HUGE post after much research... read if you dare.

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

@MrsLooking4More,

Sounds like we had very similar experience in our early sex life. I increasingly suspect there is a "sex freak" inside most women, just waiting to be released.

And thanks for the good feedback.

You are welcome, great post deserve recognition. Yes, from your post I gather we have had similar experiences. Keep up the good work!

[jay1993 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jay1993]

@jay1993, I read somewhere on this forum that in a normal state the vagina is 4 inches deep - sure it adjusts up/down too. When I "pleasure myself" my middle finger reaches the cervix.

Whenever I am fingering a chick, I can feel the cervix initially but then it rises up. Every woman is different though!

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

Whenever I am fingering a chick, I can feel the cervix initially but then it rises up. Every woman is different though!

Exactly when we are not turned on is back to normal size which it's small and then it expands as we get aroused.

[jay1993 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jay1993]

Exactly when we are not turned on is back to normal size which it's small and then it expands as we get aroused.

Right, that's why it was surprising to me that she could be aroused and have a 3 incher bottom out in her. Im not calling her wrong, she knows her body and she experienced it! That's just a rare experience! When my dick was less than 6.75 I sometimes bottomed out. Now that Im closer to 7.5 I bottom out consistently, which seems to match up with the fact that most vaginas are between 6-8 aroused.

[Vixen65 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Vixen65]

Jay,

I know that after I've been with a guy 2-3 times I've adjusted to his size, and on all scores (up/down as well as tightness). And it works both ways. First time with a big guy I'm too tight, and once in he'll often hit my cervix in a painful way (man, that is painful!). 2-3 time, and he fits all ways. But a big guy I can never do the "spread legs" full penetration. Guys in normal range (my def) can usually do deep penetration first time and later through the spread legs position. My most recent guy is abt 4 inches and hit bottom as we were shifting positions. Know my insides pull "up" a lot when I come - several guys have commented on that, as they like the "suck" it gives them. Maybe my body is just slow / lazy and waits with pulling up until I orgasm. The arousal starts waaay before that though.

Apparently the sequence is: I get worked up and my muscles start vibrating, get more excited and my muscles lock around the penis, orgasm and "suck", then muscles pulsate as I have my waves afterwards, then the muscles twitch/vibrate and all of me comes snug against him again. That's what my latest tells me (ah, love guys who can talk about the sexual experience).Don't know if that makes more sense.

I'm not claiming to know what "most" women experience or how much "most" vaginas adjust, but know what mine does, and know virtually all guys can do the cul-de-sac with me and give me A-point orgasm.

[jay1993 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jay1993]

Jay,

I know that after I've been with a guy 2-3 times I've adjusted to his size, and on all scores (up/down as well as tightness). And it works both ways. First time with a big guy I'm too tight, and once in he'll often hit my cervix in a painful way (man, that is painful!). 2-3 time, and he fits all ways. But a big guy I can never do the "spread legs" full penetration. Guys in normal range (my def) can usually do deep penetration first time and later through the spread legs position. My most recent guy is abt 4 inches and hit bottom as we were shifting positions. Know my insides pull "up" a lot when I come - several guys have commented on that, as they like the "suck" it gives them. Maybe my body is just slow / lazy and waits with pulling up until I orgasm. The arousal starts waaay before that though.

Apparently the sequence is: I get worked up and my muscles start vibrating, get more excited and my muscles lock around the penis, orgasm and "suck", then muscles pulsate as I have my waves afterwards, then the muscles twitch/vibrate and all of me comes snug against him again. That's what my latest tells me (ah, love guys who can talk about the sexual experience).Don't know if that makes more sense.

I'm not claiming to know what "most" women experience or how much "most" vaginas adjust, but know what mine does, and know virtually all guys can do the cul-de-sac with me and give me A-point orgasm.

Well, sounds like you have a one-size-fits-all vagina! Congrats, any man between 3 and 9 inches can bottom out on you! Thats badass, you have the most flexible vagina in the world. I know that with the last 3 women I've been with, I ALWAYS bottomed out in doggystyle or legs up positions. No matter how many times we had sex, I literally could not go balls deep unless we were in standard missionary with her legs around my back. I even tried going balls deep immediately AFTER they had an orgasm,so I know they were fully aroused, and I still bottomed out. Further, when I was around 6.3 BPEL I never bottomed out, and the vagina never shortened to accomodate my length.

[penisesunite Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close penisesunite]

During sexual arousal, and particularly the stimulation of the clitoris, the walls of the vagina lubricate. This reduces friction that can be caused by various sexual activities.^[10] With arousal, the vagina lengthens rapidly,^[10][8] to an average of about 4 in.(10 cm), but can continue to lengthen in response to pressure.^[21] As the woman becomes fully aroused, the vagina tents (last ²⁄₃) expands in length and width, while the cervix retracts.^[22]

[the_scientist Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close the_scientist]

Wow... Lots of responses to consider and respond to. I will just need a bit of time to process and formulate a response. Thanks!

[Ivor Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ivor]

- Stop focusing on technique and how I can please the guy. "Be 100% selfish in bed. Do what will bring you pleasure, and gently guide him to do what will please you. This will turn the guy on enormously". This one really surprised me, and I was skeptical.

