28 years old - Why do I Struggle Do Get an Erection During Sex?

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Have lots of sex without drugs.

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Have lots of sex without drugs.

I guess that's the next step in the process, right? In order to completely free myself of all doubt.

But yea so she ended up coming over again last night. I found some good performance anxiety meditation videos on YouTube that I'm going to start doing on the reg.

We started getting hot and heavy, and I basically was completely open with her about all my feelings. I said that I was still dealing with some anxiety and told her not to freak out if things didn't go perfect. She seemed understanding and told me not to worry about how I perform, we have time to work on it.

I guess getting that off my chest really helped me relax. I barely got it in a little bit and came pretty fast (working progress lol). But we ended up going 3 or 4 rounds last night (and this morning), and I'd say it was probably the best sex I've ever had in my life. I was switching positions, staying hard, not even worried about it, lasting for 10+ minutes, banging the hell out of her lol.

Now granted, this was with the help of Cialis. So that brings me back to your original point. Now that my confidence is building, I need to have lots of sex without the help of drugs. It slightly worries me that I won't be able to perform quite as well, but hey I have plenty of time to perfect it. I never had such care free, fun sex like last night ever with my ex, so I would say I'm going in the right direction.

My plan is to wean myself off the drugs, do lots of meditation, lots of kegels, and let the good times roll. Wish me luck

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

So update gents,

Right as I was building my confidence, I left for Peru for 2 and a half weeks. I never got a chance to get a good bang sesh in completely drug free really.

So now I'm returning home, and I'm only in town for a weekend and then I'm leaving again. So obviously I'm putting pressure on myself. She even has brought up how she was upset at me before when I had issues and that has made my anxiety worse.

I want to just come home and give it to her Cialis-free cold turkey and never look back but I'm worried. What if things don't work out and then I leave again?

She is picking me up from the airport so I don't even know if I have time to take a Cialis before anyways. I'm just trying to meditate and be a man. Try to focus on what I want and not performing for her and being afraid of failure.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Cialis is very addictive .

[Sticke Senior Member Member of the Month March 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Sticke]

So update gents,

Right as I was building my confidence, I left for Peru for 2 and a half weeks. I never got a chance to get a good bang sesh in completely drug free really.

So now I'm returning home, and I'm only in town for a weekend and then I'm leaving again. So obviously I'm putting pressure on myself. She even has brought up how she was upset at me before when I had issues and that has made my anxiety worse.

I want to just come home and give it to her Cialis-free cold turkey and never look back but I'm worried. What if things don't work out and then I leave again?

She is picking me up from the airport so I don't even know if I have time to take a Cialis before anyways. I'm just trying to meditate and be a man. Try to focus on what I want and not performing for her and being afraid of failure.

Cialis and every nitric oxide relevant drug has the sole purpose of assisting an erection. If there is no drive to make an erection it won't happen. You are about to have sex with her! Why would you even think about your dick? If you were rock hard when you were stress free you can be if you don't think about it. So my advice do not take any cialis it won't make a difference. Just get in there play and have fun. That's what sex is about. I was unable to get an erection every time I had performance anxiety. Enjoying the woman in from of you with all of your drive is what made me overcome this type of anxiety.

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Cialis and every nitric oxide relevant drug has the sole purpose of assisting an erection. If there is no drive to make an erection it won't happen. You are about to have sex with her! Why would you even think about your dick? If you were rock hard when you were stress free you can be if you don't think about it. So my advice do not take any cialis it won't make a difference. Just get in there play and have fun. That's what sex is about. I was unable to get an erection every time I had performance anxiety. Enjoying the woman in from of you with all of your drive is what made me overcome this type of anxiety.

Thanks, man. I needed that. It's all in my head, drugs or no drugs my drive is what does it. I get erections all the time while edging without any help so what's the difference?

I found a cool hypnosis audio on YouTube about taking your memories of past negative sexual experiences and corrupting them until they are unrecognizoable and then only focusing on the future and expecting positive results. I'm doing that the next couple of days. I've got this.

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

So I'm about to board the plane to finally come home after 2 and a half weeks. My girlfriend is picking me up from the airport when I arrive around noon tomorrow, and she will be ready to get in on.

Now after all the meditation, journaling, and reading about ways to shake performance anxiety, I find myself stuck in a constant loop of anxiety that I can't seem to shake. What if i can't get it up? I simply can't stop worrying about it.

