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Theres got to be some stories where you feel like you should gnaw your own arm off at the shoulder to avoid waking them up when you leave.
I got two, here's one. Sorry if it is too long, and I have never been much of a story teller.
My buddy and I are at a club and this blonde walks over to me. She says in a beautiful Swedish accent, "My friend really likes you."
"Really, where is she?" I said.
"She's in the washroom, I'll go get her." she said.
I thought if she's Swedish and looks at least as good as her friend, what the heck. They come back from the washroom, and the Swedes friend is , uhh, well, butterface, and a little summer teeth thrown there too.
She comes right up to me and grabs my collar and says in my ear, "I want to fuck your brains out." Well she wasn't Swedish, but with a line like that who cares. In fact it surprised me so much I stupidly asked, "What?".
"You heard me, I want to fuck your brains out." She said again.
Well after that line she has me interested to say the least. Enough that I can maybe lower my standards for a night. We start flirting, and hit the dance floor, and it is quickly evident she's kinda loaded. I ask about herself and she tells me she's from a small town out west and she's here to get invitro fertilization. Turns out that a couple in her town is paying for to fly in and get inseminated at a sperm bank, and then have the baby for them. She'll be their surrogate mother.
Well I must have been drunk by then because this didn't faze me. In fact, in the next hour the four of us (my buddy picked up the Swedish blonde who was looking heavier and heavier by the minute) headed to her hotel.
At the hotel my buddy and I subtlely try to convince them of a foursome, but that was out of the question. Who knew the chick had morals?
My buddy leaves with the blonde, leaving us alone. Some chit-chat leads to me finding out she's 23, has 3 kids, and is divorced. I'm starting to think that this isn't such a good thing as the booze is wearing off. Then she shows me the brand new laptop that her couple paid for. She goes to her web page and shows me her girlfriend. Turns out after her divorce she switched teams, but misses real cock, her words not mine. Her girlfriend on the web page is drop dead gorgeous and she tells me she would have liked a threesome if she was here. That's just swell.
She starts to get hot and heavy and I'm thinking of a way out. I ask if she should be doing this the night before she gets inseminated. She didn't care, and jumps me.
Well all I can say is the fact that she had three kids was evident. Sorry, but for me who's 21, stretch marks, saggy boobs, and those big brown nipples are just not what I have experienced before. The fuck was to quote a phrase, like a hot dog down a hallway. In fact I thought I would get it over quickly and get out, but the visuals were making it hard to do that.
What seemed like hours latter, she finally got her big O. I faked mine and quickly made for the bathroom to discard the empty condom. After I got dressed she tells me she understands that it couldn't work out between us, long distance relationship and all, but she wants me to call her the next day. Ya, right baby. To break up the uncomfortable moment my cell phone rings and it's my buddy waiting in the lobby.
The last thing she said to me was, "I told you I was going to fuck your brains out."
I told her, "Good luck on the invetro thing."
I get out and to the lobby, and my buddy describes his time with the Swede as blubberesk. We decide that it was better to do the walk of shame home, and have a good laugh the whole way.
I got two, here's one. Sorry if it is too long, and I have never been much of a story teller.
My buddy and I are at a club and this blonde walks over to me. She says in a beautiful Swedish accent, "My friend really likes you."
"Really, where is she?" I said.
"She's in the washroom, I'll go get her." she said.
I thought if she's Swedish and looks at least as good as her friend, what the heck. They come back from the washroom, and the Swedes friend is , uhh, well, butterface, and a little summer teeth thrown there too.
She comes right up to me and grabs my collar and says in my ear, "I want to fuck your brains out." Well she wasn't Swedish, but with a line like that who cares. In fact it surprised me so much I stupidly asked, "What?".
"You heard me, I want to fuck your brains out." She said again.
Well after that line she has me interested to say the least. Enough that I can maybe lower my standards for a night. We start flirting, and hit the dance floor, and it is quickly evident she's kinda loaded. I ask about herself and she tells me she's from a small town out west and she's here to get invitro fertilization. Turns out that a couple in her town is paying for to fly in and get inseminated at a sperm bank, and then have the baby for them. She'll be their surrogate mother.
Well I must have been drunk by then because this didn't faze me. In fact, in the next hour the four of us (my buddy picked up the Swedish blonde who was looking heavier and heavier by the minute) headed to her hotel.
At the hotel my buddy and I subtlely try to convince them of a foursome, but that was out of the question. Who knew the chick had morals?
My buddy leaves with the blonde, leaving us alone. Some chit-chat leads to me finding out she's 23, has 3 kids, and is divorced. I'm starting to think that this isn't such a good thing as the booze is wearing off. Then she shows me the brand new laptop that her couple paid for. She goes to her web page and shows me her girlfriend. Turns out after her divorce she switched teams, but misses real cock, her words not mine. Her girlfriend on the web page is drop dead gorgeous and she tells me she would have liked a threesome if she was here. That's just swell.
She starts to get hot and heavy and I'm thinking of a way out. I ask if she should be doing this the night before she gets inseminated. She didn't care, and jumps me.
Well all I can say is the fact that she had three kids was evident. Sorry, but for me who's 21, stretch marks, saggy boobs, and those big brown nipples are just not what I have experienced before. The fuck was to quote a phrase, like a hot dog down a hallway. In fact I thought I would get it over quickly and get out, but the visuals were making it hard to do that.
What seemed like hours latter, she finally got her big O. I faked mine and quickly made for the bathroom to discard the empty condom. After I got dressed she tells me she understands that it couldn't work out between us, long distance relationship and all, but she wants me to call her the next day. Ya, right baby. To break up the uncomfortable moment my cell phone rings and it's my buddy waiting in the lobby.
The last thing she said to me was, "I told you I was going to fuck your brains out."
I told her, "Good luck on the invetro thing."
I get out and to the lobby, and my buddy describes his time with the Swede as blubberesk. We decide that it was better to do the walk of shame home, and have a good laugh the whole way.
Also absolutely disgusting!! 
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