So damn hurt

[Johnlocke Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Johnlocke]

My (now EX) girlfriend ended our relationship on the premise that we aren't close enough (can't touch each other very easily). I've been with her for 7 months and we Skype'd each day for hours to keep close, while it did bring us close it made us get sick of each other so we both agree to have a break then she txt's me and says she doesn't want to be with me anymore. 5/6 months in our relationship she claimed to like another guy and almost left me. When she txt'd me to end the relationship (I called her because I wanted to hear it, which is fair enough since I view txting as gutless) she was at a friends house (a girl but she could be bi so Idk) and she had never hung out with this friend before. From what I had heard her friend just picked up and dumped boyfriends like they were loose change. It makes me VERY suspicious of her intentions.... not that it matters really I guess.. but she initiated the breakup while with this friend.

I'm extremely upset and I know that what I've typed doesn't give you guys a good idea of what happened but I gave her 110% of everything I have and am... She just took it and threw it away....

I couldn't have a joke with her about anything because she's so high strung and whenever I told her about anything that was bothering me she'd get really angry and say not to stress her out, although I'd have to make a fuss of her because she got a bloody pricked finger or someone said something to her. However despite all this, I still really really love her.

I need some help to move on and I need some encouragement - I haven't been out of the house in literally 7 months and I don't know where to start or what to do... I miss her like crazy but when I asked if I was worth waiting for (I was gonna move over there) she said not anymore...

Gah I had a dream a few mins ago (unemployed and don't get up till late) where we got back together and I was so damn happy, then I woke up with a corny song (from the dream) stuck in my head and a wall of shit thrown into my reality. Feeling really crap. Really used, hurt and unwanted at this second. Why can't someone just want me and stick with me?

JL

[Gel King Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gel King]

First of all, I hope you haven't literally stayed inside your house for 7 months. Otherwise, you should probably get some fresh air.. perhaps thats all you really need right now.

I know that at the moment you're in a dark place - life doesn't make much sense and it might feel like things won't get any better. You gave everything to this girl, and like you said, she just threw it all out. One thing you need to realize is that even if you give your all to somebody, it doesn't always work out. Situations change, people change and feelings change.. and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it, thats life.

I just recently got out of a relationship of 3 years, and 3 months ago I sounded a lot like you. But the sooner you accept that a) you gave it your all b) you have no regrets and c) everything happens for a reason.. the sooner you'll be able to move on.

Trust me, there's someone out there for you man.. you just need to go out and get her.

P.S. time heals

[NSF001 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NSF001]

My friend,

What you are going through is pretty normal. Yes it feels like complete crap and I won't lie, it will feel like crap for some while longer. Best thing to do is frequently get out of the house, meet with friends, talk it out of your system without any inhibitions of others judging you on it. Other things I suggest highly is beginning working on your personality. Because this will tell you that you are now going to change; for the better. If thoughts of her come by, let them come, and let them go. Don't fight them.

Stay strong!

[RyanV Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RyanV]

Takes time man, but you'll be okay. Try to do other stuff, hang out with friends etc.

[Guillotine01a Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Guillotine01a]

Brother, you don't need here. She doesn't sound like a girl you would want anyways. I understand you have feelings for here but trust there are plenty of better and yes I mean better girls out there then here. Girls in your own town that probably look better, have better personalities and aren't as shallow. Honestly I'd say fuck it and go out with the boys and score some puss. Forget it bruhh. A relationship like that will only give you problems.

[Johnlocke Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Johnlocke]

Thank you guys for the kind words... I kinda forgot how to be social. I was an idiot and sacrificed my friends and everything for her...

[Gel King Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gel King]

Thank you guys for the kind words... I kinda forgot how to be social. I was an idiot and sacrificed my friends and everything for her...

No worries man, you're not the first to go this route.. someday you'll be giving some other guy the same advice we gave you today!

Cheers

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

Johnlocke, it's time to forget this girl and focus on yourself. Don't worry about being social for a while if you don't feel like it, that will come back in time. Right now, make yourself as happy and as proud of yourself as you can be. Work on your PE, read some good books, start exercising, turn over a new leaf. You say you are unemployed -- well, use your time wisely. Don't be lazy and sleep late and feel sorry for yourself. I know how tempting that is, don't fall into that trap.

Is there any new skill or new sport or new activity you have always wanted to try? Well, think about that now. Don't sit around feeling sad. Pamper yourself -- but with good things, not black thoughts. If you don't feel like going out with big groups or going to parties (and who does, when you are really bummed?), then don't go.... but don't be antisocial either. Seek out your good friends and spend some quality one-on-one time with them. Give your heart some time time to heal. But in the mean time, better the rest of yourself. My number one cure for a sad heart is exercise. There is nothing like a good long run or a hard session in the weight room (or similar) to make a person feel better. And there is nothing like being in good shape to help you to get your pride back where you want it.

You can do this. You'll be fine in time.
And all your friends here are always here to help, and to listen.

[Johnlocke Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Johnlocke]

Thanks Batwoman. I do want to be social - maybe not parties and such but with some of my old close friends are already seeing me each day / two days. I still have this itch I can't scratch (not sex) because I've lost her. All the little things that remind me of her and stuff. I need to find a buddy to go for walks with (I love walking, and I love talking and if I can get fit from that, well then awesome!). I'm going to try not to be negative and focus on stuff I enjoy. If there's one thing I've learned that's more important then anything from this relationship it is that I have to keep 10% for myself and say NO sometimes whether it's a favor or just something I don't want to do. I said yes 99.9 of the time and it got me absolutely nowhere.

