Amiok's progress log

[closeed258 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closeed258]

HAve you sorted your routine out yet?

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

HAve you sorted your routine out yet?

No

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

go back and read it again... and book mark it.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

go back and read it again... and book mark it.

Reading that stuff just makes me want to cry

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

I understand that ..but until you own the way you tick, you can't change it, Avoiding and numbing doesn't change reality. it often just makes a problem bigger
I relate to everything on the list.. hate that i have become programmed that way..I know it doesn't paint a pretty picture and its sure as hell not who i want to be
The fact it makes you want to cry means on some level you know that you are broken and need help...i do think cognitive therapy would be very helpful for you..since your thinking is bent
oh and cry.. if your body is saying it needs to release emotions that way don't bottle it up.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

I understand that ..but until you own the way you tick, you can't change it, Avoiding and numbing doesn't change reality. it often just makes a problem bigger
I relate to everything on the list.. hate that i have become programmed that way..I know it doesn't paint a pretty picture and its sure as hell not who i want to be
The fact it makes you want to cry means on some level you know that you are broken and need help...i do think cognitive therapy would be very helpful for you..since your thinking is bent
oh and cry.. if your body is saying it needs to release emotions that way don't bottle it up.

Yes ma'am. How can you change though? How can you? What is there to feel positive about and build on? That is my problem.

[TheSnitch Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TheSnitch]

Really think this ^ was it. Why "gain" when huge dick guys feel the need to? I will always be small even if I gain so hell what is the point?

Dude I'm so tired of the negativity, everything you've been posting lately is pure negativity. Even your sig. Why are you here if you don't believe in PE?

Amiok, I know you're depressed and when you are depressed nothing seems to have flavor or meaning and every avenue seems like a pointless dead end.

I lived in a tiny loft apartment for 4 months when I was 20, and I was really depressed - all I did all day was download movies, books and music. I got to a point where I wouldn't leave for weeks on end except at 4am to get sandwich and spaghetti stuff - but never went out during day light hours. Then, it got worse and I stopped answering phone calls and wouldn't even leave my loft in my apartment, I collected urine in milk jugs. (Kinda like Leo does in the Aviator)

Needless to say my head was fucked. But then I accidentally downloaded a manual about Arabic Penis Stretching - aka jelqing and I realized something very important - I had lost hope of any kind. Hope of a future, hope of a family, hope of weight loss, hope of a job that didn't suck.

That jelqing manual gave me hope, something I desperately needed and at the time I didn't even do much PE, it wasn't the fact that it would work - but the fact that I didn't even know it existed, and since then I learned to find hope, to build a picture in my mind of who I want to be, what I want to strive for to make myself the best I can be. What kind of body will I have in 5 years, what will it take to get it - what kind of job, what kind of hobbies, what kind of woman and social life.

None of this happened over-night, only now (7 years later) am I starting to really come out of it feel more and more myself but I still have struggles left.

I know you don't want the penis you have, or be at the weight you are at - but you do and you are. Find your hope man, and start working towards the goals I know you have.

Also, try and post one positive thing about yourself in this progress log every day. I like you Amiok, and I hate seeing you talk about everything in such a poor light - not trying to be a prick.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

Yes ma'am. How can you change though? How can you? What is there to feel positive about and build on? That is my problem.

If you read the article it gives the beginning steps to how to break the habit or change the thought..
It really is a slow process and it takes time ..but do did the process of you going from the nice guy who loved life to the guy you are now.
To change a thought the first thing you have to do is catch it, then either dismiss it or challenge it.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Snitch: There is nothing positive. How do you believe in something that doesn't work? I fucking lost size. If I went to the gym everyday and didn't get bigger muscles and lose fat I would be a moron to continue on. And I am here because I am a fucking loser who has no where else to go. Nothing else to do.

Tink: I read it, and yea. See, going from a nice guy to this bitter prick I am now took many fucked up things happening to me. So, going by that I need a bunch of good things to happen to me to return to that state.

Ain't gonna happen.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

No you don't need a bunch of good things to happen .. you just need a bunch of good thoughts about yourself.
and guess what the "bad things" that happened to you are fucking nothing compared to what has happened to other people and there are many who have had similar things to what happened to you happen to them and they didn't let it trip them..I suspect you have a disposition for clinical depression ie your chemicals aren't releasing properly which is why you react so strongly to things and little knocks become big knocks.

I get the defeat, i get the self hate, i get the wanting it to end, i get the sorrow. but i don't think your life has been that bad, in fact i think its been pretty damn normal..the way you respond to is not.. so i do think you should seek out professional help, someone who specializes in cognitive therapy.. until you have tried all options you don't have the right to play the victim.

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

Read:
No more Mr Nice Guy: A proven plan for getting what you want in love, sex, and life
By Dr. Robert A. Glover

Amiok, there is hope, but you have to do the work. Everybody here supports you, if the people in you life now don't, then surround yourself with better people. You Can Do It

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Tink: Yea

Raven: Those books won't help me. Thanks though

[TheSnitch Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TheSnitch]

Let me key you in on a couple of things Amiok,

1) Your progress log has more support BAR NONE than any 5 other progress logs combined on this site. We have all talked to you, made suggestions and helped where we could.
2) Your routine was inconsistent in it's exercises, reps and rest days. You skipped warming up often and came a lot during your routine (not bad, but some think it hinders gains as you know).
3) You mixed from week to week/month to month Girth/Length/PreE exercises A la carte.

Did you ever do JP90 or another beginner routine? Are you going to attempt a routine again?

I suggest you reread your progress log.

During my stop/start session I got as long as I've ever been. To about 5.5-6 range NBP and 6.25-6.5 BP. It was awesome to see myself like that.

Your NBP is longer than I've ever been NBP.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Let me key you in on a couple of things Amiok,

1) Your progress log has more support BAR NONE than any 5 other progress logs combined on this site. We have all talked to you, made suggestions and helped where we could.
2) Your routine was inconsistent in it's exercises, reps and rest days. You skipped warming up often and came a lot during your routine (not bad, but some think it hinders gains as you know).
3) You mixed from week to week/month to month Girth/Length/PreE exercises A la carte.

Did you ever do JP90 or another beginner routine? Are you going to attempt a routine again?

I suggest you reread your progress log.

Dude. I know what I did. When I started this thread it was after 3 months of an attempt at a routine similar to jp90. The inconsistency was bad. After I LOST SIZE I kind of panicked and tried to do shit too fast or whatever. Obviously didn't help. But then, I tried to follow Big Al's advice (the pre e workout etc) . And yea that session was during this part. But that was a one time thing. Then I started having no stamina and my dick went back to being sub 5 even during the stop and starts.

So I failed with Big Al. Then Cusp gave me a routine. Again, seemed like it was maybe helping but same exact thing happened as above. So yea, there ya go.

Right now i really don't know. Who am I getting "bigger" for anyway? I don't trust women. I'm still pussy whipped by a girl I haven't seen in months and who is a SUPER SLUT. I really have nothing to "get bigger" for.

That being said, Big Al is trying to help me again. I know it won't work but we'll see.

[TheSnitch Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TheSnitch]

I'm glad you're getting more support and going to try again.

My last advice and then I'll shut the fuck up.

I've set myself up for failure too many times being too positive lol.

Set yourself up for failure by being super positive again and the worst that can happen is you are back where you are. We are both overweight and have the exact same sized penis.

I've slept with 2 girls in the last 2 months (twice as many as in the last 2 years!) and it's been awesomely mediocre lol. But, it's building me up and that's what's important. If I can do it, so can you.