Online Dating

[Gothametropolis Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gothametropolis]

Hello everyone!

I'll start off by saying I'm a 27 year old man and still a virgin. I've spent a considerable amount of time focusing on my studies (I have two degrees - one in Civil Engineering and one in Architecture) and have just started my new architectural career 3 weeks ago. After working so hard, I'm now looking to get out there and really enjoy life. Of course, as you all can imagine, my testosterone is off the charts. I CRAVE having sex with a woman. I've looked at and masturbated to so much porn it's not even funny (which is totally normal). Seeing women copulate is such a turn-on for me. To say I have a high libido is an understatement.

That being said, I'm at a point in my life where I'd like to meet a wonderful women and develop that into something more. Indulging in casual sex is nice and all, but I'm ultimately looking for a relationship. Nowadays, it's hard to meet compatible women in, say, bars/pubs (not that those are the only places to meet women, of course). That's why I've decided to experiment with online dating, as it facilitates meeting people you normally wouldn't meet. I've been a member on Match.com for the past 5 months now, and I've only met 2 girls on there. Things just didn't work out with those 2 (although I've become good friends with one of them). My issue/frustration lies with me not getting any replies from girls when I message them. And I actually take the time to read their profiles and write personalized messages to them. I understand if one is simply not interested, but the reception I'm getting doesn't satiate me. The whole point of online dating is to meet people; and if people are reluctant to communicate, that's a problem and serves as a waste of time for everyone else. I've also taken into consideration that girls must get bombarded with emails, so guys have a lot of competition to contend with. That being said, it's unrealistic for a girl to reply to all of her emails.

I've even thought of checking out yoga and dance clubs, as they're great places to find lots of women. Mind you, I'm also not shy whatsoever with women. I'm confident (not arrogant), totally open, and a great conversationalist. I can be talking to a brick wall and you would have to get someone to shut me up ! And the girl whom I became good friends with even told me I shouldn't change myself. People that personally know me would say I'm a great guy all-around. I'm very nice, intelligent, confident, understanding, supportive, loyal, trustworthy, have integrity and morals. Not to mention I have a great sense of humour (life would be boring without it). I'm no narcissist by any means, but I'm content with my looks also. I'm 6'2" and have a lean build (currently in the gym trying to put on a bit more muscle mass).

I'm looking for feedback from the community here, as that would be much appreciated. Thanks all!

Gothametropolis

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Hey bro,

Ok, let me give you some advice. I did the online dating thing for 5 long ass years and I can tell you, of all the sites I tried, I despise match.com more than any of the rest. Match is full of fake and superficial women (it could also be geographical, i live in SoCal...the OC specifically). In any event, the women I met were fake, phony and incredibly pretentious.

However, opinions aside, you have to be prepared for ALOT of rejection. Messaging or "winking" at women is like sending out resumes for a job. You send out 20 resumes and you MIGHT get 2-3 responses if you're lucky. It's all a numbers game. You have to send out message after message after message to get some response. I would rewrite my profile multiple times to try and get some type of response from women. I tried a straight forward approach, I tried a humorous approach, I tried using whit and sarcasm........I tried everything and got very little response.

And like you've already figured out, these women are getting hit on DAILY and typically by perverts and guys who don't have the slightest clue on how to talk to a woman. So while you may have the complete package and may be that nice guy she's advertised as looking for, if she's had enough of jerks emailing, you're not going to get a response from her no matter how awesome your profile is.

Now, I finally did meet my fiancee on another dating site that's free and she originally contacted me. I decided to go with a free site because I got tired of paying my hard earned money to meet jaded, broken and angry women who's 15 year marriage had fallen apart because he cheated on her with a younger model. I met one woman who was missing most of her teeth, another one ended up divorced because her husband decided he liked men better and another one who's hero was "Jason Voorhees" from the Friday the 13th movie series and she loved paranormal activity. Seriously, my friends were all telling me to write a book about my dates it was THAT much of a joke. And then I met the one I was meant to be with and I'm happily engaged and going on my 2nd marriage (been divorced for 10 years from wife #1).

