Member of the Month Dec 2013
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, and i'm a billionaire so my only job is to keep her happy all day long as she runs about my penthouse like a perfectly nude pixie. Did I get your attention? Good, cause that's not what this is about at all.I wish I hadn't let opportunities go by in my life. I wish when I was in high school I had the guts to ignore my mother and go play football like I wanted. I wish I had, just once, been honest with a woman about my feelings for her when I was a young man. I wish I hadn't missed out on the opportunity to sleep with those 6 women that were interested in me when I was young and scared. I wish that I had actually taken a moment to look at this website when I tripped across it years ago (it's true...). I wish I could go back and fix it all. I wish I had no regrets.
Did I ever tell the story of those 6 women? I probably mentioned them in a post or a dozen...very few things on this site get me more fired up than young people setting themselves up for regrets later in life...but I don't think I told the whole story. The first one happened when I was very young. I used to go to a lot of church camps (not band camp LOL) and one year I befriended a young lady. We became fast friends and even though this was a church camp, we were also human. She wanted me (and I wanted her if I'm totally honest), we spent time together....a lot of time alone...I was in middle school and absolutely beyond my depth so nothing happened.
Don't worry, they get better! The next one was in high school. We used to spend a lot of time together in a small group of friends. We had a lot in common, a dry, somewhat dark, very sarcastic bite. We were both swimmers, we both hated the same food. I think she was interested and I know I was. Truth is, we were both scared I think and so nothing happened.
When I went to college I chose a university that nobody from my high school had attended in a decade...I wanted to get away from my quiet/shy identity and reinvent myself. My freshman year of college I met a blonde from Chicago in the early freshman orientation. We were fast friends and I spent time with her in her dorm room alone. I was determined that things would be different in college - that the timid me was gone - that I would just be a fucking man! Nope. I screwed that one up. After knowing each other for a month or so, she called me and invited me to go with her to see the university orchestra play Rachmaninoff (a favorite then and now) and I was young and foolish and didn't know how to dress well. She never called me again. If only I had the sense to put on a decent pair of pants, nice shirt, and decent shoes things would have been very different.
Now is where it gets really juicy. Feel free to toss out the first three if you like, I don't care, but these next three are absolute! The summer after my sophomore year of college (a wise fool for sure) I took a summer physics course back at home in Minnesota. There was a girl in the class...I forget her name now...but she was stunning. She has a penchant for wearing thin strapped summer dresses that ended mid thigh and she filled that dress out PERFECTLY. We were both ahead of the game academically and we sat together and talked...largely ignoring the professor. One day, about a month and a half in just before the midterm, she invited me back to her apartment to "study"...noting that her roommate was out of town (obviously an important detail!). Me, being the fool that I was, declined saying I had to go to work, which I did, but I could have gotten out of it to go back to her empty apartment with her to "study". Oh the glories that might have been in that apartment had I only been man enough to go. Holy crap does that one bother me...
Number 5 bothers me too...quite a lot. I was in my 6th year of college (professional doctorate program, not dumb) and a friend who had graduated was visiting me. We went to a favorite hang-out for thirsty Thursday. We had a hell of a good time in the piano bar and I found myself standing next to a very petite (like 5 foot nothing) blonde who was also from Minnesota. I got lost in the conversation with her (over the LOUD and ROWDY piano bar). We held hands and then had arms around each other. When the piano bar was finishing she said she and her friends were going to another bar to dance and would I like to come. Jesus I knew she wanted me, her body language was screaming it! I have no excuse here, I said no because my friend was staying with me and needed me with him (shit, I could have given him the keys!). I got her number though. I called her a few days later and we met up at a concert but the moment was gone...
The final one is by far the most obvious. My friend, the same one from the story above, was visiting me again for the same reason. This time he brought 2 friends with him (two women) and we all went out for some fun on campus. Well, one of those women immediately took a liking to me. She was somewhat attractive, easily the least of the whole bunch, but still attractive. My LORD did she throw herself at me. She was all over me at the bar, grinding...groping...touching...teasing...on the way home she never let go of me. We got back to my place where everybody was staying and I went to the can to complete the miracle transformation of beer into water (LOL) and when I went into my room...there she was lying in my bed. For real! I didn't know what to do...but I was gripped by fear. I removed her from my bed - as in - I physically lifted her out of my bed and carried her to the living room. They left in the middle of the night and that was the last time I saw that friend of mine.
I regret all of this. I wonder what would have or could have been. Regret, by far, is worse to live with than rejection. I've been rejected too but they don't stick with me like these do. What might have been if only I tried. These young guys on this site need to realize NOW, before they are old like me, that regret is the worst thing in life to try to live with...far, FAR worse than rejection.
I wish I didn't have any regrets.
~Abe