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We've been going through a bit of a rough patch lately. She gets mad at me for something, then chooses not to tell me what it is (but expects me to guess). To avoid both of us being mad, I usually don't bother trying to figure what I did since she won't tell me. Needless to say, this makes her even madder. This is having an extremely negative impact on our relationship, at least for me. Half of the time I'm not even in the mood for sex because I'm so irritated with her behavior. She expects me to have 'angry sex' with her, but I just can't. I don't know how some guys can still function under those conditions. If I'm legitimately mad at a person, I don't even want to even be around them, let alone be intimate. I've tried explaining to her that I'm not a mind reader, but this only seems to cause fights. I'm at my wits end. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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She sounds REALLY, REALLY immature to go on like that. If that's the case, stand your ground and keep doing what you're doing. You are NOT a mind readder and she can't expect you to be. If she's not woman or mature enough to speak her mind and vocalize what the issue is, then the issue is with her, not you.
How old is she anyway? Sounds like she's around 23-24. If she's older than that, then she's more immature than I thought. Sorry to be so blunt but I've had my share of that "mind-reading" BS in my life and it's soooooo fuckin' stupid. Total waste of freggin time.
As far as the angry sex, go ahead and try it. You may like it - maybe that's why she's playing the whole stupid game anyway. BUT once you do, I can garauntee that she'll never stop with the games or the attitude. So if you do go that route, be careful.Last edited by GTO; 08-09-2013, 10:09 PM.Old Gym Log - Tracking progress with the iLogPE App
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This sounds like a teen's behavior. Leave her.Starting: 4/2/2013
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Hey legend47,
From what you have disclosed, it appears that her desire for "angry sex" may be why she is trying to goad you into getting angry too. Perhaps that is why she cannot give you a reason why she is angry - she doesn't really have one. Have you inquired about her desire for "angry sex" and what she hopes to get from it? Maybe this is her way of conveying that she wants you to take a more dominate role in the bedroom and she thinks that getting you angry is the way to go...
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If I were you I wouldn't let her get to me. My girl can be mad at me all day, Ill ask her what is wrong and if she doesn't tell me, fine. It wont effect my mood. If she wants to have angry sex, fine. Ill tear that shit up for you. That's the attitude I would have if I were in your situation.
Let her go through whatever she is going through. The important thing is to observe, listen and be there when she needs you. There is nothing you can do if she is mad and chooses not to tell you why. Don't worry about things out of your control.Get SmartComment
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@gto & thepassionatewife
You two may be right. If it is all a game to get me to be more dominant, I don't understand why she'd put me through all this trouble instead of just saying it.Comment
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Probably the way to go … the nice PC route - LOL!Originally posted by thepassionatewife View Post
But why not just SAY IT??? That whole "I'm going to let him figure it out" stuff causes much more friction than necessary. If she wants HIM to be more assertive, then SHE needs to be more assertive in her assertiveness (if that makes sense). Nothing's sexier than a woman that knows what she wants in bed and TELLS you what she wants.
I dunno … maybe I'm just getting old and don't have time for the riff-raff ...Old Gym Log - Tracking progress with the iLogPE App
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It seems that for one reason or another, she is uncomfortable making that request. Perhaps you should take the lead on this and ask her if that is what she is trying to do - would you be comfortable asking her that?Originally posted by legend47 View Post
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I wholeheartedly agree with you GTO...I have always been an advocate of "say what you mean and mean what you say" but not everyone is like that. There are plenty of reasons she may not be comfortable asking him which is why I suggest legend47 ask HER instead...I know, I know in a perfect world everyone would be "more assertive in their assertiveness" but alas that is not the case - as this situation clearly indicates.Originally posted by GTO View Post
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I'll definitely ask her. I feel like TV and movies have skewed her take on reality. I used to be the same by secretly expecting her to do what i had seen in porn. Guess it's time for a dose of reality.Comment
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You may very well be right Fella...about sex and media...she may be confusing "angry sex" with "passionate sex", especially if she is young...Originally posted by legend47 View Post
Best of luck to you legend47
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Well, I read through this thread and here are my thoughts:
1) She won't come out and ask you to be more dominant, because if she has to ask you to be dominant, you aren't actually being dominant. You are just doing what she says, which is submissive. I know this makes zero rational sense, but it isn't a rational argument; it is emotional. She wants you to become dominant on your own, because if she tries to convince you to be dominant, it doesn't feel genuine. People do this all the time, when they desire or expect something from them. Instead of asking, they try to hint and tease the response out of them. Hell, that is what half of flirting is!
2) Angry sex is brilliant... if you are not angry at your partner. I get it, the LAST thing you want to do when you are angry at your girlfriend is fuck her. Why would you want to feel pleasure together when you still feel negative around/about her? The thing is, that is not the most common version of angry sex. The most common version of angry sex is, well, when you aren't angry. You might be feeling a bit possessive, or maybe a bit hyper, so you get rougher than usual and put more "animal" into the fuckfest. I guess you could say this is synonymous with rough sex, to a certain degree. There is more biting, scratching, grasping, pinning down, pounding hard, slapping, and squeezing. Overall, everything is sex, but more forceful and aggressive. This is one type of angry sex, but there is a more "raw" or "pure" version...
... anger at its core is frustration/uncomfort from a lack of control or feeling of helplessness concerning different environments/stimuli. What this means is, sometimes in your life you will be frustrated by work, school, children, friends, family, an indiscriminate interaction in a coffee shop, anything! You could even just be having a bad day. Well, how do you get out all that built-up frustration? Crazy aggressive caveman sex. Take all those feelings of anger and frustration, and focus on how much you lust after your woman. Then, slowly pour yourself into that lust so it can replace all that anger. Let that anger explode, but now, it will be your desire for her instead.
I don't know if I am being clear or anything, but the point is you shouldn't have to be angry at her for angry sex. In fact, she should be the one thing you AREN'T angry at. Then, hold onto that one thing that makes you happy, your woman, and rage against all the anger and frustration you have built up.
Angry sex is great from time to time, but it shouldn't be an everyday thing. If it is, I suggest therapy, yoga, anger management classes, and a stress ball.
Last edited by CaptainJohnson; 08-10-2013, 01:05 AM."If you want a log you need to keep a log." - Tinkerbell
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In agreement to the above posts, maybe she is trying to provoke you to be dominant in bed, you may play further by giving her a message that topping from the bottom doesn't work for you and that you might get more interested if she becomes a good (obedient ) girl.
A real man never hurts a woman. The woman came out of a man’s rib, not from his feet to be walked on, and not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved. - Mrs. workin_4_itComment
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Question for you OP. Are you usually more dominant in the bedroom or just roll with it?
She may just want some good old rough domineering sex that she has seen in the movies and TV. She is going about it in an unusual way but it sounds like she is trying to give you the chance to become that way on your own with just a little nudging. If she is truly a sub at heart, she won't come right out and ask you for it. Might just wait for a time when she's not goading you and surprise her by taking complete control and turn her inside out with a good session of rough sex. Do that a few times and see if she lays off the mind games. Also be more alpha male in all situations. If she still plays the games then she is just immature and its time to tell her she can call you when she grows up.Bondage.
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We call it foreplay.
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