What gives, why am I so sick in the head that I can't focus on the happy thoughts of coming home and seeing someone I care about and sharing intimacy and physical pleasure with them? Instead I sit here obsessing and thinking about nothing else, but dreading and being terrified of the thought of possible failure.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

You're dwelling too much on the performance aspect! You're going to need to focus on the benefits of the encounter. If necessary, start by engaging only in those activities which you're most comfortable with. As you gain confidence, you can continue to push the envelope until you're at full intercourse.

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

You're dwelling too much on the performance aspect! You're going to need to focus on the benefits of the encounter. If necessary, start by engaging only in those activities which you're most comfortable with. As you gain confidence, you can continue to push the envelope until you're at full intercourse.

So I guess it could have gotten worse. I told her that I was feeling nervous again, and it somewhat preventing me from getting hard. I struggled to get a condom on and get it in, so eventually she said fuck it forget the condom. I used some lube and she got me good and hard, but as soon as I got it in I pretty much came smh.

We had a round two a little later, but I didn't last much longer. I can tell it's a lot harder to get and maintain the erection without the Cialis, but yet again I'm was also feeling pretty anxious.

I'm here for the weekend so I've got plenty of time to have more sex. I need to quit focusing on the performance like you said and just try to enjoy it, but I find that so difficult. If we are making out in public and she playfully grabs my dick, I get an instant boner, but as soon as I get in the "performance" mindset, all I can do is think and struggle.

I'm not gonna take the Cialis all weekend. The only way I'm going to finally get past this is completely drug free. Wish me luck, I've got this

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

So I guess it could have gotten worse. I told her that I was feeling nervous again, and it somewhat preventing me from getting hard. I struggled to get a condom on and get it in, so eventually she said fuck it forget the condom. I used some lube and she got me good and hard, but as soon as I got it in I pretty much came smh.

We had a round two a little later, but I didn't last much longer. I can tell it's a lot harder to get and maintain the erection without the Cialis, but yet again I'm was also feeling pretty anxious.

I'm here for the weekend so I've got plenty of time to have more sex. I need to quit focusing on the performance like you said and just try to enjoy it, but I find that so difficult. If we are making out in public and she playfully grabs my dick, I get an instant boner, but as soon as I get in the "performance" mindset, all I can do is think and struggle.

I'm not gonna take the Cialis all weekend. The only way I'm going to finally get past this is completely drug free. Wish me luck, I've got this

As you've surmised, this is pure performance anxiety. Spend some more time in the foreplay zone until your libido is such you'll have less concerns with performance.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Hi So its 6 days later and hope you still focusing on her and not any problems you was having, anytime you get a hic-cup we are all here to take the strain off you by talking, its always good to talk.

But please do think about meditation as its drug free way to go, and once you know the art of it your have it for life.

NOWHARD

[Lonewolf123 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Lonewolf123]

Hello all:

I'm back again. I was here a few years back with the dilemma that is my ongoing sex life. A few years back, I was 24 years old and had yet to lose my virginity. I finally kicked the shit out of my shy, low ego self and started making some changes. Soon enough I literally for the first time in my life had women falling in my lap. Problem was, I had no idea what to do with them lol.

I came here for help, because I had rarely experienced sexual encounters before so I didn't know what I was getting into. My dick obviously wasnt cooperating, because I was terrified and I could barely last two seconds if any stimulation happened.

So I quit porn cold turkey. The new masturbation was edging, never cumming in less than 20 minutes. And yea long story short, I finally found a girl that was willing to work with me, and I had the first meaningful sex of my life with her(more than a couple of pumps lol) and ended up dating her for 7 months.

I had all kind of problems getting a boner for sex with her at first (like always at that time). But I tried to be open with her, and kept her stimulated by other means through the process, and eventually I was able to have a decent sex life with her. Although I didn't get too tricky with positions, because I was afraid that I wouldnt be able to hold the erection for say a good doggy style session.

And since the breakup, I've had a few partners here and there. Some better than others. Sometimes it's been little to no issue getting an erection and going to pound town, and other times it's been almost like back to square one.

But now here we are, the present. I'm 28 years old and single. I met a girl a few weeks back. Beautiful and just my type, and she is really into me. She comes home with me the night I meet her, and I have issues getting a boner for the sex. I blame it on the booze, although I know it's my good ole friend performance anxiety. Keep in mind this is probably the hottest girl I've ever brought home. And not only did this chick want to bang me, but she wanted to keep talking to me.

So we meet up again at her place. I can't stop thinking about this erection thing all day, just scared to death that it won't work. And of course, we start making out, and she says to me "Is it going to work this time?". And that just amplifies my anxiety by about 100. Needless to say, it didn't work out too well. And from then I was fairly honest with her.

I explained that I really liked her and I just didn't want to not please her. I told her that it had happened to me before with an ex, and I was able to overcome it.

