Feeling really low

[Cris1226 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cris1226]

Good morning guys, I’ve been feeling a little low recently. I post here because this site actually has people contribute with constructive ideas and opinions. This might be a little weird I’m currently 29 years old , and I’m currently employed as a corrections officer. At this point I am single and I don’t see that changing soon. Lately to me it seems like it’s getting too late for me. I’m not happy with career obviously and through social media I see all the girls I grew up with and could’ve had move on with starting families or getting married.

I’m sure someone else here feels the same way. I’ve passed on so many opportunities and wasted so much time. It depresses to me realize I’m not relevant to these people anymore and haven’t done anything significant or impressive with my life. I just wanna be interesting or noticed by these people again. I know something needs to change but idk where to start. I’m not young anymore. Thanks for the time guys.

[Ultimate Burrito Moderator Member of the Month Oct 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimate Burrito]

Can relate to you in some ways bro. Same age, somewhat same current situation. First part is realizing the need for change and you've done that. Now for the hard part, what are you going to do about it? It's easy to get bogged down in the mire of self pity and just think about how much your life sucks but it will stay that way until you do something about it. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, if you fail, it's better to fail fast and get back up and keep moving on. Even if you fail 100 times it's better than not doing anything at all. Keep you chin up bro, it's gonna get better. May not feel that way now but it will. Just do something about it.

[Wolf71 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wolf71]

Hey Cris,

Firstly, many of us can relate just as people, feeling we wasted opportunities to succeed in love, money, career, etc. Truth be told, nothing has been wasted. You are almost 20 years younger than I am and after realizing you're mid 40s, divorced with two kids you can easily talk yourself into feeling cruddy.
You don't need to be relevant to people from your past. While you're focusing on that, you're possibly missing the opportunities to be relevant to people around you now! You are interesting, you are unique, so present that to new people. A blank canvas to paint upon. Today's the first day of a long series of wins - make it happen!

Wolf

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Hi Chris! Sorry you're feeling down right now. It's not uncommon, particularly around the holidays, for single guys your age to feel a little down when your friends are all getting married or cohabiting with GF's and perhaps even starting families. As a single guy, you feel awkward around them because your priorities and theirs no longer mesh like they once did. That has happened to almost everyone at some point in their lives! Holidays tend to make those feelings even more obvious. Your career as a corrections officer (despair for those you see incarcerated daily) also makes those feelings worse this time of year too (I would think).

Take some time off if possible, and go on a short vacation (like a cruise) over the holidays if you don't have family close by. You'll likely meet some new singles who are probably feeling the same as you this time of year. Spend some time with yourself too, focusing on how you can improve your life. Work on your resume, set some priorities to work toward in the new year. Join a health club, work out & do cardio 3 or more X/ week. That will help relieve stress AND you can concentrate on ways to improve your career & lifestyle while improving your body & gain some perspective along with a plan to move forward. Failing to plan for your future is a plan to fail. Don't do that!

Improve your perspective by deciding to set goals & a timeline to achieve them. Onset of depression can be just timing and job/weather related as well (assuming you're in the Northern hemisphere). As days get shorter and nighttime is longer, Winter cold & darkness affects everyone's mood more (usually in a negative way). Spend some time in a sunny warmer climate, even if just for a long weekend. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel, especially if you use that break wisely to plan for the changes you need to make in the year ahead! Chin-UP, Dude!

[commited_gainer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close commited_gainer]

"I just wanna be interesting or noticed by these people again"

I think this is a bad conception to have, no matter how far you go with your career, love, etc, not everybody is going to like you.
I think what you have to focus on is a life mission or philosophy that will lead you to progressive improvement and growth.
Also surround yourself with people who like you for who you are and will grow with you.

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

I do not want to ignore your feelings, but good grief, you are 29, that is still very young. Really.
I did not get married until I was late thirties. Only had a child after 40.
And all those people I knew before I was 30? So unimportant in the long run. The people I met at 30 are still in my life 20 years later.

Everyone goes through periods of existential angst. 29 is often a big one as it signals the transition to 30. But really, it is just a number. The media and society like to make a big deal about these arbitrary numbers. Like you should accomplish something by the time you are 30. Humbug I say.

If you want to make a change, go for it. I went back to school when I was 39. Then did it again when I was 45. Being 30 or 40 (or even 50 coming up quick) meant nothing.

Take a moment and think about what you want to do. Or easier, take a long moment and think about what you DON'T want to do. That usually helps my students. Look at what things you do not want to be in your life, and use that to find what you do want. Decide which is achievable (you'd be surprised how often I have to tell young adults that Professional Soccer Player or Astronaut are off the table) and set a plan on how to achieve it.

[Cris1226 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cris1226]

Sorry guys ,Thank you for all of the responses. Just frustrated that’s all but definitely needed to hear these words. I appreciate the time guys

[MisterBator Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MisterBator]

Been there many times. Still feel this way honestly but you just have to find something to keep your mind busy and be on the lookout for people who are interested in you.

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

It's not to late for you and your lucky, your male.

At 26 years old I decided to end my first marriage. I also decided to give him my house as he had sons which I adored and was hopeless with money and those kind of things.

Everyone around me was getting married and having children. But I knew it was the right thing.

I got married again, bought another house and since had two kids. It's never too late esp for men, time is on your side. Start putting yourself out there.

And don't buy too much into the social media world, the amount of times I speak to friends about what's going on in their lives and what they display on Facebook are two different things.

[Cris1226 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cris1226]

I know it’s been awhile but I want to thank everyone for these comments. All much needed advice. Since then I signed up to go back to school for the beginning of March and getting my real estate license just to have it. These next couple of months are gonna blow but I think it’s gonna be worth it. Thanks again guys , sometimes I come back and reread your comments.

[WhiteMorpheousLaVey88 Member Find all posts View Profile Close WhiteMorpheousLaVey88]

Theres lots of young girls that are into older men.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Okay so when did 29 get to be old? Did I miss another memo?

[Yotguy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Yotguy]

I've been single my whole life and I'm OK. Always remember that you are NOT half of a couple! You are a fully actualized human being. When and if the time is right you will have a lot to offer to the right person! There's no rush. Learn to really love and care. That's the most important thing! You must be able to give to another in a tender way. I have had many relationships with both men and women. They were all beautiful for the most part. Nothing is forever anyway. They are what you make them.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Nice post; rep for you.