GF loses interest. Need Help.

[mrwood Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mrwood]

Hello everyone,

I've started PE for stamina and EQ firstly, and the reason for that is because it is hurting my sex life.

When i first started dating my girl it was summer and we had a LOT of sex, and it was really good. Great chemistry and i was able to go more than once at times and even managed to give her first PIV orgasm.

As the winter started to creep in, things went progressively cold, less often and my EQ and stamina problems started. Looking back, i know there are some factors to it: i had very little sleep (4h/night for most days), and we were staying at my in laws for a few months until we moved to our place.

One other thing, my gf's personality can be bossy and impatient and she gets frustrated easily which is very unhelpful when you're have sex issues because it kinda makes it worse. She also is very emotional and can be a very anxious person.

In time, i felt more pressure to perform adequately, and i noticed she started to be less vocal and less passionate and much more passive, like she's waiting for me to do everything.

This was almost a year ago, and ever since we haven't been able to regain that initial flame.

Talking about it her main concerns are:

- i orgasm too soon
- she's always expecting me to go soft
- it seems everything is scripted and without novelty


and yesterday she added that she started to feel like it was a chore, something she needed to do to make me happy and for me not to lose interest. Another thing she said was that i was less sure of myself and less confident with sex (which i totally agree but at the same time she rarely boosts my confidence).

She also says she still feels sexual attraction although she admits she never takes the iniciative.

As for my complaints, i feel she is expecting me to stimulate her mentally and physically while she adopts a totally submissive stance.
It is unnerving because i feel like i'm being evaluated and at any time she might snap at me for making the wrong move whether it is too much intensity while fingering her or whatever, and i don't see a real effort from her part in helping me with my premature ejaculation which i believe is not the real problem in our sexual problems, but something that worsens it.

We tend to have sex mostly before bed, which is not the best time since we're both tired, especially me. In the weekends i try to do it when we wake up, or in the afternoon but she always seems reluctant and does not match my advances.

And now, after i started PE, it is the same... she hasn't said any encouraging words for my efforts and does not acknowledge what i'm doing as helpfull, maintaining i should go see a doctor although i told her that i don't want to just pop some pills and prefer to try a natural method to improve myself.

Only yesterday did she realize that i no longer have EQ problems and as for my stamina, there is no way to know if it has improved since we only had sex with penetration once since i started PE in August.

And she still maintains i go see a doctor but does not see anything wrong with the fact that she has had a low sex drive since almost a year now.


Have you ever experienced this in your relationships? What do you suggest i do to tackle these issues?

And what do you think is the problem regarding her sex drive?

[mannakonda Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mannakonda]

You describe your girl as bossy and that she rarely gives you an confidence boost. I dont mean too be rude. But if a man becomes a "pushover" that just goes with everything she says and dont take the inative or take any decisions in the relationship, and act insecure. They might lose some interest and will see you as less attractive. Just a thought, not sure if it fits your situation

For EQ problems you should just keep working hard with your routine (kegels, jelqing, squeezes, are great exercises). When your EQ becomes better you get will get more confident and hopefully everything will be working great.

[mrwood Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mrwood]

I get what you're saying. I wouldn't say i'm a pushover and my confidence started plunging when the problems started, the thing is her response to it was rather off putting because i did not felt understood.

IMO, things are sorted together and it takes patience and understanding from your partner, both of which i also did not get from her.
Again, i understand this is something that has more to do with her personality than something directed at me specifically.
And, of course, a more confident man would probably not let this get to his head like i did.

I'd say what you said fits, partially, to my situation.

My EQ has already improved, that i know for sure, stamina is my main issue atm.

What is frustrating is that i feel like we are on a sinking boat, i'm taking the water out but my bucket has a hole. And she is just staring at me saying my bucket is flawed and wanting me to sort everything out.
And, on top of that, i'm not sure what the cause is for the sinking, if it's her doing, my doing, or both.

[corageon Banned Find all posts View Profile Close corageon]

You describe your girl as bossy and that she rarely gives you an confidence boost. I dont mean too be rude. But if a man becomes a "pushover" that just goes with everything she says and dont take the inative or take any decisions in the relationship, and act insecure. They might lose some interest and will see you as less attractive. Just a thought, not sure if it fits your situation

For EQ problems you should just keep working hard with your routine (kegels, jelqing, squeezes, are great exercises). When your EQ becomes better you get will get more confident and hopefully everything will be working great.

