So what the hell is the issue with being nice??

[Steneo Senior MemberPEGym Hero Member of the Month Dec 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close Steneo]

What the hell happened to this thread?? I go do some work for couple of hours and there are now 6 pages on the merits of niceness? Forgive me, I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I didn't know being nice was so controversial

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Well I'mstuck at the computer while carpet is being installed so I had nothing to do so I thought I would actlike a jerk! Seems to be working.

[Cptchewy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cptchewy]

Push over/do boy - "I'll paint your garage, no no it's fine, really I want to, while having something they themselves need to be doing other than painting your garage, but because you called, they come running.
"Oh it's 3am and your boyfriend left you at the club, i'll come get you just stay put i'm on my way. "Yeah, i'll pick up your dry cleaning, "Yea I got luch this week, and next, and next."

Do boy and push overs are closely related, but even push overs get tired of the push, their thresh hold is just alot higher than a nice guy's. Do boys have no thresh hold they will continually go out their way to make that person happy, they have that need to be reassured that they are useful to whomever they attach themselves to, it's quite sad. Only fools continue to be used.

This is pretty much what I mean when I say the "Nice Guy". It's just a general term to describe these type of people. I've been there and it's not good.

Edit: To a woman with options. This guy will be dumped most of the time.

[CaptAbe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CaptAbe]

Well I'mstuck at the computer while carpet is being installed so I had nothing to do so I thought I would actlike a jerk! Seems to be working.

Are you trying to attract someone CUSP? I hear the Jerk quality still goes well with the school girls trying to defy their parents.


It's all about balance I guess, overly nice is not good, but not nice enough and your're a jerk/arrogant bastard. Asshole have no times for these games, take us or leave us.

~Abe

[akaTrex Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close akaTrex]

Agree completely - but the key line is "win over"

Idiots generally don't do the chasing. They get chased. It's almost like they're doing the girl a favour by talking to her. Even though she's way more attractive than them.

Which is why people never understand it.

But it happens. Why? Weird evolution stuff

When you treat a women like she's meaningless to you, and insignificant in your life, it generally just drives them nuts.

But it has to be from the heart - you have to truly believe they mean nothing to you, and they're nothing special, and you don't care if you ever see them again.

Any sign of weakness hear, on the idiot front, and it's picked up immediately by their freaky spider sense. The gig is up

The girl has to truly believe you have complete disdain for her

Ahhhh Youth!

Reminds me of........

kungfu210.jpg

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

My Dear Sweet Dick Whammy,

There are various emotional, psychological and even biological reasons why women may initially be attracted to “jerks”. Now, there is no point in listing those reasons at this time because that isn’t the point of this thread nor is it about distinguishing the differences between “nice guys” and “jerks”.

I will, however, tell you this: while “jerks” may be good for a few dates or even the occasional tryst, they don’t typically make the cut as spouses. Nope. That honour is reserved for “nice guys” only. Women know this.

So never, ever apologize for being a "nice guy". In fact, "nice guys" should probably thank "jerks" for behaving the way they do because the contrast between "jerk" behaviour and their own is what gets them the girl in the end.

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

Push over/do boy - "I'll paint your garage, no no it's fine, really I want to, while having something they themselves need to be doing other than painting your garage, but because you called, they come running.
"Oh it's 3am and your boyfriend left you at the club, i'll come get you just stay put i'm on my way. "Yeah, i'll pick up your dry cleaning, "Yea I got luch this week, and next, and next."

Do boy and push overs are closely related, but even push overs get tired of the push, their thresh hold is just alot higher than a nice guy's. Do boys have no thresh hold they will continually go out their way to make that person happy, they have that need to be reassured that they are useful to whomever they attach themselves to, it's quite sad. Only fools continue to be used.

This is pretty much what I mean when I say the "Nice Guy". It's just a general term to describe these type of people. I've been there and it's not good.

Edit: To a woman with options. This guy will be dumped most of the time.

These things violate rules of power (as outlined in the 48 Laws of Power) Using absence (or in this case emotional aloofness) to increase respect, making others come to you, conceal your intentions, and demonstrate that people value what others value.

The Do-boy's attention is omnipresent, which makes it common and not a rare commodity. If the Do-boy began restricting his attention, it would become more valuable to those who have grown accustom to a plentiful supply.

Of-times women will go after the guy who appears not to care what other think because if she can get the guy to care about what she thinks, she is special (different) unlike the common person; i.e. his attention to a single woman is rare therefore if it is concentrated on a single woman, it therefore makes her rare.

If the nice guy desires to increase his value in the eyes of a girl he seeks to attract, he should give her less attention (reduce the supply). Make her wonder where he has been and what he is doing. If while she is asking herself these things she sees other women paying him attention, his value also increases (because she sees there is a demand).

[camaro Senior Member Member of the month June 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close camaro]

I believe the nice A-Hole is what you should aim at.A genuine person who throws a bit a spice around, just to keep things interesting.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

Well a guy did say that nice guys finish last. Then some guy, I think he was spanish named Jesus, said " the last shall be first and the first shall be last". I'm going to try and be nice; maybe that spanish guy has it right. Besides then I'll be on Santa's good list.

that song was a joke, cusp

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

may avatar is just awesome by the way

[Cptchewy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cptchewy]

These things violate rules of power (as outlined in the 48 Laws of Power) Using absence (or in this case emotional aloofness) to increase respect, making others come to you, conceal your intentions, and demonstrate that people value what others value.

