Deeply Depressed

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

Well, I guess I'm due for this post. Believe it or not, It has nothing to do with the size of my dick.

After my relationship with my last ex of 17 years, I started renewing myself,,,,,,,getting in shape, lifting, and above all else---PE'ing. I had someone new that I was interested in too and that helped bridge the gap. I was really shot to hell at the very end of that relationship, but the thought of "promise" and my new gal, energized me and gave me the power to leap into being happy and myself once again. I really though that the PE'ing was gonna change my life as far as my confidence and security. Well it really did!!! It lessened the burden of possible things that could make my life less than successful. Well here I am with my big dick and a bunch of woes that are dragging me down like body armour made of cast iron.

After unloading my pity on a friend via text this morning,,,,she told me two things. These things I already knew, but sometimes it takes hearing them several dozen times for it to sink in. First she told me that no one else is responsible for my happiness but me. This is TRUE - I knew and know it. Also,,,,,I am a person that is more concerned with the happiness of everyone else OVER myself. This I know and knew also.

I'm not one to have pity parties on a regular basis. We all need a shoulder and an ear occassionally to help us recover from feeling down and out. I don't feel wrong for posting this, because I know some of my real friends will surface and either KICK MY ASS for being down or say consoling stuff that will help me get over this. Either way, communicating with our friends is important.

Now I'm gonna tell you what lit a firecracker under my ass to share all this stuff with you. I was previously reading the post about Nice guy and bad boy. Well, I guess I'm a nice or good guy.......not a freaking doormat,,,,but someone that cares about others. I just don't know how "NOT TO CARE". Okay, maybe not getting involved in the first place is a way not to care,,,,,,but my biggest self issue is that I have a hard time understanding how the people you care about can just "not care about you". Even when they say they do. Communicating with others is something that kinda always has been in my life,,,,as a person,,,,as a designer,,,,as a human being. I take that kinda info to heart,,,,not just in passing. So I get hurt alot and most of it is my fault. This is related to the penis size/bad boy type of concerns that people have. It's the crap within us that manifests itself. It's the ONE FRIGGIN sentance that our GF's say that TWIST us the wrong friggin way!!!!

Several times this week,,,,my GF and I "collided". She thinks I'm attacking her CONSTANTLY. I'm not. I'm from Brooklyn and maybe sound a bit aggressive. So she is always defensive. The fact that her ex's were scumbags (controlling, lying, cheating bastards) doesn't help. But she will NEVER give in to the fact of being conditioned from her past......so I get the blunt end of the shovel. So, the stress and change in weather,,,,,feeling sick,,,,and working out with weights again (knocking the crap our of me physically),,,,,I've got this horrible depression in me and I'm trying to shake it. Changed my eating habits too,,,,,,so I've got a bunch of things that are obviously headbutting on this end,,,,but the outcome is that I am feeling so beatup. Somebody PLEASE kick my ass!!!

[heretohelp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close heretohelp]

Hey Dick Whammy,

Please remember that your girlfriend's issues are her own. Just as it's your responsibility to see to your own happiness it is also her responsibility to ensure hers. As you've already mentioned a lot of the problems are spanning from her own over sensitivity due to her past experiences. There is nothing a partner can do to magically make someone feel better about those experience - I understand how frustrating it is when you love someone and just want to take all their pain away. Ultimately it's up to them to come to terms with what has happened to them and heal themselves through time and personal growth. I can't say when or how she'll come to terms with her pain - however, rest assured that the pain of her past does not originate in you and she is not comparing you to her exs, rather she is reacting in the way of someone who has been conditioned to act a certain way with partners.

You seem like a genuine guy who wants to help others and that's not a bad thing. Your helpfulness is a part of you and you don't need to discard it. Controlling it can be difficult. Try to support her without putting the pressure on for change. Bring her outside of her comfort zones gradually. Don't lose yourself in trying to save anybody because we can only throw other people a rope, they need to climb up that rope themselves.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

It's not important that "they" care. It is only important that you care! There in lies the meaning to our existence. Oh will you be hurt a bit, walked on and so forth? Sure will but I say join the club!

[Rasputine Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Rasputine]

It doe not make sense to for me or anyone else to kick your ass when your
doing a pretty good job already
Step back from where your at and try to look at what going on in a different
perspective.
" Lighten up on yourself"
Seems to me you are putting too much on yourself."Shit Happens"

Your a person who cares.but sometimes we take on too much at a
time,added to what we already have.