My advice to you, have ALOT of patience boss. I can certainly see you wanting to start things with the right woman but have ALOT of patience if you're going the online route. Also, try other sites. Don't just put your eggs in one basket. I met my fiancee on okaycupid.com but there are others (eharmony). I realize this stuff is cost prohibitive so try okaycupid...it's a free site (or at least it was when I was on there) so there's no $$ invested to meet women.

And like you, I'm 6'2'', well built, workout and body build (not professionally) and watch my diet pretty close and have a stable, good job and a sense of humor and easy going personality.

Good luck to you!!

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hey Gothametropolis,

The yoga and dance classes would be a great place to meet potential love interests. I think it is always advantageous to consider what type of woman you may be interested in first as that will help you determine where you would go to meet such a woman.

Regarding online dating; perhaps it may be best to send them a message that leaves them wanting to know more?

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

Honestly, Stay off match. Match is a sham. I don't want to really go on tirade about it, but I hate Match.com for my own reasons.

This isn't something just random, but what race are you? Match.com has a very low success rate for minorities.

Online Dating Shows Us the Cold, Hard Facts about Race in America » Sociological Images

I found a website where the women are geared to respond to certain types of men, so it worked out in my favor while I did it...

Also, what you should do with your profile is include pictures you took with some friends The more the merrier. and some really nice pictures of you someone else took, and some quick "selfies" no mirror pics. Think of something that happened that can make you laugh every time, and start laughing. snap a picture of yourself with a genuine laugh smile.

Write out your profile. If you're funny, make sure you make some quick jokes in you profile. One of my profiles ended with something like:

"Oh, I forgot to add, I also really like cooking. I can throw down in the kitchen and make some tasty treats. I think I actually made someone almost smack their mama once... just saying "

Something stupid to make a giggle The genuine smile and sense of humor is all they're looking for on those sites. I get hits upon hits upon hits. very good looking women too. some of these women looked at my profile 10 times or more. I don't message them until they decide they're going to say something to me.

I grew a disdain for online dating because of match.com, but it can work. I have way more success in approaching in the real world though.


as an aside... Congratulations on your new Career, Fellow Architecture Student... I figure you got your M.Arch. I got my M.Arch last year, working on passing the ARE and finishing up my iDP

[akaTrex Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close akaTrex]

Like the advice above I would recommend checking a dating site that specializes in a Passion.

Recently I met a couple on the golf course. When I introduced myself I thought they were Husband / Wife or Boyfriend / Girlfriend. I was nicely corrected that they were friends and had met on Golf Mates . Com.

On a personal note I met a lot of great ladies at the Gym and the Golf course.

The Gym and Golf are a passion for many and hence a great place to meet people with the same interests. So what ever your passion look there to start. At least you have something in common to start with.

I met my Bride at the afore mentioned gym 20 years ago.

Note: The gal had played competitive golf for a university and was kicking her dates Ass! It was fun to watch!

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I met my partner on rsvp, I also did gym,yoga dance etc. I would send out lots of kisses get a few replies follow them up while I sent out another batch of kisses. I had a lot of girls pass through my life and one of them was the right one.

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

Send messages that are funny, a bit cheeky, and not desperate, those are the general criteria I followed and got a lot of replies. If you type the usual "hi how are you" or give them a story about how great they are, expect approximately 1 out of 10 reply at most.

[Gothametropolis Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gothametropolis]

@MrBigDick - Congratulations on finding the woman for you! I'm happy for you and wish you the utmost best. Indeed, they say that patience is a virtue, and online dating is no exception to that. I'll look into okaycupid.com, as I've also heard good things about it. Thank you.

@The Passionate Wife - That's a good approach. Piquing interest/curiosity instead of ending things conclusively will increase the likelihood of a reply. Many thanks!

@somebodyelse - I'm half Portuguese and half Goan. I've got a slight tanned skin complexion and dark hair. Honestly, I get quite a few looks from girls whenever I go out. The last girl I was with commented that I'm a good looking guy. Even some of my male friends call me handsome. Agreed that humour and a nice smile definitely go a long way in attraction. And thanks for the congrats. Architecture is a very rewarding profession and I look forward to the diversity in its challenges.

@akaTrex - I'm going to the gym right now and absolutely love it. Fitness and nutrition are very important to me, and I look for that in a partner as well. That's awesome you met your wife at the gym 20 years ago. I've seen a lot of hotties at my gym already, so I'll be keeping my eyes peeled definitely.

