A newbies log to overcoming PE

[Mudita Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mudita]

I have told this previously and some may not agree and some have experienced it.

RK is a way some people have come up with to stretch the pelvic floor and alone, it is only beneficial to those very limited population 2-3% that are in habit of strong stress and clenching the PF.

If you have a balanced strong core (including glutes and ab) which is not possible with tight hip flexors, by just a simple breathing relatively deep, your PF expands. A natural RK which can be used in sex. Assume you want to thrust, it is the heat of the action and you want to keep and focus on RK. Is this really possible?
Even if you go to PF specialists, the first thing they tell you is to work on hip, strengthen and open it up (which is the same thing we say here, more detailed on muscle groups). The reason I am explaining this, is that RKs can be very confusing and people think they are the source of cure. However, everyone who has cured this on this site, including me, had a priority of working on glutes, abs and stretching Flexors. And in reality, the training was the real reason that we could experience the good RK.
So, the ability to perform a good RK is a result of a balanced hip. Balance your hip and see how RKs happen naturally.

Now, if I have had a static day, no stretch what so ever, no movement, there's a possibility for me to have a tough hip that day. Because I have created the potential previously, with a few RKs and some stretches, I can remove the tightness. I can explain to you any specific part you need to know. I have also explained with pics from medical resources how hip muscles are related with PF and why hip tightness causes PF to contract up in one of my posts if you can find it so you'd be sure and determined to go that path.

So if I understand you correctly the main focus should be the stretching/mobility routine, then abs/glutes work and then RK routine. I will add some glute bridges and split squats to my normal workouts.

This sounds quite interesting since my experience might show that this actually is my problem. I have been doing powerlifting and training for years now. In the course of the years I have had several moments where I've struggled with lower back pain and/or hip issues. At one point in my life I was training again after a break where I finally didn't experience these issues, as well as I didn't experience PME. Then fast forward a bit after another long break, I started training again, started feeling the injuries again and voila: PME joins the boat. I suppose this will have to do with the mobility training I did for the injuries.

I started training again not too long ago and doing hip mobility goes two ways for me ofcourse. So to fix PME and also to fix my injuries. Hopefully I will fix my PME or improve it at least because mentally I am getting worse and worse with regards to PME. I'm really done with it and I wish I could finally just enjoy sex again.

So if I understand it correctly I should be doing the following:
- Mobility training min. 5x p/ week (steve maxwell hip mobility routine)
- Incorporate abs and glute work in workouts (3 times a week)
- K/RK routine everyday (tri point reverse kegels for 15 reps)
- RK throughout the day when thinking about it

With regards of mobility training or stretching I am not 100% sure what routine to follow yet. I do believe stretching is more of a temporary release and mobility training will actually cause you to correct muscles and mobility in general. Maybe I could be rotating the steve maxwell mobility routine with a regular stretching routine from day to day. So for example: Monday stretching, Tuesday mobility, Wednesday Stretching et cetera.

Would like to hear your feedback. You don't want to know how much I appreciate your post here, since this forum doesn't seem really active.

[Mudita Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mudita]

Failed with no P for the past two days. First day I could easily last and tried to focus on breathing, but I did already ejaculate that morning. Yesterday it was harder and I couldn't go too fast and noticed I had bad thoughts and anxiety.

This does really show me how my anxiety controls it too. I have such a hard time focusing on breathing and calming down when I am scared to have problems. Because I am so extremely done with the problem I get some "heavy emotional response" when I feel I get to the PONR too quickly.

