The other laugh for the forum.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

When i was in Germany i taught English as a foreign language, first class was the letter A, then B...... D day was a bit tricky.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

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[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

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[Cavalier Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Cavalier]

It's fall, my favorite time of the year! It's what comes after that aggravates me. For anyone thinking they might want to move North, Read this guys diary entries first.


December 8

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I sat by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It was like a Grandma Moses print. So, romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal-white snow covering every inch of the landscape, What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalk. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of the winter that I would never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man. I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! We had 8” last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the sidewalks and driveway. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back into shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15
20” in the forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Explorer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. The electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should have bought a wood stove, but I won’t admit it to her. I hate it when she is right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity’s back on, but we had another 14” of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re to busy playing hockey. I think they’er lying. Called the only hardware store to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shpment in march. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December22

Bob was right about the white Cristmas because another 13” more of the white stuff fell today and it’s so cold that it probably won’t melt until August. Took me 45 minutes to get dressed to go out and shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got dressed again I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think he’s lying.

December 23

Only 2” of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she…nuts??? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, I think she’s lying.

December 25

Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to – 30 and the pipes froze.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. SHE is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I should shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. Another 9” predicted.

December 31

Set fire to what was left to the house. No more shoveling.

January 8

I feel so good. I just love these little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

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[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX1jMmfG2Xk&app=desktop

Don't watch if you're easily offended.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

...Don't watch if you're easily offended.

Deeply offended!!!

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

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[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

[ATTACH]80270[/ATTACH]

Mine fell through, is that why its called the weak end?

[nouedis Member Find all posts View Profile Close nouedis]

Lmao.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

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[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a tenant for their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week.
Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."
"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water."
"What about your husband?" asked the model.
"Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris.
"Good," said the model. "Now that that's settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight."
That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair. The model noticed Doris's staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimwear or underclothes.
Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he did not believe her.
"It's true, I tell you!" said Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself."
The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her. Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and, wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass.
Later Fred returned and they retired to bed.
"Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred.
"Yes," he replied. "I've never seen anything like it in my life.
But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?"
"Just to show you the difference." answered Doris. "But I guess you've seen me millions of times."
"Yes," said Fred, "I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn't."

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

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[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Hopefully he can turn to the Wi and Mishag function.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

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