@Pegasus - Yoga and dance clubs are on my radar for sure. And apparently women find it very attractive when a man can dance and cook. I'm a big foodie, so it's only right that I learn to cook properly (both for myself and others).

@kickinthemebs - I've learned that online dating can't be taken too seriously, otherwise people set themselves up for disappointment. Short, sweet, and unique, is sure to garner a higher response rate.

[Mrs. workin_4_it Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mrs. workin_4_it]

Congratulations on all of your success so far!

Meeting someone online is not the best place to meet someone for a real relationship. When a person is online, they can say what they want you to believe, so you have no idea if they are telling the truth or not. I can tell you right now that I own my own business and have multiple vacation houses. But that doesn't mean it's true. However, you can only go by my word if it's true or not.

The best place to find a woman for a relationship is to go where you like to go and do things. If you like hiking, then look while you are on the trail, if you like sporting events, look there. If you go and do things you like to do and you find a girl there that you like, you can almost bet that she likes it as well. It's better to actually see and touch the person that you are meeting. You can usually tell if they are genuine by your feelings and their reactions to things.

Someone in my family has done the online dating thing a few times and she doesn't learn after they ask her for money or to open bank accounts up for them. She is so desperate not to be alone that she doesn't see all of the huge red flags in front of her. You don't want to get caught up in a relationship and find out it was all a lie.

When the time is right, you will find her. Until then, keep making yourself the best man that you can be.

[BigRooster Senior Member Member of the Month Apr 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigRooster]

Someone in my family has done the online dating thing a few times and she doesn't learn after they ask her for money or to open bank accounts up for them. She is so desperate not to be alone that she doesn't see all of the huge red flags in front of her. You don't want to get caught up in a relationship and find out it was all a lie.

My sister met her now husband on one of those online dating sites. She too was desperate and feeling like she would never find someone. Well like your family member, she didn't see the red flags. The guy she's married to is, how can I say it. A dick!

[Gothametropolis Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gothametropolis]

Congratulations on all of your success so far!

Meeting someone online is not the best place to meet someone for a real relationship. When a person is online, they can say what they want you to believe, so you have no idea if they are telling the truth or not. I can tell you right now that I own my own business and have multiple vacation houses. But that doesn't mean it's true. However, you can only go by my word if it's true or not.

The best place to find a woman for a relationship is to go where you like to go and do things. If you like hiking, then look while you are on the trail, if you like sporting events, look there. If you go and do things you like to do and you find a girl there that you like, you can almost bet that she likes it as well. It's better to actually see and touch the person that you are meeting. You can usually tell if they are genuine by your feelings and their reactions to things.

Someone in my family has done the online dating thing a few times and she doesn't learn after they ask her for money or to open bank accounts up for them. She is so desperate not to be alone that she doesn't see all of the huge red flags in front of her. You don't want to get caught up in a relationship and find out it was all a lie.

When the time is right, you will find her. Until then, keep making yourself the best man that you can be.

Thanks! I know I'll find a great woman in due time. These things shouldn't be rushed. I totally agree that it ultimately comes down to meeting face-to-face. That's when you can see if there's real chemistry. Funnily enough, I've already had two people try to scam me, and they failed miserably. So easy to spot certain red flags (I mean, it's amazing how stupid some people can really be). In the meantime, while I wait for my woman, I'll be increasing my penis size for personal health and to potentially improve my sex life. I'm average sized, but I always like to strive for more in life. I'm doing this for myself and her.

[Bigdaddy55 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bigdaddy55]

One thing you have to remember about Match is that most women don't pay for the service. They don't respond because they aren't paying members. You have to sneak your email into the message for them to get back to you or read their profile carefully and they will disguise their outside email. You can't just write yours in your email to a woman either because match will try to block it. Happened to me when I tried the site years back. I met my wife on it so you can meet people, but a lot of the women you see there are the same women you would see at the clubs if you went out too. At least that's how it was for me a few year ago in South Florida. I tried it because I was done with school and I work in an industry that is predominantly male. I actually met quite a few women on it. I had casual relationships along the way before meeting my wife. At first i had the typical profile and got a few response, but then I changed it to a more sarcastic profile which is more of who I am and I got a lot more responses. I even got quite a few winks.