Help on being spontaneous in a long term relationship

[HueGHawk Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HueGHawk]

So we have been together close to 6 years now and have to younger kids. A toddler and a kindergartner. We are both young in our mid twenties and had our daughter really early in our relationship so we didn't get to do a lot of things that a lot of our peers got to do. I love our daughter more than anything and she's such a blessing, but she wasn't planned at the time, but we both stepped up to the plate and are both amazing parents. Having her so early in our relationship we didn't get to experience what a lot of other couples get to experience. If we wanted to go out on a date we had to find a baby sitter first. So a date to us a lot of times has been getting some take-out and renting a movie and watch it with some wine when the kids went to sleep. Don't get me wrong this can be great after a long week of work, but it has kind of gotten stale.

We both are pretty busy working full time and I've been finishing up my degree part time, so we are exsulted a lot. We lost contact with a lot of our friends because we kind of live separate lives. We are parents and they are still young and trying to find themselves.

My question is what kind of things can I do that spontaneous and that will bring new excitement to a relationship. We don't have a lot of money where we can go on trips etc, and we can usually get a baby sitter once per week. But what are some types of things to do as partners and even stuff to with kids (if there are any parents here.) summer is coming up and I want to get out of the house and go do new things. We kind of live in a small town so there aren't a lot of options. But the city next to our town is fairly big with some stuff to do.

Thanks in advanced.

TLDR; Parents that have been in a long term relationship, what are some spontaneous things you do to bring excitement to a relationship? (It doesn't have to be sexual and can be done as a couple or as a family if you don't have a baby sitter)

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Just get in a car and drive somewhere and get lost. One never knows what fun you may have.

[dmizzle Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dmizzle]

Flirt. A lot. Send flirty text messages. Ask what she is wearing. Tell her you can't wait to smell her. I like yo take women mini golfing then I can stand behind them, nudging my dick against their ass while I show them how to putt. Stay home, make candlelight dinner on the deck or in your back yard. Have some wine. Tell her you miss her and all the things you want to do to her. Drive off in the car then slide your hand between her legs while your driving. Thats how I get road head. You could even play little games with the kids around. Use code words. Or slap her ass while she is at the kitchen sink. So many things you can do id you're into each other.

[dmizzle Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dmizzle]

And for the record, I'm 38 and don't think I've ever been too tired to have sex. Unless I was having sex everyday, I'll never be too tired.

[ScarletSkull Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ScarletSkull]

And for the record, I'm 38 and don't think I've ever been too tired to have sex. Unless I was having sex everyday, I'll never be too tired.

You also don't have kids, either Kids change the equation bigtime, moreso than probably anything.

To answer the OP - a lot of it is just going to come down to creativity. Go on a picnic, go to a wine tasting, go do a painting class together, play board games except with sexual favors, go for drives, etc. I bet there's TONS of ideas on Google.

[akaTrex Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close akaTrex]

Imagination and spontaneity to me are one in the same.

The dilemma is that we are afraid of failure or rejection.

F that or we would never be flying commercial today.

Check out Laura Corn's 101 Nights of Great Sex, Sealed Secrets for Ideas.

Also so if your gal has a 30 minute or more commute buy her Audio Erotica on CD etc.

I purchased some audio books for my Brides commute and have gotten laid after her arrival more time than I can count.

p.s. On occasion she has pulled into the garage with me waiting for her with a glass of the Bubbly. I invite her into the back seat for . . .

Oh Crap now I'm horny . . . Oh honey where are you? 😍

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

It gets easier once the kids get into school. You can take mornings off and plan some alone time. I call it our "windows of opportunity" and they are mostly planned, but sometimes spontaneous. Just make sure you both are after the same goal. Nothing more frustrating than thinking a window is open and is closes at the 11th hour. Don't get mad, just move on to look for the next window. You can also get up early (real early) and take a shower together, always fun. Once they are in middle school, sleep overs are a regular weekend thing, plan with a good friend to alternate weekends with each other. They will appreciate it as much as you will. But while they are young, you have do everything that you can to get them into a routine that involves either regular naps at the same time or bedtime at the same time every night. Most importantly, never, ever, ever, let them sleep in your bed with you. You will encourage that behavior and never have a night where you two are alone for potential quickies. If they have nightmares, you can go to their room and comfort, but don't bring them into yours. It is also a good habit to lock your door to your bedroom, as knocking is not a habit young kids understand very well, they will most definitely walk in at the worst time. Be patient, your fun will come.

