Rooster's Believe It or Not

[BigRooster Senior Member Member of the Month Apr 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigRooster]

The grammar Nazi's will have fun with this post.

Bear with me brothers and sisters. I typed this while loading and unloading. I might chase a rabbit here and there. Bottom line things aren't good.

There are some threads on here about. How my wife doesn't want to have sex. Or I married a refrigerator. I hope things have gotten better for those of you who have shared

. In the thread "Sexless Marriage". TPW said that what dictates a sexless marriage is one where sex happens less than ten times a year. Well let me tell you. I have a sexless marriage. Why is your marriage sexless? It's definitely not from lack of trying. It's just that after trying and trying you get tired of hearing no.

Some examples.
We were home kids were outside playing. She was standing by counter in kitchen doing something. I come up behind her grab her by the waste. Then rub up on her. She tells me get off her. Not in a joking way but a I don't won't to be bothered with you kind of way.

It's a Saturday morning and there are things to do but they can wait. We're in bed and I snuggle up behind her to do a little morning spooning. She pulls away. I move with her. In trying to sleep do you mind.

Oh things are looking good now. We are in the bedroom playing around kissing laying in bed hugging talking chilling. My hands start to wander. She says you want some huh? Well yeah that's what I'm trying to do. Do you? No not really but if you want to we can. Well if you don't even have the slightest desire. I'm not even going to try.
Now call me a dumbass but if one isn't going to be into it. Whats the use. That's what I'm thinking. Did I give up too soon? Maybe. I'm just tired of every time I initiate there is always a rejection and I am tired of it.

One morning there's a letter on the table. Saying how she loves me and wants to spend time with me. Even if it would mean just watching Tv. Also there was a time when you couldn't keep your hands off of me. Now you barely touch me. So I tell her of the instances I mentioned above. I tell her doesn't seem to be me. Is it? No I'm just not in the mood. Never? I ask because that's what it seems like. So I tell her. Every time we have had sex I am the one who initiated it. For once I would like for you to just jump my bones. Or wake me up in the middle of the night to take care of business.


March 9th was our anniversary. I bought her a card and put it on the table for her to see in the morning. I had left for work. Sometime later that morning before they leave for school and work I get a text. Hoping to read something. Happy anniversary to you too. Love you. Didn't happen. Do you know where your sons belt is. No I do not. I got off of work a lil earlier that day Monday. Came home took a good nap and had planned on taking her to dinner. Got someone to watch the kids for about two hours. Well she is on a ladies league bowling team. Monday night is bowling night. What does she do. You got it bowling got to go do that. I guess that takes priority over your husband.

During the day I'm checking FB and I see comments on a post I am tagged in. Something like being her best friend. We have had our ups and downs but we will make it. Wow! You let the FB world know that it's our anniversary but you can't give your husband a call and tell him personally happy anniversary. It was just something to make people think everything is ok. I didn't comment once on the post and I hope people noticed that too.

I have tried I don't know how many times to hold conversations with her. And it's always one, two, or three word responses. If I ask her how her day was she never asks me how my day was. Oh but you love me? I'm thinking to myself. How in the world am I supposed to have intimate conversation If you do not at least try to keep it going too. I can talk to myself and have a decent conversation.

So one Friday night as a family we go eat at this gourmet pizza place. They have a game room. I give the kids ten dollars each. It's just us two. What is she doing. It's either FB or trivia crack. So I just sit there looking at her. She looks at me like what? I look at the phone and tell her. Really?! I'm the bad guy now because I have an issue with her on the phone while we are trying to have a lil family time or some time to talk while the kids are burning money.

So this past Monday she's getting ready for bowling league. She's putting on a fresh coat of makeup. I ask her you're just going bowling with other women. Why the makeup? I don't know just because. Ok. So Tuesday evening comes around and I ask her how y'all do last night. Answer was a little delayed. Uh, we did ok. Not our best.

So getting back to sex and none of it. I ask her. Are you seeing someone? Is it that dude from the bowling alley? No jokingly she says. So you don't have any desire for sex? None at all? No.

Well let me tell you something. I am not cheating on you. And it has been a long time since we had sex. But if things don't change mainly on your part as far as intimacy goes. I don't want to hear you bitch if for some reason someone tempts me and I give in. You know I flirt but I have always known what is at home. Lately I don't know what's at home.

So you may be asking. What makes you think you have a sexless marriage?
The last time we had sex was. February 15, 2014. It was the night before I left to go work in Texas.

