Just broke up from a 2 year relationship !!!!!

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

I don't want to give too much details. Me and my girlfriend were together the past two years. We had our issues. I was insensitive on a lot of occasions but I always made sure i apologized. I was very close to her dog as well, a Labrador retriever.

However, a few days back we quarelled and left (I won't mention it, my fault though). I tried to patch things but she told me she's had enough of it and made a decision to end the relationship.

I tried my best to patch things up but she doesn't want to.

She told me it hurts her so much that she doesn't want to be in the relationship.

I have our last few text messages between us if you want me to type them down.

It sucks right now. I have been in three previous broken relationships and I can use that experience right now.

But I find it hard to get over it right now. So many memories between her and me and the things we used to do. It became a routine and now I am all confused and can't think straight.

How can a person who loves you end the relationship ? I may have been unemotional towards her (not all the time) but I still love her.

I am assuming somewhere down the line she lost all interest in me and wants to end the relationship because her ending the relationship based on her being hurt too much doesn't seem right and I am not buying it.

These are her last texts:

"I'm sorry I can't go back on my words now. I've made a decision and if you ever loved me please respect it. I've had enough now."

I was in no way clingy or emotional. I was actually the opposite. I kept my calls to a decent minimum. She always complained that I didn't give her enough attention. My fault would be that I complained about her on various occasions regarding various aspects (not all the time). But these things happen in relationships and we are supposed to work it out. I even pointed out that I made mistakes. I ACCEPTED my mistakes. I told her sorry that I had walked out on her (twice) after our problems.

I don't know what's going on .....

Was she planning on ending the relationship or was it abrupt on her side as well ?

This is total horse sh*t, I don't need this in my life right now. It all feels like a dream, being in a relationship the past two years and now I am single again (unexpectedly), don't know how to handle myself (emotionally). I had this sense of denial that we could not break up, then I feel emotionally fu*ked. We both had plans of marrying each other. She wanted to marry quickly but I told her to wait a few years so we can learn about each other and make sure we are right for each other. She even told her friends that we will be marrying soon. It was the night before our breakup, she had gone out with her friends for dinner and they had asked her when she would be marrying. I need to get over it quickly and function normally. This feeling really sucks. It's like a dark emptiness (experienced it before) that clings to me and clouds my mind and decreases my functioning level.

I don't even feel like talking to anyone. I don't have the energy to even communicate and I have to fake that. I just feel like being alone by myself and go through these emotions on my own. I was planning on marrying her after two or three years.

We aborted twice during a course of 8 months. She wanted to keep the baby, but I didn't. I think i made her go through a lot. But i love her, but it seems i didn't show it to her appropriately like the way she wanted me to.

No matter how experienced you think you are with breakups, it always hurts (but with a little more self control. However, i believe that windows of opportunities are open to me and i want to look ahead in life and not back at the rearview mirror.

I know whatever happened happened for a very good reason and that more beautiful experiences and opportunities lay ahead for me.

[Sean Jacobs Retired Moderator Member of the Month Dec 2012PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Sean Jacobs]

I'm very sorry about your situation SLAL. I hope things get better for you soon.

[TastyFelloW Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TastyFelloW]

If you really really love her and you are designed for each other, I think that now is the time to make something very stupid to win her back, but don't have any expectations, just give your best.

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

Sorry to hear about your relationship, I just ended a 3.5yr relationship with my Exfiance, things like this are never easy.

Its hard to give advice in a situation like this, but I'm hung up on her text and your description if your interactions, "if you ever loved me...". Coupled with your own admission, it sounds like your true feelings towards her either weren't expressed enough, or not in a way that made her feel safe, secure, and loved.

Youve also mentioned that you were insensitive on many occasions, and that she aborted twice, and it was a split decision. That alone can put a tremendous stress on her and the relationship especially to an extreme degree if this was a topic you were insensitive about. Does she blame you? You said she wanted the baby, does she grieve or feel remorse or guilt over that?

Based on the limited information, it sounds like you failed to communicate your feelings effectively. I would suggest telling her how you feel, hold nothing back and open it all up. Even if you beg her back, if she senses you holding back and remaining closed off it could put her off. Let it all out, put yourself out there, it's the only thing you can do. It may be enough, and it may not. If she is emotionally done, it may be too late as it was in my relationship, except opposite.

[aplay69 Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close aplay69]

Sorry to hear about what has happened between you and your girl. Starting over is never easy and at times frightening. But these things happen. It is the cycle of life. "Everything that has a beginning has an end." I know that this doesn't help you, but it is what it is.

The biggest complaint women have about men is that we don't communicate well, we don't listen, and we don't spend enough time with them. Which for the most part is true. It's just the nature of a man. Most women understand this and has learned to tolerate it. But they do have their breaking point.

Give your girl some time to process what has happened. She may just need a break. Some time to sort things out. Give her that. I can assure you that this is just as difficult for her as it is for you. Crowding her is not the answer.

I don't know you or your girl. But judging by the way you wrote your post, I sense that anger played a part in the break-up. Women don't just end a long term relationship out of the clear blue sky. There is a lot that you are not telling. And since I don't know her side of the story I wont take sides.

