Called off the Engagement

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

Sounds like she dodged a bullet: Overly sensitive and caring at times, allows tension to build over trivial details, then snaps!!

Imagine that playing out every 8 months. She may have liked the "nice guy" but can she stand the passive aggressive, silent treatment, and absolutism of his ultimatums?

Is she willing to accept that activity into her household; in other words, show her daughter that it is OK to accommodate that behavior?

Is she willing to accept the same behavior might happen when B disagrees with her daughter?

Better to leave that whole thing alone.

[Closed039 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Closed039]

Sounds like she dodged a bullet: Overly sensitive and caring at times, allows tension to build over trivial details, then snaps!!

Imagine that playing out every 8 months. She may have liked the "nice guy" but can she stand the passive aggressive, silent treatment, and absolutism of his ultimatums?

Is she willing to accept that activity into her household; in other words, show her daughter that it is OK to accommodate that behavior?

Is she willing to accept the same behavior might happen when B disagrees with her daughter?

Better to leave that whole thing alone.

Yeap its true...I agree he just snapped. Its interesting that she went from complete scumbag who at least was easily identifiable as a piece of shit, to this dude who outwardly was very nice but clearly has some issues. And as you point out, there is no reason to think these freakouts wouldn't continue throughout the relationship and marriage.

Of course I won't get involved, but it is all ladyskeptic insists on talking about for the past few days, and I really have nothing to say back to her besides "he's either crazy or we don't know something."

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

I am in my mid 20s (God, really??) and am dating the girl of my dreams who is in her mid to early 20s as well. Don't worry, I didn't call off the engagement with her. This is about her friend, and I am really perplexed by what happened. Sorry if this turns into a long post.

Some background: My girlfriend has two very close friends, both the same age as her, both of whom have serious boyfriends. So the 6 of us have triple dated a few times lately. Her one friend, A, has been dating her boyfriend (who is a good friend of mine prior to connection through the girls) for about 4 years now. Her other friend, B, has a 3 year old daughter with a low life piece of shit, but had recently started dating the man of her dreams about 9 months ago. B's boyfriend proposed to her - and in a very cute gesture, to her daughter as well - about 1 month ago, so 8 months or so after beginning dating.

I don't know this kid that well but he was extremely nice to the point where I literally hinted that there was something wrong with this guy. He had no edge to him whatsoever. I am not trying to make this an "I was right all along" thread or say "nice guys don't exist" or whatever, I am just including how nice this guy was and how accommodating he always was to her needs because it is my theory that he just finally snapped. He's in his late 20s and has a steady, good, job.

Anyway, B and her fiance had never had so much as one serious fight in their relationship. A whole bunch of disagreements came up between the two of them over the wedding, according to my girlfriend it was over nearly everything. So they fought about it and didn't speak for a few hours. Finally she called him at an attempt at reconciliation and he said, "you know what, just give me the ring back." At first my gal and I both thought he said this in anger and not realizing the ramifications of what he was saying, but no. He persisted and in fact refused from then on to see or even speak to B. He sent one text to her a number of times, "return the ring to my mom," which a sobbing B did. They have not spoken since.

How crazy is that? This guy went from, that day, loving her (he sent her a nice morning text) and hours later called off the engagement entirely. If you're thinking he wanted to back out for a while, I should add that the night before he put a 1k downpayment on the engagement party. And much of the disagreement arose from him wanting to book the wedding ASAP, and her saying she wanted to take her time and find the right place!

I can't make any sense of it. I keep thinking there is something else there, something missing, but my girlfriend swears there isn't and I believe her. I am wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this and if they have ever heard of or experienced anything like this. In my opinion he didn't act like a man at all. I think he is impulsive (engagement after not enough dating time, wants to book the weddings ASAP, calls off the engagement without much consideration) but seriously, could that be all there is?

The short of it: Girlfriend's friend's fiance called off the engagement for no discernible reason.

Well, as someone who is actively planning a wedding and is engaged, I can tell you that if he called off the engagement over a disagreement, then he isn't the man she thought he was and to thank her lucky stars she found out he was this irrational now BEFORE saying "I do" and committing herself to a lifetime with what appears to be a very immature, spoiled brat of a man.

My fiancee and I haven't fought over any aspect of our wedding plans. Granted, this is the second go round for both of us but we're both in our 40's and from my vantage point, she can have whatever she wants......as long as she said "I do" when she's prompted, that's all I care about....lol

This guy is a dousche and while she's hurting now, she'll be grateful some time down the line that he pulled this "Jekyl and Hide" shit now as opposed to being legally attached to him and then finding this out.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Funny how you all are siding with the women in this case without knowing much of anything about the situation. You said he was a nice guy that suddenly ended the relationship. So when a nice guy ends a relationship he's still somehow the dick. Maybe you should take a closer look at your gf's friend, maybe she's not quite the person she seems.

