21 Years Old...Basically Impotent...Scared

[Dexter23 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dexter23]

Hey guys...

So for the longest time I remember getting boners literally at all times during the day. In high school, they were just annoying. I never had any problems getting hard when I wanted to because I was basically hard all the time. Also worth mentioning I never had a porn addiction or fapping problem at all. In fact, I was late to the fapping party and I didn't start until 16 years old and when I did it, it was like 4-5 times a week and mostly to pictures or imagination (sometimes porn but not too often).

For some reason I did decide to try out no fap though. I forget when exactly I started but some time around 2-2.5 years ago I kinda just slowly stopped fapping and did it only like once every 3 weeks. And I swear since I did this my penis has never been the same. To be honest, though this could be pure coincidence and not necessarily the cause of my issues.

I never get random erections. Never get morning erections (sometimes I do get a 50% sad excuse for one but rarely). And when I try to get an erection, I can get it to about 70-80% and I really have to concentrate but it ends up dying down. I've gotten Cialis and Viagra before... Neither makes any difference. If anything I swear they make it even MORE difficult to get an erection.

And my girlfriend (only one ever, only girl I've ever done anything with) is getting impatient. We've only had sex 3 times in the almost year we've been dating... One time I managed to get up to 80% and do it. The other time I was at maybe 70%. And the other I basically just went limp inside her. Whenever she tries to initiate I've made excuses because it's just too embarrassing to admit the real issue. She probably thinks I'm gay to be honest... I don't blame her. All I want to do most in this world is be able to have sex with her with no issues and not even think about it like every other guy my age can. That's all I want. I'm so attracted to her but it doesn't matter. No matter when I'm by myself or with her, my unit doesn't respond to anything unless I really focus and try really hard to get it to a semi. I'm just beginning to hate myself. Why me? I NEVER thought I would ever have this problem in my teens I was such a horny little bastard. I love her and I don't want to lose her over this...

I got tested and my testosterone levels came back right smack in the middle of the normal range. TSH was kinda significantly above the range and showed possible hypothyroidism but then they tested me for T3 and T4 and I was alright in regards to those I guess and they determined I was fine. Probably going to go in to get other things tested soon like prolactin, free test, etc. But I don't have much hope.

Now, I was referred to a physical therapist and she said my pelvic floor is extremely tense. And after researching tight pelvic floor it made sense. Sitting down I could stimulate myself to get a poor quality erection but then standing up it would basically die immediately. Hard flaccid has been an issue. Getting out the last of my urine is basically impossible without physically pushing the area behind my scrotum or kegeling to get it out (something I've been doing for as long as I can remember almost unconsciously). Also if I fap (with my 70-80% hard on) I involuntarily kegel throughout it and it's something I've been doing I think for as long as I've fapped I'm pretty sure. But I never have any pelvic pain or anything like that. She gave me some exercises but that was only about a week ago and I haven't really seen any improvement since I started doing them. Scheduled more appointments though where they'll guide me through it.

But i really doubt this is going to make a difference. If pelvic floor was the issue, then that means my PF muscles were too tight to allow blood flow, so shouldn't the Cialis or Viagra have made even the slightest improvement if this were the case? Also, my penis literally feels dead, so I could see how pelvic floor therapy might take a guy who sometimes has issues to being back to normal but I can't see how it'll do the trick for me because I'm leagues away from where I should be... I'm 21 years old and I feel like an 85 year old man in that department. My libido feels low, too. I don't know if that's just a result of my ED putting me into a depressive state though because sometimes I feel like my sex drive is working just fine (mentally and emotionally) and it's just me penis that fails to respond.



I know you guys aren't doctors. But I almost just felt like venting. I'm really, really down. I feel like I do everything right. I'm extremely fit, I lift and exercise, I eat healthy, I don't smoke and I rarely drink, I rarely even fap and I never watch porn. So why me... This issue is singlehandedly driving away the person I care about more than anything - my girlfriend - and it's simply ruining my life.

[Beefster Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Beefster]

Ok, why do you doubt your physical therapist? She is a doctor.

Tight pelvic floor + anxiety will give the symptoms you are suffering.

Do the exercises she recommended. Get further blood work. See what doctors say. Meanwhile, you should eat healthy, get in exercise DAILY- even if its just walking around the block 5 times thats still great. Take a multi vitamin.

[Dexter23 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dexter23]

Ok, why do you doubt your physical therapist? She is a doctor.

Tight pelvic floor + anxiety will give the symptoms you are suffering.

Do the exercises she recommended. Get further blood work. See what doctors say. Meanwhile, you should eat healthy, get in exercise DAILY- even if its just walking around the block 5 times thats still great. Take a multi vitamin.

