Did I bruise an ego?

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

If a girl came up to you saying "Hey my friend over there likes you but she's shy, so just give her your number okay? To make her happy even if it's a fake one, I doubt she will call anyway."
Wouldn't you seem a lil insulted from that? Because I would.

I would have to agree. It seems to me that you put your own "I am such a great guy" type thinking ahead of your friend and this girl. This kind of thinking is about ego, your own.

I mean let's look at this, you basically told the girl that your buddy's loser and he needs your helpeven to get a fake number. Then your actions implied that she was not valuable as anything other than some ego boost for your buddy.

Also, your girl friend might be right, maybe she did like you. But, what you did smacks of self-satisfaction and arrogance.

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

Years ago I had a buddy that would "help me " like this.

It wasn't even like I was shy, I just had a different style than him. Always giving me backhanded compliments. He didn't even realize it, the fucking narcissist that he was, in his mind he was just helping out a friend.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

Oh HA! Sorry man, didn't see this.

The point I was making, while I agree with the prostitution pov, is that while his actions may have been a little uncalled for, his intent was to help boost is friends confidence so he would be more comfortable in the future with women. However, one thing I didn't notice was that his friend had already talked to her and then went to the bathroom. I didn't read that part the first time.

If his friend had already talked to her it would seem even more like he was throwing his friend under the bus in order to pick her up, in her eyes. I thought his friend was just standing at the bar all shy and shit.

I really admire a man who can help his friend out. Give him the best wingman of the year award if he helps him get a hot girls number.
But it seems to me that Phil went about it in a terrible way. Getting a fake number doesn't boost anyone's confidence. That wouldn't be helpful at all. Does your confidence lie in a number you got? I'm sure phil's been turned down before, but his confidence is unwavering. A fake number would have hurt his friend. What if he called it?

What Phil did was insulting, and if I were that friend I would do something about it. Give him a fake number, just to make him feel better about himself? What a great line.
You simultaneously put the girl and your friend down in one sentence, while making it seem like you're trying to help and be a good guy. I would be seriously offended if anyone said that about me.

There are good ways to help a friend. And there are bad ways to help them. Phil chose the bad way.

[TheSnitch Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TheSnitch]

Now that people have pointed it out, I agree. I was originally looking at his intentions, which seemed to be good. But, I can see how it would be offensive to both parties involved.

My question now is, why did you approach her in the first place Phil? If it was a fake number why not just write a fake number on a piece of paper and give it to your friend and tell him it was from her?

It does seem like you had some sort of inherent intent to make yourself look better to this girl, than you did helping out your friend, even if you didn't realize it at the time.

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

he was supposed to come out of the bathroom and sit back down, then she was supposed to come up to him and say/do whatever, making it appear as though she took interest in him and had he followed through instead of running into the bathroom due to anxiety he woulda made real progress. Then next time he feels anxiety he can say fuck you anxiety.

I understand every point made against me here, the only problem is that you are all wrong. if you remove me from the equation then everything is fine. Had it all come about naturally it would of worked out, im sure if the girl had thought of the idea on her own she may have acted on it. Giving him some sort of sign that he didnt go completely un-noticed i mean. I do not want props for having done the right thing, I was just trying to understand her reaction. I was aware that one girl may be impressed by my actions but that was an afterthought and I dont think I should allow being aware of how my actions will be perceived to deter me from doing the right thing.

At least I finally have an example for when trying to explain one of my favorite quotes!

"when you have done something right it will be as if you have done nothing at all" - I credit it to matt groaning as I heard it at the end of a futurama episode, so really it could be from anybody.


and i dont care how egotistical it is, what it comes down to is for half the night i planned on asking her out, and she knew it, and then I "passed" her on to my friend, because I woulda felt guilty fucking her. she should be complimented I believed she was capable of removing herself from the situation and doing something for someone else.

But enough of that, how about this? What SHOULD she of done? I would of been impressed as fuck had she said no to the number but had a drink with him and talked with him for a bit.

[second lensman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close second lensman]

I'll take a pass on the Dear Abby column but give you all a B+ for effort.

[BTBrian Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BTBrian]

Man the thing is you've got it in your head that you can do no wrong or something. We all agree that your intentions were spot on and you're right that if it happened naturally it would have been great, but the thing is that it didn't happen naturally and instead you belittled your friend and the girl. what she SHOULD have done was exactly what she did.

[OMG! Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close OMG!]

I think the chick is just weird. What she should have said was, "Oh, wow, you are so sweet for helping out your buddy, but to be honest, I was kind of hoping you were coming up here to ask me out yourself." Why is that so hard? Why did she need to flip out? It's all good, though. Lots of sea out there with lots o' fishes, for you and your buddy.

[thenewdude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thenewdude]

I don't think her as weird but offended and had the right to be. First impression say a lot regardless if it is the real character or not. She was approached wrong and especially from a dude she don't know.

