trust?

[closed224]

I have been struggling with the decision to divorce my wife or not. We are very toxic in our relationship, but also very much in love? I question that because her behavior does not fit with my definition of love. So through some horrible crying jags (both) she has asked for a 1 month divorce reprieve. She will show me she can be a good and true wife, and then we will proceed from there.
I can't tell you how many redos we have engaged in over 30 years of marriage. Let's just say it has been a lot. This is so painful. I have spent about a week struggling with MY choice as to whether to engage in another redo, or just to cut and run. After 30 years it seems obvious that we are not going to get to healthy relationship. Butttttttt 30 years is an awful waste of time if it really would change. God help me. PEGym help me.

[kong15]

wishful---i have been in a situation that caused the same kind of decision you want to make. Only one person you can trust and that is your gut. Do not trust your brain. Do not trust your heart. When you know in your gut, you will know what decision to make. The brain and your heart will try to influence you because they are invested and subconsciously we all want the life we feel we were meant to have, but listen to your gut. Thats all the advice I can give.

[getinbig]

Hi wishful. I just stumbled on this thread. I will PM you some thoughts about this...
Hoping to help...

[closed224]

Thanks Kong and Getinbig. It is nice to have people still watching. Still helping. My wife and I struggle on. It seems so easy on the surface, just as it seems so easy to speak of making amends in any relationship. Yet in practice it is not easy. People work against even their own self interest for no apparent reason. Explanations aren't given, but justifications are rampant.
Why would Admins with hold titles to some one they wronged, when by offering the title it would make the Admins job easier? Would satisfy a moral code better. Why would the world frown on the very traits that would best heal our societies? Why would you ever treat disdainfully the one you confess to love? I still can't find these answers. I still can't find the handle.
I am currently reading some books suggested to me by a friend. Conversations With God it is a great book so far. This is a friend from the forums, but I will not name this friend. The help offered by this friend means a lot. The people on this forum mean a lot to me. It is so hard for me to face the fact that leaders do so much wrong, and feel entitled to continue. Silly Wishful still running around pretending trust will ever bubble to the top. It is not naivite it is idealism. Still very silly to hold so tightly to something so obviously not real. Hopefully some glimmer of a handle will present itself through these books, and hopefully I will be able to find some peace through another conversation with God. I still love so there is hope some where.