First can I just say I really appreciate you responding. It sounds dumb but being able to talk to anyone at all about this makes me feel better just from the simple fact that I've had to bottle this issue up.

I do exercise a lot though. Being on a college campus I have to walk a lot. So I probably spend 1.5 hours a day on average just walking. And then I lift (squats, bench, rows, curls, etc) 3 times per week. And play basketball about once a week, too. And I'm definitely abiding by what my PT says and I'll continue doing the exercises religiously in hopes for improvement, It's just hard to have hope after suffering for so long. And I mean how many other people my age actually have an ED issue to this extent? It's disheartening, man.

At my lows the thought of ending it with my gf just so she doesn't have to deal with me crosses my mind despite how important she is to me because she honestly deserves better. Every young person is having sex left and right and she's basically in the prime of her life and I'm just holding her back with no end in sight and it kills me inside.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Wow this anxiety really is part of the problem .

Tell me how low you squat?

[Dexter23 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dexter23]

Wow this anxiety really is part of the problem .

Tell me how low you squat?

I squat to parallel. It might be worth mentioning though that I went a long period of time without lifting too much (like March to July). Haven't noticed a difference in erection ability or libido between that time period and while I'm periods in which I've been lifting though.

It just seems like nothing makes a difference. Yesterday I made sure to get a ton of sun, I walked about 4-5 miles in total just from going to classes, I lifted for an hour, I ate good balanced meals and made sure to even eat 3 bananas and some nuts because I've read those can increase libido, I took my vitamins (zinc, multivitamin, fish oil) and I spent a lot of time throughout the day deep breathing and doing pelvic floor exercises (tennis ball massage, happy baby stretch, some hip/leg stretches, reverse kegels, etc) and today I woke up with the most lifeless, flaccid penis ever... Ugh.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Deep flat-footed Hindi squats along with yoga poses (Dog/Cat) will help balance & maintain your pelvic floor. The anxiety is (I believe) more of the problem for you. Do you edge? Learning to edge properly is important. Privacy in a college environment can also be an issue, but you need to make "arrangements" with your roommate to allow you to edge without fear of him or others invading your privacy. Just talk with him and explain your therapist has prescribed exercises you need to perform nude, and you'll gladly trade him equal private time in your dorm room to have his GF over or masturbate privately without fear of you interrupting him. It's a solution that will work for both of you unless he's a dunb-a$$, so it's worth an awkward talk with him to help you recover your libido & erections + balance your pelvic floor.

Anxiety and lack of privacy exponentially cause an increase in your sexual dysfunction, so finding an acceptable solution to that will go a long way in aiding your recovery, IMO.

[Dexter23 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dexter23]

Deep flat-footed Hindi squats along with yoga poses (Dog/Cat) will help balance & maintain your pelvic floor. The anxiety is (I believe) more of the problem for you. Do you edge? Learning to edge properly is important. Privacy in a college environment can also be an issue, but you need to make "arrangements" with your roommate to allow you to edge without fear of him or others invading your privacy. Just talk with him and explain your therapist has prescribed exercises you need to perform nude, and you'll gladly trade him equal private time in your dorm room to have his GF over or masturbate privately without fear of you interrupting him. It's a solution that will work for both of you unless he's a dunb-a$$, so it's worth an awkward talk with him to help you recover your libido & erections + balance your pelvic floor.

Anxiety and lack of privacy exponentially cause an increase in your sexual dysfunction, so finding an acceptable solution to that will go a long way in aiding your recovery, IMO.

I actually share a dorm with my brother so that's not a problem. The thing is though I'm not sure if it would be anxiety related. Because I don't get morning wood (or random erections ever) and I don't feel like that's a worry of mine when I'm alone. I will take your edging advice. I just edged this morning for about 30 minutes (at 70% erection level). Not sure if it's worth mentioning but I can cum in probably 30 seconds if I really want to. The whole time I was deep breathing and trying to relax, and obviously stopping and gathering myself when I felt like I was about to come. I did invokintarily kegel a lot when I did it. I try to relax but it seems like I can't control it.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Very sad; you simply forgot how to be young! I swear you young guys are gonna kill me!

[Dexter23 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dexter23]

Very sad; you simply forgot how to be young! I swear you young guys are gonna kill me!

Tell me about it man. It's hard to really feel like I can move on in life in other facets with this thing just holding me back. I don't know how 99.5% of dudes my age have no problems in this departments. And then there's me. It's supposed to come just so naturally (like it used to for me, too) and most guys have problems struggling to even not get TOO horny in the wrong situations. That's just unbelievable to me, imagining trying to calm down and think of other things but your erection won't go away. I feel almost inhuman.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

You got to stop trying. That's pressure. You have so mentally fucked up your outlook ( hey can I say fucked up around here without getting yelled at?) that you can't even function. You let life do this to you. You thought too much, you cared too much; you just kept putting more and more pressure on yourself and now you see the result. Most young guys ave an 'I don't give a shit about anything" attitude but you just happen to be a nice guy and tried to play by the rules way too much.

Digest this; I'll be back later!

[ShutOut Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ShutOut]

I think edging will help as Jock said. I've read somewhere in the past that masturbation, done correctly is a sexual skill. Meaning you are in tune with your dick. At least thats what Ive taken it as. Maybe the lack of masturbation along with the pelvic floor issues has contributed to this. Like others have said, take the advice of your PT, and practice your edging calm and collected. This should be able to help your EQ so that you can have harder erections.

PS we are the same age, and when I was younger a few years back, I had DE because of bad masturbation habits. That was a major problem for me so I feel you in that I had a sexual dysfunction young as well. Good news is if you work on it, you'll be good to go. Also, being open and honest with your girl, although embarrassing, might be a key in relieving some of that anxiety.

Good luck

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

So if its anxiety its this that is killing your libido as your testosterone is in the right place? so you should be a horny young man who's wants to get and just shag anything in site.

I think on top of your anxiety your stressing as well over your problem which then adds to your pile of shite that your building slowly, I think you need to get into some meditation as a way of clearing your mind, see if you have a group on campus who are into meditation if not find a group and ask about the ways into meditation, learn the ways of meditation the do it, you start you day by meditating for 30 minutes and anytime during the day you feel it coming on just go off for 10 minute of meditation to clear your mind. OK

NOWHARD

[Wolf71 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wolf71]

Hey man, sorry about your situation. But it's YOUR situation, so that means YOU CAN handle this. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. Where the mind goes, the body will follow. If you convince yourself that you are sexually 'shot' so to speak, your penis will listen! Take your PT's advice, stick around here and I am sure you'll be banging like a screen door in a hurricane in no time!
Wolf

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

There was this racehorse.He was abused. He would be a training horse for better horses. I guess horses have egos. As he raced other horses in training he was always held back, allowing the better horse to win. He became more unruly and was smacked around more because of that. Finally he became so unruly his owner/trainer was going to put him down.

An older trainer liked what he saw in the horse and offered to take the horse off the owners hands and spare him the expense of putting him down. He was gladly given to the old guy.

You see the old man saw something special in this horse. After he had gained the horse's confidence he took him out on the track to see what he had. The horse couldn't run straight; he was all over the track. Race horses have to be able to run straight and this one couldn't. Try as he might he couldn't correct the problem.

One day he had a thought. He packed up the horse in a truck, took the jockey and drove to the country. He got the horse out, told the jockey to get on and go ride. In the beginning of the ride the horse was all over the country road as he had been on the track . After a bit the riding through the country the horse settled down and the jockey knew he had something special.

He came back and told the trainer the horse was amazing. You see the old trainer had realized something. With all the track training and abuse this horse had in its life it simply forgot what it was like to be a horse.
That little horse years later beat the Triple Crown winner War Admiral in a match race. His name was Seabiscuit!

Do you understand? Ther was nothing physically wrong with the horse. He just forgot what it was like to be a horse, or in your case a young man.

[AverageDude48 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close AverageDude48]

Sounds like - in addition to some physical things that you have going on - that there is also the expected "self-fulfilling prophecy" mental stuff going on. Which, believe you me, is totally understandable.

First off - let's all give the girl friend a HUGE round of applause. She has stuck around for one year....and you two have had sex three times? WOW! She is a keeper, dude. Now, don't misunderstand things. I am 100% confident that she thinks that your issues with getting | maintaining wood is all her fault and that she is not desirable. Or, at least, that she used to think that. All women do (again, please forgive the 'all women' comment....no, not all women do. But the vast majority of women do. Just like 'all guys' are going to think that if they do not make their woman cum that there is something wrong with them....).

Talk with her and stop making excuses to her. That is what is going to hurt her. Do this....just thinking out loud.

Do non-sexual touching and playful kissing.
Do very sensual things with her.
Take a shower | bath with her. Wash her hair. When you get out towel dry her.
Lay on the couch with her naked. Just touch and explore each other's bodies.

Make the above non-sexual. Meaning, have no expectations of anything sexual.

You just might be surprised at how well the above goes for you. All of a sudden, your body will remember what happens naturally.

Now, more of a rhetorical question (so, no pressure to answer this)....do you give her orgasms with your hands and your lips? Do you have toys? I am a HUGE fan of toys. HUGE!!!!!! #LoveMeSomeSexToys!

Take care of her needs......discuss your issues......do the things that I have suggested.

I mean, not telling you what to do. Just giving you something to consider.