[Mudita Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mudita]

Update:

Added an ab routine from now on. The ab routine will be as follows:

Sit ups 3x10
Leg raises 3x10
Plank 3x 20-40 sec (with posterior tilt)
Stomach vacuums 3x max hold

[MalikMasvidal Member Find all posts View Profile Close MalikMasvidal]

I'm kinda surprised how little is talked about on how you're trying to tackle the anxiety, as anxiety is the biggest contributing factor, anxiety is going to cause tighter pelvic floor and more contractions, because thats biologically advantageous, when theres threat of something interrupting your session its a threat to your reproduction, and so your body tries to ejaculate as quick as possible when you're anxious. Like how you said you last longer during BJs because you're less aware of how close you are, i.e. you're worrying less and are less anxious. Generally its the beginning of sex which is when its easier to prematurely ejaculate, after some time it gets easier to last longer, because you get more used to the situation and become less anxious.

You mentioned that in your daily life you've been anxious, you seem like an anxious guy in general. Have you noticed the position of your pelvic floor during your day? Is it generally tighter, almost like you're trying to kegel, or is looser and relaxed more like a reverse kegel? A more relaxed and slight reverse kegel is what you should be aiming for, it also allows for more blood flow during the flaccid state, allowing a bigger flaccid hang. But if you keep a tighter butt clenched position, you're essentially training your pelvic floor to keep this as the neutral default position. This is closely related to anxiety, because the more anxious we are, the more we are "butt clenched".

Are you also using sex as training? If not then its probably contributing to your anxiety too, because then sex isn't seen as the practice, but the big show. Make your girl understand that you want to train yourself to last longer with her, penetrate her all the way in, then just leave it there as you try to acclimate yourself to everything, and as you're doing that you can also kiss her and feel her. Then when you feel you're ready, just grind her, bumping against her pelvis slowly, no stroking, then when you're ready, slow short strokes, then longer strokes, then longer, then faster, etc., you work your way up. Start with positions where you're less likely to bust early, these are usually positions where you do the least work, so like on your back. Missionary is generally going to make you bust early.

[Mudita Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mudita]

I'm kinda surprised how little is talked about on how you're trying to tackle the anxiety, as anxiety is the biggest contributing factor, anxiety is going to cause tighter pelvic floor and more contractions, because thats biologically advantageous, when theres threat of something interrupting your session its a threat to your reproduction, and so your body tries to ejaculate as quick as possible when you're anxious. Like how you said you last longer during BJs because you're less aware of how close you are, i.e. you're worrying less and are less anxious. Generally its the beginning of sex which is when its easier to prematurely ejaculate, after some time it gets easier to last longer, because you get more used to the situation and become less anxious.

You mentioned that in your daily life you've been anxious, you seem like an anxious guy in general. Have you noticed the position of your pelvic floor during your day? Is it generally tighter, almost like you're trying to kegel, or is looser and relaxed more like a reverse kegel? A more relaxed and slight reverse kegel is what you should be aiming for, it also allows for more blood flow during the flaccid state, allowing a bigger flaccid hang. But if you keep a tighter butt clenched position, you're essentially training your pelvic floor to keep this as the neutral default position. This is closely related to anxiety, because the more anxious we are, the more we are "butt clenched".

Are you also using sex as training? If not then its probably contributing to your anxiety too, because then sex isn't seen as the practice, but the big show. Make your girl understand that you want to train yourself to last longer with her, penetrate her all the way in, then just leave it there as you try to acclimate yourself to everything, and as you're doing that you can also kiss her and feel her. Then when you feel you're ready, just grind her, bumping against her pelvis slowly, no stroking, then when you're ready, slow short strokes, then longer strokes, then longer, then faster, etc., you work your way up. Start with positions where you're less likely to bust early, these are usually positions where you do the least work, so like on your back. Missionary is generally going to make you bust early.

Thanks for your advice. I am really glad people starting to help me in this thread. You might be on the right path there. I am pretty anxious and indeed when I am anxious the PME happens.

How would you say I should go about tackling the anxiety? Are is that what you are referring to with the last paragraph? To slowly let myself get used to the feeling during sex too, so I feel less anxious and learn to take things extremely slow?

About my pelvic floor during the day I find it hard to answer. Because I think it's tight but I am not 100% sure. How would I go about tackling the anxiety with regards to a tight pelvic floor? Will that also get fixed over time or will my anxiety cause me to not progress with stretches etc?

Edit: I suppose I should make some more changes to my lifestyle. Exchanging my coffee for tea again and starting meditation. I do tend to be a pretty anxious guy but lately haven't been putting in any work with regards to that.

The anxiety part makes a lot of sense though: I used to use Phenibut before sex to fix my PME and that helped a lot. Alcohol seem there. Since they both work on the GABA receptors they calmed my nerves and in return that calmed my pelvic floor too. No problems detected then. So now my only question is: If anxiety and a tight pelvic floor are my MAIN problems, how do I go about that?

[MalikMasvidal Member Find all posts View Profile Close MalikMasvidal]

Ya well its a complicated problem right, because what we essentially need to do is cure your anxiety, that would be ideal, but anxiety is something that affects your whole life. For me I'm a very anxious person, especially when it comes to social anxiety, but I know that the more practice I get, the more I force myself into uncomfortable situations, the more I get used to it and more comfortable I end up being. Like whenever I'd have jobs that would involve talking to people, my anxiety would decrease generally when interacting with people, but once I would leave those jobs, go months without practice, and essentially be a shut in, I would again go back to being a nervous wreck even going up to the cashier at a store.

A tight pelvic floor is probably not the only symptom of your anxiety, you might also sweat a lot, also get tired sooner in the day, you probably have a higher pitched voice when talking with people than you normally would. Its easier said than done, but you need to get to the bottom of it, stop trying to medicate yourself whether its those meds, alcohol, coffee, even tea, just relax and chill. Just sip on a cup of hot water, and relax, try to slow everything down that you do, whether you're walking, or any other movements, whether its your talking, learn to slow everything down, don't even think about how anxious you are or not, empty your mind, and try to be in the moment. And we need to take a similar approach during sex.

Ya what I advised should help ease the anxiety and get your more acclimatized to the situation, but it probably won't solve all your problems. Because most importantly you have to be comfortable in that situation and especially with your girl. Like how is sex with your girl, is it regular, does she know you have this issue you're trying to solve? Are you anxious that you're going to fail to pleasure her, or that she will think you're pathetic? Those thoughts will obviously make you more anxious during sex. And then also how much foreplay do you guys do, whats the quality of the foreplay? Are you doing it methodically, or doing just what you want based on passion? Maybe you can explain how sex usually goes, what leads up to it, how do you initiate, how the foreplay goes, how the penetration goes, and then the cool down, etc.

Theres a book I'd recommend reading, Sex God Method by Daniel Rose, you can easily find the PDF for free online, and theres also really good summaries online, the book isn't very long, and the most important points are in the first half of the book. Whats really outstanding about the book is that he mainly talks about the psychological aspect of sex, which is much more crucial for the experience, usually most tutorials and advice is like "ok rub this, then touch this, lick that, put your finger here, then she'll cum", which is very wrong because they neglect the mental aspect, and he also goes over how your own mentality should be during sex. I don't agree with everything he says, but he makes a lot of good points. I'll try to paste an excerpt from the book which I think would really help you (couldn't copy, so had to screenshot):

https://imgur.com/a/owvQYke

Edit: I'm having issues uploading the screenshot, its coming out really small. I just uploaded an imgur link.

[Jimmy_quick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jimmy_quick]

MalikMasvidal thanks for the book suggestion. Got it right after I read your post and I am almost ready with it.
Honestly I find it great. I liked the part about being more dominant. Already applied some of the tricks there today. Honestly was one the best sex I had in a long time, literally I fucked the shit out of her in doggy. Was not able to have the same control in the missionary after that but this was great success for me.
I also like the section about the advices to guys in long term relationships/marriage. Will apply those as well.
Thanks again and take care.

