Should I even attempt to get a girlfriend until cured?

[Boogy Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Boogy]

Hey guys,

I have premature ejaculation and i'm pretty sure that's the reason I lost my first girlfriend. The question is as simple as it is written in the title. The girls my age (just turned 19, most girls I know are 18) and within my social circles are more than likely to gossip about the fact that I have P.E if they find out, and it will spread like wild fire. Luckily, my ex doesn't live in my area and has switched social circles soon after we broke up and as a result didn't really say much to mutual friends (or as far as i'm aware). Of course i'm more sad about the fact she dumped me and that I miss her but considering she is the type of person to do that over such a shallow matter just means i'm benefiting from not having someone like that in my life anymore.

But, I of course want to meet a new girl and have sex again but in order for me to fully cure P.E and have some confidence in myself i'm going to need some support and assistance along the way. The issue is its hard enough to even find a genuine girl where I live, never mind one who will enter a relationship with me knowing I have this problem. To be brutally honest with you i'm not the most entertaining or fun guys to be in a relationship so i'm figuring out how to be more like able to the opposite sex without becoming some sort of a fake version of myself and a puppet of some sort, but I just feel like the girls are too immature to understand and help with this sort of a thing.

If I do actively try to find a girlfriend, I'm almost 100% it wont be anyone I already know and is in my social circle or a friend of a friends (because i'm pretty sure they are going to be the type of girls mentioned above, its one thing being around them but another being in a relationship with them). So i'd have to learn some game and pickup skills in order to cold approach a girl and hope i'll eventually find someone that judging by their character and personality is a cool person and one that wouldn't be so immature to bail out on me because of P.E

I'm not entirely sure what to do, and would like some opinions and advice on the situation. I realize it would be unfair to only try find a girl so she could help me fix my P.E rather than have a genuine interest in her as a person that's why i'm thinking it will take a while to do. Anyway, i'm just kind of rambling on here. Any replies would be much appreciated since I have no one else to talk to about this. Thanks guys.

[Qarzan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Qarzan]

Hi, Boogy!

First of all, thank you for sharing such a vulnerable topic with us. PEGym is really a great place to get advice, partly because there are so many great people on here, and partly because it's completely anonymous. Still, it must be scary to be in your position.

So, you have premature ejaculation, and you suspect that's why your girlfriend left you. Is that what she said, or is that your guess? What was your experience of the breakup?

I ask this because there is a difference between what we think the reasons are, what the other person says their reasons are, and what actually happened, especially after-the-fact.

For example, when I got divorced 4 years ago, at the time the reason was because I wanted kids and she didn't. Now, 4 years later, I say that the reason is because I had really low self-esteem, couldn't take criticism, and because of all this, our communication failed which is why she didn't feel comfortable telling me she didn't want kids in the first place. Or something else I say is that she wanted to focus on work and career, and I was not getting enough time with her to warrant maintaining the marriage.

But, eh, who knows what the real reason was. I'd even argue that there's no such thing as a "real reason," only a reason we say or tell other people.

So, you say the reason was because of premature ejaculation? You know, the more you tell yourself that, the more it's going to seem like the "real" reason. And then you're going to act like it, and then it's going to become this whole psychological thing, a barrier that you have to "get over" before you allow yourself to really, truly be with someone else in a relationship.

My advice: maybe it was the premature ejaculation that led to your breakup. Maybe it wasn't. You can ask her if you want, or you can let it go.

If you want to get a girlfriend, go for it.

[GettinBig1 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GettinBig1]

So, my thoughts: If you don't feel comfortable having sex with girls (which seems to be the case), don't let that stop you from flirting, and making girls want to have sex with you! If you make girls in your social circle want you, but then you don't act on it (dating them, making out, sex, etc), it makes you even more desirable to those girls (since you're "ungettable"), and other girls, who see how much other girls like you. By the time you feel cured, you'll have girls lining up to date you! But, if you do feel comfortable with getting a girlfriend, then go for it!!

[Park Lib Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Park Lib]

I always find solving intractable problems step-by-step is the best way. Try not to think about your PremE if you are trying to find a girlfriend. If she is someone who is somewhat mature and likes you for you then she will be willing to help you with your issues. At the same time, visit the premE forum on here and read the threads and practice some of the things there. Of course practising alone and with a partner are two different things so if you can find someone to have sex with! Most of all, relax and enjoy sex you do have. Focus on her for a time and breathe and enjoy the moment

[this-moment Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close this-moment]

If u need help getting a girlfriend you should check out these guys videos they helped me get a girlfriend (if you follow the advice) heres a link to one of the videos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJfUOUnhcec