Consistent flaking

[ThirdArm Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThirdArm]

Alright, I could definitely use some input here. Both sexes feel free to opine. I get flaked on a lot (seems to be a pattern), and want to know what I can do differently, because my actions are the only ones I can control.

What are the primary reasons that women flake right off the bat? I'm talking about giving out contact info. and not even responding to text #1.

My primary beliefs: They never intended to get together. Giving a number was an exit strategy, or was done to avoid the inconvenience of giving honest rejection.

To be clear, this is not the case of a guy who is blowing up a girl's phone with texts every hour. This is lack of a response to the very first (often only) text message. And I am always direct about why I am taking her info. in the first place.

Thanks for sharing your views and experiences.

[Koh Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Koh]

Few things:

1) 60% of sales are made AFTER the 4th attempt, so if she doesn't respond to your intial text, don't sweat it! You can always send a follow-up text.

2) Flakes are part of the game. Some women give their number out to you even though they have bfs because they enjoyed the interaction. They haven't felt "special" in a while and enjoyed how you made them feel. Later on though they regret doing so and so you don't hear from them.

3) Some women are social retards. They have social skills issues and don't know how to respond. Others have low self-esteem and doubt your sincerity or their worthiness.

4) Turn up the directness in your next five texts. "I'm taking you out this week." Or "I'm taking you out for (insert thing) this week."

5) Give yourself all of June to build up a BIG pipeline of numbers so that July will be lots and lots of sex.

6) Realize that flakes get to ALL of us. It's not just you who has this problem. I wish I could bang 100% of the women I like.

7) Don't be a bi-polar guy!!! A bi-polar guy is a guy who if he hears back from women feels great, but if he doesn't he feels bad. An interaction goes good, he's high. An interaction goes bad, he's low. Be happy regardless. You don't know why they are or aren't responding.

8) Keep busy! I frustrated myself with the numbers I've gotten, but you just have to let go of that frustration, but not the girl. Fine tune your social interaction skills while you're at it. Develop persistence. If she doesn't respond to a couple of your texts at first, give it a couple weeks before you try getting in contact with her again while you simultaneously approach and meet new girls.

Don't text a non-responding girl every couple of days, that was my mistake, just give yourself time and perspective and you'll feel a lot better. The girl could genuinely be busy or using being busy as an excuse to not respond. Keep it up until she tells you to fuck off. If she's not responding, but hasn't told you to fuck off, keep persisting. You never know; one day it'll be the right time and place and she might even text you to meet up.

[KungFuJoe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close KungFuJoe]

Good replies.

I would say, personally, I would text once and if she didn't reply, I would call and if she didn't answer, I would leave a voice mail. If she still didn't respond...move on.

[Koh Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Koh]

I personally wouldn't be so quick to write a girl off. Just need to invest time in them here and there.

[ThirdArm Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThirdArm]

#7 sounds like how I used to be. Disappointed, because I expected straightforwardness. Now, I don't expect anything at all. This summer, I made four affirmations:

Never wait by the phone again
Never miss an opportunity
Never put too much value in one particular woman, until she deserves it (no more one-itis)
Always serve my own self-interest, unequivocally and unapologetically

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Instead of texting, why not try something very old fashioned and call . You know there is something to be said for hearing a human voice. Besides are you ever really sure who is receiving and answering your texts?

I really thought this thread was about dandruff or some other skin condition. What do I know.

[Edge of Glory Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Edge of Glory]

I think Koh has some good points. But I would disagree with the relentless pursuit approach. Honestly, if you don't get any response from the first text (waiting a few days), it's probably time to move on. If she seems really special, try calling instead. Women like to be chased, but they don't like desperation, which is what a relentless guy would reek of. If she's even mildly interested, she will respond to your communication in some way. And even if you badger her into a date of some kind, it will seem like she's doing you a favor by going out with you. And I don't need to tell you that is not a good relationship dynamic.

[Koh Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Koh]

Instead of texting, why not try something very old fashioned and call . You know there is something to be said for hearing a human voice. Besides are you ever really sure who is receiving and answering your texts?

I really thought this thread was about dandruff or some other skin condition. What do I know.

