Relationship insecurities

[Kestrelsbane Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kestrelsbane]

So... Recently. I've been seeing that my girlfriend has a lot of friends and that's pretty normal. The thing is, it's mainly guys. A lot of guys like talking to her which Is understandable. She likes talking to them. She did flirt with some of them in the past but as we got deeper in the relationship, she has stopped and showed me that she loves me.

I love her because I've done a whole lot for her too. But I just feel something is not right sometimes even when I try not to overthink. My mind stresses me over and messes with me.

I've never been on this kind of relationship before. Most of my exes hung out with girls and all that girls night out thing which I'm completely okay with.

Recently, she's in a adult forum. She has posted pictures of guys from tumblr that looked almost naked in underwear. In the past, she also likes guys are muscular.
I have this insecurity that tells me.. She could cheat on me with a guy looking like that. It just stresses me a lot. I don't wanna talk to her about it as she will see it as insecurity.

Guys what do I do?

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

Unless she has done something to make you genuinely doubt her fidelity then you need to work on your own insecurities.

Do you ever look admiringly at or even notice another pretty girl when you're walking down the street on your own? Do you have a favourite female movie star or singer that you find incredibly attractive?

If you feel that she does these things maliciously to make you jealous or to intentionally cause your insecurity then that is a problem.

Don't let your heart rule your head and try to look at these things logically and sensibly. Only you know her true intentions.

[Hater Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hater]

So... Recently. I've been seeing that my girlfriend has a lot of friends and that's pretty normal. The thing is, it's mainly guys. A lot of guys like talking to her which Is understandable. She likes talking to them. She did flirt with some of them in the past but as we got deeper in the relationship, she has stopped and showed me that she loves me.

I love her because I've done a whole lot for her too. But I just feel something is not right sometimes even when I try not to overthink. My mind stresses me over and messes with me.

I've never been on this kind of relationship before. Most of my exes hung out with girls and all that girls night out thing which I'm completely okay with.

Recently, she's in a adult forum. She has posted pictures of guys from tumblr that looked almost naked in underwear. In the past, she also likes guys are muscular.
I have this insecurity that tells me.. She could cheat on me with a guy looking like that. It just stresses me a lot. I don't wanna talk to her about it as she will see it as insecurity.

Guys what do I do?

Guys look at other girls, so do girls look at guys. There is nothing wrong with that and it would be rather hypocrit if you think otherwise.

How long are you in a relationship right now?

What do you look like? Low % bodyfat?

You can always make yourself better, but be who you truly want to be.

[PurpleOnes Senior Member Member of the Month June 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close PurpleOnes]

Not to play a devil here but if she hangs out with mostly guys there is a always chance of her cheating.

In scenario where she is mad at you she can easily begin to flirt with some of those guy friends.

You can start going to the gym and depending on your bodyfat % go on a cut but it should be done for yourself to feel healthy not because you think that your gf secretly desires guys like that.

[Natan Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Natan]

I'll advise you to do somthing thats a little bit сontroversial...just as a small test
tell her you've met an old friend from highschool or somthing and your going to meet her on a cup of coffe,
after a few days tell her that you and your сolleague got closer and that she is a good friend,
then state that you've got to a сonclusion that girls are better friends than guys..
see what happens..
anyway that should bring you both to a point when you probably want to decide that you wont see other people
or you'll break up :/
hope it will help
just dont lie too much and dont admit you lied no matter what.

[Kestrelsbane Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kestrelsbane]

Unless she has done something to make you genuinely doubt her fidelity then you need to work on your own insecurities.

Do you ever look admiringly at or even notice another pretty girl when you're walking down the street on your own? Do you have a favourite female movie star or singer that you find incredibly attractive?

If you feel that she does these things maliciously to make you jealous or to intentionally cause your insecurity then that is a problem.

Don't let your heart rule your head and try to look at these things logically and sensibly. Only you know her true intentions.

All I've done was to prove to her that I'm all hers. I don't talk to other women. I don't look at them when I'm around her. I don't flirt with them. And she knows it. I don't see why she'd think otherwise.

What boggles my mind if I start doing the same thing she does I know she would raise hell about it. Is it a double standard? I don't know if she is doing this intentionally. She knows I'm insecure. I've tried to fix that with her in the past.

We've been dating online for almost a year now. I've visited her 2 months ago and I'm finally moving in with her next month.

I'm not too insecure about how I look. I know a lot of woman like me if I seeked their interest which I won't ever. But I don't get it.

Please help guys

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

...I don't look at them when I'm around her...

But you still look right?

...What boggles my mind if I start doing the same thing she does I know she would raise hell about it. Is it a double standard?...

Yes...it's double standards. I would be very wary of that...might just be the tip of the iceberg.

...We've been dating online for almost a year now. I've visited her 2 months ago and I'm finally moving in with her next month.

I'm not too insecure about how I look. I know a lot of woman like me if I seeked their interest which I won't ever. But I don't get it.

Please help guys

You've been online dating with her for a year and seen her once 2 months ago? Are you pulling my leg?

[ATP Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close ATP]

...We've been dating online for almost a year now. I've visited her 2 months ago and I'm finally moving in with her next month.

I'm not too insecure about how I look. I know a lot of woman like me if I seeked their interest which I won't ever. But I don't get it.

Please help guys

Dating online for a year (check)

Seen once in the last two months (check)

Going to move in together next month (check)

Will spend the rest of life wondering what went wrong when it all goes wrong (priceless - as in, of no value to you - but pretty much the odds-on favorite outcome).

