Advice for my wife

[aplay69 Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close aplay69]

I have a personal issue that I need advice on. It's mostly geared towards my wife than myself. She is aware of my point of view, but I thought it would be beneficial for her to get input from members of the forum. A fresh perspective. Maybe the forum can provide insight that I haven't.

My Mother-in-Law was diagnosed with Dementia 3 years ago. During this time, my wife's sister unofficially appointed herself the new matriarch of the family. Began ruling with an iron fist. Everyone has pretty much accepted this except my wife and I.

Sister-in-law has managed to turn the entire family against my wife because my wife will not, as she puts it "Show her the respect she deserves as the leader of this family." She is angry at my wife because she will not forsake me for her. Her words "You never put your husband before the family." Keep in mind, I've been with my wife for almost 20 years. So it's not like I'm new to the family.

She constantly criticizes and belittles my wife. On everything. She is an evil, mean-spirited, vindictive individual. And a coward. She will only go after my wife when I'm away at work. As I said to her once before "You authority in the family stops at my border's edge. I am the leader of my family, you'd be wise to remember that.

There is so much that I can say, however, I don't want this to become extremely long. Whatever comments or suggestions that you have please reply as if you are talking to my wife. Not to me. This is for her and she will be reading them. As I stated earlier she needs a perspective other than mine.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

The man and woman will leave thier parents homes and go forth and start a family of thier own. The little red phone button on your phone allows you to keep all people from saying mean things to you. Let your sister rule any family that will allow her to, and you and yours figure out your own family. Love yourselves and each other, and dont worry about some insecure sister. you are doing the right thing in being with your husband as it is your decision, not your sisters.

[aplay69 Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close aplay69]

When I say she is vindictive, this is what I mean. I stated in a few posts that I took a 15 month break from PE. Sister-in-law was the reason.

My wife and I rented from her. She assumed that because we did, it gave her the right to control our relationship, the decision we made, and power to dictate our finances. When she realized that I wasn't having that. She decided that she was going to teach us a lesson for not conforming to her rules by refusing to accept the rent from us for two months. Then take us to court and have us evicted for non-payment of rent.

Me, being the person that I am, knowing that sooner or later she was going to come looking to collect on the back rent to keep the property from going into foreclosure, refused to give it to her. It took her another 3 months before I decided to pay her. By then bank eventually foreclosed on the property and put it up for sale at the Sherriff's Auction. Guess who bought the property? You guessed it. My wife did. Talk about Karma. That's how vindictive she is

[Qandisa Senior Member Member of the Month March 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Qandisa]

Sounds to me like the whole family dynamic is toxic.

It would be a difficult thing to do but your wife might want to suggest to her sister that respect is a 2-way street and if she expects to get any then she has to show some in return. Until she's willing to play by those very simple rules she's not welcome.

Stressful situations and forces in our lives can cause a great deal of turmoil, not only in interpersonal relationships but with personal wellbeing and health as well. Your wife has to put herself first above either you or her sister and do what's right for her. What's going to give her the most joy and peace in her life. What's going to make her life more fulfilling. If being constantly harassed by her sister isn't helping to achieve that goal then she should consider finding a way to put distance there and letting her sister know what her terms for a mutually beneficial relationship are. And perhaps suggest family counselling.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Impossible since there's much more to the story than you can type

As a woman I'd say stay out of it it's my family and if I'm being abused by them it didn't just start I've allowed it for a long time and do for a reason. Your wife as do the other siblings have their issues. They can sort them out or not

As an onlooker Im shocked you would rent from someone you don't like. Live your own lives don't take pieces from people like that. It comes with a great price.

Their family has the problem. If your wife needs your protection then get her professional help. There are possibly underlying issues within that family she needs to heal from.

Whole thing is sad. Sorry and hope now that your wife owns a home you all can live in peace.

PS. I agree with you protecting her but maybe she needs to find out why she can't do it on her own.

[aplay69 Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close aplay69]

I agree, moving into that house was not one of my finest decisions. 20/20 being hindsight, we should have rented someplace else. But she literally begged us to because she could not afford to pay two mortgages. We agreed to do so to help her out. When she began to overstep her boundaries we moved. But not before buy the rental property. We ended up living in 3 different places within 1 year before buying the house we are currently living in.

Sister-in-law eventually bought the rental property back from us but it came at a great expense to her. She raided mother-in-law's bank accounts and borrowed heavily against her retirement savings. We then used that money to put a massive down payment on our current home.

Immediately after we signed our mortgage I told my wife, if you think that by moving into your own home your sister will leave you alone, you are sadly mistaken. You stood up to her and won. She will never let that rest.