The Do-boy's attention is omnipresent, which makes it common and not a rare commodity. If the Do-boy began restricting his attention, it would become more valuable to those who have grown accustom to a plentiful supply.

Of-times women will go after the guy who appears not to care what other think because if she can get the guy to care about what she thinks, she is special (different) unlike the common person; i.e. his attention to a single woman is rare therefore if it is concentrated on a single woman, it therefore makes her rare.

If the nice guy desires to increase his value in the eyes of a girl he seeks to attract, he should give her less attention (reduce the supply). Make her wonder where he has been and what he is doing. If while she is asking herself these things she sees other women paying him attention, his value also increases (because she sees there is a demand).

The 48 Laws of Power is something I've never heard of until now.

I really did not realize at the time that I was behaving like this. (put my head down in shame) All I can do is try to learn from my mistakes.

[loyalwolf Member Find all posts View Profile Close loyalwolf]

I am respectful, helpful, patient, polite you name it but I will stand for what I believe and protect my family physically or verbally. I consider myself a "Nice Guy" but dont piss me off!

I am there with you man !

[Deadcat83 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Deadcat83]

My Dear Sweet Dick Whammy,

There are various emotional, psychological and even biological reasons why women may initially be attracted to “jerks”. Now, there is no point in listing those reasons at this time because that isn’t the point of this thread nor is it about distinguishing the differences between “nice guys” and “jerks”.

I will, however, tell you this: while “jerks” may be good for a few dates or even the occasional tryst, they don’t typically make the cut as spouses. Nope. That honour is reserved for “nice guys” only. Women know this.

So never, ever apologize for being a "nice guy". In fact, "nice guys" should probably thank "jerks" for behaving the way they do because the contrast between "jerk" behaviour and their own is what gets them the girl in the end.

This answer seems to make the most sense out of everything discussed.

If your goal is to pound a girl out, then be a dick. If you are looking for something more, then at the very least, find a balance.

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

The 48 Laws of Power is something I've never heard of until now.

I really did not realize at the time that I was behaving like this. (put my head down in shame) All I can do is try to learn from my mistakes.

The 48 Laws of Power: Robert Greene: 9780140280197: Amazon.com: Books
It is a really good, but long, read. You'll really start to see how people intuitively use these methods to gain advantage in social interactions.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

I think the whole bad boy/nice guy extends wayyyy deeper than that^
Many bad boys get married.

It's not the being *nice* that is bad, it's the underlying reason for your niceness. In the PUA community, there's the common guy-buys-a-girl-a-drink. That's nice, isn't it? But why is he doing it? Is he doing it because he wants something from her? In most cases, yea that's exactly why he's doing it. That's seen as manipulative and if you ask girls, they'll tell you they don't like it.
I know girls who go to clubs bringing only money for cover charge because they know guys will just trip over themselves to buy them drinks. These girls I talk to have a particular kind of disrespect for guys like that.
Does that mean you should never ever ever under any circumstance ever buy her something? Of course not - that's absurd. I like buying things for people. But why am I doing it? Well, usually because I feel like they deserved something. If they did something really cool, or whatever. It's coming from a totally different place. I'm very unlikely to buy something for a total stranger, you know? They have to earn it some how.

Nice guy is often associated with weakness. That does NOT mean being *nice* is weak. the "nice guy" is a just a term used for a special sort of guy. You can replace the words 'nice guy' with 'wuss-bag' if you want. He probably doesn't have a lot of self esteem, lets people walk over him, manipulates in 'nice-guy' ways (like above), and is probably passive aggressive and can't express himself well. He likely doesn't have clear boundaries and is afraid to try new things and probably has a lot of sexual hangups.
A bad boy is another kind of guy and it usually is associated with abusiveness. He might demonstrate certain characteristics of attractiveness (such as being aloof, being unpredictable, not giving a shit what people think) but he does have that very dark element of abuse about him.
^Neither of these guys are the ideal, by the way. This isn't a one-or-the-other kind of thing.

You can have elements of both. Be aloof, don't care what she thinks, but have a genuine caring and compassion for her. Not because you want something, but because you're a nice, decent human being. If you can give a person a compliment without expecting *anything* in return, that compliment means so much more.
I used to work at this one club and the beer bin girl was always dressed really nicely. She must have spent a small fortune on her evening wear collection. I noticed this and brought it up. I said something like, "Hey, I noticed you always have the nicest dress from anyone in the bar. You really manage to combine sexiness with class. I think you have great style." Or something to that effect. Then, I turned back to my job.
She just stood there, stunned. Then she held onto my arm and said "that's a really nice compliment. Thank you." It was like I just made her day.
I didn't want anything from her. I just said something nice because I noticed. It was genuine. It's not like i prepped that line and rehearsed it and thought, yea, she'll dig me for this. I wasn't trying to get her approval. I just wanted to say something nice - and she really appreciated it.
So the bad boy in me doesn't give a fuck what she thinks - "i'm GIVING this to you because that's what *I* want." But the nice guy in me says, "okay, but let's make it real and genuine."

Look at CUSP's posts. He's that nice guy/bad boy duo that women like. He says what he wants, when he wants it, no matter how stupid it is. He flirts, he jokes, he has a good time. But there is this underlying "I care" message in each one of his posts - even the ones where he's calling a person a dumbass. It's clear as day.