There is something I don't get though, it seems we men have to seek the pleasure of the women while they must be selfish and seek their own (that is, in intercourse), F***k that lol.
I wonder if one of the main reasons could be that girls experience far more pleasure during sex, and far more intense orgasms.

I think there's a slightly different thing going on here, though. V65 is talking about a new approach to try, having been (until that point) generally unconfident about sex, insecure about her body and so on. I should imagine (have I got this right, V65?) that after this amazing watershed experience, she didn't carry on with this "100% selfish" attitude forever, for all future partners, in all circumstances. But it was an important step in her own development, nonetheless.

Really, if a couple are genuinely into each other then the idea of being 'selfish' in the strict sense becomes kind of meaningless. Your pleasure is her pleasure, and vice-versa. To give an example, I'll often spend ages, like a good half-hour or more, doing *exactly* what it takes to get my girlfriend to come. She's lying on her back using a small vibrator on her clit, I'm alternately fucking her, licking her, using my fingers on her G-spot or tickling her arse, doing whatever it takes for her to get there, holding back from having an orgasm of my own while I'm fucking her - being a textbook 'generous lover', in other words. Then once she's come, I'm so fired up and ready to go I only have to fuck her for a minute or two - fucking her *just* for my own pleasure - until I come. And she loves it, she loves that I'm so into it and into her and getting so much pleasure from just fucking her like a mad thing that she often has a completely unexpected extra orgasm just as I have mine. So as long as you're not actually inconsiderate to the point of causing (too much/the wrong kind of) pain, being a selfish lover now and then can be a big turn-on for your partner. Just as long as it's not *every* time, of course.

Popol, it's interesting that you talk about women having "far more pleasure" during sex. This is a common idea because (some) women can have multiple orgasms, or at least several orgasms over the course of a session while a man might only have one or two - since sex of course has to stop at least for a while after the guy comes. On the other hand, most women find it impossible to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, and quite a lot of women actually never have an orgasm with a partner, or only achieve it for the first time in their 30s or even later. Some women go their whole lives without having one, either from masturbation or sex. Whereas the vast majority of guys, even if they can't have 10/20/30... orgasms in a session like a small minority of women can, can generally rely on being able to have an orgasm most times they have sex. So I think the range of female sexual experiences is huge, from earth-shatteringly incredible to what (from a man's POV) would seem very frustrating, while most guys are somewhere kind of in the middle.

One big asymmetry between men and women is that there's not really a female equivalent to premature ejaculation*. Men who suffer from this find it bad because sex then has to stop for a bit, so their partner - who (in most cases) takes longer to reach orgasm than they do - will in all likelihood not be able to have an orgasm during sex, and men feel bad about this because it's still seen as the 'gold standard' of female orgasms, despite the fact that lots of women are only too happy to have orgasms from oral sex, fingering or from masturbating with a partner. Whereas a woman who orgasms very quickly can in many cases have another orgasm almost straight away, or if she gets too sensitive to carry on immediately, only has to wait a minute or so and then can carry on, which doesn't usually bother guys because they can typically have an orgasm more or less whenever.

*well there's vaginismus, but that just makes penetration impossible, so it's probably more like the female equivalent of ED rather than PE

[popol5169 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close popol5169]

When I said far more pleasure, I didn't especially mean more orgasms, I was mainly suggesting that their orgasm and the build up to the orgasm may be much more intense. But you're right in the sense that women are very unequal from one an other when it comes to this pleasure, also who knows if it's due to the men they encountered, mental blockage or if it's plain physical (how they were born) .

And when I talked about men having to please women, I just meant that apart from orgasm and the utmost pleasure to please , we don't really have physical pleasure.

But then I don't have any personnal experience on the matter (but very soon will)

[Ivor Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ivor]

When I said far more pleasure, I didn't especially mean more orgasms, I was mainly suggesting that their orgasm and the build up to the orgasm may be much more intense.

OK, there may be something to that, but bear in mind that no-one has ever been both a man and a woman - I mean, some people have sex-change surgery but they've still got the nervous system they were born with, so on-one has ever really experienced both male and female orgasms in the true sense, so who can say which is stronger? Women can definitely have very, very strong orgasms but I sometimes have ones that make me think, "Fuck, if that had been any stronger, I'd have passed out/died/exploded".

And when I talked about men having to please women, I just meant that apart from orgasm and the utmost pleasure to please , we don't really have physical pleasure.

I'm not sure what you mean by this. I get plenty of physical pleasure from sex, and not just from the orgasm - and I don't think I'm different from most guys in this respect. Hell, sinking into a hot bath or curling in up a cosy bed is physically pleasurable, isn't it?

But then I don't have any personnal experience on the matter (but very soon will)

Good luck on that, and let me know what you think about what I've written here when you do.