I'm not a good/bad guy,I'm just me!

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

How about a good Spanking instead of butt kicking ? Would you prefer a solid paddle, one with holes in it, a ping pong paddle with inverted nipples ? We'll all have fun, I promise!

[draggin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close draggin]

I was whining about something, and a wise person interrupted me and said ...

"Complaining does no good".

That's all there is to it. Everyone has problems. The trick is to keep positive. Getting drunk once and a while helps too. Life is an up and down roller coaster of shitty times and great times. Just stop complaining. It's unattractive and nothing good will ever come of it.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Dick Whammy at her cervix!!!!!

[draggin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close draggin]

Yeah, just wait until you are no longer feeling under the weather. Have a few drinks. Fuck your GF. All will be well once again. C'est la vie.

Oh Yeah, don't you dare start taking anti-depressants and all that bull shit. Those medications steal your libido and make your dick softer. So if you think are depressed now, taking drugs will give you more reasons to be depressed.

[Steneo Senior MemberPEGym Hero Member of the Month Dec 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close Steneo]

Hey Dick Whammy,

Please remember that your girlfriend's issues are her own. Just as it's your responsibility to see to your own happiness it is also her responsibility to ensure hers. As you've already mentioned a lot of the problems are spanning from her own over sensitivity due to her past experiences. There is nothing a partner can do to magically make someone feel better about those experience - I understand how frustrating it is when you love someone and just want to take all their pain away. Ultimately it's up to them to come to terms with what has happened to them and heal themselves through time and personal growth. I can't say when or how she'll come to terms with her pain - however, rest assured that the pain of her past does not originate in you and she is not comparing you to her exs, rather she is reacting in the way of someone who has been conditioned to act a certain way with partners.

You seem like a genuine guy who wants to help others and that's not a bad thing. Your helpfulness is a part of you and you don't need to discard it. Controlling it can be difficult. Try to support her without putting the pressure on for change. Bring her outside of her comfort zones gradually. Don't lose yourself in trying to save anybody because we can only throw other people a rope, they need to climb up that rope themselves.

You are a good guy DW, don't try to change and make yourself care less. Just be you. This too shall pass...

Alright, bring it on in!

[trepan Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close trepan]

DW - Most of us go through an episode like this once in a while. I'm sure it's not the first or last for you either. But when I get really down on myself, I think most of it is because my brain chemistry is out of whack. Like, some event will send me over the edge to a really dark place and my karma will totally suck. This will usually last 2, 3, maybe 4 days, then I ease back into my normal self. I get really squirrely in the late fall/early winter.... Coming to terms that I am somewhat prone to these sudden behavioral shifts has helped me alieviate them more recently. I try to be proactive and hit back with a few things I've discovered when I feel an episode start. Light therapy, exercise, caffeine and other botanicals usually help me.(I don't take pharmaceuticals) Also, I try to stay away from heavy boozing, 1-2 beers max. -Hey, at least you don't live up here on the frozen tundra!!

[Cptchewy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cptchewy]

After unloading my pity on a friend via text this morning,,,,she told me two things. These things I already knew, but sometimes it takes hearing them several dozen times for it to sink in. First she told me that no one else is responsible for my happiness but me. This is TRUE - I knew and know it. Also,,,,,I am a person that is more concerned with the happiness of everyone else OVER myself. This I know and knew also.


Now I'm gonna tell you what lit a firecracker under my ass to share all this stuff with you. I was previously reading the post about Nice guy and bad boy. Well, I guess I'm a nice or good guy.......not a freaking doormat,,,,but someone that cares about others. I just don't know how "NOT TO CARE".

A couple of things that I think I am starting to understand about life...

Your friend is exactly right, in that you are responsible for your own happiness... As is your girl, and everyone else. While we can try to do and say things that we think will make them happy, it is really up to them. We could spend our whole lives strickly trying to make others happy, and totally miss out on life and what makes us happy.

It is great to care about others, but at the same time it's not your responsibilty to make them happy. That doesn't mean that you don't care about them. Sometimes I think it's better to hold back on trying to do or say things to try to show that we care, and let them be. You don't have to "Not Care" but keep some of it to yourself, and let them try to understand and seek it out on their own.

Best wishes DW.

