Eye contact

[The Next Big Thing Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close The Next Big Thing]

I would like to know what women think about eye contact. How important is it for you and how much is too much? For example when Im in a bus and I look at some girl/woman, she is sometimes looking at me also. Should i be the first one to look away or look at her untils he looks away. Also when I feel like a girl/woman is looking at me often, I usually dont look at her anymore or just very little, because I have this strange feeling that - if she sees I look at her frequently she will think I like her (which I do) and boost her self-confidence and she will think she can manipulate me or something...also when she sees me look at her , I worry a little bit that I might look like a weirdo or perv ... I know it sounds funny, you know Im chill msot of the time, I like to socialize with people, Im in good mood most of the time, so its not like Im shy or inconfident or something...
...Im just not sure where are the boundaries regarding eye contact and mainly HOW TO USE IT to my advantage.

Please discuss, I want to hear your opinions...BUT MAINLY opinions of women - what you think and how you feel in this situation?

[Eazygeezer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Eazygeezer]

Are we talking about only on the bus or somewhere where you would normally be looking for prospective dates etc?

Ok, if she is looking, look back, a typical response is to look away or look down and then look back, you can follow this up with a smile.

If she is actually looking at you, a smile back usually means I like the way you look etc, come talk to me, if she quickly looks away and doesn't look back then She was probably just looking around in a daydream, didn't mean to catch your eye etc.

At least that's how it's always worked for me

[The Next Big Thing Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close The Next Big Thing]

Are we talking about only on the bus or somewhere where you would normally be looking for prospective dates etc?

Ok, if she is looking, look back, a typical response is to look away or look down and then look back, you can follow this up with a smile.

If she is actually looking at you, a smile back usually means I like the way you look etc, come talk to me, if she quickly looks away and doesn't look back then She was probably just looking around in a daydream, didn't mean to catch your eye etc.

At least that's how it's always worked for me

Thats interesting. Have you ever smiled at woman who was looking at you?

[hiddengem Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close hiddengem]

I like eye contact & smiles. (& nice teeth... but that's another topic. lol) So I'd tend to agree with Easygeezer. It is awkward when someone just continually stares... seems stalkerish. But as he said looking away or back at her later would show it wasn't just an accidental 'look'. Just do what feels right, try not to overthink this.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

I think eye contact with a smile and/or a nod of the head, helps a lot.

[Reallyshortblackguy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Reallyshortblackguy]

i don't do any of these and still get attention from women.....i'm kinda aloof

[rollingthunder Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close rollingthunder]

I keep eye contact long enough to give her a good smile, and possibly a wink. I am a winker. I will wink at a most anyone.

[AlpineNewt Senior Member Member of the Month Sept 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close AlpineNewt]

When I was young I would always look away quickly if I accidentally made eye contact with a girl. I didn't want them to think I was starring but that reaction probably made them think I was!
Then in my early twenties I was at a work Christmas part/meal. I was sat at the table just looking around when I made made eye contact with a pretty, young co-worker across the table and for some reason just smiled instead of looking away and got a big smile in return. Within 5 minutes she'd made talking to her friend who was sat next to me as en excuse to sit on my lap and was then flirting with me the rest of the night. Despite the fact she'd never had much time for me before.
It didn't actually go anywhere but it did teach me good social skills lesson and I'll always smile now instead of looking away. It might not get you a girlfriend or get you laid but people will feel a bit warmer towards you at least.
Sorry to ramble on.

[The Next Big Thing Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close The Next Big Thing]

When I was young I would always look away quickly if I accidentally made eye contact with a girl. I didn't want them to think I was starring but that reaction probably made them think I was!
Then in my early twenties I was at a work Christmas part/meal. I was sat at the table just looking around when I made made eye contact with a pretty, young co-worker across the table and for some reason just smiled instead of looking away and got a big smile in return. Within 5 minutes she'd made talking to her friend who was sat next to me as en excuse to sit on my lap and was then flirting with me the rest of the night. Despite the fact she'd never had much time for me before.
It didn't actually go anywhere but it did teach me good social skills lesson and I'll always smile now instead of looking away. It might not get you a girlfriend or get you laid but people will feel a bit warmer towards you at least.
Sorry to ramble on.

Thank you for sharing your experience. That is very interesting. That just makes me feel even more sure how smile is important.