[HueGHawk Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HueGHawk]

Some great ideas and advice everyone thanks! The good news about us being so young is I'll be 40 and she'll be 38 by the time the youngest is 18, our forties look promising lol. With that said there are still stuff we can do now.

Unfortunely ZZman we recently moved into our new place and after the move our you fear started sleep with us for the past couple of months. We are trying to get him back in his own bed though. We went through the same thing with the oldest when she was his age too. I do miss the "headboard banging" sex in our bed, but now if things get hot we usually go to the living room and go to the couch. Since I quit porn I developed PE so I'm trying to get that fixed with some good edging routines. I can't last like I did when I was watching porn, so sex has been a little frustrating to say the least.

With summer coming up I will be planning some picnics, peaceful walks, etc.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Talk to your wife, letting them sleep in your bed is not helping them overcome their fears. It is reinforcing the fact that mom and dad will take care of the boogie man and all I have to do is cry and I get my way. Instead, lay down with them in their bed, read a book until they fall asleep. Build a dream catcher together and tell them that all the bad dreams will be stopped by it. Keep a night light on so they are never in the dark. If they are scared, stay with them until they fall asleep in their bed and then return to yours. Break the habit or you will never sleep alone with your wife again. Imagine, 8 hours alone in bed with your wife... Gee, wonder what could happen during that time? Lots of time to be spontaneous, just saying.....

[HueGHawk Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HueGHawk]

Yeah you're right man. The oldest never comes in bed with us and she broke the habit pretty quick of sleeping with us. Our youngest is 18 months and it's just what he's used too. I know it will be a rough few weeks but we will work on transitioning him back in his bed. It's funny because my mom (his grandma) bought him a new todler bed for Christmas and he hasn't slept it yet. We moved into our new place in January and just started him on a bad habit.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Wow, 1/3rd of the little fellas life has been spent in mommy and daddy's bed. Good luck breaking that - ouch! You and your wife will have to take turns sleeping with him in his bed until that becomes the norm. Hope it isn't too rough on you.

[PatheticMedic Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PatheticMedic]

Since your bed has become a neutral zone, try mixing it up in different places. Here's a few things I do from time to time:

While the kids are upstairs playing, ask her to help with the laundry in the basement. Set the wash and then give her a wash, spin, shake, repeat.

Jump in the shower with her, sometimes it's not about a "marathon" love making session, quickies are a great way to show intense affection.

With nicer weather, send the kids outside and sneak away to either inside the garage or inside your house if you can keep eyes on the kids.

Take her as soon as she walks in the door from work while the kids play in their rooms.

Wake her up after the kids go to sleep and sneak away to the couch for a midnight rendezvous

Once you get a sitter for the kids, try to experiment more outdoors, sneak into a hotel room for a quickie, get creative about the places you have sex.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Once you get the kids in bed, call a Chinese or Italian take out restaurant and enjoy a good meal with some good cocktails. Take your lady to bed and offer to rub her back. Lube up your erection and slowly slip it in from behind while you continue to rub her back and reduce her stress.

Play it by ear from that point on.

Worked for us 40 years ago

[HueGHawk Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HueGHawk]

Thanks for the advice everyone! Some good ideas on where and when to have spontaneous sex lol. We joke about this a lot, but she says I have sexsomnia. When I quit porn I would wake up on top of her without knowing it and I wouldn't wake up until I penetrated. It's kind of freaky at first but this has happened several times since I quit and it's the best sex ever. I don't know how to explain it but when you're half asleep your mind is clear and it's like your bodies are in control and connected. We always joke about it afterwards and fall right back to sleep. I want our regular sex to be like that.