Typically, girls these days need to be warmed up to you via texting before they even answer the phone. You'd be surprised how many women are afraid of talking on the phone these days, it's ridiculous.

I think Koh has some good points. But I would disagree with the relentless pursuit approach. Honestly, if you don't get any response from the first text (waiting a few days), it's probably time to move on. If she seems really special, try calling instead. Women like to be chased, but they don't like desperation, which is what a relentless guy would reek of. If she's even mildly interested, she will respond to your communication in some way. And even if you badger her into a date of some kind, it will seem like she's doing you a favor by going out with you. And I don't need to tell you that is not a good relationship dynamic.

It's not a relentless pursuit approach if you spread out your time that your contact them. I just find it smarter in the long run to keep the number around just in case, who knows one day she may change her mind. The way I see it, you can go ahead and continue to look for girls who show high interest in you from the very beginning, that's great. However, I believe, you can invest in a girl that has a low interest in you, and in time convert it to high interest.

Either way, to each his own.

[thenewdude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thenewdude]

Some do flake while others are seeing if you are serious or not. Investment of time is really the only way she will get to know who you are and vice-verse because we all know that first impression most time is just an act like an interview with a job. She don't know if you are just an act or the real deal yet. So don't write them all of as 'flaking on you'.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

I would make a phone call over a text as an initial contact, I would not want a text me first type. I know if a girl I was interested in called me it would make my day.

[markusalllen77 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close markusalllen77]

Depending on how old the OP is... a lot of girls(and guys) in this new generation don't know what a phone conversation is. Haha its sad how texting is the dominant form of communication nowadays.

[ThirdArm Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThirdArm]

Yes, this is definitely an issue.

A female friend of mine echoed that same advice: that women today may find a phone call too direct - even intimidating.

But I'm a man, and I am direct. Plus, I question [even doubt] whether a phone call, over a text, could possibly be a deal-breaker for a girl who is already interested.

[IHaveAHugeNick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close IHaveAHugeNick]

I don't even know how to text, and don't want to learn. I'm old school when it comes to contacting people. A phone call would be easier for you since she would either answer and you can chat and ask her out, or she wont answer in which case you aren't sending unanswered messages. Then again, I'm anti cell phone/anti texting.

As for why they aren't answering back (or flaking) it could be any number of things or a combination of those things. The second post in this thread lists some of those things. Does it really matter if you know why they flake? The end result is, they don't want to start a relationship/friendship with you. That's all you need to know and accept so you can move one.

One thing you could do, is when you meet these girls, before asking for their numbers, just keep chatting them up. At some point you can then ask them out before they walk away. "Hey I'm having a great time with you. I would love to take you out for (coffee/diner/movie/whatever). How does (insert day and time) sound?" That way you'll get your answer right there. She'll either say yes, no or say she's busy that day but she can do it another day.

The key here is not what she says, watch for the body language cues to see what she really means. A no really does mean no. A yes could mean yes or could mean she doesn't want to say no, so she'll say yes and just cancel on you when she doesn't have to look you in the eye. A maybe could mean she really does want to, but can't on that day. Or could be the same as the "cancel later" cop-out. I always look for body language cues when talking to people. Most people say one thing, but mean another. Strangers do it more than friends. They don't feel the need to be completely honest sine they don't feel they owe it to you, like they would someone they know and have to stay friends with.

Whatever you do, I hope it works out for you. Good luck.

[malehanger Banned Find all posts View Profile Close malehanger]

I would make a phone call over a text as an initial contact, I would not want a text me first type. I know if a girl I was interested in called me it would make my day.

Especially considering you can't get your spelling correct in a lot of your PM's. I'd hate to see BigO texting! LOL

Yea from my own past experience with dating, it is indeed similar in many ways to "sales". It's a numbers game. You are doing well though in that from what you say at least, you ARE getting phone numbers. Rather than the complete B.S. response of THEM asking for YOUR number and then saying "I'll call you". They never do. I think one of your next moves after getting a number from a woman would be to "set the appointment". Direct questions about when you can call. "So, I'll call you Monday around 5, that good?"

[ThirdArm Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThirdArm]

This whole thing is bullshit. I value direct communication. If she's a game player, screw it - I'll find someone else.