Ask GF about Exes Size? / Penis Self Hatred / Suicidal Thoughts

[Thecollegekid Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thecollegekid]

My first serious girlfriend of two years left me for a guy who a big penis. She bragged about its size to all her friends. When he dumped her we got back together I couldn't really feel her when we had sex and she kept saying how she hoped my penis would grow bigger. I really wanted to kill myself hearing that, I really blamed myself and hated myself deeply for not being good enough for her. I eventually left the relationship when I found out she had cheated on me with him.

I know my penis is pretty small it is 5.75 inches BP and 4.5 inches in girth but I didn't realize it was an issue until then. Around this time I began abusing adderall and alcohol out of self hatred. I almost killed myself once and almost overdosed on pills multiple times after this. I am deeply ashamed of my drug abuse but I was able to get clean by going to rehab. I started working out and got in amazing shape (big arms 8 pack) and went onto fix my life in many ways. I kind of repressed the memory about my penis size but was careful not to show its size too much even when having sex with girls. I didn't get in relationships so my penis size wasn't a huge deal in one night stands.

I am now dating a girl for 1 year I am very in love with her but she made a remark about how my penis is just the right size "not too big / not too small" which made me pretty sure she had been with guys with bigger penises. Two of her ex-boyfriends were black which makes me think that even more. She has has also dated at least 8 different guys so law of averages means she has probably been with bigger guys than me. She also made a comment recently about how "it looks bigger today" which makes me think she is hyper aware of my penis size.

I can almost feel all my repressed self-hatred boiling back to the surface and have lashed out on her in random fights a few times in the past week (which she does not deserve). One of the fights I brought up the "not too big" comment and she basically said: "I am sorry I did not mean to insult your manhood" which seemed to be a way not to just say: "Your penis is big enough" because she would have obviously said that if she felt that way. While I love her I can't help but feel like I will never be enough for her because my penis is not big enough. I would rather be alone than never live up to her sexual expectations.

Should I just ask her if she is used to bigger penises than me? I feel like its a stupid question because the obvious answer is yes. I know hearing it from her mouth will make it a million times worse but at least it won't be in my head. And ask if my penis is big enough for her? I just assume that open communication would be better than secretly trying to grow my penis just to be good enough.

I AM NOT ASKING FOR PITY. I am going to work hard like I do at everything in my life and try to grow my penis through PE. I know I shouldn't expect amazing results immediately and even "gains" are likely to only be 1 inch after 1-2 years if I'm lucky but at least its something. I'm not allowed to complain unless I am trying right? My goal is to grow to 7 inches in 3-4 years if possible. I wanted to post my story because I have never told it to anyone in my real life. I actually began crying while writing it as a cathartic release.

I will commit to doing 2 days 1 off for the next year. I have already done it for last week and plan on continuing. Thank you all for this amazing resource. Also of note, I briefly did PE in 2014 for about 2 months and got decent gains but could not continue. I stopped because I started taking stimulants like adderall and caffeine which would shrink my penis so I could not maintain my gains or even do stretching exercises.

[madyogi Moderator Member of the Month April 2020PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close madyogi]

Welcome, CollegeKid, and congrats for turning your life around the way you did! Many cannot manage that and end up in far worse shape.

To answer your direct question in bold, Please NO! Take her at her word, and do not burden her with your insecurities. Get to work!

I was a very similar size to you when I met the love of my life, now my wife. I never had trouble satisfying women, but I always had this nagging feeling that I was below average (come to find out I was not, but that's for other threads). Anytime this would come up, she would assure me my dick was the perfect size for her.

I loved her very much, and we had great sex, so I took her at her word. Why wouldn't I? She adored me and I her, and again, the sex was great. My obsessing over my penis size and bringing it up over and over again only would have turned her off.

I sure wish I'd known about PE then, but it has all worked out, and now I've made great gains. She has never complained or cared about my size, but she is starting to notice the difference and having g-spot orgasms with me inside her. Definitely a reflection of my gains.

I suggest you start a log over in the progress forum, and ask questions. Again, congrats on turning your life around, and congrats on sharing your story. This place is great for sharing such things that can't be shared anywhere else.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Don't.

No matter what she answers, your insecurities will still cause you to not accept the answer.

We've seen instances like this a number of times. It is like a one man circular firing squad; you won't believe what the answer is.

[Johnny D ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Johnny D]

First: You're wrong to assume black is bigger
Second: You're wrong to believe that you're small
Both of those beliefs are countered by data so just toss them aside.

Now... Ask yourself what you would do with her answers, if you did ask. Assume that she says she's been with bigger men. What do you do with that bit of information and how does it help your relationship (and you)? Now assume that she says you're her biggest (or all have been your size). What do you do with that bit of information? Just ask yourself why you want the answer and what you're going to do when you have it, whatever it might be.

[Hailtotheburrito Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hailtotheburrito]

Don’t ask her. It will make you look insecure. That is a BIG turn off and could end the relationship. Grab yourself an extender because they work and relatively fast. Look at my log. I started off just about your size. Than as your confidence grows watch how she reacts and wait for her to notice in about a year and a half when you hit 7 inches. If you are happy you can work on girth with a bathmate. I like mine as well.

[madyogi Moderator Member of the Month April 2020PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close madyogi]

I just assume that open communication would be better than secretly trying to grow my penis just to be good enough.

As far as this goes, you obsessively asking her for validation because you're insecure is not "open communication." It brings to mind words like needy or codependent.