Agree with this 100% OP - you need to take charge to some degree - unless you like your girl bossing you around.
...but the point is if there is no attitude , no 'personality' in the relationship - it most likely won't last...so when the attraction falls and nothing is done about it - you'll know why!

[dmizzle Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dmizzle]

Do this. Come home after work and push her up against the wal. Kiss her like never before. Tell her "Im gonna fuck your brains out." Then take her to the bedroom and fuck her brains out. She wants a man. Be a man. Take that ass. Not saying do this everytime but right now its what is needed. You're the man, you're the boss. Take charge of the situation. She is begging you to take charge. Just be animal. Dammit man. I feel for you with the pre E and eq issues but take control of situation.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Um she sounds like a piece of work . How invested RE YOU.

[corageon Banned Find all posts View Profile Close corageon]

Um she sounds like a piece of work . How invested RE YOU.

You know there's two types of women I really can't stand.
1.) Excessively bitchy and narcissistic.
2.) Hypocritical, lying; deceitful.

[mrwood Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mrwood]

Guys, just to get one thing straight: saying she's bossy is not the same as me being bossed around. What i mean is that she will most likely demand something than do it herself or she'll expect things to happen as she pleases (she is an only child and a bit spoiled), whether its sex or what we're eating for dinner or whatever is on tv.

With that said, i agree that i should take charge with more attitude when it comes to sex.

Pegasus, she indeed is a piece of work and she is a bit egotistical (no narcissistic), but like i said it comes from her innate personality coupled with a very spoiled upbringing due to being an only child to a mother who has also been raised the same way.
Other than that, we get along very well and i am very commited to it, as she is.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Sounds like your sex life is very vanilla - plain and predictable. Any relationship needs some variety and some unpredictability. Others have made some suggestions, but the piece of the puzzle not provided so far in the discussion is whether or not you try to satisfy her with anything other than PIV. Is she the center of attention, or is it just thrust as long as you can until you go and then walk away. The whole thing leading up to the PIV can sometimes be just as exciting as the balance of the act. Do you attempt to get her off multiple times before you put it in?

[corageon Banned Find all posts View Profile Close corageon]

(she is an only child and a bit spoiled), whether its sex or what we're eating for dinner or whatever is on tv.

Problem is you keep trying to appease these types and they often just proliferate their ignorance until it consumes everything and everyone around them.

Pegasus, she indeed is a piece of work and she is a bit egotistical (no narcissistic), but like i said it comes from her innate personality coupled with a very spoiled upbringing due to being an only child to a mother who has also been raised the same way.

(sigh) Ok dude, just do what ya gotta do .

[mrwood Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mrwood]

Lately there has been more oral and manual sex than PIV sex. And usually we start there until she comes.

I'm very skilled technically, i also read and have read a lot and am familiar with most sexual techniques and i'm not fussy either.

The predictability is my main flaw honestly, especially with my stamina going downhill it is difficult to imprint more variety since i don't get much time to "take my time".

As for her being the center of attention... well, for me it is all about her. It is her actualy that stresses about her orgasm not coming quick enough or my orgasm coming too quickly.

Corageon, i get what you're saying... i'm a rather flexible guy but i also draw the line when i feel its enough.
Hence why i'm saying that being bossed around is not the issue, but her bossiness when it comes to sex makes her expect something without giving in return sort of.

[corageon Banned Find all posts View Profile Close corageon]

Corageon, i get what you're saying... i'm a rather flexible guy but i also draw the line when i feel its enough.
Hence why i'm saying that being bossed around is not the issue, but her bossiness when it comes to sex makes her expect something without giving in return sort of.

Like I said, whatever floats your boat man.

[mrwood Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mrwood]

I don't get what you mean corageon.

[corageon Banned Find all posts View Profile Close corageon]

I don't get what you mean corageon.

It's a phrase - it means go with whatever works for ya and gets ya by.

[PatheticMedic Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PatheticMedic]

Here's my question: why do you put up with her? Do you love her...no wait, are you IN LOVE with her? It doesn't sound like you likeyour girlfriend that much. I agree that sex seems too much like a chore to you and you have a mental trigger that totally fucks everything up for you.

I like dmizzle's idea of totally surprising her and taking charge and fucking her brains out. My advice would be to start working on PreE by edging and building some confidence in yourself. I think you need to evaluate why you are with this broad and see if it is worth it to you.