opinions?

[HoldMyRod Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HoldMyRod]

So I've been with this girl for 8 months, 9 if you include the month we talked (im 18 she's almost 18). She has a really nasty past and i dont know if i should leave her for it. When we got together i was a virgin, i knew she wasn't but i was okay with that. To sum up everything she's done she lost her v card at 14 to someone she wasn't dating, she fucked an 18 year old at a party when she was 15 and drunk but then fucked him two nights later willingly, she fucked a 14 year old at 16 years old multip times but they were dating this time, then she broke up with him and started fuckin a 26 year old with two kids just a week later. She's also given a 22 year old head at a party and was really easy when we got together. She was a very flirty person and obviously very sexual but in the time we've been together she's changed. She isn't flirty anymore and she really does try her best to make me happy but her past is really hard to get over. Anyone else been in a situation like this or have any advice?

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

to the Gym HoldMyRod!

She was a very flirty person and obviously very sexual but in the time we've been together she's changed. She isn't flirty anymore and she really does try her best to make me happy but her past is really hard to get over.

Past is the operative word here, whats past is past, you weren't together at the time (in a relationship) so it's hers and hers only, nothing to affect your relationship, especially that she is doing her best for you now isn't she.

People grow, and learn from their past, we all make mistakes (assuming that you consider her past a mistake) but we learn from them and that makes us better persons.

My advise is that you get it out of your head, and try to cherish the present with a girl who is obviously trying to keep you, win you over, and grow with you, don't let a past stand in the way of the present and the future.

I think she loves you, try to love her back, or be straight about your issues and talk to her, but I hope you don't mess up a good opportunity for a good relationship based on ghosts of the past.

[Mr.Happy Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mr.Happy]

Hmm, my advice would be to drive on with her. So what, she has a past - we all do. Based on what you are saying she has been 'changing' her ways. At 18 you have a LOT to learn, especially about relationships, so relax and enjoy her for as long as it lasts.

[someone_like_u Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close someone_like_u]

Hey HoldMyRod. Welcome to the gym

I'm quite like you that I had no past and my husband was with a few other girls before me. We're married(+15 yrs now) and I've never thought twice about those other girls, what he did with them, or any of that other stuff. I just don't care. He's with me, because he wants to be with me. He makes me happy and his past is what made him into the wonderful man I get to call mine.

I don't know how you found out all this info on her, but if she openly told you, WOW! Be grateful. She trusts you enough with all that personal info and she feels safe with you to share. That's wonderful! Don't let her past stop you two from seeing where your relationship will go. She might be the one you spend the rest of your life with.

Oh, and no, I've never regretted not having any other partners.

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

Welcome to the Gym HoldMy Rod! As everyone else has said the past is the past, she did not know you and her life was a mess according to her. You seem to believe her but resent her having experience when you did not (or at least that is how is coming across). You both are young and who know how this will go, the important thing on any relationship is communication and trust, she obviously trust you to have told you the information, if you really feel she has changed and treats you as you want to be treated and loves you, then you need to move on emotionally. I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.

[aBone2pick Senior Member Member of the Month July 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close aBone2pick]

The past is the past, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be cautious. Make her earn your trust or you could end up hurt really badly. I would honestly ask yourself some serious questions, "does she drink, and do I trust her while she's drunk?"

You are obviously here for real advice, not to visit an online unicorn petting zoo full of fluffy lies. Only you know if she's worth it, love is priceless, but your heart is priceless too. So the real question is, is she worth risking your heart?

[Mrs. workin_4_it Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mrs. workin_4_it]

If she had any type of "daddy issues" then she was probably looking for male attention. In most cases, when a young girl does those things she is looking for attention and love even though she received the wrong type of attention it's still attention. Drinking or doing drugs is a way to escape. If she has stopped drinking, then she has stopped running from her problems.

It sounds like she has settled down and is getting all of the attention that she needs from you. For her to open up about her past shows how much she trust you. Instead of her thinking that you would judge her for it, she knew that you wouldn't.

The past belongs in the past. You wouldn't want things you did when you were young to still affect you to this day would you?

[Bigdaddy55 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bigdaddy55]

You're young. Unless you marry a virgin relatively soon, the women you date will have a past. The older you get, she will have more experiences and do stuff like that. I'm married now, but even in my mid 20's many women had kids, had had multiple partners and even a fling or two. You say she tries to make you happy. That is one of the most important things, because it means she's not selfish. The most important question you need to ask yourself is: do you trust her? If yes what are you worried about? If you can't then it's time to move on.

[draggin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close draggin]

Are you kidding? That chick sounds awesome! As long as she is loyal to you only, I'd take her over a million virgins with no past. Hands down.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

I am all in for the forget the past stuff. I usually say forget the PST myself but at 17 she's had more dick in her than a Yankee stadium urinal.

Be sure of why your with her and give her a fair chance but do it if she is truly what you want. At 18 you don't need a serious relationship.

Do you trust her out of your sight for a week, if not you have your answers.

[jstane45 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jstane45]

I'm in agreement with the folks above. For one, it's the past. And two, you've already recognized that she changed, so it's hard to see what relevance it has to the present or future, unless you're not fully convinced that she's actually changed.

I think we've all seen people that do things and lead a certain lifestyle when they're young, and as happens with everyone (okay, maybe just most), they get older and change, make different decisions, and have altered priorities and incentives. That concept is so ingrained and fundamental that it's one of the most established rules of evidence in the practice of law. It's what we call character evidence, and because it's been so well established that past conduct cannot predict future conduct with enough certainty, it's inadmissible in trials and other hearings.

I recognize the circumstances are completely different, but it's a concept of universal application, and obviously you're free to institute harsher standards if you like, but remember, harsher often means more unfair.

And if it's worth anything to you, I'll mention that I'm one person that's changed very dramatically, just so you know people really do change. If I had been shunned or discriminated against for my past actions I would certainly enjoy far less happiness than I do today. On the same subject of sex, I lost my virginity at 12 to a 22 year old, something that triggered a 15 year stretch of seducing women at rate that now alarms me when I look back. Thankfully, when I realized the shallowness of it all and wanted something different, my now wife accepted my past and trusted I was becoming someone different. If she had not done that I don't know what my life would be like now. And I truly have changed. Never have I done anything to violate her trust, and I don't intend to.

So I guess the bottom line is you not only need to accept it, and get past it, but realize that it has zero relevance to your relationship with her and your future as a couple. All of us here on Pegym see these same posts with regularity, always worried about a partner's past, yet always failing to explain why it matters. In most instances, I think you'll find that it doesn't.