Member of the Month Aug 2015 
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So...first day at the "office" and, to be honest, it was a bit scary to say the least! I hope I'm not giving away any secrets here because I may find that I'm "sleeping with the fish" sooner rather than later.
First off, I received a map of the building showing me how to find my way to the Moderators Room. It's in the basement of the building and, bugger me, it's friggin' dark in there! I knocked on the door and someone shouted, "Yo!". I opened the door and there were half a dozen or so guys sitting around a circular table in the middle of the room with a dim light without a lampshade above it and they were all playing cards, poker I think. Someone said, "Ah! New meat...he's just been 'made'!" WTF does that mean! None of them told me their names, didn't speak, and just carried on with what they were doing (or not doing) so I'm guessing who's who at the moment. The room's pretty small with an old sofa against one wall, a small kitchenette in the corner with a sink, a small hob and a kettle. There's a tatty armchair in another corner with holes in the fabric and a small portable TV sitting on a small wooden table against another wall with card under one leg to keep it from rocking. The room has a concrete floor, no carpet and high above the sofa only one small window near to the ceiling with friggin' bars running vertically across it! What's that all about!!!???
There was this tall, skinny dude with long, scraggy blonde hair lying on the sofa with his feet crossed on one arm of the sofa and his head laying against the other arm of the sofa with a cushion underneath it. He was wearing a scruffy white tee shirt with the sleeves rolled up over his shoulders and a pair of beige baggy pants and espadrilles with no socks. He had a small goatee beard and was smoking a roll-up and a full ashtray laying on his lap. "Hey man, do you want to watch some TV or something?" he said. "No, no thank you, thank you." I replied. "Okay man, be cool man." he said. I'm pretty sure he muttered something under his breath afterwards like, "Be condescending to me man, I'll f***ing kill you man!" It was just like a scene out of True Romance with Floyd! I think he's LLN, but I'm not quite sure yet.
One of the guys sitting at the table playing cards said, "Hey, new guy!" and pointed to a broom that was leaning against the door frame. I grabbed the broom and proceeded to sweep the concrete floor. When I got to the part of the floor around their feet by the table they didn't budge an inch, just carried on playing cards regardless! As I got to the part of the floor near the kitchenette one of the guys at the table said, "Hey, new guy! On your way here bring me a Cutty and water." I had no idea what he was talking about so I just carried on sweeping.
"What am I, a mirage? Where's my drink?" he said.
"You wanted a drink?" I said.
"Am I on pay-no-mind list? he said.
"You said, I'm alright new guy." I said.
"You ain't alright!" he said.
"No, you said you were alright." I said.
"I am alright, you ain't new guy! You been doing this all day to me new guy!" he said.
"You want a drink? I'll bring it." I said.
"Get me a drink, move it new guy! You walk like Stepin Fetchit! Everybody else you run! Run for me! Dance the drink back here! What's that Bogart movie? Where he played a cowboy, 'The Oklahoma Kid' " he said.
"Oklahoma Kid? 'Shane'." I said.
"Oklahoma Kid, that's me. You varmint new guy, dance! Yahoo new guy! Round up those wagons! Now he's moving!" he said.
My God, this is just like a scene out of Goodfellas! By this time my nerves were fraught and my head was spinning. I needed to get out of that room and gather my thoughts. What the hell is going on here! I made the excuse that I needed to use the boys room and was pointed in the direction of the door and told it was the second door down the corridor on the right. As I made my way down the corridor there was another long passageway with a single door at the end of it. There were two huge guys in jet black suits and black ties standing outside of it with their hands clasped in front of them and looking dead ahead. My first thoughts were, "Holy crap Batman! That must be the admin room!" I'm pretty certain those two heavies must have been BigAl and BigO, who else could it have been? As I opened the door to the toilet another figure appeared from the shadows at the end of the corridor. He was about 5 foot tall, 5 foot wide, totally bald with a sticking plaster on the back of his neck and was also wearing a black suit and tie but with the addition of thick rimmed sunglasses which curved around the side of his face and carrying a briefcase. He was greeted by the two heavies with a kiss on both cheeks and a handshake and the door to the room was opened for him. Well, blow me down with a feather duster, that has to be Cusp! Surely!
