I remember back in middle school when guys were first starting to notice attractive girls. A developing pair of breasts. A nice round butt in skin-tight pants moving in rhythm with a girl's step. Her hips seductively swaying from side to side. It was natural to look - sometimes even stare.

There was a level of camaraderie among men as well as an obligation to alert your guy friends of an approaching cutie. "6 o'clock, bud." And we'd turn our heads like clockwork or discreetly pretend to 'scan' the cafeteria for a few seconds of visual pleasure.

We were all curious. But I felt something else, too: A little bit of shame. Like I was doing something wrong and had to be very careful not to be caught.

Throughout grade school I was applauded by my teachers and elders for being polite, courteous and respectful. It was easy as a youngster and it felt good to have earned the respect of my teachers and classmates. But now I had a new dilemma. How could I simultaneously respect women and do such a "dirty" thing as look at them (namely their butts) the way I wanted to? Weren't women delicate flowers that had to be nurtured? It was a catch-22. I had mislabeled my physical attraction towards women as disrespectful, instead of embracing it as natural.

As the other guys began to tease, flirt and play, I refrained from this. And are you ready for this? I felt good about it. I genuinely believed that I was the gentleman that all these girls truly wanted. As if the key to happiness had been bestowed upon me and I was more mature than the other guys. As other guys teased and flirted their way to building attraction, I continued to have steady non-sexual conversations with my female classmates. Isn't that what they wanted? I was providing it - unlike my male peers, who I viewed as too aggressive.

Of course, I failed to acknowledge that these supposedly aggressive men were sometimes succeeding with girls and I was not. Sure, sometimes they got rejected by one girl or another - maybe more, but their playful behavior persisted and eventually worked. I failed to rationalize the benefits of their behavior, despite my being mostly alone at school dances. So I continued to be safe, non-sexual and non-threatening. Note that fewer rejections is not the sign of success; more success is the sign of success.

It seems obvious now, but their behavior was really just a function of their beliefs, as was mine. They were expressing themselves as young men with growing libidos. I was not. Instead, I believed that I just had to be patient. I wanted the results to change, but I didn't want to make any changes myself, because I thought that I was already being the type of person I wanted to be. Plus, I was young, hadn't hit puberty yet, and didn't care that much. It was a non-issue and being patient seemed reasonable.

When I read this post (many years later, after college): Sexual Shame it was really an eye-opener for me. I realized that my behavior towards women had been so skewed by my false beliefs about them. I can't turn this into a blame game; blaming my teacher or parents or society as a whole. Yes, certain influences may have altered my beliefs for some time, but as a free thinker I can examine my beliefs and challenge them. It isn't easy, but I challenge you to consider if perhaps you hold some of the same limiting beliefs in your life.