This is certainly true but most NORMAL and RATIONAL guys don't just snap and call off an entire wedding because of some minor disagreement.............he's got some issues (not that she doesn't as islander pointed out) but to call off what is supposed to be one of the biggest and best days of one's life over a disagreement? Then his love for her wasn't as deep or true and she thought.

I said it above too, she dodged a bullet there.....

[CLOSEDDennyA Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CLOSEDDennyA]

This aimless speculation is soooo pointless..the only one that knows is him and maybe her, this is just building a soap opera around it....obviously he is secretly a woman who couldn't afford the gender reassignment surgery and she runs a high end prostitution ring.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

How can you really be sure it was one incident . Even if B is telling the truth as she knows it, she may have done any number of negative things without even knowing it . For all we know she said her ex had a bigger dick lol.

[aBone2pick Senior Member Member of the Month July 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close aBone2pick]

How can you really be sure it was one incident . Even if B is telling the truth as she knows it, she may have done any number of negative things without even knowing it . For all we know she said her ex had a bigger dick lol.

We may have a new member here, shortly.

[camaro Senior Member Member of the month June 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close camaro]

Uff.....this is why i have sworn off marriage.Such a complicated affair.

[actionbuddy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close actionbuddy]

According to most etiquette guides, at modern weddings, we are supposed to "Congratulate" the groom, and just wish "Good Luck" to the bride... And, it's considered a faux pas to do the opposite... Kinda a pathetic judgement of heterosexual men, I think.

If you look at the statistics, for Americans, at least, the news is not joyful: Divorce in America [infographic]

Now that "Marriage Equality", i.e. Same-sex marriage, is in the news, daily, I suspect that same-sex divorce rates will probably be facing the same, or similar statistics... Great news for lawyers!

A couple of friends recently spent $35,000 on their over-wrought churchy wedding, and then were divorced within the same year.

Sorry to sound cynical, but, why buy the cow when you are already getting the milk?

Oh, alright... I guess there's that thing where two people are actually, totally in love with each other, and it's not just a show to please other people... Sure hope they are the ones that bring new human beings onto our over-populated planet...

A/B

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I am impressed he managed to get the ring back.

[Wang McDiddledong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wang McDiddledong]

A weird story, by all means.

But I know a similar story. One friend of mine, no matter who his parner is or how long he's been with her, acts like a total nice guy and knight in shitty armor. All the time. But when his first wife (very hot + golddigger) did a number on him with a hung Buddist she was giving English lessons to, he wasted no time in telling her to pack her shit and get the fuck outta the house. Even though, being the nice guy that he is, he went over to her parents' house in an attempt to "save the situation", she would have none of that and they were divorced like three months later.

Of course, he is such a great son-in-law that the girl's parents still regularly invite him to grills and are rather unenthusiastic about meeting the new guy (whom incidentally the girl intends to marry in September). Things actually are so that the girl's parents, as well as her beloved younger sister (also hot) have turned on her and actually support the guy. Everyone blames her for being the immature, unfaithful, spoiled bitch that she is.

I, however, while not absolving her of her guilt, can't say I don't understand her at all. Women need to be satisfied every now and then, and he would not only go on remote business trips quite often, but act like a total doormat most of the time, so no wonder she rapidly got disimpressed with him. Worst of all, he's kept on making the same mistakes in all his subsequent relationships (all of which end rather quickly, few months tops. He's 31 btw).

But even nice guys have their pride and perhaps an even more delicate ego than your average bloke. There's only so much they can take, and this is not the only story I know of a guy finding out his wife has been cuckolding him and starting divorce arrangements instantly. So your friend B probably did a number on her fiance, which he just felt too proud do admit to, because it broke him all the more given how good he's been to her. Nice guys tend to expect gratitude proportional to their kindness: the more I do for her, the more she should logically love me. So his utter devastation upon finding out may have been THE major factor in his abrupt decision.

[MrPriapus Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MrPriapus]

When a nice guy ends the relationship in the manner he did, yes he is "still somehow the dick." I sincerely hope you don't think that a text message and short phone call is any way to break off an engagement. And nobody is saying that him choosing to discontinue the relationship is a problem, so you shouldn't argue against that. Here, this may help you in the future Straw man - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

As I have acknowledged, I don't know if something else happened that might explain his behavior, and again I would redirect you to the OP.

Sorry I'm not telling you what you want to hear. This is not a debate, I'm just saying that you don't know the guy, and have seemingly represented his personality with your own preconceived notions and his supposed actions told to you through a third party. I don't know the guy and I don't know you, but I'm skeptical of people who tell an extremely one-sided view of a situation.

However he got out of the situation, it sounds like he's the one who dodged the bullet.

[MrPriapus Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MrPriapus]

Thank you. I didn't want to say it, but yea, why the f*ck would a successful guy in his late 20s marry a woman with a child. That's completely asinine.

[camaro Senior Member Member of the month June 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close camaro]

Padawan has a very interesting philosophy regarding marriage.One that makes increasing sense to me now....