If you have any hopes of mending this relationship you need to find out what went wrong. This time listen to what she has to say and accept it as being the truth from her perspective. Otherwise you are doomed to repeat it in your next relationship.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Hey, SirLaL,

Sounds like you've gone through a lot with this woman in the past 2 years, and she means a lot to you. It also seems like you have a lot of emotions happening right now. Totally understandable and normal for that to be happening right now.

If you don't want to talk to anyone about it, how about writing it down? All these thoughts in your head about how it's all bullshit, how it was so abrupt for you, all of the blaming and hurt and pain... that's all acting as a cloud over what really matters, and what can really make a difference between you and her right now.

And that thing is: you love her.

Not necessarily that you have to be in a relationship with her, but you love her. Pure and simple, unconditional. Anything other than that is just emotional crap from you being hurt. It will get in the way of you expressing what she really means to you, and will actually act to the opposite of what you want: she will distance herself from your emotional spewing and backlash.

And, before she can actually listen to you, you have to really, fully, truly understand her. Right now, her guard and defenses are up. There is a wall. The most effective way I know to lower someone's defenses is to lower your own first. No more blaming, no more pointing fingers and wondering what the hell is wrong with her. There's nothing wrong with her.

When she tells you something, paraphrase what she said back to her. And then wait. Wait for her to say more. And then paraphrase that as well. You will have the urge to explain, question, justify, defend, and argue. Don't.
Just keep listening and paraphrasing, until she has nothing else to say. She will stop only when she feels that you understand her. You understanding her is not enough; she has to feel that you understand her.

You can do this by not only paraphrasing what she says, but also saying what you think her experience was like. And then, even deeper, take a guess at what she wants from life that makes her experience that way. It looks something like this:

[paraphrase what she said] "Ok, so I hear that you've made a decision and want me to respect it. [what her experience is like] I can tell that your experience is like being backed against a wall with nowhere to go. [what she's committed to] You're committed to being in a respectful relationship with healthy boundaries. Is that right?"
(This is just my guess at the one text message you revealed to us; it's also just an example to show you the format. Please don't use it if it doesn't reflect what's going on.)

That's the best advice I can give right now. This works for all kinds of relationships: friends, lovers, family, co-workers, bosses, everyone.

If you'd like more specific advice or coaching, feel free to PM me.

[DreamOn Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close DreamOn]

You made her go through abortion twice? Within the course of 8 months? Did I understand that right?

[Thedorkykid Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thedorkykid]

We're not here ridicule people on life choices Dreamon.
Give the situation some time and her to, think about diffrent ways to approach her maybe with some thought you can find how to truly express how you feel.if you love her and have good intentions poor your heart out but just for the right moment.
And for now on ALWAYS be presentable hygiene and wardrobe!
Happy hunting

[drfrankencock Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close drfrankencock]

DreamOn:

Please refrain from using inflammatory language. This isn't the place to discuss the abortion debate.

[Qandisa Senior Member Member of the Month March 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Qandisa]

Without the moralizing on the right or wrong of abortion, DreamOn actually has a point. According to you she wanted to carry forward with the pregnancies, you didn't. Just from what you've said I feel pretty safe in saying that she likely feels that you've forced her to give up something that she feels she will never get back - even if she has children in the future it still won't be THOSE children - and that she may never be able to forgive you for that. Sad to say but regardless of how much she may love you if she resents you for forcing her to take that action then that resentment will probably always be there now. Just my point of view.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

The last month or so I've been soaring, feel like I can't get any higher. But reading this shows how fragile everything is and how quickly it can turn around. But using that same logic it will be soon enough your in a good place, maybe even better.
You know this already as you stated in your post so with regard to taking advice, your own is the best.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

Without the moralizing on the right or wrong of abortion, DreamOn actually has a point. According to you she wanted to carry forward with the pregnancies, you didn't. Just from what you've said I feel pretty safe in saying that she likely feels that you've forced her to give up something that she feels she will never get back - even if she has children in the future it still won't be THOSE children - and that she may never be able to forgive you for that. Sad to say but regardless of how much she may love you if she resents you for forcing her to take that action then that resentment will probably always be there now. Just my point of view.

Regardless you shouldn't dwell on it for the next while, keep looking forward, ask yourself what makes you happy in life and be content you still have those things.

[drfrankencock Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close drfrankencock]

Without the moralizing on the right or wrong of abortion, DreamOn actually has a point. According to you she wanted to carry forward with the pregnancies, you didn't. Just from what you've said I feel pretty safe in saying that she likely feels that you've forced her to give up something that she feels she will never get back - even if she has children in the future it still won't be THOSE children - and that she may never be able to forgive you for that. Sad to say but regardless of how much she may love you if she resents you for forcing her to take that action then that resentment will probably always be there now. Just my point of view.

I completely agree with this.

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

So you were cheating on your girlfriend throughout your relationship, and always had an eye on the next prize, but now you want our sympathy because she broke up with you?

13th July 2014:

Are you from Bangkok? I was in Bangkok for 8 years and I love Asian women. Slept with 270 so far. More to cum.

2nd August 2014:

I lost my virginity way back in 2004 to a Thai hooker when I was doing my under graduate studies in Bangkok. I have slept with 270 women so far. Will add to my list soon enough.

[drfrankencock Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close drfrankencock]

So you were cheating on your girlfriend throughout your relationship, and always had an eye on the next prize, but now you want our sympathy because she broke up with you?

Now that's a kickinthemebs.