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I've hit another low. Damn feeling depressed. I realise I'm trying to get the dopamine I need by always being here online, updating and stuff, while to a certain degree this is ok, at this point I just decieve myself that posting and editing my stuff here is an acomplishment as important as studying, eating healthy, exercise etc. You know what I'm saying?
While I do think logging, having friendly exchanges of replies here and there, and also having other people hold you responsible if you fall off track, is really nice and I'm grateful for all the positive encounters I've had so far here, I'd rather not get addicted like it happened with reddit, karma chasing all day everyday (Curing myself of one addiction, only to actually realise that I merely replaced an addiction with another one).
I have a simple routine, no problems, no more questions on how or when, just mastering the technique and that's about it.
Also I think all of this thinking and seeing people talk about their stuff triggers me in a way. Lately I've lost all the control I had over watching p*rn and I'm now back into it. Not the really f*cked up stuff, but it's getting there, and I'd rather die than go back to the sh*thole I barely dug myself from. So I'm laying off anything that might make me remember or make me feel a certain way that may lead to me relapsing.
Also, I become increasingly attracted to my own fkin dong, which scares me. I'm a pretty much straight dude, and being this much into my own genitalia genuinely concerns me. I know that I am pretty narcissistic when I am not depressed, so this might be due to the fact that I'm looking better, bigger and veinier that's triggering me. Especially the veins. I remember having veins in my calves, quads, abs, shoulders and forearms. I'd always touch them, stare at them and obsess over them. Anyone else had/has the same problem(s)?
I doubt tho that my sexuality might be in any way affected by this. I'd never see myself doing more than touching a male friends hand to bring out the homophone in him, or hugging an old friend after not seeing him for a while.
I have no idea what I'm talking about at this moment, I OD'd on p*rn and sugar and it's affecting me pfahaha. This log is getting weirder and weirder. And I can't seem to stop. Please send help.
(it's a joke, don't send help)
also the depressing music stuck with me since the morning and now I'm stuck listening to a 200+ songs playlist of big OOF moment songs. rip me for the next hours, studying will probably not quite happen a few days after this, and I got some things that I have to be prepared for in the near future, and needless to say I am definitely not prepared. I wouldn't say I'm not at all, but rather not to the extent I should/I would like/my parents would like. Pull yourself up man, c'mon wtf is wrong with you. You got this. You can do this. You will pull through this. You'll succeed eventually. You'll manage to stick to a routine. You'll manage to be successful in your ambitions and you'll find the drive and motivation that will push you forward each and every single day for the rest of your life.
If it simply doesn't happen to you,then, perhaps, the time for you to make it happen has finally come.
Rise mypeepeeissmol
and outshine each and every single f*ck that tried to put you down or beat and drag you down, held you from reaching your true potential and ripped and stole your dreams and love for life and the world you had a child. Rediscover your imagination, rediscover your curiosity, rediscover your love and thirst for knowledge, rediscover the pleasure you found in the simple things such as enjoying a hot cup of chocolate milk while watching your old cartoons, rediscover your neverending general awe that made you wonder and pursue such various knowledge from all kinds of fields. You can do it fam. I hold both you and me responsible for what happens to me and ya.
it's 12:37 and I've been awake for 7 hours, yet only did ~2 hours of studying.... disappointment.
at least I did my PE and wrote this wall of a text, gee, this will make me feel so much better by posting and obsessing over my posts every single moment of my life.
SNAP
OUT
OF
IT
that's it. i'll post this tho, to one day look back at this and have a big lol at how ???? I was .
hopefully
While I do think logging, having friendly exchanges of replies here and there, and also having other people hold you responsible if you fall off track, is really nice and I'm grateful for all the positive encounters I've had so far here, I'd rather not get addicted like it happened with reddit, karma chasing all day everyday (Curing myself of one addiction, only to actually realise that I merely replaced an addiction with another one).
I have a simple routine, no problems, no more questions on how or when, just mastering the technique and that's about it.
Also I think all of this thinking and seeing people talk about their stuff triggers me in a way. Lately I've lost all the control I had over watching p*rn and I'm now back into it. Not the really f*cked up stuff, but it's getting there, and I'd rather die than go back to the sh*thole I barely dug myself from. So I'm laying off anything that might make me remember or make me feel a certain way that may lead to me relapsing.
Also, I become increasingly attracted to my own fkin dong, which scares me. I'm a pretty much straight dude, and being this much into my own genitalia genuinely concerns me. I know that I am pretty narcissistic when I am not depressed, so this might be due to the fact that I'm looking better, bigger and veinier that's triggering me. Especially the veins. I remember having veins in my calves, quads, abs, shoulders and forearms. I'd always touch them, stare at them and obsess over them. Anyone else had/has the same problem(s)?
I doubt tho that my sexuality might be in any way affected by this. I'd never see myself doing more than touching a male friends hand to bring out the homophone in him, or hugging an old friend after not seeing him for a while.
I have no idea what I'm talking about at this moment, I OD'd on p*rn and sugar and it's affecting me pfahaha. This log is getting weirder and weirder. And I can't seem to stop. Please send help.
(it's a joke, don't send help)
also the depressing music stuck with me since the morning and now I'm stuck listening to a 200+ songs playlist of big OOF moment songs. rip me for the next hours, studying will probably not quite happen a few days after this, and I got some things that I have to be prepared for in the near future, and needless to say I am definitely not prepared. I wouldn't say I'm not at all, but rather not to the extent I should/I would like/my parents would like. Pull yourself up man, c'mon wtf is wrong with you. You got this. You can do this. You will pull through this. You'll succeed eventually. You'll manage to stick to a routine. You'll manage to be successful in your ambitions and you'll find the drive and motivation that will push you forward each and every single day for the rest of your life.
If it simply doesn't happen to you,then, perhaps, the time for you to make it happen has finally come.
Rise mypeepeeissmol
and outshine each and every single f*ck that tried to put you down or beat and drag you down, held you from reaching your true potential and ripped and stole your dreams and love for life and the world you had a child. Rediscover your imagination, rediscover your curiosity, rediscover your love and thirst for knowledge, rediscover the pleasure you found in the simple things such as enjoying a hot cup of chocolate milk while watching your old cartoons, rediscover your neverending general awe that made you wonder and pursue such various knowledge from all kinds of fields. You can do it fam. I hold both you and me responsible for what happens to me and ya.it's 12:37 and I've been awake for 7 hours, yet only did ~2 hours of studying.... disappointment.
at least I did my PE and wrote this wall of a text, gee, this will make me feel so much better by posting and obsessing over my posts every single moment of my life.
SNAP
OUT
OF
IT
that's it. i'll post this tho, to one day look back at this and have a big lol at how ???? I was .
hopefully
Member of the Month March 2019
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