She has a boyfriend

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

So this happened to me yesterday. Let me tell you how I dealt with it.

I met this gorgeous fellow doctor where I work at the hospital. Over the few weeks we got to talking and chemistry seemed to be building. She was crazy into me and kept asking if I had anyone and assumed one of my married friends was my wife and asked if her daughter was mine. I made a lot of female friends at the hospital naturally. I'm not really looking for anything right now so I could care less if she approached me and asked me out herself. But something about her seemed so SPECIAL.

Something also seemed so peculiar about the company she keeps. She rides the same train as I do and I kept seeing her talking to these dumb looking guys, major tools like the hipster guy with the little boy haircut and suspenders. They didn't seem to follow her around for long though. Wonder why.

Back to yesterday..... I meet her again going home with said tool and he tries to make fun of my clothes and gives me this power hand shake like he's trying to prove his strength to me. She ended up sitting with me on the train and we talked about little things for a while. Then out of nowhere I she starts mentioning her boyfriend and what he likes. My face didn't show it my my heart sank a little. When she left with said tool a veteran in a wheelchair shouted "She was into you. You should have gotten her number."

Now I'm no spring chicken, I know when a woman says and you a knowledge or do nothing it's almost like you're signing a contract with here wherein you agree nothing seal is going to happen anytime soon. I'm not saying it can't but usually it's the friend zone from there on out. Which is not a bad thing if you're man enough to be a FRIEND and not a miserable suck up desperately clinging to any crumb of affection from her, basically codependent. Or worse yet, a miserable sick up try to pull PUA tactics for OPP.

So how I dealt with it.... I was and still am a little disappointed, I mean it would have been nice to meet someone that I have a lot of chemistry with and start dating again, but I'm not complaining. I'm happy to be out there again since my divorce and I'm not about to waste any time on a woman who isn't worth my time. I'm going back to college again next month and I'm not the least bit concerned with relationships at the moment. When you're happy and care free relationships happen.

One thing I will say about my experience is this, as much as it sucks getting your hopes up and hearing she's taken it's a lot better to hear those words before you spend a lot of time and money on her. I've learned from chasing unavailable girls in the past and how it only leads to baggage.

So, yeah..... Dating, it's complicated.

Thoughts?

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

She's got a boyfriend...I wouldn't waste my time and effort.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

She's taken!!!! Fling her lol I'm kidding.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Next time I talk to her it will be to tell her goodbye.

I'm not scared of telling her that I do have feelings for her, but I'm not going to profess my love to her. Pretty much "No I can't hang out with you. I got feelings for you and you're taken. So this is goodbye."

And then I go to having 99 problems without her.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

Don't understand why you have to say goodbye and you can't hang out when you already said you aren't too bothered and all that stuff about man enough to be a friend etc.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Don't understand why you have to say goodbye and you can't hang out when you already said you aren't too bothered and all that stuff about man enough to be a friend etc.

With most women this isn't a problem. I have lots of attractive female friends I am not sexually or emotionally attracted to and can be friends with. But with her, it's a little different....

I need enough time for the chemistry to wear off before attempting any kind of platonic friendship with her. Otherwise I wouldn't be any different than the "nice guys" who hang around her kissing her as in the hopes of one day having sex.

I've had to distance myself from women before. It's one of the healthiest options I could take.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

You being different from those types is part of your character, not whether you like her and how much, otherwise you are that type so yes, calling it a day is the best option, but you've said already that you're not so that's where the confusion comes in.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

You being different from those types is part of your character, not whether you like her and how much, otherwise you are that type so yes, calling it a day is the best option, but you've said already that you're not so that's where the confusion comes in.

I'll bet my attachment style has a lot to do with it.

Either way I need space to feel most comfortable.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

I'll bet my attachment style has a lot to do with it.

Either way I need space to feel most comfortable.

Ok well you have your answer.

