required for first dates, and casual sexual friendships are always in the goodbooks. The issue is if this new girl, Z, ends up becoming a bit more than just a first date prior to your Paris trip...

It could make things awkward for the girl you are with in Paris, and for Z, and wouldn't be fair for any of you. One or two dates without exclusivity is fine, even three or four in some cases, but there is no real science to this. You have to gauge where you are and decide what is appropriate right off the bat. Part of the issue is, even though there is no rational argument for exclusivity here, people get jealous. If Z hears you are flying to Paris with a girl you are in an open relationship with, that could spell trouble. If you don't tell her, that can also spell trouble. I mean, if you don't tell her... there is probably a reason, and something inherently wrong with the notion of a trip with another girl. If you do tell her, she can become jealous or start questioning how commited you are, even though exclusivity is not a subject yet.

This is an emotional argument, not a rational one. I think things can go well here, but you have to be careful. Think about the reverse: how might you feel if a girl you go on a few dates with and start really getting a monogamous attachment for tells you she's about to fly off with some other guy she's casually involved with to Paris for a sexual/romantic excapade?

Thanks, Captain, for your well-worded response.

Yes, the possibility that [Z] will become a serious thing will cause problems with my trip to Paris, especially since it's 4 months away, and there's a lot that can happen in 4 months. I'd considered this possibility, and then decided not to jump the gun. As in, I'll first see how my first date goes with [Z].

I did tell [Z], during our chatting, that I'm going to Paris, and referred to the person who asked me as "she." It was a very bare-bones story, and I do think she picked up on it. I don't want to lie or withhold anything; honesty and responsibility is always best.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Yea you get nervous around women and I'm the Wizard of Oz!

[Boosie Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Boosie]

if they never found out it never happened. Just go with that m8.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

if they never found out it never happened. Just go with that m8.

Something irks me about this sentiment. What I've been telling people about my policy, is that I like to give people all the information I can in order for them to make an informed decision.

If [Z] makes a decision, without some important information, this is called in legal terms an "intentional omission of material fact," and constitutes fraud. For me, legal standards portray the MINIMUM standard for human conduct in society. I like to hold myself up to an IDEAL standard.

So at least if I tell her everything, she can make an informed, intelligent decision about where she is, and where I am, and either agree or not. And then you know what's possible out of this?

She could know about everything, and still say yes.

But if I don't tell her anything, she doesn't even have a choice, and pain/heartbreak is inevitable.

EDIT: And on top of this is how the situation affects me as well. Do I want to take it on myself to be the deceiver? It's true that if she doesn't know, she won't be hurt by it. But how will it affect ME knowing that I've withheld information from her? That's a burden I don't want to bear, a stressor that will weigh on my soul and prevent me from being fully present when I'm with either of them. And in my experience, anything that brings me out of the moment or causes a lack of full expression of myself, is simply not worth it.

[camaro Senior Member Member of the month June 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close camaro]

Do remember the right woman is worth more than all the tail in the world.And once she is gone, she is gone.Very rarely can you get her back, and if you do the scars will remain.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Do remember the right woman is worth more than all the tail in the world.And once she is gone, she is gone.Very rarely can you get her back, and if you do the scars will remain.

I believe that each person creates their own world according to their word. Not according to his thoughts, but according to his spoken and written word.

That being said, love as a scarcity, love as a rare and limited resource, is not a world I want to live in. I live in a world with abundance of love, not scarcity. That is my choice.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Can a 3/10 guy get a 10/10 girl?

if you are talking about the total package being a 3/10, then no.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Qarzan you should work on your girth to pleasure all those girls you're with... dang you're so lucky

Seriously, why would you even say that. you are the only person I have neg repped more than one time, keep it up. That was quite a demeaning comment and not needed at all.

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

I believe that each person creates their own world according to their word. Not according to his thoughts, but according to his spoken and written word.

That being said, love as a scarcity, love as a rare and limited resource, is not a world I want to live in. I live in a world with abundance of love, not scarcity. That is my choice.

Agreed. The world has a tonne of love, but unfortunately, all things require a counterbalance. There is also a lot of hate, but this is another topic for another time.

Finding a special someone is great, but why rush things? Some people have trouble finding compatible partners, which is part of why, when they do, they stick to it. I mean, hell, if you click you click, right?

