Talking out loud here

[Addiction Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Addiction]

Not necessarily looking for advice as much as I'm trying to just talk out loud here. It's the best place to talk about this for me I feel.

Preface is that my relationship with my girlfriend is actually going incredible now in comparison to my last thread. My relationship is not the issue, I have an issue.

She has a kink got getting sexual attention. She used to dress suggestive for example to get that type of attention (this was years before me coming around). She used to dance to get sexual attention, but stopped for me. Basically, she likes getting sexual attention, from anywhere. It's just a general thing she loves, is that sexual attention. Yes I know I said it a million times...

My issue, is it makes me feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable.

She said I fulfill 99% of that desire for attention. But I wonder about that 1%... I know some things that are apart of the 1% that I can actually be a part of, but it involves others still.

I'm just curious of how you guys in general would feel about this kind of thing? She wants to dress up very sexual when we go out, to get that type of attention, for example. Would you guys be OK with your significant other dressing sexual to get attention from others? Even though she won't do anything with them I guess, which would be my scenario.

It just eats me up on the inside, that she wants this intimate attention from people other than me.

[PongLenis Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PongLenis]

If thats how she feels comfortable expressing herself. Let her try it out. Give it a go. May not be that bad.

I know as me for someone who works out and has some muscular definition (endomorph with muscles) that if I dated a girl, and I was way more cut down and she said she doesn't want me wearing tank tops or wearing the tighter sweat pants for leg days at the gym. I would hate it to. I am not looking for "sexual" attention obviously, but the admire of the progress and goal.

Not saying I am out to be this person who is trying to make sure everyone can see me. But I am trying to help OP out here to better understand the situation.


If she cheats, well then get rid of her. No second chances on that shit if you gave her the chance to dress as such.

Another thing is if she meant it was out with you, then I see nothing wrong. But if its her going out with friends or something, then yeah that could be an issue. I'm sure other guys will try gettin' something you know. I've never got drunk before, so she may agree to do stuff with another person while being under the influence.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Girls love to dress up and look pretty, no doubt about it. Your girl on the other hand likes to dress slutty. And you may just want to point that out to her. Let her know you love when she gets made up and looks good, but the slutty part makes you a little uncomfortable. Tell her that you are very proud to have her by your side when you go out, but the attention she draws by her outfits makes me question how people think if ME when we are out together. That feeling of my being watched and judged is what makes one uncomfortable. I think it is just another topic for ongoing communications in a healthy relationship. If she doesn't know it bothers you, then she can't correct the habit. Remind her that there are different stages of getting "made up".

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

Women looking for attention? No way!

[Praetorian Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Praetorian]

If it fuels her desire and that desire it played out on you when you get home...then bonus for you. The reality is that some people need stimuli external to their relationship to keep things fresh or get their motor running. Some people find that difficult to handle but we are all wired differently.

I look around at the many, many hot women in the country that I am living in and occasionally chat. However, no matter how fun the conversation or eye candy is, I end up 'eating at home'. Where I get my appetite from is of no consequence to my wife. Likewise, if she was to get fired up over a good looking guy and take it out on me in bed...no problem for me. A good stroke of luck that something has tripped her 'horny factor'.

It is hard for me to read into what is happening in your relationship any further but if things shift and you notice that your lady is 'firing up her appetite' but starting to sample from the smorgasbord and not from the meal of the day (you) then it becomes a problem and a trigger to move on. Give her the benefit of the doubt but if things change, reassess at that time.

[Addiction Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Addiction]

Women looking for attention? No way!

Yeah really eh...

However, I don't think it's an actual vender based thing. People look for attention, not just women. I love showing off and getting my attention too. I used to love doing rope bondage performances for example. There are videos online of me performing actually LOL. No I'm not gonna share them

[Addiction Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Addiction]

Girls love to dress up and look pretty, no doubt about it. Your girl on the other hand likes to dress slutty. And you may just want to point that out to her. Let her know you love when she gets made up and looks good, but the slutty part makes you a little uncomfortable. Tell her that you are very proud to have her by your side when you go out, but the attention she draws by her outfits makes me question how people think if ME when we are out together. That feeling of my being watched and judged is what makes one uncomfortable. I think it is just another topic for ongoing communications in a healthy relationship. If she doesn't know it bothers you, then she can't correct the habit. Remind her that there are different stages of getting "made up".

She knows how it makes me feel very well. She knows what this type of behaviour does to me in general and how much I really don't like it. She has also stopped doing it, for me. But she wants to find ways that she can do this and it doesn't hurt our relationship as it is something she wants.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Ego's are common to both of you.

Stop letting them control you.

[mistercrowley Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mistercrowley]

Think about it this way. If she goes out in public dressing sexy and she does get attention, take comfort in the fact that at the end of the day she's sleeping in bed with you. She chose you. If dressing sexy, and the attention she gets because of it, make her feel good and you know she's committed to you then you should encourage her to do it. Then when you're walking in public you can have a smug smile on your face thinking, "that's right, I'm with her!"

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

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[Addiction Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Addiction]

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I don't see how any of this relates to my situation. She has consistently cheated on 3 out of her 4 relationships, and has expressed her difficulty in serious relationships. She was sexually expressive towards other guys even during her relationship with me, in the beginning. This graph you post has no relation to this situation.

[Addiction Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Addiction]

Think about it this way. If she goes out in public dressing sexy and she does get attention, take comfort in the fact that at the end of the day she's sleeping in bed with you. She chose you. If dressing sexy, and the attention she gets because of it, make her feel good and you know she's committed to you then you should encourage her to do it. Then when you're walking in public you can have a smug smile on your face thinking, "that's right, I'm with her!"

This is great in concept, but is tough for me. Knowing her relationship (or often, lack of actual relationship) history, is probably what does it for me. I want to encourage her to do it, but not at the expense of feeling insecure... This is what I'm trying to figure out, and think out loud about.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Let me guess, she told you you're special and that all her exes were jerks.

You can't save her from herself, you can only be responsible for your half of the relationship and be willing to walk away if she ever cheats on you.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

I don't see how any of this relates to my situation. She has consistently cheated on 3 out of her 4 relationships, and has expressed her difficulty in serious relationships. She was sexually expressive towards other guys even during her relationship with me, in the beginning. This graph you post has no relation to this situation.

I never said it did.

You said you were talking out loud and so am I.

Although I'm not familiar with your previous posts about your relationship, you have stated in this thread that "She used to dance to get sexual attention, but stopped for me." Was that her choice, or did she stop because you wanted her to?

[FossilHead Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close FossilHead]

Looks as though all the other posts are reassurances, but my Rick James Supafreak alarm is buzzing really loudly.
I have been with girls like the one you describe, more than once, and unfortunately I was young and foolish enough to think that I was in a real "relationship" when I was just a rest area.

I suggest you enjoy the parts that you may (showing her off, the sex, the exploration/adventure aspects, etc) and not hold onto that wild thang too tightly. Don't plan on buying her an Easter gift....she ain't gonna be around long, IMHO