[MalikMasvidal Member Find all posts View Profile Close MalikMasvidal]

Ye man. I always preferred a more psychological approach to intimacy, but I never saw anywhere else anyone do the same, the psychological side was always glossed over and emphasis put on the mechanics, but I had heard a lot of stories of people being able to psychologically manipulate women to pleasure them, like how dominance is such a big factor, even of guys being able to make their girls cum without even touching them. Women love the chase, and you have to keep it up even after you've locked them in a relationship, you have to make them know that you own them, yet you can get it somewhere else if you wanted. Its a womans natural state to be obedient to her man.

Theres this one trick where you dominate your girl by commanding her to strip and get on her knees, to get your cock out and put it in her mouth and suck, and then shortly after you tell her to play wit herself, all the while you tell her how good it feels, and that her mouth belongs on your cock, and then you tell her to play with herself faster and harder, maybe you even massage her head and neck while she still has your meat in her mouth, and then when you feel she's close you tell her to cum for you, and then she does while slobbering all over your cock, and you finish in her throat if you want, or go further. But after a few times it becomes programmed in her head, so she becomes really aroused giving you head, and may even orgasm just by sucking you off.

So ya the psychological component is extremely important, when I found this book it was like a dream because it was almost exactly what I believed in. The guy knows his stuff when it comes to sex. But like I said, i don't agree with everything he says, like especially when it comes to open relationships.

I'm curious though, what tricks did you use, and how did your girl like it?

[Jimmy_quick Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jimmy_quick]

So first I tried to change my mindset and see myself as an alpha man very confident in my abilities. Did not even think about my PreE or what I feel in my cock. Tried to be as dominant as possible, and to my surprise she liked it.

When she went down giving me a head I grab her hands not allowing her to touch me but rather use only her mouth, felt great having this kind of control and having her following you.

I also when fucking her from behind grab her hair while pounding her deep and strong. Hearing her moaning while feeling me going deep and fast gave some kind of super power. Spanking her on the ass as well works well.

So all in all I am very very satisfied, having in mind the problems we had in sex recently, I somehow see a light in the end of the tunnel.

As I said I will try to follow his advices and tips for long term relationships/marriage. Those are some great ones that could bring new experiences for both of us. The one I like is about teasing her and denying sexual pleasure sometimes. This may work and Im going to experiment with it.

[Mudita Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mudita]

Made an appointment with the doctor next week. Noticed I am getting more and more problem. I have peeing problems where I can´t pee fully everytime I go. Also noticed my libido is fading away and I have a harder time maintaining my erection.

I have read that these problems are because of a too weak pelvic floor. All of this bullshit is giving me more and more and more stress. Since I discovered this forum I have only gotten more confusion. What do I need to do now? Work on a tight pelvic floor or work on a weak pelvic floor? And if it would be due to a weak pelvic floor I should've seen an improvement in the premature ejaculation which I don't.

So NO improvement but I did get some extra problems.

Should I be doing RK with K or what? Everytime I do Kegels I think I am fucking everything up and if I do only RK I think I am also fucking everything up because it's just completely unclear what my problem is.

Small updates:
Havent done any edging, masturbation or anything for two weeks. Did have sex but stopped this week because my libido is so low and EQ kept fading away everytime I move position so I just was completely out of it. Failed with P the day after that sex and came in 1 second with Ik happening as soon as I got an EQ.

Did quit coffee and I am going to use the sauna once a week now in the gym.

[Pelvis Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Pelvis]

Made an appointment with the doctor next week. Noticed I am getting more and more problem. I have peeing problems where I can´t pee fully everytime I go. Also noticed my libido is fading away and I have a harder time maintaining my erection.

I have read that these problems are because of a too weak pelvic floor. All of this bullshit is giving me more and more and more stress. Since I discovered this forum I have only gotten more confusion. What do I need to do now? Work on a tight pelvic floor or work on a weak pelvic floor? And if it would be due to a weak pelvic floor I should've seen an improvement in the premature ejaculation which I don't.

So NO improvement but I did get some extra problems.

Should I be doing RK with K or what? Everytime I do Kegels I think I am fucking everything up and if I do only RK I think I am also fucking everything up because it's just completely unclear what my problem is.