Believe it or not.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

I pray things gets better for you BigRooster.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I rub my wife's back every morning. She really enjoys it. I then take the opportunity to spoon her. Perhaps, the pleasure of a morning back rub will "loosen" her up.

[THOTbreaker Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close THOTbreaker]

Hope things get better man, that's rough.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Sorry to hear that BR.

From her comment about watching TV, it makes me wonder if she thinks the intimacy is lacking. Not the sexual intimacy, but the romance, contact, closeness.

But from the other things you mention, it seems she's not very responsive when it's attempted. It sounds like she's distancing herself. Yet, asks for what she actually doesn't want, or is distancing herself from?

It's a bit confusing, and I imagine you're even more confused.

Is there a lot of stress, work or otherwise? Has there been any communication from her as to what the issue might be, other than the mentioned letter?

Sorry BR, not trying to pry. Just throwing out ideas.

[Venus Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Venus]

Don't give up. She may not realize how she's behaving. Women have so many thoughts and fears that they don't always share. Between the kids and the day to day we some times get caught up,and feel like there will always be time for sex. I know my sex life is extremely important to me and I as get older I appreciate the closeness and warmth even more. I know how sincere you feel and the hurt, but take a chance and sit her down when you're alone to really talk maybe that will help clear things up.

[Cavalier Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Cavalier]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. We have advised many times time here the effects of how stress will affect libido and EQ. It really isn't much different for women. I think that the hectic lifestyle today has taken a toll on the close intimacy of many marriages now days. The key is communication to talk about what will rekindle the passion that once was. Don't give up, marriage can be wonderful when the doors to communication have opened.

[downthere Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close downthere]

What is your gut telling you BR? And no sarcasm in my question. I don't know your financial situation, her stress situation, or how old she is and maybe she's menopausal? I dunno...That's why I asked.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hello Our Fine Southern Gentlemen,

I am so sorry that this continues to be an ongoing issue for you. The challenge of course is that sexual desire needs constant maintenance otherwise we lose it. Therefore it is time to change tactics.

From what you have written, it sounds like what she is seeking is greater romance and passion; a feeling that she is desired and desirable in a way that she wants and needs. And while it would be wonderful if you were adept at mind reading so you could know exactly what it is she wants, you aren't so you are going to have to ask for her assistance. However, before you embark on this adventure, I recommend you determine if a lack of romance or passion is indeed the issue. If it is proceed with the following suggestions...

Now I know many women believe that if they have to tell their partner what it is they want then it will ruin the mood but there are ways that a middle ground can be reached. For example, she can provide you with a decent list of what turns her on or makes her feel desirable thereby allowing you to choose when and how to romance. She could also recommend a reading list of articles, websites or books to assist you in discovering her wants/needs or you both can spend some time together discussing preferences and fantasies.

Make sure to convey to her (and yourself) that these tasks are meant to be fun rather than some tedious assignment. You are looking to rekindle those passionate feelings so it is best done with an open mind and and open heart.

[drfrankencock Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close drfrankencock]

Man, I hope this situation gets better for you BigRooster. Sounds like you're both in that place where both parties feel like it's the other person's fault things are bad. The makeup thing probably has a lot to do with her feeling unattractive and nothing to do with an affair. I wish you the best.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

This pains me to read. It's been going on for so long.

If you had a fever for a month you'd go to the doctor. If you had a pulled back you'd go. I really wish y'all would accept there's a huge problem and neither have been able to communicate it or find a way to fix it. It's so sad.

My ex hub and I to this day feel had we sought counseling years earlier we would have made it. Instead I became more distant emotionally until I was strong enough to walk away. We always had sex. Up until the day we separated. But to me my heart and soul was no longer his.

I hope your wife isn't that far gone. I hope you aren't either. It isn't easy out there. Especially for those of us that were/are married for so long.

Praying for you.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

I am sorry to hear this BR. I reccomend the counseling for sure. I know it is hard to work away from home, as I am doing so also. Give the counseling a try as it can help give you tools for dealing with each other. Sometimes it is hard to find answers without the support of a professional. I Dont know if there is anything I can do to help, but if there is anything at all please let me know. Good luck.

[Nerd-Since-92 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Nerd-Since-92]

Sorry to hear about your situation Rooster. Stay strong man, a way will be made!

[rocket50 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close rocket50]

Unfortunate situation but hopefully its not too late. counseling is probably your best bet as said previously.

[SuperDD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SuperDD]

I hate seeing stories like this.

Get some self respect, then DEMAND IT & TAKE it. She is your wife and if she resist dump her & find a woman who will do it & be glad to get it.

There are plenty of lonely women out there who'd love to have a man who wants to bone them.