But if you click with almost everyone you meet, that puts you in a different circumstance. It stops being about finding the perfect fit, and becomes a matter of when you feel you are ready to make a change. Some people in this category spend their entire lives just moving from one person to the next, and never become monogamous because they honestly don't feel the need to. Some do become monogamous in a romantic sense, but do not practice exclusivity. Others eventually choose to become exclusive.

I guess I am trying to say that everyone makes their own soul mates, as they need them, and there is often more than just one.

Z sounds like the kind of girl you could really build something with, but that doesn't mean you want to, need to, or should. First impressions really tell us a lot more about a person than people like to admit, but that doesn't mean impressions can't change. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, and as you already said: dating is about finding out how compatible you both are. Maybe she's a monogamous option, maybe she is fun on the side, or maybe she floats somewhere between the two. Maybe she is none of those things. Guess you'll find out eventually. If you are excited and nervous around her, consider it a rare treat.

The world is your oyster.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

I think you are handling this perfect, there is no reason to lie. Imagine if she ended up being the one you have forever. Best to be as honest as you can, it gives her the best information to base her choices on.

As far as the trip goes, if she ends up being the one you may just decide to not go to Paris or alter your plans. Best of luck with your choices and Z

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Seriously, why would you even say that. you are the only person I have neg repped more than one time, keep it up. That was quite a demeaning comment and not needed at all.

Thanks, BigO.

To be clear, I didn't see it as derogatory or demeaning. It's true that my girth is below average.

I can still make women cum on my cock.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Agreed. The world has a tonne of love, but unfortunately, all things require a counterbalance. There is also a lot of hate, but this is another topic for another time.

Finding a special someone is great, but why rush things? Some people have trouble finding compatible partners, which is part of why, when they do, they stick to it. I mean, hell, if you click you click, right?

But if you click with almost everyone you meet, that puts you in a different circumstance. It stops being about finding the perfect fit, and becomes a matter of when you feel you are ready to make a change. Some people in this category spend their entire lives just moving from one person to the next, and never become monogamous because they honestly don't feel the need to. Some do become monogamous in a romantic sense, but do not practice exclusivity. Others eventually choose to become exclusive.

I guess I am trying to say that everyone makes their own soul mates, as they need them, and there is often more than just one.

Z sounds like the kind of girl you could really build something with, but that doesn't mean you want to, need to, or should. First impressions really tell us a lot more about a person than people like to admit, but that doesn't mean impressions can't change. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, and as you already said: dating is about finding out how compatible you both are. Maybe she's a monogamous option, maybe she is fun on the side, or maybe she floats somewhere between the two. Maybe she is none of those things. Guess you'll find out eventually. If you are excited and nervous around her, consider it a rare treat.

The world is your oyster.

Thank you, CJ, for framing my perspective so well.

I also wanted to reword and restate my statements:

- I declare this world as a world abundant in love.
- I am committed to being in a world in abundance of love.
- I invite everyone who wants to live in such a world to join me in my declaration and commitment.

In order to make it real, if you're going to join me in this, you need to make it public. Tell people about it. Also, it has to change your actions. Do something about it.

So, in short:
1. Declare it.
2. Commit to it.
3. Tell people about it.
4. Do something about it.

[MrHammer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MrHammer]

I believe that each person creates their own world according to their word. Not according to his thoughts, but according to his spoken and written word.

That being said, love as a scarcity, love as a rare and limited resource, is not a world I want to live in. I live in a world with abundance of love, not scarcity. That is my choice.

Well... Words are good.. But actions matter so much more in my world. A lot of people are all words, and no action..

And I agree with BigO that so far you handling it pretty well.... But Just don't go and tell this girl that you are planning a "sex trip" to paris
Of course there is a change that she is a very smart, thoughtful woman, who understand you... But the odds is that she might not get you 100 %, so by telling too much might not be in your favor!
It's a bit like you would tell a girl that you wanna marry her on the first date... There is a very big change that you will not see her again. And its not that it would be a problem to marry her somewhere down the road.. But some stuff you just don't say.

It might be that you and I just have a bit different morals, Qarzan, but I honestly don't see anything bad in just not telling a person, you just started dating, that you also meet with another girl for coffee.