Kestrel -

Your started off with a few hints that maybe you have too much invested in this relationship and maybe you just know a little too little about her. Then you posted the above.

You want advice? Step back, tell her your concerns, tell her what your preferences are (really, let her know the guy friends thing bothers you and why it bothers you), don't try to please her by trying to hide what worries you out of worry that it might blow everything up. There is really nothing to blow up and a whole lot to save for yourself by being as open with her as possible and requiring (yeah, I said requiring) her to be open with you.

That's all I've got.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

Personally, I think Kestrel is taking the mickey ATP. He's just been on another thread joking about seeing some pics on sex positions with a BBW. Not something someone deeply concerned about his "relationship" and how "committed" he is would do 5 minutes later in my opinion.

[Kestrelsbane Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kestrelsbane]

Personally, I think Kestrel is taking the mickey ATP. He's just been on another thread joking about seeing some pics on sex positions with a BBW. Not something someone deeply concerned about his "relationship" and how "committed" he is would do 5 minutes later in my opinion.

Hey man.... I'm asking for an advice also on that. What's wrong with askin advice? We love sex. A lot of people do. Is it wrong to improve it? No.

Our relationship is not a joke.. We're committed. I'm not pulling anyone's leg.
But occasionally she has that kind of behavior. Where she does talk to guys on fb. She doesn't blatantly flirt with them. But maybe privately. Which I hope she doesn't.
She likes looking at hot guy models and posting it in adult thread for the ladies.... What should I do.

I'm not trolling here or joking. I just need a good advice. That's all

[Hater Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hater]

Hey man.... I'm asking for an advice also on that. What's wrong with askin advice? We love sex. A lot of people do. Is it wrong to improve it? No.

Our relationship is not a joke.. We're committed. I'm not pulling anyone's leg.
But occasionally she has that kind of behavior. Where she does talk to guys on fb. She doesn't blatantly flirt with them. But maybe privately. Which I hope she doesn't.
She likes looking at hot guy models and posting it in adult thread for the ladies.... What should I do.

I'm not trolling here or joking. I just need a good advice. That's all

Not a good idea to move in, that's my advice.

You hardly know her. Wait...you have hardly seen her. And yes I can say this cause I've had enough experience.

[Kestrelsbane Member Find all posts View Profile Close Kestrelsbane]

Not a good idea to move in, that's my advice.

You hardly know her. Wait...you have hardly seen her. And yes I can say this cause I've had enough experience.

We've been together almost a year man. I've visitted her for a week. Two months ago for the first time. I had a wonderful time with her. For the most part our relationship was an ups. But we have to make the end goal which is to make ldr happen.

But sometimes. I think she's not giving me 100%. She just made me insecure by posting a pic of a guy and sharing them to an adult forum group. I don't know if she fantasize about the guy more than me... She has masturbated to him...

Or or am I just goin insane and overthinking. I need reassurance

[ATP Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close ATP]

You're not going to get a lot of candid responses if 1) you act obtuse toward the responses you have recieved, 2) you keep switching between personas on different threads.

[someone_like_u Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close someone_like_u]

We've been together almost a year man. I've visitted her for a week. Two months ago for the first time. I had a wonderful time with her. For the most part our relationship was an ups. But we have to make the end goal which is to make ldr happen.

But sometimes. I think she's not giving me 100%. She just made me insecure by posting a pic of a guy and sharing them to an adult forum group. I don't know if she fantasize about the guy more than me... She has masturbated to him...

Or or am I just goin insane and overthinking. I need reassurance

I think you're more committed to this relationship than she is. And to move in with her would be crazy. You've been in front of her face a total of 7 days of a possible 365. I'm sorry, but I can't buy that you even know her well enough to jump into this head first. I personally don't see this going all too well. I think it would be wise to visit her more in person throughout the course of months or a year before taking the step to move in with her.

I think you're overthinking because deep down, you know that you hardly know her.

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

Kestrel,

First, know that just because she has a lot of guy friends, it doesn't mean she will cheat on you. Although I have a fair amount of female friends, some of my absolute best friends are guys. Despite them being reasonably attractive, I have zero desire to sleep with them.

Second, know that she has to love you and be loyal to you for you - even if you aren't the physical ideal. There will always be opportunities for partners to cheat. Even if you looked like David Beckham, this wouldn't guarantee a woman wouldn't cheat on you. Infidelity usually isn't about something lacking on the physical looks of one partner. It may seem that way, on the surface, but usually the true root cause is something far deeper. Your physique is not going to guarantee no one ever cheats on you.

Third, sometimes those little voices in your head may be warranted. Having male friends is not necessarily a big red adultery flag. However, if she's flirting with guys - in person and/or online - there is a level of emotional cheating that could occur, even if it doesn't develop into something physical.

What's the answer?

Talk to her.

I know. You don't want to do that, but truly that's the only way this is going to be resolved. The conversation has to be non-accusatory and it has to be honest. If she loves you and the activities that bother you are harmless, you'll find that out. If she's not as invested in the relationship as you are, you'll learn that too.

The important thing is once you've brought this up, you have to move forward. If she says she's going to stop participating in the adult forum. Believe her.

Telling someone that something they are doing is bothering you isn't insecurity. Getting into that repetitive cycle of continually doubting, once you've been reassured, is.