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

Thank you all!!!! I MEAN IT. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. YES I AM. LOL I know I'll get over this shit,,,,,I usually do. It's just that I get beat up ALOT!!!! You guys are all great......I needed to read your stuff to pull my head out of my butt. I will respond more later,,,,,,,,I've got chicken on the grill.

I guess it MIGHT have made sense to say I've got a couple other crappy things on my mind too. First my son back in NY has to put our doggie to sleep after 14 years.....he was a faithful companion when I was in NY. Then, I find out my brother,,,who was in the hospital for pneumonia,,,,didn't in fact have pneumonia and tests concluded he has lung cancer. So a bunch 'O crap on my mind. Thanks guys and gals and gals and guys!! :-) :-)

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

Yep,,,,,I needed you guys...........thank you!! :-)

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

Hey Dick Whammy,

Please remember that your girlfriend's issues are her own. Just as it's your responsibility to see to your own happiness it is also her responsibility to ensure hers. As you've already mentioned a lot of the problems are spanning from her own over sensitivity due to her past experiences. There is nothing a partner can do to magically make someone feel better about those experience - I understand how frustrating it is when you love someone and just want to take all their pain away. Ultimately it's up to them to come to terms with what has happened to them and heal themselves through time and personal growth. I can't say when or how she'll come to terms with her pain - however, rest assured that the pain of her past does not originate in you and she is not comparing you to her exs, rather she is reacting in the way of someone who has been conditioned to act a certain way with partners.

You seem like a genuine guy who wants to help others and that's not a bad thing. Your helpfulness is a part of you and you don't need to discard it. Controlling it can be difficult. Try to support her without putting the pressure on for change. Bring her outside of her comfort zones gradually. Don't lose yourself in trying to save anybody because we can only throw other people a rope, they need to climb up that rope themselves.

All the responses to my "rant" were excellent. But heretohelp, your comment was based upon a woman's perspective. It sounded and felt genuine in my heart. It's so hard to try to be everything to everyone and end up nothing to no one. I usually take it as a personal blow when she throws her digs at me,,,,,they are so lifelike and real that I can't help but feel like crap when she uses her ammunition against me when we go to war. The other morning, our kitchen sink was clogged and I had put draino in the sink and then filled it with water,,,,,it was standing water nearly the depth of the sink. We got up early,,,,I did tell her the sink situation earlier. When we got to the sink she attempted to put the coffee maker into the standing water,,,,,,,,I yelled out to her to stop......she took this as me telling her she can't do anything right and then twisted it into 20 different directions that I couldn't find my way out of her maze of insanity. Such trivial things set her off into a collision course with me,,,,,and I cannot explain my way out of it,,,,,and no type of reasoning will suffice.

But thank you for your down to earth response and views. :-)

[heretohelp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close heretohelp]

I can't speak for every lady since I'm only one particularly eccentric example of the breed. It does sound like her verbal attacks are derived from her own insecurities. Frequently I've found arguments in relationships to be more of a playing field for an amalgamation of individualistic and relationship anxieties. Her going off wasn't about the sink, the coffee maker, or you yelling (I gather she could have been electrocuted?). Something has been playing out in her mind for days and that sink was an excuse to let out all those hurtful and angry feelings. Frequently a woman's arguments when presented irrationally are as much a war with herself as with you. If she is particularly intelligent or good at explaining things then it may be that to her the problems she's presenting make total rational sense. Reasoning is often seen as an attack when somebody has convinced themselves of something. It's important to view the arguing experience as trying to reach a point of understanding and unity as opposed to a war which can be won by either side. Have you tried flat out looking her in the eyes and saying calmly 'I don't want to fight. I was scared you'd be hurt, and I love you too much to see that happen'?. I know it's hard to be sweet and calm when someone is attacking you. I spent a year with somebody who constantly launched these kinds of very personal and deeply hurtful attacks. The important thing to remember is always to diffuse, to soothe, to calm. Inflammation is bad whether in the body or in an argument. Things can only be looked at in the cold light of day once the storm has passed.

You aren't nothing to no-one. Look how many responses you got here! Even though we've all only spoken to you online we can still see who you are and it's appreciated. Surround yourself by supportive friends and family. Do things to boost your own self-esteem and sense of self worth. Practice relaxation techniques. Be open to suggestions for positive change but don't allow non-constructive criticism to bring you down.