I have to keep busy... payday's tomorrow! might go to town with a friend or two, yay! lol

[calixto ModeratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close calixto]

I agree with all of the above, and for me, meditation helps once you can actually calm down a little to do it effectively. Theoretically, it will help no matter what, just sitting with yourself and allowing yourself to feel the pain, but NOT attaching to it and letting it run itself over and over in your mind. Letting that happen will consume you.

Time will also be the real helper, but for now deep breaths, and hell, sounds like a real good reason to get super serious about your PE sessions also my brother. I have been there not that long ago, so man right now you just need to focus on YOU and the things that YOU CAN control, shape, mold, and change; No need to dwell on that which you can't.

We are here for you brother!

[Gel King Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Gel King]

You mentioned things that remind you of her. That definitely slowed me down when I broke up with my girlfriend. It may help to put away anything that you have of hers (ie pictures, letters, gifts, etc). You don't have to necessarily throw them out, because you might want to remember the good memories... just not right now because it still hurts. Store them in a safe place so you don't see them on a regular basis.

[Pirate Retired AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Pirate]

I am sorry JohnL. I feel your pain.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Hey John, listen up here bud, I went through almost the EXACT same thing around Christmas last year. I was with a woman that I gave so much of myself to and she literally underappreciated all that was done for her and was only concerned about things that mattered to her. Things that mattered to me weren't nearly as important or significant to her as those things she was concerned about. Needless to say, I got tired of feeling that underappreciation and being taken for granted and suffice to say, she lost me.

The one thing about your post that concerns me is that you seem to be placing your happiness in her hands. It doesn't sound like John Locke is happy with who or what he is. No girl is going to want you with a "woe is me" attitude and the mindset you currently have. I'm not trying to get down on you here, I'm trying to save you from the VERY same trap I fell into years ago after my marriage ended. I felt just as you do now and it took me years to get my mojo back man. You have to first learn who you are and find your internal happiness. If you're unhappy with yourself, work on changing things. Focus on the positives in your life. Women want a guy who's confident, internally strong and knows where he's going in this life. If you do these things, I guaranfuckingtee man women will come out of the wood work so to speak to be with you. It was my level of happiness and my confident air that landed me the girl I'm with now. The relationship I'm in just literally fell into my lap. And it fell into my lap at a time where I was dating several different women at once and Cindy came along and stole my heart. She herself told me "women want you because your positive, happy, funny and your very confident".

You can do it John. It just takes time but you CAN do it!

[Johnlocke Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Johnlocke]

Hey John, listen up here bud, I went through almost the EXACT same thing around Christmas last year. I was with a woman that I gave so much of myself to and she literally underappreciated all that was done for her and was only concerned about things that mattered to her. Things that mattered to me weren't nearly as important or significant to her as those things she was concerned about. Needless to say, I got tired of feeling that underappreciation and being taken for granted and suffice to say, she lost me.

The one thing about your post that concerns me is that you seem to be placing your happiness in her hands. It doesn't sound like John Locke is happy with who or what he is. No girl is going to want you with a "woe is me" attitude and the mindset you currently have. I'm not trying to get down on you here, I'm trying to save you from the VERY same trap I fell into years ago after my marriage ended. I felt just as you do now and it took me years to get my mojo back man. You have to first learn who you are and find your internal happiness. If you're unhappy with yourself, work on changing things. Focus on the positives in your life. Women want a guy who's confident, internally strong and knows where he's going in this life. If you do these things, I guaranfuckingtee man women will come out of the wood work so to speak to be with you. It was my level of happiness and my confident air that landed me the girl I'm with now. The relationship I'm in just literally fell into my lap. And it fell into my lap at a time where I was dating several different women at once and Cindy came along and stole my heart. She herself told me "women want you because your positive, happy, funny and your very confident".

You can do it John. It just takes time but you CAN do it!

All of you are right. I need to get over it and be confident. There's one problem though. When I first met her I was hella confident and all good, funny, quirky and generally happy after I finnished my full time diploma course I stayed at home spending time with her on my cmoputer. Part of the problem is that my computer is in my room and since I'm a computer tech I have to deal with computers all the time, most of my life (EXCLUDING HER) is on my computer. I spent 8 or so hours a day with her in my room on my computer so I have a constant reminder of what happened and that's partially what's making it hard for me. Maybe I should sleep downstairs tonight. I'm just confused as to how I was strong, then became fragile. I think it's because she was the only person I was social with, her and my mother and sister I should say.

I'm looking forward and not back I don't want her in my life, if she can throw me away once, she will again. No more, I need to move on.

(Then I'll be telling people not to tell me what I can't do - just like John Locke)

[NSF001 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NSF001]

Hang in there! After my breakup, I went on awesome hikes, sneaked into parks late at night to box, tried setting up a raven trap to catch, well, ravens, went white water rafting, actually pursued Salsa with a desire to become good at it, pushed for a 5:15 mile time, started PE'ing, and so much more. I still have to become good at rock-climbing (shoulder healing), finish my bartending course, and train to throw Bruce lee's 1 inch punch. If the break up didn't happen, I would still be sitting in my room doing math and working out in the evenings (not that this is wrong). Initially I was angry at her, but I did come out stronger. I can now confidently walk away from people in life knowing that I will be okay.

This is a fruitful opportunity. Take it, become a Betterman(PE sense, and otherwise)! and live up to that bad-ass John Locke image you have on your profile page .