In general, though, open communication is critical to a healthy relationship, but PE is a very personal thing.

I say, if you are living together, there is good reason to consider telling her what you are doing and why, but the "why" matters. You should think hard about this, and come to a point where you are doing this for positive reasons, to make yourself a better lover, to improve your confidence, to feel better overall, etc. You will not be successful if you are doing it out of self-loathing.

If you're not living together, I say leave it up to her imagination why you start to "feel different" inside her over the next year or two.

There's a great success thread by a member named Hydeaway85. In that thread he says he does his routine in stealth, keeping it from his wife, and once he started making real gains, she kept remarking about how tight she was getting. So, unbeknownst to her, he was doing all the work to make her tighter

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

No and no. Don't ask, don't tell.

Never let them see you sweat, and never give them an opportunity to make you sweat.
...unless you're fucking, of course.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Hey Kid!

welcome to the Gym

It would be a good idea to click on the Start Here button at the top left of the page. Lots of good information on what the Gym is all about, including best practices and safety tips.

It is always recommended to start with a beginners routine (doesn't have to be the JP) and continue with it for 90 days or until you stop gaining. Start slowly and build up to the full routine over a few weeks.

Jelq with an erection level between 40 and 70%. Do not grip too tight, just enough to feel blood moving up the shaft . When stretching, grab your shaft about one inch below the glans and do not pull too hard, just enough to feel a slight stretch. Let your PIs be your guide as to how hard to do your exercise.

5.75” x 4.5 (bone pressed) is well within the average range. If it is non bone pressed, you are above average. I kept my wife satisfied for over 40 years with a 5.5“ x 4.4“ (bone pressed) erection.

Don’t forget to take good starting measurements and photos so you have a solid base to compare your gains to.

PE safely and good luck with your endeavors.

[Cpt. Jean-Luc Dickhard Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cpt. Jean-Luc Dickhard]

Yea why not I'll stick my 2p in. Though I've had a few beers so I might be as coherent as normal. In the UK it's 7pm so that's totally fine.

So you can ask her if you want. It might be a bit awkward for her, like wouldn't you feel awkward if she was asking you for intimate details about previous women you have been with so she can compare herself to them? And I don't see what you are going to be able to do with the result, I don't see what it will solve.

Also, congrats on your turnaround, you've done well. Ive had my share of MH problems, anxiety and self-harm, though I don't think any of it was related to my dicksize... And this is despite actually being smaller than you - well thanks to some initial PE gains about the same BPEL but worse girth.

I'm PEing for myself not my wife, I hope she will appreciate the results but that would be a fortunate biproduct, not the main motivation.

When I started here I did a thread setting out my thoughts on that sort of thing so rather than repeat myself I'll post a link here
https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...out-women.html
Maybe you find it helpful, maybe not.

Anyway, you're worrying about this far more than she is. I'm pretty certain. All the best

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

No good will come of asking such questions.

[DrCommander Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close DrCommander]

Hey Kid,

Firstly, thank you for sharing openly. There has been some great feedback already to help put your size in perspective (you're not small) and to answer your question.

Generally, men are much more fixated on penis size than women are. The majority of women want an LTR prospect with an average-size penis. Yes, there are some women who require a large penis, but they are in the minority of women. What are the majority of women seeking in a long-term partner? They are seeking honesty, connection, and shared values. They are seeking a man who is stable. They are seeking a man who will be a good father. When your GF said that you're the right size, that was most likely a genuine statement. My advice is to take her at her word. Instead of fixating on your size, focus on being a good lover. Many men think having a big dick equals being a good lay, and that is plainly wrong for most women.

You are correct that open communication is important. The way I would approach open communication would be more along the lines of stating how you feel. Stating how you feel shows confidence and openness, in contrast to seeking validation.

[thepowerpole Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thepowerpole]

Hello Kid, my advice is don't ask.

You weren't good enough for a girl that badmouthed you and cheated on you? Yes sir, it seems that you were the problem. Good thing you got her out of your life.

2nd girl might've noticed that you were trying not to show your size, so she wanted to help. I think she didn't have ill intent when she said those things but she can't make you accept the fact that you are not your penis.

Just own your size, accept it. From that point of maturity you go into the enlargement, in which I think you will have great success cause you are willing to put down the work.

I would sit down with her and tell her that you are aware that you don't have biggest penis in the world (see, you are not bothered by this) and that you know that she wanted to help you with that comments and you appreciate it but it just made you self aware. Something like that.

Hope that helped a bit. Good luck!

[8x5Goalzz Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 8x5Goalzz]

I started with a very similar size. There is definitely hope. You are very close to the exact average size, so I wouldn't say it's small. 50% of guys will have smaller penises than you.

Check out
https://calcsd.netlify.app/

[ProjectMagnum Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ProjectMagnum]

As everyone else has already commented, I'll reinforce it by also saying not to ask her about size. Before starting PE, I used to mess with a woman who told me straight away that I wasn't as big as her ex. I never asked how big he was because one, it would come off as me being insecure. And second, her perception of it might not have been accurate. I too was within average range at 5" BPEL and 5" EG.

Now, going forward, what you should think about that I find helps me is not where you currently are with your size. But instead, think about when you reach your goal, you cannot be called "small" by someone who should be taken seriously. When you think of your past experiences when you hit that goal, your worries will no longer be there on the matter and you'll be thinking, "If only they can see me now."

[JLannister Member Find all posts View Profile Close JLannister]

Be mindful of the fact that whomever she has been with in the past and however big or small they were, she has now chosen to be with you