Stayed off from Gym today. Calves are aching when fully extended. I think that's due to the bike and the weighted calf muscle workouts i do. they're in good shape. my legs have always been super strong.

Anyway, Low carb day to day. All salads today. I went HAM yesterday (Hard as A Muthaf*cka) Had Big Philly cheese steaks, and bacon, and Wendy's Sandwiches and sh*t... I was a glutton! Time to go low carb then medium carb then high carb again sometime soon. This is what helped me lose that 30lbs in about a month and half. just from walking 2 miles a day that one semester in college.

Anyway, have been neglecting my PE, i want my penis is top form for this pumping! I've not been having many erections lately. Probably due to my increased activity?!

Also, had a deep moment a few minutes ago. I reflected on why I am doing what I'm doing. I'm tired of being fat. Never, in my life, have i been the "hot" guy. I'm that guy who you grow to like despite his appearance. but many don't get that far into me. Maybe they do and they find my insecurities and wonder why should they like me if I don't like me?

Either way, I've decided to make the change. This is Rome, and as the saying goes, "When in Rome, do as Romans do." If I want someone to like me or to take me seriously, I have to project out a look that they want to take seriously. Sad but true, you're judged by your appearance. I'm probably judged harshly by people based on what I look like. They know nothing about me but I'm instantly lazy unmotivated and eat 15 heaping plates a day. *sigh*

Went on a date with a girl who was on the larger side, but it wasn't her size that turned me off (completely), it was some other aspects. But at the end of the day, I thought to myself "how can i criticize this girl and mark her off based on her appearance if I get pissed off when someone does it to me?" Well f*ck it. If you can't beat'em join'em. Get in a position when I can make those determinations. Get in a position where the girls that come after me are the girls in my previous league. the ones who chased after guys in the league that I'm trying to be in.

What's the jacked up part is that I don't believe in "Leagues" there's no such thing as a pretty or ugly human. we're all really different looking. with the right work, anyone can be "Hot" i feel. But In reality, there's a hierarchy of "Attractiveness' and that sh*t was a disappointing realization. It bums me out that it's real, but the only thing i can do i come to terms with it and try to use it to my advantage.

I feel as though I offer more, as a person, than most other people; especially those in the "upper echelon" who never had to develop any sort of personality. A deep understanding and a desire to learn and be better. breadth of knowledge that i continuously try to expand. A compassion for people of all walks of life and mindsets. a desire to make something of myself and not just "get by" a really well rounded human being that most people just aren't. That said, I don't have the packaging that makes me "desirable" and the confidence that comes with that package so it's clear to those who see me what my weak spots are. and weakness in a man is undesirable. Eliminate weaknesses and you're golden!