BDSM, anybody else into it?

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

Time to bump this ol' thread.

Anyone have a comment, question, or experience they would like to share?

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

OMG where to start!

I think, finally, after nigh on a year being in this often-pseudo-BDSM fetlife crowd, I'm finally getting the whole D/s thing. Interesting reading back my earlier post up there, I didn't remember posting that, but it kind of says a lot of where I was at the time.

Power exchange, D, M, s etc is still to my mind exactly the same shit as goes on in vanilla relationships, but D/s etc couples are so much more aware of the dynamic, and in a perfect world, discuss, agree and work with it in terms that vanilla couples won't even realise that they can.

I had a discussion recently on fetlife about what D/s actually IS. Someone responded that in vanilla relationships, the intent is egalitarian, mutually divested power. But D/s is the opposite. I have mixed feelings about that, in no small part due to the big-mouthed pretenders throwing their weight so gloriously about. But discussed and agreed? Understanding what's actually in play and being discussed? I get it.

One of the initial problems I had was seeing others demanding to walk right into D/s or M/s with a stranger, and seeing that I was filled with nothing but shame and embarrassment for the individuals, and concern for any potential sub, and concern that their submission was more self-destructive than constructive. Now I know that in any real, profound terms, there needs to be the mutual understanding and respect that I crave fostered first anyway, I feel comfortable again.

See the bondage and beatings, the sadism & masochism, I can largely take that or leave it, it's play. But the relationships and power dynamics feel like the remaining lesson for me in human relationships. And the most profound.

This test is interesting.

Do you have an inclination for BDSM? | Quizfarm.com

I'm a Dominant sadist exhibitionist apparently hahah.

Very interesting times so far, and very interesting times afoot ;-)

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

Spanky is so awesome that you have grown in your personal views. I am so glad you are getting the full power exchange of the D/s, M/s relationship. I absolutely love it, s so amazing and to me it makes for a deeper relationship when understood and followed. I am a submissive with masochistic tendencies but once in a while I like to Switch just for power play and my awesome Dom does not mind. I am a lucky girl.

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

Been a long time since this thread has seen the light of day.
Time for some of the newer members to check it out.
Great stuff!

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

There's got to be some dads (or dads in training) out there that are into BDSM.
Don't be shy.
Let's hear it.

[LATEXMAN Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close LATEXMAN]

I would love to get into more bondage play, but my wife wont play. I have made my own cuffs and have chains cut to length and eye bolts on our bed. I would love to be my wife's love slave.

[JamesLong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesLong]

http://goreanmann.tumblr.com/post/45401666335/presumably-in-no-kuntrol-fuck-me-those-are

I hope this is allowed

Don't know when the last time everyone took a gander at this, but the link is still live and I know I'll go back to it

[JamesLong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesLong]

@ Mr. & Mrs. Looking4more.

Would you say that forgiveness is the one attribute you must have in a BDSM relationship?

Because although you trust the person your with to not go beyond your limits it does sometimes happen. And so one must be able to forgive the other and trust that they've learned their lesson.

If forgiveness is needed afterwards you did it wrong and probably affected the trust and relationship.

[Star316 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Star316]

Oh wow, what very nice thread to read. I've never expected BDSM to be something like this. My views from it are probably biased from watching some BDSM porno videos as well as from some friends who do 'hardcore' BDSM.

About the safe word, when you guys start to feel uncomfortable and say the safe word, do you stop your BDSM acts completely and continue another time?
And how do you classify 'soft' and 'hard' limits?

[drfrankencock Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close drfrankencock]

I feel that safely participating in a BDSM relationship requires trust and commitment. But at this time, I don't want to be tied down.

[Star316 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Star316]

Hmm yes, you really do need a lot of trust and commitment. Its not that I would not like to try BDSM anytime soon. But then again, imagining me getting tied down safely gave me a really weird boner just now.

[master-gauge Senior Member Member of the Month May 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close master-gauge]

Outside of a little bit of rope, role play, and spanking, not really.. I would love to do some Cos-play next time.. Love to have a women just wearing nothing more than a "over the top" pair of heels, or those tiny slipper type shoes.. May be the next one will go for it..

[Looking4more Retired Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Looking4more]

A soft limit is basically something that a person may be intrigued by but thinks they may not want to do it and may be a bit apprehensive. He/she isn't saying a definite NO but will consider it. During the scene, the Dom may push that limit and see how the sub reacts. As long as he/she doesn't use the safe word, the Dom may continue in that direction and the sub may find out that they do indeed like that certain thing.

A hard limit is something that the sub will not agree to in any way. If the Dom is playing by the rules, he/she will not push this limit in any way.

Keep in mind that these limits are discussed in detail before a scene starts.

The safe word is used at any time the sub feels uncomfortable. A soft limit may have been pushed too far or a hard limit may have been crossed. Maybe the sub just feels sick, dizzy, or bad in some other way.

The safe word stops the scene immediately and depending on the reason for using the safe word, the scene may continue again or may be stopped entirely.

Any BDSM relationship or even a scene done at a club with a strange Dom/Domme does require trust. In our case my wife already trusted me with her life so starting into BDSM was natural. In fact the trust in our relationship has increased through doing successful scenes. If doing a scene in a club, a person has to trust that the Dom/Domme will follow the rules and not endanger them. That can happen through watching them doing scenes with other people and also asking others in the club.

Ideally forgiveness shouldn't be required if one is following the rules and also abiding by the subs hard and soft limits. I would imagine once in a while there may be a misunderstanding that would cause a problem during a scene and forgiveness may be needed afterwards. That is entirely up to the sub and if he/she cannot forgive and feels endangered, scene is done and sub needs to find a Dom/Domme that they can trust.

If the hard and soft limits are discussed properly beforehand, things should never get out of hand. The sub also needs to realize that they do indeed have the power to stop the scene immediately and should ALWAYS do so before a boundary gets crossed without feeling weak or inferior for doing so. They must know that they are there for their own pleasure and should not feel bad if it doesn't go the way they want. It is the Dom/Domme's responsibility to bring about the sub's pleasure however they see fit without endangering that person in any way, shape, or form.

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

38.jpg

[Cumfilledballs86 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cumfilledballs86]

I love it when my gf squeezes my balls