As the door swung open and Cusp entered the room I could make out a huge antique writing desk inlaid on the top with green leather situated right in the center of the room. It had an old fashioned telephone on the desk alongside an antique brass Bankers lamp and a strategically placed leather blotting pad. Behind the desk all I could see was the back of a huge green leather executive study chair. Above the top of the chair I could see the top half of someone's head, it was a mane of brilliant white slicked back hair immaculately combed and in place and there was a plume of cigar smoke occasionally rising into the air. To the left of the desk was another smaller green leather chair with a beautiful woman sitting in it. She had long black hair tied up in a bun on top of her head, a Mediterranean olive complexion, bright red lipstick, bright red high heel shoes and a black low cut dress that showed her ample cleavage. She definitely looked Italian to me. She had a fountain pen in one hand and a notepad resting on her lap as she sat upright in the chair with her legs crossed in a way that showed the top of her stockings. As the door was swung closed by one of the heavies, I am certain that I heard Cusp say, "Don Pop." WTF...Don Pop!!! Was that JonPop and KMWylie? It has to be!
I rushed into the toilet before they saw me and took a few deep breaths. I didn't even need to pee but I just needed to gather my thoughts so I opened one of the cubicle doors and sat on the throne with the cubicle door locked behind me. I sat there with my head in my hands trying to figure out what the hell was going on. What have I got myself into! As I raised my head out of my hands and looked up at the back of the cubicle door I saw someone had written some graffiti on it. It read, "Dangler woz 'ere!" Underneath that someone had written, "So woz Pirate!" with a smiley face wearing an eye patch. I had to pull myself together and get back to the mod room, this is madness!
As I walked back to the mod room the door was already open and there was a guy, again in a black suit and black tie, standing by the door with a crate in his hands. On top of the crate was written, 'Perishable Fresh Seafood - Keep Iced'. One of the mods who was dressed in a white tee shirt, grey shorts, grey socks up to his knees, black and white open toe sandals and a white apron took it from the guy in the black suit as he said, "Here's your lobsters." Could this mod be JockInTheBox? He likes seafood, doesn't he? I thought JITB was younger, this mod is in his 60's, is bald apart from some hair at the back and sides and wears spectacles that look ten sizes too big for him. Surley not? Although, he did walk with bow legs. Could that be just old age or some kind of sports injury in the nether regions that causes him to walk that way? Not entirely sure yet?
The other mods cleared the table where they had previously been playing cards. One of them that was wearing pajama bottoms, a vest top and a blue dressing gown proceeded to cut very thin slices of garlic on the table with a razor blade! He said, "It makes it liquefy in the pan with a little oil." This mod is a huge man, built like a friggin' brick wall! Could he be Not2Big? Could his nickname be a term of endearment because of his physical size? I think so.
Some of the others started preparing their own separate part of the meal, one did the tomato sauce and one cooked the meat. Not2Big seemed to be in charge of the cooking as he gave the order, "Not too many onions in the sauce!" The mod cooking the meat was wearing a bright red quilted smoking jacket with pink pajamas underneath. He wore an expensive looking gold bracelet around his wrist and puffed on a big fat cigar as he fried the steak in the pan. Maybe this is Cavalier? Maybe his name reflects his taste in extravagant clothing and jewelry?
Once the meal had been prepared we all sat around the table and, I have to admit, the food was good! We had a pasta course, then we had a meat or a fish. There were three kinds of meat in the meatballs, veal, beef and pork. I felt he used too many onions, but it was still a good sauce. There was bread, peppers and onions, salami, prosciutto and a lot of cheese, all washed down with scotch, red wine and white wine too. Of course, one of the mods said Grace first before we ate. Got him! BurtyBasset aka Father Burty! Has to be!