Small updates:
Havent done any edging, masturbation or anything for two weeks. Did have sex but stopped this week because my libido is so low and EQ kept fading away everytime I move position so I just was completely out of it. Failed with P the day after that sex and came in 1 second with Ik happening as soon as I got an EQ.

Did quit coffee and I am going to use the sauna once a week now in the gym.

Hi
Not sure what age you are ? I had similar problems- not being able to completely empty my bladder. I’m 43. Got checked and I have BPH which is basically enlarged prostate. Obviously not saying this is your issue but for me going to the doctor sounds like the best approach
Not sure how Pre E and the prostate work together - obviously though the prostate is involved with ejaculation process.

[Mudita Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mudita]

Hi
Not sure what age you are ? I had similar problems- not being able to completely empty my bladder. I’m 43. Got checked and I have BPH which is basically enlarged prostate. Obviously not saying this is your issue but for me going to the doctor sounds like the best approach
Not sure how Pre E and the prostate work together - obviously though the prostate is involved with ejaculation process.

I'm only 20 years young so I doubt that BPH would be the case. My assumption says it would still be something with my pelvic floor or maybe something else. I suppose I will be send to either a pelvic floor specialist or an urologist.

I will keep it updated here.

[Pelvis Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Pelvis]

I'm only 20 years young so I doubt that BPH would be the case. My assumption says it would still be something with my pelvic floor or maybe something else. I suppose I will be send to either a pelvic floor specialist or an urologist.

I will keep it updated here.

Way too young. So at that age I never knew what pelvic floor was or prostate. Best of luck to you. Keep fit and healthy . Get a checkup with the doctor. Stay positive- you are young so hopefully it’s just a minor blip .

[MalikMasvidal Member Find all posts View Profile Close MalikMasvidal]

Made an appointment with the doctor next week. Noticed I am getting more and more problem. I have peeing problems where I can´t pee fully everytime I go. Also noticed my libido is fading away and I have a harder time maintaining my erection.

I have read that these problems are because of a too weak pelvic floor. All of this bullshit is giving me more and more and more stress. Since I discovered this forum I have only gotten more confusion. What do I need to do now? Work on a tight pelvic floor or work on a weak pelvic floor? And if it would be due to a weak pelvic floor I should've seen an improvement in the premature ejaculation which I don't.

So NO improvement but I did get some extra problems.

Should I be doing RK with K or what? Everytime I do Kegels I think I am fucking everything up and if I do only RK I think I am also fucking everything up because it's just completely unclear what my problem is.

Small updates:
Havent done any edging, masturbation or anything for two weeks. Did have sex but stopped this week because my libido is so low and EQ kept fading away everytime I move position so I just was completely out of it. Failed with P the day after that sex and came in 1 second with Ik happening as soon as I got an EQ.

Did quit coffee and I am going to use the sauna once a week now in the gym.

I guarantee they'll just say its stress/anxiety and send you home. You gotta forget everything else and just focus on being in the moment and enjoying sex.

[Mudita Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mudita]

Been to the doctor! He immediately said I have a too tight pelvic floor and made an appointment with a pelvic floor therapist for me. I am going there this coming Thursday. Quite curious what is going to come from that.

Anothe realization: Still can't edge properly. Without anything I just can't get a full good erection. So edging without P is no problem at all and I can keep going FOREVER. Lately I am focussing on just quitting porn and doing stretches everyday. The past 2/3 weeks I have only masturbated once a week. Today did it again but I did start with some soft p basically (no sex or anything, just erotic without sound). I realized that now I can get a full erection and immediately the IK's come up. SO I think the reason I can edge forever is because I just can't get my erection up enough to be practicing edging properly. And as soon as I add any stimulation (visual) I can't control it anymore but at least I get a full erection. Even when doing nofap or noporn for a couple weeks I can't get a full erection while edging and not using any stimulation. I can't seem to figure out what the problem specifically to this is.