[Iwillbebig Member Find all posts View Profile Close Iwillbebig]

This is rather bizarre. I think we all agree and its mentioned enough on forums like these that women are attracted to confidence and Phil himself is obviously a confident guy. So Phil decides to “help” his mate out. His mate who is hiding in the toilets as he is desperately trying to mask his shyness and lack of confidence around a girl he fancies. So Phil thinks I know what will help I will approach the chick for him and confirm to her the one thing he is trying so hard to conceal about himself. Then by saying she could give him a fake number Phil confirms that she would not be missing anything by not hooking up with him and that his friend also basically has no balls as he won’t dare call anyway. Phil may as well just have said that my friend in the red hoody is a pathetic loser who is useless with women but sadly for you he does like you. I am not really interested in helping him get anywhere but I will pretend to as this is just a good chance to show I am a better catch than him, in fact really he is just lucky to be able to hang out with me.

My own view is that whether she liked the look of Phil or not she immediately thought what an absolute dick this guy is for saying that about his mate and... am I back in kindergarten/nursery here?
Phil it is hard but you need to take a long look at yourself here and ask “Is this really the best way I can help my mate”

This is what I think you should have done.

You had obviously already spotted her mate and decided you would not go there with the singer because of your friend. By the way this is an example of the dynamics of your friendship as you are pretty much saying your friend has no chance if you are interested in the same woman. No surprise there though. How superior to him are you exactly and is this in every single department? Anyway why not approach the girl and say you saw her talking to your mate – red hoody. He is a really top guy but a bit shy...I’m sure he likes you...he’s really cool etc. Actually maybe we could all have a drink together. I would kind of like to get to know your friend too maybe?

I don’t know, I’m no smooth talker but the actual conversation is irrelevant. You could have got in to a situation where you all had a drink. You could have helped your mate be relaxed and look good around the woman while still hooking up with the other girl yourself. Instead what happened? You pretty much blew any chance he had. For once he was actually having the balls to go speak to a hot woman. Then you got involved to help put him back in his place. And low and behold look who still got laid eh?
Your the man Phil!

So in answer to the thread. No I don’t think you bruised her ego really but your ego is the real problem here. It is hard to see our own flaws and perhaps you did genuinely believe you were trying to help. This is not the way to be a good friend though. One day your friend might gain the confidence he is lacking now. The first thing he will probably do then is evaluate the people around him and what they add to his life. You might find if he does this that he does not value your friendship that highly, especially if this is the best you can do for him.

Right rant over. No offence and I am sure there are a lot of good elements to your friendship. Long look in the mirror on this one though.

[thenewdude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thenewdude]

You get a rep because her ego was not bruised at all and really could have cared less.

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

he does suck with woman, he does have no confidence, running and hiding in the bathroom is pathetic. HE will be the first one to tell you this. It does not take away from him as a person at all, circumstance has simply provided me with opportunities to overcome the exact same anxiety he is feeling, it does not make me better or "superior" as one person put it in any way shape or form.

"Humanity must put aside pride and live happily with respect for ones self, instead of living through pride which is fed by establishing superiority over others" - Myself

[KungFuJoe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close KungFuJoe]

I think the OP has it all wrong and the fact that it bothered him so much that he came here to make a thread shows that he probably cared more about the situation than the lead singer did, who I doubt went home and ranted on Facebook or something.

Look at it from the flipside. Your band is performing at a bar. It's hard work...lots of pressure, lots of preparation...you put your heart into your act. Someone comes up and you're expecting that person to compliment you on your performance, perhaps ask more about you and your band...maybe even buy a CD. But no, that person just says, "hey, can you pretend to like my pathetic friend who is hiding in the bathroom?"

Basicallly, her response is the equivalent to saying, "I ain't got time for this shit, kid. Go away."

And to answer the OP's question...the only ego that got bruised was his own.

[BTBrian Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BTBrian]

I think the OP has it all wrong and the fact that it bothered him so much that he came here to make a thread shows that he probably cared more about the situation than the lead singer did, who I doubt went home and ranted on Facebook or something.

Look at it from the flipside. Your band is performing at a bar. It's hard work...lots of pressure, lots of preparation...you put your heart into your act. Someone comes up and you're expecting that person to compliment you on your performance, perhaps ask more about you and your band...maybe even buy a CD. But no, that person just says, "hey, can you pretend to like my pathetic friend who is hiding in the bathroom?"

Basicallly, her response is the equivalent to saying, "I ain't got time for this shit, kid. Go away."

And to answer the OP's question...the only ego that got bruised was his own.

Yup. Seems like he came here seeking reassurance that he wasn't the bad guy here because deep down he knew he did something wrong.

Phil you came here asking what we thought, yet when we tell you what we think you just toss it aside and say nope she's the bad guy not me

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

lol no these types of interactions are one of the few things that interest me and online is really the only place to discuss it because I do not have to deal with the consequences of offending someone who simply cant comprehend. it was out of the ordinary, a response i really did not predict and it amused me so here we are.

Her being a singer I think just strengthens the point I made about how she should of reacted, instead of giving her a sense of entitlement.

Btbrian, you show me one response taking into account every variable I have provided, I mean one response not tossing aside everything I have said ( I was the only one there, you only get my word to go by), one response that includes a why, instead of a "oh this is how I would feel/react" and we might actually get somewhere. Ive provided a full explanation for everything ive said, I deserve the same in return. I have fully addressed each response given to me (without repeating myself) and told you WHY you were wrong, again I deserve the same.

P.S i like how the thread is titled "Did I bruise an ego?" and nearly every response given depicts a reaction based on a hurt sense of pride and a how dare he attitude.