Tweet
Ha ha ha!
Vulcan and Eric the Ged- I hear ya! f'reals though.
Porn got me sooooo many times after I tried to quit. For years and years and years... I eventually had to begin some more serious psychological work and really attack it. Man that was stuff was so incredibly addicting. Sometimes I would just cruise through it for hours, and be so unimpressed, but just kind of casually investigating. I would think how beneath me it was. Then some time later I would find something that would just hit me, when the couple had crazy chemistry or whatever. And then I'd be captive to all sorts of longing and envy and this rather sad lusty feeling. Anyway, my relationship with my sexual energy shifted slightly, I used to be protective over it out of a kind of religious devotion, like not looking at porn, masturbating, etc., was a sacrifice to appease God or something, so I would try not to look at porn out of some respect for divinity.
But my perspective changed. I now see my sexual energy as my source of life, and in a way, power. Conserving it is no longer such a selfless act, it is just a necessary part of healing myself and growing and being in my being, so to speak. So I see pornographers as these kind of crafty vampires that feed off of people's attention and kind of manipulate their psyche so they can gain a kind of psychological power of them through the fantasy that they burn into their victim's minds with the heat of the sexual fire generated.
It's one thing to mix your energy with a real live human being. That has all sorts of grey areas and things going on. But I do a sense of regret for all of the times I just willingly spilled my energy out in front of the computer. I remember even after being very committed to being off of porn, I was browsing youtube and finding some, very-close-to-porn-but-not-porn-videos- I would walk right up to the line I had set myself. I would usually stumble on Jenna Haze or someone and she would lead me back into what I now consider a psychological hell. She is a queen of that realm. Those people really are like sorceresses and stuff, I have learned from them, in a way.
I guess my point is, and I do apologize for rambling (and sincerely hope I don't sound preachy, just sharing my experience), but yeah, those pornographers are very crafty, tricky creatures!
Anyway, thanks for keeping us posted. I believe I'm on day 45 or so since my last fall into their clutches, they could get me again! I think if I fell in love and was rejected or something they could totally have a hay day.
Thanks for letting me ramble a bit. I appreciate it. I love this forum.
Vulcan and Eric the Ged- I hear ya! f'reals though.
Porn got me sooooo many times after I tried to quit. For years and years and years... I eventually had to begin some more serious psychological work and really attack it. Man that was stuff was so incredibly addicting. Sometimes I would just cruise through it for hours, and be so unimpressed, but just kind of casually investigating. I would think how beneath me it was. Then some time later I would find something that would just hit me, when the couple had crazy chemistry or whatever. And then I'd be captive to all sorts of longing and envy and this rather sad lusty feeling. Anyway, my relationship with my sexual energy shifted slightly, I used to be protective over it out of a kind of religious devotion, like not looking at porn, masturbating, etc., was a sacrifice to appease God or something, so I would try not to look at porn out of some respect for divinity.
But my perspective changed. I now see my sexual energy as my source of life, and in a way, power. Conserving it is no longer such a selfless act, it is just a necessary part of healing myself and growing and being in my being, so to speak. So I see pornographers as these kind of crafty vampires that feed off of people's attention and kind of manipulate their psyche so they can gain a kind of psychological power of them through the fantasy that they burn into their victim's minds with the heat of the sexual fire generated.
It's one thing to mix your energy with a real live human being. That has all sorts of grey areas and things going on. But I do a sense of regret for all of the times I just willingly spilled my energy out in front of the computer. I remember even after being very committed to being off of porn, I was browsing youtube and finding some, very-close-to-porn-but-not-porn-videos- I would walk right up to the line I had set myself. I would usually stumble on Jenna Haze or someone and she would lead me back into what I now consider a psychological hell. She is a queen of that realm. Those people really are like sorceresses and stuff, I have learned from them, in a way.
I guess my point is, and I do apologize for rambling (and sincerely hope I don't sound preachy, just sharing my experience), but yeah, those pornographers are very crafty, tricky creatures!
Anyway, thanks for keeping us posted. I believe I'm on day 45 or so since my last fall into their clutches, they could get me again! I think if I fell in love and was rejected or something they could totally have a hay day.
Thanks for letting me ramble a bit. I appreciate it. I love this forum.
Comment