I survived my first day without losing any fingers or toes or being buried in concrete. Let's see what tomorrow brings!
Amen.
First off, I received a map of the building showing me how to find my way to the Moderators Room. It's in the basement of the building and, bugger me, it's friggin' dark in there! I knocked on the door and someone shouted, "Yo!". I opened the door and there were half a dozen or so guys sitting around a circular table in the middle of the room with a dim light without a lampshade above it and they were all playing cards, poker I think. Someone said, "Ah! New meat...he's just been 'made'!" WTF does that mean! None of them told me their names, didn't speak, and just carried on with what they were doing (or not doing) so I'm guessing who's who at the moment. The room's pretty small with an old sofa against one wall, a small kitchenette in the corner with a sink, a small hob and a kettle. There's a tatty armchair in another corner with holes in the fabric and a small portable TV sitting on a small wooden table against another wall with card under one leg to keep it from rocking. The room has a concrete floor, no carpet and high above the sofa only one small window near to the ceiling with friggin' bars running vertically across it! What's that all about!!!???
There was this tall, skinny dude with long, scraggy blonde hair lying on the sofa with his feet crossed on one arm of the sofa and his head laying against the other arm of the sofa with a cushion underneath it. He was wearing a scruffy white tee shirt with the sleeves rolled up over his shoulders and a pair of beige baggy pants and espadrilles with no socks. He had a small goatee beard and was smoking a roll-up and a full ashtray laying on his lap. "Hey man, do you want to watch some TV or something?" he said. "No, no thank you, thank you." I replied. "Okay man, be cool man." he said. I'm pretty sure he muttered something under his breath afterwards like, "Be condescending to me man, I'll f***ing kill you man!" It was just like a scene out of True Romance with Floyd! I think he's LLN, but I'm not quite sure yet.
One of the guys sitting at the table playing cards said, "Hey, new guy!" and pointed to a broom that was leaning against the door frame. I grabbed the broom and proceeded to sweep the concrete floor. When I got to the part of the floor around their feet by the table they didn't budge an inch, just carried on playing cards regardless! As I got to the part of the floor near the kitchenette one of the guys at the table said, "Hey, new guy! On your way here bring me a Cutty and water." I had no idea what he was talking about so I just carried on sweeping.
"What am I, a mirage? Where's my drink?" he said.
"You wanted a drink?" I said.
"Am I on pay-no-mind list? he said.
"You said, I'm alright new guy." I said.
"You ain't alright!" he said.
"No, you said you were alright." I said.
"I am alright, you ain't new guy! You been doing this all day to me new guy!" he said.
"You want a drink? I'll bring it." I said.
"Get me a drink, move it new guy! You walk like Stepin Fetchit! Everybody else you run! Run for me! Dance the drink back here! What's that Bogart movie? Where he played a cowboy, 'The Oklahoma Kid' " he said.
"Oklahoma Kid? 'Shane'." I said.
"Oklahoma Kid, that's me. You varmint new guy, dance! Yahoo new guy! Round up those wagons! Now he's moving!" he said.
My God, this is just like a scene out of Goodfellas! By this time my nerves were fraught and my head was spinning. I needed to get out of that room and gather my thoughts. What the hell is going on here! I made the excuse that I needed to use the boys room and was pointed in the direction of the door and told it was the second door down the corridor on the right. As I made my way down the corridor there was another long passageway with a single door at the end of it. There were two huge guys in jet black suits and black ties standing outside of it with their hands clasped in front of them and looking dead ahead. My first thoughts were, "Holy crap Batman! That must be the admin room!" I'm pretty certain those two heavies must have been BigAl and BigO, who else could it have been? As I opened the door to the toilet another figure appeared from the shadows at the end of the corridor. He was about 5 foot tall, 5 foot wide, totally bald with a sticking plaster on the back of his neck and was also wearing a black suit and tie but with the addition of thick rimmed sunglasses which curved around the side of his face and carrying a briefcase. He was greeted by the two heavies with a kiss on both cheeks and a handshake and the door to the room was opened for him. Well, blow me down with a feather duster, that has to be Cusp! Surely!