[Vixen65 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Vixen65]

Ivor,
I think you're right on your analysis of the advice given in many ways. In addition is the starting point for his advice : "If you really want to please a guy".
- I think you're right that it was particularly important because I was uptight / nervous.
- His main point was to stop focus on technique and more on pleasure - which I think holds true both ways. Certainly is a negative distraction for me when the guys are too focused on the technique of sex rather than responding to what is quite obviously creating pleasure. And I too get really turned on by the guy being turned on.
- think my guy was right that by making sure I orgasm often and well the guy will be turned on - and probably more so than almost any technique
- also maintain there is a gender difference here. For many/most guys once the climax is reached the show is over. While I'll come many times.
- and he didn't mean "selfish" as in "ignore the guy", but more "selfish" in that I should let myself go and ensure I got a lot of pleasure out of the act. Perhaps also given as advice to me because I by nature focus more on pleasing than being pleased - so he knew I wouldn't go overboard.
- and you're absolutely right that I do focus on the guy. Still now I'll make sure I get plenty of pleasure first - which then usually gets him worked up. But when the time is there that he wants to come I get focused on bringing that about. As I get older, and the guys I'm with get older (and more challenged with performance), I often find I have to focus more on him in the beginning than I used to, and more at the end too - especially holding back when he is working up to a climax. Often they get a kick out of that too (if phrased right - "I'm basically ready, but I'm gonna wait so we can do it together").
- now often also see that more insecure guys get more secure because I am so focused on pleasuring myself. They get a kick out me doing oral mainly to pleasure me rather than to pleasure them. Or me fondling their parts for my enjoyment rather than theirs. Makes them more relaxed.

Agree strongly that full selfishness is not good in sex, but think that a woman who ensures she gets great pleasure from sex is then also increasing his pleasure.

[Vixen65 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Vixen65]

Penisunite,

During sexual arousal, and particularly the stimulation of the clitoris, the walls of the vagina lubricate. This reduces friction that can be caused by various sexual activities.^[10] With arousal, the vagina lengthens rapidly,^[10][8] to an average of about 4 in.(10 cm), but can continue to lengthen in response to pressure.^[21] As the woman becomes fully aroused, the vagina tents (last ²⁄₃) expands in length and width, while the cervix retracts.^[22]

Thanks for posting this. Seems to build up under my experience. The "push-back" I got here almost had me questioning myself! And bearing in mind this is "the average" woman I suspect there is a lot of variation. Know my muscles do a lot of weird / complex things throughout - probably many do, but your text is a short and concise description that probably intentionally avoided the complexities and variations. And, as said before (and challenged by some) my first contraction of the cervix / creation of depth varies a lot depending on the guy, to fit the guy.

[Ivor Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ivor]

Ivor,
- think my guy was right that by making sure I orgasm often and well the guy will be turned on - and probably more so than almost any technique

This is key, I think. When you have the right chemistry - and it doesn't have to be 'love', as such, just good sexual compatibility - the one thing guaranteed to get you turned on is seeing (and hearing, feeling, smelling...) your partner getting turned on. I also think this is one of those things that holds true for both men and women. So you get into this wonderful positive feedback cycle of arousal leading to more arousal, and your own pleasure is so intimately tied up with your partner's pleasure that while some activities will obviously lead to an orgasm for one of them and not the other, the pleasure in having your partner reach orgasm is so great that the whole idea of being 'selfish' starts to seem a bit meaningless.

- also maintain there is a gender difference here. For many/most guys once the climax is reached the show is over. While I'll come many times.

I guess I'm lucky in this regard, my girlfriend always talks approvingly about my 'powers of recovery'. OK, sometimes I 'cheat' slightly by using yohimbe or a small dose of viagra, but even without, I can usually get hard again within a few minutes of ejaculating, at least the first time, and I'll often have several orgasms over the course of a couple of hours. On some occasions I've come inside my girlfriend, stayed 3/4 hard and given her another couple of orgasms before finally softening completely and withdrawing. There's something wonderful about carrying on fucking while it's so wet down there.

(if phrased right - "I'm basically ready, but I'm gonna wait so we can do it together")

I love doing this, and have got quite good at it, though I say so myself. Hovering on the edge of orgasm, fucking her just enough to get her there without coming prematurely, and then just releasing when she's starting to come. Or she just about gets there first and it turns me on so much that my orgasm comes half a minute or so later. But as you say, it usually has to be this way around, because ejaculation usually means at least a pause in the fucking, even if it's not the 'end of the show'.

Agree strongly that full selfishness is not good in sex, but think that a woman who ensures she gets great pleasure from sex is then also increasing his pleasure.

Absolutely. I think for both men and women but perhaps for women even moreso, being in touch with your own pleasure is vital to having sex that's good for you and for your partner. I love watching women get off and getting themselves off, I mean I love female-solo porn but I also love watching my girlfriend, and she enjoys being watched (she also likes to watch me, which is cool - to me, the sight of a woman masturbating is hella hot although I've always thought the image of a guy merrily wanking away would be more comical to women that arousing, but it's good to know it can be arousing too, at least with the right guy).

[the_scientist Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close the_scientist]

Still not much mention of girth - especially from the ladies here. I had wanted to post a much longer response personally addressing individuals as there have been so many interesting and well articulated responses. But essentially I am still curious about the girth issue in relation to my initial post... Vixen - got anything further to add to this?