Stunted lovers

[damuji Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close damuji]

Hi everyone. This is my first day on your site (stumbled across it during a thorough search of the meaning of my name haha), and I have been lost in here reading the forums for hours. What a wonderful place this is! I'm excited to hang out here and learn.

I am a 35 year old female and my partner is a 49 year old male. We have been together for 2 years, and have struggled with erectile disfunction and premature ejaculation for some time now. At the beginning we had no problems, but my partner had been using alcohol very heavily, and that seemed to assist him sexually. He quit drinking one year ago, and thats when our issues began. He began losing his erection very easily (if we took too long changing positions.. we were out of luck). Sometimes he will just lose it all together while we are in the middle of penetration. As well, he went from rarely reaching orgasm (when drinking), to ejaculating very quickly. Once he accidentally got off during foreplay just from his penis pushing against the mattress. He was so ashamed. I have been doing what i can to help him (without having done any research), by trying different sexual techniques, and by praising his efforts to satisfy me. I know that this situation has devistated his confidence, and i so desperately want him to feel like a "real man".. as he puts it. He is the most giving and attentive lover i have ever experienced, and i long to return his efforts by helping him feel satisfied by his own body.

My plan is to spend this evening pouring over these information packed forums and injesting all i can to get a good start. Then tomorrow i will approach my man with what i have compiled in the hopes that he will be open to exploring these new ideas with me.

To all that have taken the time to read my rant.. i thank you. I welcome any advice or direction from you all, and i am really looking forward to some enlightenment.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Welcome to the site.

[FireLane Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close FireLane]

Have you guys ever thought about trying Cialis? I'm all for jelqing and kegels, which will help more permanently and in the long run, but Cialis might be the quick help he needs to boost his confidence first. I'm 29 and I've used erection pills in the past. I never had Erectile disfunction, but i would use it just for a boost, and it's a big help with both ED and Premature Ejaculation!

[Faux Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Faux]

I've been reading this forum for around 4-5 months now, but never felt any need to comment or post anything, yet your story stung me a bit so I'll try to help you. I believe you did read all the basic info around here (most of which can be found on top of the site) so I'll restrain from wearing professor goggles and head straight to the case.

Aside from healthy diet, regular exercise and restraining from smoking/drinking which have all been proven to increase Erection Quality(EQ) I believe best exercise for your partner for now would be Kegel exercises.
https://www.pegym.com/penis-exercise...rcises-for-men
They're beneficial for both Premature Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction, also easy to do. Get your man to do those and I believe you'll both achieve stabilisation fast, I'd say it takes around 1-3 months to get to what would be considered average performance. I've had similar problems before and just Kegel exercises got me on my feet.

I don't know how you're going to tell your partner about all this, but I think it would be a good idea to try and introduce him here, this site is a treasury for someone determined, and from what I read about him, he seems to be.

[GokuKakarot Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GokuKakarot]

I agree with Faux, and I have been in your situation too.

Premature Ejaculation is in the head for most of us men. But is isn't that easy to solve. I tried Cialis, that helps, to build up confidence. Cialis is really funny stuff to work with. Now I do Kegels and negative Kegels. My EQ is way up already. Not there yet, but the stuff on this site seems to work miracles. I think will soon be free from Cialis.

A man left to his own devices to work out these kind of problems, is not a place you want to stay. This site helps a lot in that regard. Great bonus: after his EQ goes up and PE is gone, he can work on his size if need be and you'll be in for fun for years to come. So it's very good for the both of you that you did find it.

Good luck on the road to recovery. It may take a while, I think the best way for you is to be supportive and understanding and that may be difficult at times. Patience is key!

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

Welcome, this is certainly the place to find help.

From what you've said it sounds like there are a couple of possibilities.

Firstly, Ed. There are physical and phychological causes for ED. Given his history of being able to maintain an erection it is unlikely that physical causes are the culprit, but a healthy diet, exercise, a light Jelqing routine, and light to moderate Kegel/Reverse Kegel routine would go a long way to enhancing the physical side of the equation. Phychological causes are tricky, but it does sound like he has performance and sexual anxiety after some of the earlier difficulties. It is entirely possible that this anxiety is solely responsible for his erection difficulties. If he is worried his penis won't stay hard, it's likely already going soft. Phychological ED is very common and can be overcome. Cialis or Viagra could help both Physical and Phychological ED but are more of a bandaid, but one that could be very useful in resolving the problems.

Secondly, PreE. Is he a high anxiety person? If so alcohol was used to relax him, boost his confidence, and would result in better performance both in regards to maintaining an erection and premature ejaculation despite alcohol in excess being associated with erection troubles. If he is anxious, or even if he isn't, he could be involuntarily kegeling and that is often a cause of PreE. This tracks with his performance anxiety and erection troubles, he is likely kegeling often to maintain his erection and this in turn brings on the point of no return quickly. Learning how to Kegel and Reverse Kegel and control involuntary tension in the pelvic floor is crucial. Improving his confidence and helping him relax will help, as will a light to moderate Kegel/reverse Kegel routine.

It sounds like that without alcohol he suffered some difficulty which has resulted in performance anxiety which results in involuntarily or over kegeling to maintain an erection which leads to PreE which leads to more anxiety, etc. it's a vicious cycle. Staying healthy and doing a light Jelqing routine with a light to moderate Kegel/reverse Kegel routine with greatly help his erection quality from the physical side which will also help him maintain an erection, which in turn can help him relax. Relaxing and working on his pelvic floor will in turn help with the PreE. Once things start improving they will improve quickly in a positive reinforcement cycle.

Youve come to the right place. Stay open and honest with him and use the tools and resources here to improve your situation. There is definitely hope.

Welcom to the Gym.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Stabilizing his IK's is key to solving pre-E. The best overall exercise once his pelvic floor is balanced with a good regular 60:40 / K:RK routine, is edging. Learning to edge is as easy as masturbating, but the similarities end as you reach PONR (point of no return or ejaculation). Learning to kegel hold, then RK will eventually help him hold off ejaculation and continue to edge / masturbate. It is by far the most effective exercise to control pre-E and learn to reach plateau, interpreting your body's response to rising IK's, prostate spasms, and eventually DO (Dry Orgasm), not lose your erection and over time it becomes an automatic response during sex. With practice, once he's able to DO, he can work toward MMO (Male Multiple Orgasm)...the "ultimate control over pleasure & performance" for BOTH partners!

Glad you joined us! I encourage you to get him a membership here with you as it will greatly improve the "learning curve" for PE and better more fulfilling sex for both of you! Begin by READING ALL the threads in START HERE tab, top left, grey bar. Ask questions on the forums & stay involved!!

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

Stabilizing his IK's is key to solving pre-E. The best overall exercise once his pelvic floor is balanced with a good regular 60:40 / K:RK routine, is edging. Learning to edge is as easy as masturbating, but the similarities end as you reach PONR (point of no return or ejaculation). Learning to kegel hold, then RK will eventually help him hold off ejaculation and continue to edge / masturbate. It is by far the most effective exercise to control pre-E and learn to reach plateau, interpreting your body's response to rising IK's, prostate spasms, and eventually DO (Dry Orgasm), not lose your erection and over time it becomes an automatic response during sex. With practice, once he's able to DO, he can work toward MMO (Male Multiple Orgasm)...the "ultimate control over pleasure & performance" for BOTH partners!

Glad you joined us! I encourage you to get him a membership here with you as it will greatly improve the "learning curve" for PE and better more fulfilling sex for both of you! Begin by READING ALL the threads in START HERE tab, top left, grey bar. Ask questions on the forums & stay involved!!

Good point, I forgot to mention Edging. And more specifically, in this case we can jump right to partner edging which will more effective and enjoyable for them.

[MarchSalami Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MarchSalami]

I also have some quick suggestions:

1. Is he flexible in the hip area? Stiff back? I have been experiencing back pain and stiff hips for the last few years and my EQ has also gone down. Lately I have been doing some simple yoga exercises to ease the back pain, groin and hip area, and I also find as a side effect my erections have become better again.

2. Try L-citruline, it is a supplement you can by at most health stores. It improves cardiovascular system and increases blood flow. It has been an aid to me.

[Gregory Peckary Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gregory Peckary]

In my opinion, your problem stems from alcohol. I think the medical term for it is "whiskey dick".

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

In my opinion, your problem stems from alcohol. I think the medical term for it is "whiskey dick".

Hold on there, Gregory! Your observations are not necessarily correct! Aging, back strain or injury, inadequate or ineffective exercises can all lead to pelvic and lower back weakness. Strengthening of lower back muscles is highly recommended for males who desire performing at their peak sexual performance. A weak lower back is not necessarily a result of alcohol abuse or "whiskey Dick".

Apology in order, maybe???

[Gregory Peckary Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gregory Peckary]

Im sorry , i guess i did not read the post carefully enough. I did not mean any disrespect. I guess I was trying to be funny. Best of luck

[Gregory Peckary Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gregory Peckary]

Hi everyone. This is my first day on your site (stumbled across it during a thorough search of the meaning of my name haha), and I have been lost in here reading the forums for hours. What a wonderful place this is! I'm excited to hang out here and learn.

I am a 35 year old female and my partner is a 49 year old male. We have been together for 2 years, and have struggled with erectile disfunction and premature ejaculation for some time now. At the beginning we had no problems, but my partner had been using alcohol very heavily, and that seemed to assist him sexually. He quit drinking one year ago, and thats when our issues began. He began losing his erection very easily (if we took too long changing positions.. we were out of luck). Sometimes he will just lose it all together while we are in the middle of penetration. As well, he went from rarely reaching orgasm (when drinking), to ejaculating very quickly. Once he accidentally got off during foreplay just from his penis pushing against the mattress. He was so ashamed. I have been doing what i can to help him (without having done any research), by trying different sexual techniques, and by praising his efforts to satisfy me. I know that this situation has devistated his confidence, and i so desperately want him to feel like a "real man".. as he puts it. He is the most giving and attentive lover i have ever experienced, and i long to return his efforts by helping him feel satisfied by his own body.

My plan is to spend this evening pouring over these information packed forums and injesting all i can to get a good start. Then tomorrow i will approach my man with what i have compiled in the hopes that he will be open to exploring these new ideas with me.

To all that have taken the time to read my rant.. i thank you. I welcome any advice or direction from you all, and i am really looking forward to some enlightenment.

I did not see anything a bout lower back problems in the above post. however there are several references to "heavy drinking". My experience has been that alcohol in particular, is the enemy of the male erection. I am responding with all seriousness, in order to not offend. I dont appreciate that you try to make my comment into something it isnt and then throw in back pain when it was not even an issue in the original post.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Im sorry , i guess i did not read the post carefully enough. I did not mean any disrespect. I guess I was trying to be funny. Best of luck

Your post was neither funny nor helpful; however, it was nice that you replied and acknowledged your error. Like life in general, having a positive upbeat and helpful response to fellow members will usually make your time here beneficial to yourself and others... it's something we ALL strive for, together...just sayin'....

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

I drink whiskey and have a dodgy back...guess I'm buggered!