[Aussie sausage Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Aussie sausage]

I would have just said its ashame your taken I would have asked you out otherwise. But anyway here's my number if it doesn't work out give me a call. Ive done that in the past and its amazing how many did call me back.Though that was twenty odd years ago.If there's something special about this woman I would keep my options open. Because you just never know.

[BigRooster Senior Member Member of the Month Apr 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigRooster]

I have no idea what it is like to ride a commuter train or what part of the world you are from. Maybe she feels comfortable riding and talking with you on the train. Sucks I know. Especially when you kind of want to progress things. Be a gentleman.

[Sequoia Tree Senior Member Member of the Month July 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Sequoia Tree]

Meant to post this a few hours after OP started the topic, but then PE Gym went down for maintainence and my internet quit on me for 2 days, so I saved the draft. Struck a bit of a chord with me.

Went through a similar experience last spring, except this woman was married. Gorgeous, slender, auburn haired, blue eyed woman of about average height. Really witty and charismatic. Percussionist and occasional singer for the college jazz ensemble. She wanted to become a music therapist and use her talents to help people. I was immediately and utterly smitten with her, in a way that I hadn't felt in over 6 years. Found out we had a lot of things in common. She wasn't leading me on, she was just engaging me in some friendly conversation. When I found out she was married, I felt my adrenaline spike, and had the most ominous feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I kept my cool.

This was when the foreboding idea first dawned on me that, "All the good women my age are getting married, and if I don't find the right girl for me fast, I might miss my opportunity forever." In high school and in my military experience following it, I didn't have to deal with the possibility of a girl getting married and becoming "forever unavailable" to me. Granted, statistically, half of all married U.S. women will eventually wind up back on the market at some point, but it's the idea that marriage is intended to be eternal that makes things scary.

She got married about 18 months before I met her, and met her husband in college. I started thinking about what-ifs- like what if I went to college straight out of HS instead of joining the Navy; I could have met her before she met the guy who would become her husband.

I decided it was best for both of us if I just let her go. I didn't want to pull that insincere "nice guy" bullshit and settle for being friends when I wanted something more, and nothing good could come of chasing after a married woman. I went out of my way to avoid running into her at all costs. Thankfully we didn't have any classes together. I didn't need any more reminders that this girl who was such a catch was never going to be mine.

Still, I'd have dreams about her. There was one where we were sitting next to each other in class, one where we were working on a project together and being silly. Sometimes I'd have a dream that didn't seem to have anything to do with her, and she'd randomly appear out of nowhere. Some of them were pretty vivid too. There was one where our moms knew each other and were trying to set us up. During part of it, we sat at my kitchen table in the afternoon and talked for what seemed like hours. I recall her telling me that she had doubts that her choice in college major was going to be worthwhile. I always felt really relaxed and comfortable with her, almost like she was someone I had known before birth.

Anyway, I didn't have to avoid her long, as about 2 months after I learned she was married, she moved away. Apparently her husband was in the Air Force and had been called to work at a base a few states away. I'm over her now, haven't dreamed of her in months. There's other girls out there for me, (but dammit, they're so hard to find!) and I hope that she's happy and fulfilled. I'm not even sure I want to get married anymore, with all the financial implications and the fact that marriage which used to be something sacred is now being trivialized, people are getting married for stupid reasons, etc. Right now, I don't even consider myself dateable due to financial instability and the fact that my mom is now dependent on me.

I can't really put into words how much it sucks when you learn that an awesome girl is already taken, especially when it's incredibly rare for me to find a girl that really intrigues me, like "Hey, there's something special about this girl, I've just gotta get to know her."

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

...Went through a similar experience last spring, except this woman was married. Gorgeous, slender, auburn haired, blue eyed woman of about average height. Really witty and charismatic. Percussionist and occasional singer for the college jazz ensemble...

You always remember your first love mate...even if it wasn't reciprocated. Your current circumstances shouldn't be a barrier...not if she truly is "the one".