As the door swung open and Cusp entered the room I could make out a huge antique writing desk inlaid on the top with green leather situated right in the center of the room. It had an old fashioned telephone on the desk alongside an antique brass Bankers lamp and a strategically placed leather blotting pad. Behind the desk all I could see was the back of a huge green leather executive study chair. Above the top of the chair I could see the top half of someone's head, it was a mane of brilliant white slicked back hair immaculately combed and in place and there was a plume of cigar smoke occasionally rising into the air. To the left of the desk was another smaller green leather chair with a beautiful woman sitting in it. She had long black hair tied up in a bun on top of her head, a Mediterranean olive complexion, bright red lipstick, bright red high heel shoes and a black low cut dress that showed her ample cleavage. She definitely looked Italian to me. She had a fountain pen in one hand and a notepad resting on her lap as she sat upright in the chair with her legs crossed in a way that showed the top of her stockings. As the door was swung closed by one of the heavies, I am certain that I heard Cusp say, "Don Pop." WTF...Don Pop!!! Was that JonPop and KMWylie? It has to be!
I rushed into the toilet before they saw me and took a few deep breaths. I didn't even need to pee but I just needed to gather my thoughts so I opened one of the cubicle doors and sat on the throne with the cubicle door locked behind me. I sat there with my head in my hands trying to figure out what the hell was going on. What have I got myself into! As I raised my head out of my hands and looked up at the back of the cubicle door I saw someone had written some graffiti on it. It read, "Dangler woz 'ere!" Underneath that someone had written, "So woz Pirate!" with a smiley face wearing an eye patch. I had to pull myself together and get back to the mod room, this is madness!
As I walked back to the mod room the door was already open and there was a guy, again in a black suit and black tie, standing by the door with a crate in his hands. On top of the crate was written, 'Perishable Fresh Seafood - Keep Iced'. One of the mods who was dressed in a white tee shirt, grey shorts, grey socks up to his knees, black and white open toe sandals and a white apron took it from the guy in the black suit as he said, "Here's your lobsters." Could this mod be JockInTheBox? He likes seafood, doesn't he? I thought JITB was younger, this mod is in his 60's, is bald apart from some hair at the back and sides and wears spectacles that look ten sizes too big for him. Surley not? Although, he did walk with bow legs. Could that be just old age or some kind of sports injury in the nether regions that causes him to walk that way? Not entirely sure yet?
The other mods cleared the table where they had previously been playing cards. One of them that was wearing pajama bottoms, a vest top and a blue dressing gown proceeded to cut very thin slices of garlic on the table with a razor blade! He said, "It makes it liquefy in the pan with a little oil." This mod is a huge man, built like a friggin' brick wall! Could he be Not2Big? Could his nickname be a term of endearment because of his physical size? I think so.
Some of the others started preparing their own separate part of the meal, one did the tomato sauce and one cooked the meat. Not2Big seemed to be in charge of the cooking as he gave the order, "Not too many onions in the sauce!" The mod cooking the meat was wearing a bright red quilted smoking jacket with pink pajamas underneath. He wore an expensive looking gold bracelet around his wrist and puffed on a big fat cigar as he fried the steak in the pan. Maybe this is Cavalier? Maybe his name reflects his taste in extravagant clothing and jewelry?
Once the meal had been prepared we all sat around the table and, I have to admit, the food was good! We had a pasta course, then we had a meat or a fish. There were three kinds of meat in the meatballs, veal, beef and pork. I felt he used too many onions, but it was still a good sauce. There was bread, peppers and onions, salami, prosciutto and a lot of cheese, all washed down with scotch, red wine and white wine too. Of course, one of the mods said Grace first before we ate. Got him! BurtyBasset aka Father Burty! Has to be!
I survived my first day without losing any fingers or toes or being buried in concrete. Let's see what tomorrow brings!
Amen.
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