[The Next Big Thing Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close The Next Big Thing]

I keep eye contact long enough to give her a good smile, and possibly a wink. I am a winker. I will wink at a most anyone.

And when is the right time to wink? I mean when you keep an eye contact with a stranger woman in bus for example and you wink at her, will not that scare her or something? How do you know when to wink?

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

It might come across a little creepy if not the right timing or situation. After a joke, or maybe from across the room can signal that it's a shared private moment. A flirty movement, so be prepared for anything from a giggle to a wink back.

But don't over-do it, and scrunch the face up. Just a half blink, accompanied by a smile would work.

Wait...I wasn't flirting, just showing...aww, forget it....

[bigborer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bigborer]

And when is the right time to wink? I mean when you keep an eye contact with a stranger woman in bus for example and you wink at her, will not that scare her or something? How do you know when to wink?

Don't overcomplicate things- when your eyes lock just smile (a bit at first, don't yet show her all your molars ) and that's it! Then, if she smiles back feel free to go talk to her.

There is a place for "eye games" but until you know what you are doing, meaning you can recognize whether she is a more flirty woman, and you are aware of yourself (facial expression and body language), stay just with smiling. As w_4_i said, wrong timing and it's creepy- and there is no fixed formula like if she smiles at 75% and tilts her head 17 degrees, then wink.

Now, if you do want to complicate things a bit, the possible ways a woman will react when you make eye contact is (100% based on personal observation, and adding a smile will either increase or decrease a lot the intensity of the reaction):

1-huge smile, staring at you, her face and eye just light up
2-shy smile- she looks down, then smiles and blushes
3-the drooling look- wide sparkling eyes (call them puppy eyes sometimes), and drooling expression
4-the head tilted forward look- partly similar to no3, but head is tilted forward, often biting the lower lip and stating at your mouth/ biceps/chest
5-faked shy smile- like the shy smile but she's far from shy (her body language and overall appearance says that) and doing it on purpose
6-confident/aggressive smile- the opposite of the shy smile, and only a partial smile/smirk while she looks deep into your eyes
7-the "checking you up and down" smile
8-medium smile, the light version of the huge smile
9-faked no reaction
10-no reaction (you're not even there)
11-the "being nice smile"- the face and eyes are neutral, only the lips smile
12-neutral, looks away quickly
13-neutral, looks down
14-just staring, neutral face
15-quick stare, then number 10
16-the rolling eyes/dismissive look

With the interpretation (again, 100% based on personal observation):
1,2,3,4 = very likely. BTW no4 is also 1000% green light to start making out
5= likely
6= maybe likely, but hard to REALLY tell
7= likely, but depends on the extent of her smile and her eyes, not really sure how to explain this one
8= only rarely likely, the most misleading one there is, it means she's kind of interested but playing, and/or very interested but not available
9= depends on context- if she's the hot/expensively dressed/very nice hair/lots of make-up kind- take this as possibly likely, if she's more the regular jane kind this means low likehood
10= she's either very distracted "in her head" or 100% not interested. Could also be actually number 9, but it's still unlikely.
11= not interested, she's just being nice or polite, will rarely tell you to GTFO but don't be a jerk and just leave her alone
12= not interested, and trying to not leave you the smallest impression that she is
13= you just intimidated her, or (not so likely) a less intense number 2
14=hard to tell, but unlikely
15=either like no10, or she's very shy (here is where you really have to smile to tell which is which)
16= this needs explaining? It's GTFO!

Not sure if I covered it 100%, but I had to remember at least one real occasion for each described situation .

I think the ladies here can confirm the above, if not please make any corrections/additions.

[rollingthunder Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close rollingthunder]

And when is the right time to wink? I mean when you keep an eye contact with a stranger woman in bus for example and you wink at her, will not that scare her or something? How do you know when to wink?

I just give a quick wink after a couple seconds of eye contact. I try to have a playful grin on my face and wink before the eye contact can get awkward or psycho.
After the wink I look away for some reason.
If I look back and she's still looking at me, it's on.

[Cb1997 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cb1997]

I have trouble making much out of a situation in which I catch an attractive girl looking. I know what it can mean, especially when she takes a look back after a few seconds or so, but I can just never get enough time to smile it seems. Most girls look away so quickly and before I know it my opportunity (if there was one) is shot. Now when it comes to conversations, I've gotten to be very good at keeping eye contact in a face-to-face conversation. For some reason its just that early awkwardness of first glances that really baffles me.