So it went on, and now I'd say that we have tried to have sex like 4 times. I was able to get it in for a few pumps with her on top once (before cumming smh) and I got it in doggy style (first time) for a few pumps last night. But I'm still not where I want to be obviously.

She is really into me, and I'm really into her. I'm pretty good with my hands and my mouth in bed (from lots of practice when my dick wasn't cooperating lol). And she told me last night, that nobody has been able to get her off like I do. And she says that she gets wet just from kissing me.

But she is still frustrated that I can't get a constant erection and have sex with her without it being a struggle. I'm afraid that she is losing her patience and I don't want to lose her. She is a nurse and suggesting grabbing some Viagra for me or even getting me a cock ring.

This girl is VERY KINKY and VERY HORNY all the time and has already got me to do some kinky stuff. I think that scares me along with how much I like her. What if I just can't measure up to her sexual needs?

So at this point, I feel like I'm making small progress Everytime we mess around, but I just want to be able to start making out, get a fat boner, and fuck the shit out of her and I'm not there yet.

This has been the struggle for me my whole sex life. Always terrified of not being able to get it up. Sometimes doing better than others.

I'm almost positive that it's all mental. I never have a problem getting a boner when I'm edging (although I have to play with myself in order to get it going). I get erections when sex is not in the picture. I hooked up with a girl that was on her period recently, so we just dry humped and I was pretty hard most of the time, because I had no sex to worry about. I get boners when this girl dances on me when we go out or even reaches over to hold my hand on the couch.

So with all that said, I'm not sure what the best plan of action is. She wants me to take some Viagra just to get me "over this little mental block", but she doesn't know the extent of my problem, and I don't want to become dependant on a drug.

Maybe I just need to meditate more, journal out how I'm feeling, what I want, and all that stuff. Maybe even see a therapist before it's all said and done.

I don't want to lose this girl, and I'm tired of living my life being so damn afraid of bad sex.

I read all your situation and I can only say one thing and that is to try <content removed> and see how it goes because I've been there and find its helping me alot.

<content removed>

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Well since it was Kentucky Derby weekend, I knew I was gonna be drinking all weekend. So I broke down a popped a Cialis on Saturday morning.

Needless to say, it did the trick lol. We had amazing porn star sex again. I'd say it was probably some of the best sex I've ever had. On Saturday night I got off like 2 or 3 times and got off 2 or 3 more times Sunday morning. I'd say according to her, she got off at least 3 times.

Now she is asking me why I have been holding out on her, because she loved every second of that session with me.

So id say I'm definitely still building confidence at this point, but I've just gotta put the Cialis down.

It's all in my head.

[Stevo5795 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Stevo5795]

Hey man I have been reading your thread and I am in the same boat as you it’s a roller coaster! I’ve been dating this girl for about four months. The first time we tried to have sex I couldn’t get hard. The next time I popped a 5 mg Cialis before hand and hooked up with her that night and the next morning. I’m 28 years old and healthy as well. She came over tonight and I took a 5 mg but I couldn’t perform. It’s pretty embarrassing because once you Can’t perform the girl gets insecure. I reassured her that it’s not her and that I’m nervous that we will get over this! I guess my question for you where is how many milligrams of Cialis were you taking? I think the 5 mg is not enough. Also have you found any techniques to keep you hard without taking anything?

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Hey man I have been reading your thread and I am in the same boat as you it’s a roller coaster! I’ve been dating this girl for about four months. The first time we tried to have sex I couldn’t get hard. The next time I popped a 5 mg Cialis before hand and hooked up with her that night and the next morning. I’m 28 years old and healthy as well. She came over tonight and I took a 5 mg but I couldn’t perform. It’s pretty embarrassing because once you Can’t perform the girl gets insecure. I reassured her that it’s not her and that I’m nervous that we will get over this! I guess my question for you where is how many milligrams of Cialis were you taking? I think the 5 mg is not enough. Also have you found any techniques to keep you hard without taking anything?

I took 20 mg, but honestly I don't wanna take it anymore. Although it is kinda difficult since now she just can't stop talking about how hard I was, how awesome I was, how I was destroying her G spot so great, etc


It's all in my head. I have absolutely no issues staying hard and getting extremely hard when I'm edging. So I know that I have it in me.

My advice would be to take the stuff sparingly. It's all about being comfortable and gaining confidence.

I believe that the root cause of my problems with this girl is that I was putting her above me. It's our natural animal instincts as males to put the females beneath us and treat them like possessions.

I need to be more confident and stop thinking about impressing her or worrying about not fulfilling her. I'm trying to focus more on what I want and what I need from her.